Wow, that's a terrible rubber suit.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Killing his wife was bad enough, but trying to kill the lady he was flirting with? Too far.

Burton Cummings gets it first.

#monsterdon

These guys stormtroopers?

Can’t hit fuck all.

#Monsterdon

Get their asses, Swamp Thing

#Monsterdon

Classic monster holding girl cover shot sited!

#Monsterdon

they shoot like Stormtroopers

#Monsterdon

They're in a swamp, and there are lots of things, so I guess we've got movie title?

#monsterdon

I was wondering when someone would drop a beaker of boom juice.

#Monsterdon #SwampThing

@allanb in that order

it's important

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon We've got the #SuddenStringSection popping up. That humidity is a killer on all that varnished wood and strings, the rosin sticking to EVERYTHING. What a nightmare! And the fancy suits! The baton! Growing a sprig of pine needles! Oh the Humanity! ;)

I think that wipe had teeth.

#Monsterdon

it's weird to have a movie with reasonable pacing in #monsterdon. we are 1/3 of the way in and we have a whole exposition and are about to get a monster. i think, in general. in the structuralist tradition of monster movie analysis, introducing the monster at the 1/3 mark is one of the two stable modes of monster introduction, the other being immediately at the start. #monstrerdon

This is some comic book lighting and explosions

#Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

Was the Ritter mask strictly necessary? #monsterdon

@jivens classic of the genre #Monsterdon

Oh dang, it’s Mission Impossible masks!!! #Monsterdon

but outside something is amiss and agent big hair wanders into the surveillance cabin to see the butler guy being shot. then she is attacked by rambos. the camp is overrun with rambos. she escapes from them by punching them, because she took a level of monk.

as that is insufficient, she steals a rambo gun and shoots one, then they capture her by pointing multiple guns at her and break into the greenhouse garage.

#monsterdon

These very smart scientists don’t wear gloves or goggles #monsterdon

We find the source of the explosions, while the slutty boy scientist was trying to slut, the girl scientist had synthesized explosive goo from the moss possum, which she demonstrates by throwing some against a metal plate so it explodes.

Agent Big Hair accuses the boy scientist of using his science powers for warfare. He explains he's trying to feed people by making a swamp animal or something that people can eat.

#monsterdon

Yes, desert tomatoes.

Also, 2001 came and went and we have so much corn we also burn some of it in our cars

#Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

"...a plant for the 21 century. I think I'll name it Audrey."

#Monsterdon #SwampThing

Reinvent nitro?

Do they mean nitroglycerine?

Something was very wrong with those chemical structures in his notebook, but I didn't get a good enough look and can't rewind what with using the miru stream to sync up since i started late.

#Monsterdon

i'm digging the radio shack monitor

#monsterdon

Plausible lab notebook

#Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

he's writing it down! it actually is science!

#monsterdon #SwampThing

As someone who is related to a lot of other Dr. Levine's I empathize with "a Dr. Holland".

(and yes, this includes one of my siblings, if you know an S. Levine with a PhD in cognitive science good chance you know her)

#Monsterdon

Why is the water glowing green?

#Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

#monsterdon Definitely get a gay vibe with the park ranger. He kinda has a thing for Alec.

If you're weed is causing explosions then you're actually cooking meth and playing a whole different ball game....

#Monsterdon

Yorkshire Dundee gives her "broken stair" warning

#Monsterdon

They put a bunch of electronics in a plastic ball at the end of a spear stuck in the swamp because?????? #monsterdon

During their boat date, we learn that the big hair lady is replacing someone for this swamp lab gig. They go for a walk and he warns her of quicksand and then gives her a flower and tries to seduce her with some bullshit about how sexy meat is. She tells him to "save the malarky for your wife!" which is a nice way to get him to shut up.

We learn the date was nominally a sensor checking exercise in which they check the sensor (which is a beach ball on a pole).

#monsterdon

🎶 Swap thing, bum duh bum,
🎶 You make my heart sing, whoa oh
🎶 You make everyyyyyything groovvvyyyyy

#monsterdon

"romp in the bush"

That's British for "Fucking"

#Monsterdon

Find yourself a lady that uses words like malarkey

#Monsterdon

...Dr. Holland's Opus?

#monsterdon

Quicksand. The element most movies are missing. #monsterdon

The logistics of supplying this place could probably fill an entire second movie. #Monsterdon

He has an IQ like a phone number too. unfortunately, it's "0" for operator.

#monsterdon

lol, looks like he's growing some excellent weed in there....

#Monsterdon

Okay, so to clarify there are two search parties. One is the evil search party with a rambo, who wear camo and worship a snake good, I guess.

There is (presumably) the good search party, including the lady who left the helicopter and is poorly equipped for walking in a swamp, being dressed like a senator. They are having a secret meeting in an abandoned church which is also... um... a lab? With surveillance equipment? I'll call them Team Government.

#monsterdon

@heathen_cat traditional Louisiana welcome #Monsterdon

Nobody gets into the swamp without proper business attire.

#monsterdon

Some goofy threatening music plays and we a rambo guy coming out of the swamp, but I don't think he did anything. Then the helicopter lands and I learn it is a coast guard helicopter. They're met by some swamp boats and a search party of some kind is afloat.

We see a guy in a (different) army search party who is ambushed by the rambo looking guy, runs away, then is captured. Then the rambo guy has a snake bite him, producing screaming. I assume he was sacrificed to #Apep.

#monsterdon

Ah, a button up shirt and a keycard. This guy swamps. #Monsterdon

(Oh no, the DVD I rented features a "theatrical version" and an "unrated version". I chose the theatrical version. I hope that's the one everyone else has on hand.)

"What, they sent a woman out here?"

Four minutes in, four minutes to first misogyny. Bleh.

#monsterdon

Okay so the swamp thing starts with an overview of a swamp. I like this; its on brand. The title narration tells us that good and evil are having a swamp battle. Or like a good guy's good dream and an evil guy's bad dream.

Then a helicopter appears, carrying a lady. She asks where the nearest place to eat is. The driver answer "back in town if you're a human or right where we land if you're a gator!" 10/10 perfect quip, no notes.

#monsterdon

If you've ever spent time in a real swamp before you probably didn't enjoy it....#monsterdon

written and directed by wes craven? okay, pardon me while i adjust my standards.

#monsterdon

& I am also too intelligent to be captured and too powerful to be destroyed while I pursue my savage dream.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon A MONSTER WAS BORN! Swamp Thing represents THE GREEN in DC comic lore. :)

"the creative genius of one man met the evil of another"

Is this a Bert and Ernie thing?

#Monsterdon

'Return' has a lower IMDB rating but I've only ever heard good things about it

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

So actual kills by Swamp Thing was 2, somewhat ameliorated by the fact that the first was an evil murderer, and the second one was an evil mastermind who hired murderers.

man Swampie's really putting the beat-down on Kid Cthulhu...

#monsterdon #WrongSwampThing

@floatybirb

Yeah, even for 1980s the dialogue could have used some pumping up.

Someone posted that Louis Jourdan suggested some script changes. If so, it would explain why his dialogue was so much better.

#Monsterdon

@rebeld shlorp shlorp shlorp provided by Jay's Meat.

#monsterdon

@floatybirb I wanted it to make me feel something but instead I am empty.

#Monsterdon

I get the impression this #monsterdon was divisive; with some people hating it and at least one person really liking it and me just kind of thinking it was okay?

@jonny lol, oh yeah, he did just kinda give up on fixing the World and decide to sulk in a bog....

I kinda understand though.

#Monsterdon

Oh the sequel is on Wrong Frogs? The one with much much better monster suits. A Swamp Thing that actually looks like he does in the comics. The plot is a bit goofier, but it over all looks better.
#Monsterdon #SwampThing

too much stank

too much stank to science

too much stank

too much stank to science

#monsterdon #SwampThing

@Taweret @Cherizilla @miru @JoeWynne Actually, I’ll be at #DragonCon next week, so I'll miss it. Have fun without me!

#Monsterdon

@jonny @r343l Yeah. Isn't Beast (I know, Marvel, but still) still doing day job science to some extent?

#Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

I guess rich guy monster never took fencing.

#Monsterdon

So I was 9 when this movie came out. I was a very sensitive nerd. This was the first time I'd seen a monster movie where the monster was the good guy.

I spent the whole movie perplexed and tense, because every time Swamp Thing showed up, I was expecting the heel turn, when he would show his badness and kill the other good guys and gals.

#monsterdon #swampthing

OMG! That was…not…good.

So, by definition, it was perfect.

Thank you @Taweret for hosting, @Cherizilla for #MonsterdonBingo, @miru for the watch party, @JoeWynne for the drink recipe, and all of you for making it fun.

Until next week!

#Monsterdon

@paco sound effects AND craft services?

#Monsterdon

@r343l that's the main characters motivation, and yet they just sort of fuck off into the swamp because their hands are slightly bigger now. and how that translated into "juice that makes you more of whatever you already are" was totally lost on me #monsterdon

#monsterdon Thank you @Taweret for a lovely trip down memory lane. But I remember, perhaps, a remake too. Gotta see if I can find that one. I must have this version and the next one mixed up in my head. Still a great ride! Thank you :)

Jude wisely minding his own business during the Swamp Thing Smackdown.

Jude will return in Avengers: Swamp Thing.

#Monsterdon #SwampThing

"You can go back to work again!"

[wryly] "With THESE?" [holds up almost normal hands]

#Monsterdon

@OliviaVespera her dad #Monsterdon

#monsterdon i came late, who is this kid??

Arcane had a soft nougat filling?
#Monsterdon #SwampThing

Well that was still pretty fun! Take that nostalgia. Thanks to @Taweret for hosting. Have a great week Beautiful Mutants. #Monsterdon #SwampThing

roll credits!

this has been a thread for #monsterdon on "Swamp Thing" (1982)

it's aright.

#Monsterdon and #SwampThing fucks off into the swamp :D

good time everyone

special thanks to wes craven for giving us some good directing for a change :D

and of course thanks to our dear host and organizer @Taweret <3

Did they really need an excuse to have him grab her boob? I mean, it was the 80's. #monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Swamp Thing is realizing that It's Not Easy Being Green.

#Monsterdon

oh, I guess Cable's not gonna suffer from Moss Chest forever.

#monsterdon

Alec. Swamp Thing. ST, darling, you really could have seen this coming.

#Monsterdon #SwampThing

"I'll be your hands"

Swampy eyes the camera, hornily

#Monsterdon

*Swamp Thing walks through a Swamp while being An Thing, while carrying Cable*

*weird sword-wielding pig-headed villain pursues*

*swamp monsters fight like only two very physically capable stunt people wearing rubber suits in knee-deep water can do*

it's...

*sheds a single crystal tear*

...so beautiful

#monsterdon

@jmelesky #monsterdon

to be fair, Doc Evil was probably traumatized from being turned into a monster.

THE SWORD IN THE SWAMP

#monsterdon

mfer how is this taking so long? You know you have this power! Do the damn thing!

#Monsterdon

Excalibur! #monsterdon

I saw that one coming with the hands-on healing...

#monsterdon

"THE SWORD, THE SWORD! IT'S EXCAILIBUR! I AM ENGLANDS KING!"

#Monsterdon

Ok his healing powers now are going to be handy #monsterdon

Is she gonna get Swamp Thinged or just magic healed?

#Monsterdon

"Not in the titties! You bastard!" #monsterdon

If the climax of the film is a big fight, maybe you should hire a fight choreographer? Just sayin.
#monsterdon

We be clubbin'

#Monsterdon

Now that the evil rich guy is a wookiee bat, he's decided to be mad and start smashing things. Now that swampy has his arm back, he frees agent bighair, and then Gollum appears to help them escape (presumably because he's mad that he was turned into a gollum). He leads them to a well that they escape into to return to the swamp.

Meanwhile, Evil Guy has grabbed a sword and is chasing them with it because he liked that Star Trek episode where shirtless Sulu had a sword.

#monsterdon

Anyway, Adrienne Barbeau is as soaking wet as she's ever been. Again.

#Monsterdon

She is sitting in the beautiful maiden pose.

What happened to punching guys out?

#monsterdon