No one can see the guy with a small bush in his hat. He's a camouflage genius!
#monsterdon

So the villains were trying to get the green goop, but the boy scientist escaped and slashed the goop on himself accidentally, making him explode and run into the swamp, perhaps to become some kind of swamp thing.

Meanwhile, agent big hair was hiding some of the secret science research notes from the rambos.

The rambos decide to blow up the secret lab, bury the bodies and destroy the evidence.

#monsterdon

1. take the flaming lab coat off
2. explode

#monsterdon

the chief rambo explains his deal to the scientists. they're mercenaries, working for the big hat guy, who was evil the whole time and wants their secret swamp formula. actually he is a different evil guy who had impersonated the big hat guy. Anyway, he threatens to kill his sister if he won't give them his secret swamp formula. He tries to mislead them and they kill her, because they're evil.

#monsterdon

[pressing the "hostile work environment" button over and over again] #Monsterdon

The real plant for the 21st century is the brussel sprouts that taste better than previous types of brussel sprouts. follow me for more insightful insights. #monsterdon

THROW a bunsen burner? No wonder he died. Sheesh. #Monsterdon

I love me some doo-dads and gizmos. Turn some knobs! #Monsterdon

Ray Wise looks like a guy that was supposed to be handsome and then someone's finger slipped on a slider.

Fortunately he's still got that voice. #Monsterdon

It's just like the beginning of the Muppet Movie!

Wait...is Kermit the Swamp Thing????

#Monsterdon

Richard Bracken editing Swamp Thing, in what is possibly the dumbest example of nominative determinism I've seen put to film. #Monsterdon

@steggy niiiice

also I like that image, it's not the one we usually see for Devil Girl memes

#Monsterdon

@paco @rebeld just striding into 'Jays Meat Provision' with the confidence of Alexander the Great and saying "JAY, LET'S MAKE SOME SOUNDS TOGETHER?!"

#Monsterdon

@floatybirb it was a bit mid, not terrible, not great, competently put together so you can't mock that #Monsterdon

@pngwen #monsterdon

who needs tenure? bet he could fund himself by finding mineral deposits for mining corporations.

@Louisa #monsterdon

ikr he wouldn't even need PPE. In fact, he could do amazing on-site data collection.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Like, it was a better movie than a lot, but comic book adaptations... (why would the scientist fuck off into the swamp and not try to get back to science? Also, this really is a case where better special effects would help)

#Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

and Jude survived! this movie is literally the best movie ever, all is forgiven.

#monsterdon

And that's all.

Thanks @Taweret and everyone!

#monsterdon

@jmelesky #monsterdon

because it's what Nietsczhse would have done.

lol @ "Little Bruno"

#Monsterdon

Assistive devices exist, sir.

#Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

"Alec, let me go with you. We can live in the swamp, eat fungus and make swamp babies!"

#monsterdon

Money on "He fucks off into the Swamp" ending

#Monsterdon

The sword in the bone(head)
#Monsterdon

Did they just have the Sword lying around in Props and went with it?

#Monsterdon

What is this evil lair with a secret hot spring? #monsterdon

Bruno turned into a court jester??

#monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

🥬🌿 SWAMP TRIVIA 🛶🌱 🥬 🌿

Craven's Biggest Regret:
An underwater chase through flooded tunnels had to be dropped.

The completion bond company acted like jerks the whole production and demanded that scenes be cut from the third act to stay on schedule and under budget.

#SwampThing

You'd think most people would realize that turning a man into . . . whatever that was . . . tends to kill a party, but Jourdan nonetheless seems disappointed. #Monsterdon

Based on what the formula does, I assume that if you give it to Arcane, he transforms into a baguette.

#Monsterdon

@SRLevine @plaidtron3000 all the missing the energy goes into the wolf dimension (or the swamp dimension, in the case of this #monsterdon movie).

This special low-cut captive-prisoner evening wear is suitable for being bound to a chair at the banquet table AND being shackled in the dungeon.

It's the fashion statement today's woman is looking for.

#monsterdon

ohhhh, an "Essence Amplifier"

uh huh.

#monsterdon

"every man for himself, and God against all."

this is my new motto.

#monsterdon

I must report that I completely zone out whenever the evil rich guy in this movie gives his evil villain speeches. They seem pretty generic for evil speeches.

#monsterdon

The formula is so amazing it even shrunk the white turtleneck!
#monsterdon

Alec Holland made this formula in a SWAMP! With a box of SCRAPS! etc. etc. #Monsterdon

I guess they really should have titled this movie Swamp Things

#monsterdon

and here is our lovely dinner hostage

#monsterdon

What is this, the 5th time she's had to run away and get captured by these gator survivalist fuckers?

#monsterdon

Swamp Thing standing there wistfully like "I wish I still had a penis. Oh well."

#monsterdon #SwampThing

She travels with a lot of dry clothes. I'll give her that. #Monsterdon

Why are you bathing in the swamp?!?!
#Monsterdon

Turns out all we need to do to make men better at responding to sexual violence was . . . uh, turn them into swamp things? #Monsterdon

OK, I came out to a bunch of people as nonbinary at soup night, added "they/them" to my Signal profile, and I'm back to catch the last half hour of #Monsterdon

makeup department in full tailspin after they just decided to keep in the shot where the swamp things eyes are clearly pink and not green #monsterdon

Whoah what! Did Swamp Thing just swamp-plant-magic Jude back from the dead!?

How did Holland learn that he could do that? When, exactly? Eukaryotic instinct??

#monsterdon

*That's* why Swampie worked his neck muscles so much! For all the nodding

#Monsterdon

[swamp thing eats the book]

#monsterdon #SwampThing

Oh my god swamp this villain already thing this dialogue is unbearable

#monsterdon

The wipes in this movie are fantastic.

⭐

#Monsterdon

That guy with the sidearm grenade throws should've tried out for baseball. Bet he could've done some work in the Tigers 'pen.

#Monsterdon

WILHELM SCREAM

They're just hitting all the notes in this one, aren't they?

#monsterdon

I feel like we don't get that many Wilhelm screams on #Monsterdon, but hey, there we are

Right, he's invulnerable to bullets. Like a plant.

#monsterdon

@log

Not disappointed if there's air boats!

Just like in 'Gator'!

#HJonBenjamin #Monsterdon

Dudes, dudes, dudes, if you still had twigs on your hats none of this would be happening

#monsterdon

Sneaky Thing sneaks up on gravy seals

#monsterdon

The doll thing on the boat is 50% cute 50% scary

#Monsterdon

Poignant. Sad Swampy Boy remembering the good times before he was turned into a swamp thing 15 minutes ago

#monsterdon

I want to know what the gas station boy's backstory is. Is he missing his family? He seems to have seen some shit but might be a survivor.

Anyway, he takes her on a boat ride to the ruined research camp cabin. She tells him to be careful and he seems cautious but says he can handle himself (in more of a survivor way then an action hero way).

#monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

🥬🌿 SWAMP TRIVIA 🛶🌱 🥬 🌿

The guy who owned the limo used in the filming saw the stunt driver practicing aggressively for a dramatic u-turn.

🤯 "He just totally flipped out, 'That was not in our contract!'"

#SwampThing

yes please! cut to swamp thing doing swamp thing things and don't cut away!!!! #monsterdon

Oh _wow_, Swamp Thing tearing the roof off that SUV and then... it just kind of floats away like a balloon..? I think we were supposed to think that he threw it, but the effect didn't quite pan out there. 🤣

That rubber Swamp Thing suit just gets better every time we see it. Majestic.

#monsterdon

That suit is *truly* garbage.

Which I guess is appropriate, for a swamp monster.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon She's not super smart.

Isn't she supposed to be some kind of scientist? Or some kind of professional?

I didn't actually catch it.

ABDOMINAL SNOWMAN

#Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

creature from the swamp lagoon

#monsterdon

Percussive maintenance remains undefeated. #Monsterdon

"Hey people!" falls over

OK lady you are not doing the anti-sexism cause many favours here.

#monsterdon

Hey, Jude.

#Monsterdon

So far my favorite part of Louis Jourdan's part of this movie is that literally all I know about him is he's French and, presumably therefore, he's evil.

I have no idea what industry he's in, how rich he is, or what weird fetish he will inevitably turn out to have. #Monsterdon

For you kids out there, there used to be these things called "pay phones" in fixed location out in the middle of f'in' nowhere. #Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

@cargot_robbie #monsterdon

THAT'S what this movie's missing! A soundtrack by AC/DC!!! #MaximumSwampThingDrive

This guy has Columbo villain energy

#Monsterdon

We leave the swamp, and we're into the mansion house. What are the odds he removes another layer of face?

#monsterdon

MAN ON FIRE INTO SWAMP! #monsterdon

#monsterdon Good thing the bad guys are terrible shots, or this movie would be over right now.

I love the commandos with ivy crowns. It's like "let's penetrate the command shed then hit up the Ren Faire later..."
#MONSTERDON

Quoting Nietzsche, really? lmao

#Monsterdon

Full face mask hell yea

#Monsterdon

Face mask reveal! Wow! Love it! #monsterdon

Okay, so I thought the boy and girl scientists were a polycule, but they're actually brother and sister, and maybe also a polycule.

Anyway, we learn that where the girl scientist splashed the explosion formula some plants grew, so we have our super science plant growing formula.

The boy scientist celebrates by kissing agent big hair, seemingly without her permission.

#monsterdon

This is the 80's, wouldn't that have been pressure treated wood? Imbued with chemicals?

#Monsterdon

"He could throw a mean Bunsen burner, I'll tell ya"

#Monsterdon

"Two thousand parts water, one... drop... formula."

Holland's gonna grow a triffid!!

#monsterdon

I really like the characterization of this super-science project as "trying to make a plant for the 21st century!" because the 21st century is the future, back when this movie was made.

they believed in the future back then.

#monsterdon

[SCIENCING INTENSIFIES]

#monsterdon #swampthing1982

We go back to the swamp church, and the Gentleman-Dressed-as-a-Butler who is no longer dressed as a butler accosts and the Gentleman-Dressed-as-Steve-Irwin accost her for going into the swamp with the slutty scientist boy. I guess her job is "government agent" and other people are supposed to protect her and her purity.

Then we hear some explosions that sound like gunshots and everyone panics.

#monsterdon

@diazona Definitely saw a ☢️ on the wall

#monsterdon

@Cherizilla Side effect of it not being the 70s anymore?

#Monsterdon #SwampThing1982

These wipes are killing me, the editor is expressing too much creativity :blobfoxangrylaugh:

#Monsterdon

Okay, so the secret lab gets deeper and has a secret swamp genius, and the big hair lady wanders in and meets a couple of scientists who really like her vibe. Maybe they're not a couple, but the boy scientist wants to take the big hair lady for a boat ride, for which she dons her hawaiian shirt. This is after he showed her his moss possum (it makes sense in context).

#monsterdon

Let's go to the swamp, baby. I'll show you that broken sen-sor... #Monsterdon

Characters so far in this #monsterdon

Team Government
Boss Lady (giant hair)
Gentleman Dressed Like a Butler
Gentleman Dressed Like Steve Irwin
Gentleman With Giant Hat
Scientists (come in boy and girl forms)

Team Apep
Swamp Rambo
Camo Dudes
Snek

What in the TEMU Commando was that scene? #monsterdon

our first wes craven tilm I'm pretty sure

#Monsterdon

"Was it real?"

"You'll find out in 9 months."

#monsterdon #WrongSwampThing

@guyjantic oh this needs to be a checkbox

#monsterdon #SwampThing