@lysdexic #monsterdon

Communism.

We then get a credit sequence with stars in the background, names of people in front and some all over the place orchestral music. Then we get another spaceship. It's a triangle. It's driven by a boy and a girl (maybe brother and sister) sitting in giant curvy seats in front of a giant control toilet seat. They seem to be in a good mood. Also they are running from the police.

#monsterdon

I like the Hyperspaces that go through Hell

Neutron Stars had just been popularised then...

#Monsterdon

Awww, this film has so much heart but not enough ability

#Monsterdon

Look I'm sure by now there a bazillion people who have been in both the Star Wars and Star Trek franchises, but thanks to his role in this movie, I think Christopher Plummer gets the award for doing it first

#Monsterdon

Jarring cut on that John Barry theme tune....

Never answer the space phone to cops

#Monsterdon

Starcrash opens with a giant boxy spaceship flying through space. I like the multicolored stars, those are nice. We see inside a ship, which is crewed by dudes in shiny helmets. On the bridge of the flying rectangle, they announce that they're approaching a planet and "the enemy's weapons may be hidden from us!"

Then the ship turns red and the dudes inside start Shatnering, then collapse in pain. Some parts break off of their spaceship and then it explodes. Good start.

#monsterdon

Why are the opening credits wobbling?

#monsterdon

A thing just happened. I'm not sure what, I'm not sure why. Classic

#Monsterdon

Lol you're not supposed to get close enough to the greebled plastic toy ship that you can TELL it's just greebled plastic

#Monsterdon

Spaceballs is different than I remember. #monsterdon

Launching my #Monsterdon thread for #Starcrash, a movie that I think is trying to be like Star Wars and maybe involves crashing.

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch an old monster movie every week and either praise it or shake our heads at it in dismay. You may wish to mute the hash tag if you don't want to read 9999+ posts by me and other people about it... assuming the mute function works (ominous thought)...!

Lots of whooshing sounds, top notch

#monsterdon

@ricci totally ripped this off from Spaceballs #Monsterdon

Loving the variety of star colours as well

They've ripped off two actual sci fi writers in the space of a minute!

#Monsterdon

Oh good god here we go

#monsterdon

@jonny It was NOT and IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN

#Monsterdon

Oh his name was Elric, not Eric

#Monsterdon

They cut "they not like us"

#Monsterdon

@ricci @jonny ok wait so i was right that all his lines were dubbed :u

#monsterdon

I like how judgy these intertitles are

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou I enthusiastically agree. #Monsterdon @floatybirb

@ricci Wasn’t Corman a stickler for cutting films down to four reels or something like that?

#Monsterdon

@paco they had such big dreams....

#Monsterdon

Hmm, so I did watch the version with this campy "one damn survivor"

#Monsterdon

I’m now watching Jaws as a palate cleanser

#Monsterdon

@ricci Yet again the movie realizes itself

#Monsterdon #StarCrashDeletedScenes

@bunnyhero

Just like like "Thelma & Louise", but you know, in space.

#Monsterdon

Wow curly haired dude who is not the hoff could be a toothpaste model

#Monsterdon

WAY TOO FAST #monsterdon

Ummm.
You know, that black and red probably used to fit a little different.

Look, a County Administrator is not usually on the radar for most Emperors but Zarth has the genius, guile, or brutality to procure some DOOM MACHINE so... there's some kind of distinguishing quality going on here...

Maybe the emperor let down The agreement and never came to any of Zarth's metal shows or something. Cold sheets, hot tempers.

#monsterdon #starcrash

I’ll continue complaining about the quality of this film, but in reality it is AWESOME to hang out with all you Monsterdonians to heckle movies so bad, they are good. Not this one, of course, but maybe next week.
#Monsterdon

@moira Oh nice 👍 I just meant about how the picture you linked is pre-baking

#Monsterdon

@ricci @jivens lol, sadly only really Christopher Plummer knew what that line was...

#Monsterdon

ACAB includes Elle #monsterdon

@Lazarou @jivens He wouldn't be the emperor if he didn't have some ... uh ... whatever that line he said in the movie ...

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

All right, I'm gonna say it. This was better than any of the Star Wars movies beyond the Original Trilogy. Unironically. #monsterdon

@foolishowl his name of course #monsterdon

Well…. that’s a couple of hours I won’t get back, ever.
#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon anyway, folks, that was fun as usual. Y'all are a lot of fun to watch movies with 😁

Thanks for being awesome, guys. See ya' next week. Owlbear OUT!

@arisummerland @lytta ohh gotcha. Yeah that's longer than I would have thought

#Monsterdon

@bstacey

And, as I am honest in posting,
 If we made unearnèd roasting
 Now to ’scape the serpent’s tongue,
 We will make amends ere long.
 Else @Taweret a liar call.
 So good night unto you all.
 Give me your hands if we be friends,
 And look you for cat pictures to restore amends.

A #Monsterdon Night's Dream

"The wheel will always............ turn."

That classic line

#Monsterdon

@kcarr2015 #monsterdon They should have Stopped Time so that the Doom Machine would load faster.

Spaceship named Desire: Stella! Stella! #Monsterdon

And the movie fucked off into a soliloquy.

Why the hell not.

#Monsterdon

@apLundell but if they were smugglers then why did Akton care about breaking Time Law...

#monsterdon

Well that was down there somewhere near the bottom

Thanks @Taweret
and #monsterdon crew for making it watchable!

@SordidAmok is that in a good way or a bad way? (It matters Mrs Orange! At least to me!) #Monsterdon

for a little time, at least, we can rest #monsterdon

god what even was that

#monsterdon

Feed recovered. Everyone pause your #monsterdon feed for two minutes. No spoilers.

Caroline Munro was in a few Hammer Horror movies. There's no way those sucked this bad,

#monsterdon

*Christopher Plummer monologues something* JUST ENDDDDDDDDD GAWD

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Did the bad guy yell his own name repeatedly when he was about to die?

it happened?
WHAT HAPPENED???
WHAT???
#monsterdon

Big respect for the floating city's pride decorations. Really went all out. #monsterdon

No room in the relationship for Elle then....harsh....

Love how Plummer is just freestyling while the camera rolls.....

#Monsterdon

Simon says: blow up the evil spaceship

#Monsterdon

AAAAAAAAH NOOOOOOOO
God dammit. I thought we were rid of him.
#monsterdon

Thank goodness that ladder scene was a close up of Elle's butt instead of Stella's, at least I didn't see that coming.

#monsterdon

Are we sure Slim Pickens isn't the voice of the robot?

#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Shit. It lives.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Some of that kit-bashed floating city is model parts frames...

What 12 yo did not dream of that in 1979..?

"By sunset", when you're on a space station?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1978

the floating city should be defended by a floating suburbs. #monsterdon

@nazokiyoubinbou is a movie like angle 1 or angle 2 ???????#monsterdon

A germ of an idea in The Hoff’s brain was born while making this movie.

#Monsterdon

Is the heart of the stars like the heart of the cards?

#Monsterdon

I love how someone put an insane amount of work to make this model thing but it's impossible to tell what even the fuck it is 🥴
#monsterdon

You'd think the galactic emperor would have better things to do than watch StarCrash.

#monsterdon #starcrash

Actually sort of like these cheap-ass spaceship models

#Monsterdon

why are there Christmas lights all over everything in space?

#Monsterdon

@nev The model builders clearly had run out of budget by the time they got to the floating city.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon It is so obvious during the pan that the camera is moving and not the spacecraft..

@hollie LOL that would be amazing (and terrible and amazing)

#Monsterdon

Wait... Stella has flown a city before?

#Monsterdon

Oh shit. There's still a way

#monsterdon

THE DOOM MACHINE!
One of those guys has bat wings on his laser gun.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

The survival of the galaxy? Who knew that galaxies could die?
#monsterdon

Surely I'll come with you!

No, no, and stop calling me Shirley.

#monsterdon

You've got to give them points for how much they crammed into this thing....

#Monsterdon

The DOOM MACHIIIIIINE!
#monsterdon

@lytta He's the evil guy working with/as the forces of darkness and trying to take over the universe. If I'm understanding it correctly, there was barely any mention.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

😭

#Monsterdon

"Go now, quickly!"

Get this goddamn texan robot out of my sight! #Monsterdon

"you can't keep a good robot down"
hard as we may try.
#monsterdon

So the floating city they're sacrificing is an LGBTQIA city?

#Monsterdon

Everyone knows there is no intermediate power level between guys stuffed in space torpedoes and crashing a city through the fourth dimension

None at all

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye,...

My ability to screen cap the madness is breaking down as fast as the coherence of the movie is.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

In other dramatic news, my Junior Mints partially melted on the walk back from the grocery store this afternoon, so the last few are a minty clump at the bottom of the box.

#Monsterdon

My grandfather's ship was hit by a torpedo with a guy in it in WWII. It didn't blow up.

#monsterdon

of course! starcrash! from the movie Starcrash! #monsterdon

What? They fired themselves into the giant fist in trojan torpedoes...
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

They're gonna jumpscare him to death? #Monsterdon

Install Doom on the Emperor's planet!

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Zarth Arn, worse Ming the Merciless cosplayer ever. #monsterdon

I like his throne.....I'd do zoom meetings in it

#Monsterdon