#monsterdon So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye,...

My ability to screen cap the madness is breaking down as fast as the coherence of the movie is.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

In other dramatic news, my Junior Mints partially melted on the walk back from the grocery store this afternoon, so the last few are a minty clump at the bottom of the box.

#Monsterdon

of course! starcrash! from the movie Starcrash! #monsterdon

What? They fired themselves into the giant fist in trojan torpedoes...
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

They're gonna jumpscare him to death? #Monsterdon

Install Doom on the Emperor's planet!

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Zarth Arn, worse Ming the Merciless cosplayer ever. #monsterdon

I like his throne.....I'd do zoom meetings in it

#Monsterdon

These spaceships need to stop going through town with their engine-brakes turned on. It's against city ordinance to make all that racket. #monsterdon

is this a real movie?

#Monsterdon

Yes, they were saying ¡Ándale! ¡Ándale!

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe Great minds think alike.
#monsterdon
https://infosec.exchange/@paco/114730271939581660

We need to show Flash Gordon sometime. #monsterdon

Here's that Strauss again!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon the Emperor only prepared one TimeStop spell for the day, sadly.

Ha! These guns have antlers?

#monsterdon

some satisfying laser gun deaths there....

#Monsterdon

Every time I see the #Monsterdon hashtag I think the post will be political. Have to admit that most monsterdon posts sound as strange as the news these days :-)

the music is so random. they may as well be playing yakety sax

#Monsterdon

@apLundell Monty Python’s Meaning of Life Christmas in Heaven dot GIF

#Monsterdon

@jonny But ... but ... Stella Star told them they only had 47 seconds, and Emperor Christopher Plummer said it would take 3 minutes to freeze every molecule, so why didn't they all blow up? #Monsterdon #Starcrash

By the sunset where, count? You are in space, afterall. Give us a little reference.
Also, congrats for not having the codpiece band.
#monsterdon

The music for the attack ship deployment scene is very strange. It's some sort of bossa nova / cha-cha number.

#monsterdon

This movie sure wants to recreate the death star scene, but remember how it had a lot of narration of what was going on?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

#Monsterdon 🌟 💫 💥 🚀 🍮 😱

wait what?

Message From Space was a similar level of goofy, but man the sets were way better.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Pew pew laser!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

"by sunset"?? you're in a spaceship my man #monsterdon

They frozen time on the planet for three minutes but not for any of the people on it... Time how does it work?
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Is the count's space fortress some kind of clawed hand?

#Monsterdon

"If we succeed in this, we could save billions of lives"

I refuse to believe that there are more than 10 million people in this setting.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

All the spaceship schwishing noise are lulling me to sleep. Or maybe it's the plot?
#Monsterdon

"Don't weep for me. My glory will live forever."

I think that's a line from Starship Troopers 2 which was a much better movie

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🌟 💫 💥 🚀 🍮 😱

I mean Chris Plummer at least delivers his lines like a trained Shakespearean

Hey Stella's bubblewrap dress disappeared in that planetary explosion just now? Sure fine cool whatever I guess

#monsterdon

Something about obeying destiny. I've stopped trying to watch this movie.

#monsterdon

This #Monsterdon sure does feel like it has halted the flow of time that's for sure

dude, your army is like 10 people. #monsterdon

Sure, why not
#monsterdon

"Imperial Battleship, halt the flow of time!"

I'm going to try that in a meeting next week.

#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Jeeze, there's still 25min to go in this. I have no idea what where the plot is or what their goal is at this point.

#monsterdon

At least he didn't say "NUCULER"
#monsterdon

Oh no! Forced perspective robots! They could be dozens of millimeters tall!!

#Monsterdon

(I don't want to be mean about it but I think Stella made that smirk-pout facial expression too many times as a kid and somehow her face got stuck like that)

#monsterdon

The rest of this movie should have just been a never ending zoom in on Akton's face

#Monsterdon

A lightsaber that makes things invisible?
Hoff is the Jedi now dawg.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

"I'll live forever!"

Now just let me bleed out on the floor. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon I am no longer useful at this time..

"Please get up."

"No, I must obey destiny."

Remember, trying to survive is illegal! Apparently >_> #Monsterdon

David Hah Slehoff is wielding that green laser rapier like an épée or cutlass for some reason

Whatever, he seems to have sliced apart that second clockwork golem, I guess nobody is deducting any points from his form.

#monsterdon

@Lazarou If she's pouting, that's helping the robbut, unless those guys are too stupid to bree... nuthin! #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Robot flippies are funny as hell..

oh no, the battledroids

#Monsterdon

Wow, Bionicle's lighter than I thought #Monsterdon

Prediction: the curly haired mary sue boy smuggler is like the kid of the prince and the girl smuggler who has come from the future to save them. That's stupid so it might be what this movie is doing.

#monsterdon

The Hoff has fenced before....

#Monsterdon

Awww, they tried their best with what they could find with this fight scene, didn't they?

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe

He does have the "evil laugh" part down, though.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Kill them! If you have to .. bwa ha ha .. wait, why the qualification?

Lucas got the lego technics version of battle droids.

This guy? This guy got Tyco.

Cheapass.

#monsterdon #starcrash

@forestine Good thing you're not playing a drinking game.

#Monsterdon

Geez lady you're the only one who didn't know who SIMON was jeez what a maroon

#Monsterdon

@hollie tryng not to get litigated, they had to know no one would watch erm well not for a few decades #Monsterdon

It is! It is young David Hasselhoff!

#monsterdon

"kill them, if you have to"

You can't give robots that sort of choice

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon oh no not blowing up the emperor! but we love him

That was a good bad guy laugh.
#monsterdon

"Your success would become my triumph"

Sounds like some grindset shit Count

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe #monsterdon They're the kids of the Amazon robot titan.

She doesn't look so sexy in clear plastic pants

#monsterdon

@moira Wasn't that a Muppet?

#Monsterdon

Phantom planet and haunted stars. Okay, there's a good way of doing that. In a different story.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

That's the nerve center of the entire operation, but where is the powerhouse of the cell?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon And there it is.

ALSO R.I.P. Temu MurderBot.

Ha! LIghtsabre. Star Wars is always there, just behind the scenes.

#monsterdon

"Now *that* is a big door!"

#Monsterdon

Very good, clearly there could only be one planet that has two or more groups of people on it that would like to kill us, solid logic

#Monsterdon

are we _sure_ we don't have two Hoffs in this movie?

#monsterdon #starcrash

These musical stings are very thus-spake-zarathustra-esque. #monsterdon

Acton the Actor attacks with a comically wobbly light saber

#monsterdon

Marjoe is a lefty? But if he knew all along....
#monsterdon

Oh no, the poorly developed robot character with the irritating accent. We hardly knew ye, or that your head was some sort of adding machine? #monsterdon

How sweaty is she in that plastic suit?

#monsterdon

It's like Akton has read the whole story and everyone else hasn't

#Monsterdon

And now it's time to use the NotLightsaber(not tm)

#Monsterdon

Hasselhoff makes his entrance! We have the German audience riveted now

(Apparently 'hoff was very popular in Germany)

#monsterdon

Half of the men in this movie have giant white guy afros.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

"We've been searching for you all through these damned haunted stars!"

I gotta say, "haunted stars" is a pleasing nonsense phrase, I'm delighted by it

#Monsterdon

Its the unpainted spaceship from scene 4! It's only a model. #monsterdon

This film was novelized

#monsterdon

I'm guessing the lizard guy is the space prince because he's charming and genteel. Also, the lizard thing might be a helmet?

Oh wait, my supposition is right. The lizard thing is a helmet. And the guy inside it is a survivor from the spaceship, named "Simon". He's probably a prince.

#monsterdon

Aww it's a little _baby_ David Haas le Hoof

#monsterdon

Italy has interesting cave systems as well I see...

#Monsterdon

Not the Also Sprach Zarathustra / 2001 Space Odyssey music for the weapons-wielding apes 😂

#Monsterdon

Still feeling we should mourn for Elle more, unless for reasons of plot she just self assembles or something?

Robots do that sometimes

#Monsterdon

Giving the robot the voice of a hillbilly from a bog witch movie was a choice

#monsterdon

SIMON FROM SPACE #Monsterdon