WHOEVER PULLS THE SWORD FROM THE SWAMP SHALL BE RIGHTFUL KING OF LOUISIANA

#monsterdon #SwampThing

and so he fucked off into the swamp

ty for joining, everyone!!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Swamp Thing is bloomscrolling.

#Monsterdon

in order to properly fuck off into the sea, you must have sea things left to do, or else exist in a universe where you can just go and bide time at the bottom of the ocean until you are needed again like godzilla. the swamp thing fucked off into the swamp despite having renounced the central goal of curing hunger, so this sea fuck off can be categorized as a "fucking off into tragedy" as the coordinate pillars of the fuck offer have dissolved and the medium that is fucked off into represents an abyss of purposelessness #monsterdon

Another #Monsterdon is in the can!

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

Tonight's feature, #SwampThing , from 1982, was the second veggie movie in row! However instead of a hangry house plant, we had,

For the next week, if someone asks me to do something I don't wanna do, I'll hold up my hands and say piteously: With These????

#monsterdon

you do not need to establish that the swamp thing loves pretty flowers and nature we can intuit that from how it is intent on fucking up right wing militias #monsterdon

*villain gradually turns into a horrifying plant creature*

HE IS AFFLICTED WITH LICHEN-THROPY

#monsterdon

Swamp yellin’

#monsterdon

Swamps generate right wing militias as a form of parthenogenesis

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

Sound effects by "Jay's Meat and Provision Co."??

Like, we were listening to Jay's Meat all this time?
#monsterdon

I love how the, uh, wind catches the roof and just blows it away.
#monsterdon

that's him. that's the swamp thing

#Monsterdon

Music by Henry Manfredini, who really hopes you don’t look at spelling too closely when making movie scoring hiring decisions. #Monsterdon

Well that was fun, and also a bad movie, and the only Wes Craven movie I've ever seen, so it's reasonable to conclude they're all this bad

#Monsterdon

Swamp Thing now wields Excalibur. Your argument is invalid.
#Monsterdon #SwampThing

Please do not ever pick an animal up by the tail. PLEASE.

#Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

🥬🌿 SWAMP TRIVIA 🛶🌱 🥬 🌿

Tonight's feature was made in one of the worst places at the worst possible times. South Carolina swampland in the summer. There was also a "black caterpillar plague." Ben Bates fainted at one point. Dick Durock (in the suit) had to take frequent breaks.

#SwampThing

Thanks for the laughs, #Monsterdon! You had me cracking up. Goodnight.

And Swamp Thing fucks off into the swamp, the end. The dialogue was cringe-worthy, the rubber suits were generally not good, but at least there was never a point where we were sitting around asking, "I wonder what Swamp Thing is doing right now?" Goodnight Monsterdon and thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

#monsterdon #SwampThing

swamp juice has attribute effects that are dependent on alignment. if you are a friend of the swamp you become huge and buff, if you are a right wing militia guy you become a cute little deer #monsterdon

swamp juice doesn't always turn you into a huge buff swamp thing it also sometimes turns you into a little deer guy, i would take swamp juice #monsterdon

Boy, that is the most someone has ever been on fire. #Monsterdon

Ah yes the important moment that teaches us: Swamp Thing loves flowers and oboes.

#monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

🥬🌿 SWAMP TRIVIA 🛶🌱 🥬 🌿

Louis Jourdan had a daily habit of reviewing the script and would make suggestions to his character and dialogue.

Yet he survived.

#SwampThing

"Filmed on location in Charleston, South Carolina"

The "in" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there

#Monsterdon

Aaaaaaand we close out with his spiritual instrument: the oboes and bassoons.

Thanks for coming everyone! We survived another Monsterdon. Maybe we'll get another wes craven at some point? Who can say!

Really looking forward to whatever we do next week with everyone, and rounds of applause as always to @Taweret for hosting, and supporters like @ryan 's live stream, @JoeWynne 's trivia and @Cherizilla 's bingo!

ciao

#monsterdon

ah yep, there it is. I knew we weren't getting out of this movie without something that could justify me marking off the "Tits" square on my #MonsterdonBingo card. Bingo!

#Monsterdon

going from jude being dead to "oh shit there goes the neighborhood" is the fakeout that kept me from closing the movie right now #monsterdon

Imagine if Jude had been at the gas station in Maximum Overdrive.

Whole thing would have been over in 5 minutes.

#monsterdon

"It's a swamp thing!"
"Can you be more specific?"
"No!"
#monsterdon

The presence of the TRS-80 in this movie is already documented on Starring the Computer. But nice to see it.

https://starringthecomputer.com/feature.html?f=806

#Monsterdon

Surely this must be the earliest anyone in a movie has said they’re not in Kansas anymore. Certainly it’s earlier than Wizard of Oz. #Monsterdon

This is probably my last Monsterdon for a while—school starts week after Labor Day for me—so at least it was a relatively competently-made and fun one. Thanks everybody!

Also, 2nd Assistant Director Tony Cecere, I love your Cajun seasoning

#Monsterdon

like there were a bunch of things happening it's just that none of them made any sense happening with each other #monsterdon

He's even healed the blood stain off her white dress. That's what I call a superpower. #Monsterdon

'you need to heal. i need to swamp'

#monsterdon

And there he goes, fucking off into the swamp

#monsterdon

i actually love 5th act being "everyone drinks swamp juice and reveals their essence" it is so uh unmotivated by the rest of the movie #monsterdon

the forbidden Tang

#Monsterdon

does the swamp juice amplifies your existing characteristics from the perspective of a swamp or why does the buff and cool swamp thing look like a swamp. is it because that's what the swamp thinks is noble and righteous? #monsterdon

Wilhelm scream, BOOOOOOOOO CRAVEN YOU HACK 👎

#Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

🥬🌿 SWAMP TRIVIA 🛶🌱 🥬 🌿

The real scientist in the movie is stunt man Anthony Cecere, self-trained in burning people in movies.

He "taught himself how to do it by trying various chemicals on himself around the family swimming pool and setting himself on fire."

He is known especually for the "Freddy burn" in A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984),.

#SwampThing

"i can't do science with these swamp thing hands!"

#monsterdon

It's a Swamp Thing. You wouldn't understand. #Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

🥬🌿 SWAMP TRIVIA 🛶🌱 🥬 🌿

Adrienne Barbeau's stunt double (Karen Price) is uncredited, but got a walk on part. She's Arcane's messenger.

#SwampThing

Sadly I am neither too powerful to be destroyed nor too intelligent to be captured. #Monsterdon

Welcome to the Dagobah System

#monsterdon

Thanks for a lovely evening with Swamp Thing! One of my favourite films to be set entirely in a Swamp, after Shrek and Predator probably.

Thanks @Taweret @Cherizilla @miru

#Monsterdon #SwampThing

🦖#MONSTERDON Goodbye!

❤️ Thank you @Taweret for hosting this miasmic monster moment.

🅱️ and thanks @Cherizilla for the Bingo card! I wonder how many had to wait for the end to mark "Monster fucks off into the swamp" to Bingo.

🦖And to all the members of the Real Time Film Analysis Squad: The scroll on my dedicated Monsterdon TL was really rolling! Enjoyed all the comments and wish I had a chance to react to many more. Great stuff!!

well I think this movie was frickin awesome. And anyone who disagrees, let's you and me drink that glowing green juice and see whose nature is true.

#monsterdon

It actually ends! It has a plot! What a concept! Jude is the best.

Thanks everyone who voted for this one tonight. Wes Craven never disappoints. I had a great time, thank you @Taweret for organizing and all you #swampthing swampies for joining tonight’s #monsterdon

what were they trying to do again? like anyone? #monsterdon

he should be named chloro-phil #monsterdon

Uh oh the essence of this villain is Bad Dialog, this is gonna be UNBEARABLE

#monsterdon

Oh my god this villain is insufferable #monsterdon

DRINK THE SWAMP JUICE ARCANE #Monsterdon

have you considered

THE DOSAGE and METHOD

#monsterdon

@jonny you need to take the juice to reveal your swampsona

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Lady, I know you're friends with the Swamp Thing, but it's still not a good idea to bathe in a swamp.

I'm going to ask a question, and you're going to think I'm kidding, but I'm dead serious:

Do you think this movie inspired Shrek?

#Monsterdon

Romantic

#monsterdon

it may not be immediately obvious but that swamp thing is my guy, my dog, it can do no wrong, and i kindly request you do not fuck with it by doing funy business with any swamp juices #monsterdon

brief interlude where the swamp thing stands in the swamp and yells at the sky. 10/10 no notes.

#monsterdon

Oh, if only she had twigs in her hair that hiding spot would have worked

#monsterdon

Jude is my new favorite character. #Monsterdon

Kid is having an awakening after seeing a slightly toussled Adrienne Barbeau

Relatable.

#Monsterdon

*a nervous mercenary panic-fires at a bush in the swamp and accidentally perforates a team member*

Uhhhhh maybe you should at least go check on the guy? Try some first aid? Call for medical assistance? Schedule some additional training sessions on trigger discipline?

#monsterdon

Bingo! I'll call the monster yeeting a bad guy, an annoying person killed #monsterdon

Fingers crossed that’s Chekov’s quicksand. #Monsterdon

Ah yes, pocket snakes

#monsterdon

I hate it when my creative genius collides with shit. #Monsterdon

OK, wait. Not all a'y'all are here for the same reasons. Perhaps indulge the curiosity...

What gives you the most satisfaction or joy on #Monsterdon night?

Genuinely cannot get over how stupid and self defeating the villain was in that movie, it's like watching the News!

#Monsterdon

Well....he sure fucked off into that Swamp didn't he?

#Monsterdon

Alec you could just become a theoretical biologist. I'm sure you can find a keyboard big enough to type on. Publish electronically.
#Monsterdon #SwampThing

Nice. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better. Thanks #monsterdon Take care. See ya soon.

Swamp Thing (1982): 3/5

managed to fall apart entirely despite never having anything going

#monsterdon #monsterdonReviews

annnnd Swamp Thing fucks off into the swamp.

#monsterdon

Is she like his mom now or something?

#Monsterdon

“I’ll be your hands” bow chicka wow-wow #Monsterdon

I feel like this movie had some potential but, thankfully for us, they squandered it

#monsterdon

cool so that resolves things, the endstate of this world is as expected, the swamp thing now must appear to society for acceptance and wage a lifelong civil rights campaign so it can marry the remaining woman #monsterdon

Surprise, Arcane Thing was full of diet coke and the sword was made out of mentos.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Note to future heroes : You cannot actually swim down a spring, down into the groundwater and then back up into a nearby swamp.

"We followed your notebooks religiously! There can be no margin for error."

The religion:

#Monsterdon #SwampThing

I remember a kid in eighth grade being convinced that drinking a glow stick would let you see in the dark.

He didn't go blind at least. (It didn't work.)

#monsterdon

everything looks better poorly lit on film, even this suit

#monsterdon

rich people do dumb shit, part 49942
#Monsterdon

*80s movie lady internal thoughts* "okay but what ELSE grows back if it breaks off"

#monsterdon

"Some of the men says it's one of those abdominal snowmen."

thank u Wes Craven for writing that line

#monsterdon

ABDOMINAL SNOWMANS

#MONSTERDON

Swamp thing thinks you need a convertable

#Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

She just came out of the swamp and is 100% dry and clean #monsterdon

And we cut to . . . a house decorated entirely from Bond villains' castoffs? #Monsterdon

Ha! The classic face peel-off. Love it.

#monsterdon

I DO want watermelons the size of weather balloons.

#Monsterdon

These people are too dry. #Monsterdon