CHRIS!? looking good, my man! (too bad about the rest of this movie.) #monsterdon

"I only have circuits enough for logic, and this here Alabama accent y'all. Now git!"
#monsterdon

The wheatfield spaceship drops an entry ramp and the bikini smuggler wanders inside, set to Mysterious Music. Then the space cops from before ambush her, tell her that she is free and that now the four of them (two cops, two smugglers) are being freed and set on a secret mission for the Empire.

We get another scene where the emperor frees the boy smuggler and then the wheatfield spaceship is flying to meet the imperial flagship.

#monsterdon

The Vampirella collar on the bikini was a choice

#monsterdon

I want that spinny dome thing. I don't even *care* what it does, I need it. #Monsterdon

The girl's slavery involves dropping a ball (made of radium) into a hole while she naturally wears a space bikini. Two minutes later she starts planning an escape (her plan is to shoot the hole with a ray gun), but the prison guards (more dudes in shiny hats) overhear her and start shooting her friends. But she gets a weird sword gun, shoots something and escapes into the nearby wheatfield, where a spaceship lands to meet her.

#monsterdon

Yeah, see, they stole her pants when she got to prison :/ #Monsterdon

lol - it's rags for most prisoners, and a slinky sexy outfit for our cosmetology queen.

#monsterdon

@Taweret you know how much film costs‽‽‽
#Monsterdon

That's exactly what radium looks like

"five minutes of rest!"

More than you get in Amazon

#Monsterdon

Supposedly stubble-man is dehydrated and rambling about monsters, even though there was lots of food on his ship, but we just see him laying there. He works for the "Empire of the First Stellar Circle", whatever that is and the exposition explains that he wants to warn somebody. We learn the boy and girl are space smugglers.

Before we can get more exposition the space cops from before appear, surround their smuggling triangle and so they shruggingly surrender.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Bargain basement Boba Fett..

"Man angry at failures of AIs"

Relatable

#Monsterdon

Which is worse - his nose, which he has little control over, or his hair, which was a deliberate choice?

#monsterdon

Our intrepid criminal astronauts find a spaceship... it looks like a shuttle that ejected from the red ship that explodes. The girl thinks they might be in trouble, so she spacewalks over in a suit with a goofy helmet that reminds me of a Klein bottle, while the boy watches on the orbophone.

Inside, she finds a stubble guy who is semi-conscious and not having a good time; they take him back to the ship.

#monsterdon

The stars are very uniformly spaced in that quadrant of the galaxy. I think the cinematographers just used the lighting of the local convention centre.

#monsterdon

Is the actress a Breck Girl? Her hair sure looks like it, and it is the 70s after all.
#Monsterdon

This actress sounds just like the voice on a telephone IVR
"For light speed, press 1. Para explosión láser en español, oprima nueve"
#monsterdon

The Emperor of the First Circle of the Universe! So, probably a low-ranking comptroller or something, huh. #Monsterdon

The space police calls them up on their Orbophone to threaten them, which is I think how most police calls go. One cop is a bald guy from some kind of Empire, the other is a robot who looks like a cyborg conehead.

Anyway, they press the hyperspace button to escape from the cops, then almost crash into a Neutron Star, which is Green; I think they're not green. They have to eject something to escape. We are told that they are approaching "the Haunted Stars", which sounds cool.

#monsterdon

We then get a credit sequence with stars in the background, names of people in front and some all over the place orchestral music. Then we get another spaceship. It's a triangle. It's driven by a boy and a girl (maybe brother and sister) sitting in giant curvy seats in front of a giant control toilet seat. They seem to be in a good mood. Also they are running from the police.

#monsterdon

I like the Hyperspaces that go through Hell

Neutron Stars had just been popularised then...

#Monsterdon

Awww, this film has so much heart but not enough ability

#Monsterdon

Look I'm sure by now there a bazillion people who have been in both the Star Wars and Star Trek franchises, but thanks to his role in this movie, I think Christopher Plummer gets the award for doing it first

#Monsterdon

Jarring cut on that John Barry theme tune....

Never answer the space phone to cops

#Monsterdon

Starcrash opens with a giant boxy spaceship flying through space. I like the multicolored stars, those are nice. We see inside a ship, which is crewed by dudes in shiny helmets. On the bridge of the flying rectangle, they announce that they're approaching a planet and "the enemy's weapons may be hidden from us!"

Then the ship turns red and the dudes inside start Shatnering, then collapse in pain. Some parts break off of their spaceship and then it explodes. Good start.

#monsterdon

Why are the opening credits wobbling?

#monsterdon

A thing just happened. I'm not sure what, I'm not sure why. Classic

#Monsterdon

Lol you're not supposed to get close enough to the greebled plastic toy ship that you can TELL it's just greebled plastic

#Monsterdon

Spaceballs is different than I remember. #monsterdon

Launching my #Monsterdon thread for #Starcrash, a movie that I think is trying to be like Star Wars and maybe involves crashing.

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch an old monster movie every week and either praise it or shake our heads at it in dismay. You may wish to mute the hash tag if you don't want to read 9999+ posts by me and other people about it... assuming the mute function works (ominous thought)...!

Lots of whooshing sounds, top notch

#monsterdon

Loving the variety of star colours as well

They've ripped off two actual sci fi writers in the space of a minute!

#Monsterdon

Oh good god here we go

#monsterdon

@jonny It was NOT and IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN

#Monsterdon

Oh his name was Elric, not Eric

#Monsterdon

They cut "they not like us"

#Monsterdon

@ricci @jonny ok wait so i was right that all his lines were dubbed :u

#monsterdon

@Lazarou I enthusiastically agree. #Monsterdon @floatybirb

@ricci Wasn’t Corman a stickler for cutting films down to four reels or something like that?

#Monsterdon

@paco they had such big dreams....

#Monsterdon

I’m now watching Jaws as a palate cleanser

#Monsterdon

@ricci Yet again the movie realizes itself

#Monsterdon #StarCrashDeletedScenes

@bunnyhero

Just like like "Thelma & Louise", but you know, in space.

#Monsterdon

Wow curly haired dude who is not the hoff could be a toothpaste model

#Monsterdon

WAY TOO FAST #monsterdon

Ummm.
You know, that black and red probably used to fit a little different.

Look, a County Administrator is not usually on the radar for most Emperors but Zarth has the genius, guile, or brutality to procure some DOOM MACHINE so... there's some kind of distinguishing quality going on here...

Maybe the emperor let down The agreement and never came to any of Zarth's metal shows or something. Cold sheets, hot tempers.

#monsterdon #starcrash

I’ll continue complaining about the quality of this film, but in reality it is AWESOME to hang out with all you Monsterdonians to heckle movies so bad, they are good. Not this one, of course, but maybe next week.
#Monsterdon

@moira Oh nice 👍 I just meant about how the picture you linked is pre-baking

#Monsterdon

@ricci @jivens lol, sadly only really Christopher Plummer knew what that line was...

#Monsterdon

ACAB includes Elle #monsterdon

@Lazarou @jivens He wouldn't be the emperor if he didn't have some ... uh ... whatever that line he said in the movie ...

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

All right, I'm gonna say it. This was better than any of the Star Wars movies beyond the Original Trilogy. Unironically. #monsterdon

@foolishowl his name of course #monsterdon

Well…. that’s a couple of hours I won’t get back, ever.
#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon anyway, folks, that was fun as usual. Y'all are a lot of fun to watch movies with 😁

Thanks for being awesome, guys. See ya' next week. Owlbear OUT!

@bstacey

And, as I am honest in posting,
 If we made unearnèd roasting
 Now to ’scape the serpent’s tongue,
 We will make amends ere long.
 Else @Taweret a liar call.
 So good night unto you all.
 Give me your hands if we be friends,
 And look you for cat pictures to restore amends.

A #Monsterdon Night's Dream

"The wheel will always............ turn."

That classic line

#Monsterdon

@kcarr2015 #monsterdon They should have Stopped Time so that the Doom Machine would load faster.

Spaceship named Desire: Stella! Stella! #Monsterdon

And the movie fucked off into a soliloquy.

Why the hell not.

#Monsterdon

@apLundell but if they were smugglers then why did Akton care about breaking Time Law...

#monsterdon

Well that was down there somewhere near the bottom

Thanks @Taweret
and #monsterdon crew for making it watchable!

@SordidAmok is that in a good way or a bad way? (It matters Mrs Orange! At least to me!) #Monsterdon

god what even was that

#monsterdon

Feed recovered. Everyone pause your #monsterdon feed for two minutes. No spoilers.

Caroline Munro was in a few Hammer Horror movies. There's no way those sucked this bad,

#monsterdon

*Christopher Plummer monologues something* JUST ENDDDDDDDDD GAWD

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Did the bad guy yell his own name repeatedly when he was about to die?

it happened?
WHAT HAPPENED???
WHAT???
#monsterdon

Big respect for the floating city's pride decorations. Really went all out. #monsterdon

No room in the relationship for Elle then....harsh....

Love how Plummer is just freestyling while the camera rolls.....

#Monsterdon

Simon says: blow up the evil spaceship

#Monsterdon

AAAAAAAAH NOOOOOOOO
God dammit. I thought we were rid of him.
#monsterdon

Thank goodness that ladder scene was a close up of Elle's butt instead of Stella's, at least I didn't see that coming.

#monsterdon

Are we sure Slim Pickens isn't the voice of the robot?

#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Shit. It lives.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Some of that kit-bashed floating city is model parts frames...

What 12 yo did not dream of that in 1979..?

the floating city should be defended by a floating suburbs. #monsterdon

@nazokiyoubinbou is a movie like angle 1 or angle 2 ???????#monsterdon

A germ of an idea in The Hoff’s brain was born while making this movie.

#Monsterdon

Is the heart of the stars like the heart of the cards?

#Monsterdon

I love how someone put an insane amount of work to make this model thing but it's impossible to tell what even the fuck it is 🥴
#monsterdon

You'd think the galactic emperor would have better things to do than watch StarCrash.

#monsterdon #starcrash

Actually sort of like these cheap-ass spaceship models

#Monsterdon

why are there Christmas lights all over everything in space?

#Monsterdon

@nev The model builders clearly had run out of budget by the time they got to the floating city.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon It is so obvious during the pan that the camera is moving and not the spacecraft..

@hollie LOL that would be amazing (and terrible and amazing)

#Monsterdon

Wait... Stella has flown a city before?

#Monsterdon

Oh shit. There's still a way

#monsterdon

The survival of the galaxy? Who knew that galaxies could die?
#monsterdon

Surely I'll come with you!

No, no, and stop calling me Shirley.

#monsterdon

You've got to give them points for how much they crammed into this thing....

#Monsterdon

The DOOM MACHIIIIIINE!
#monsterdon

@lytta He's the evil guy working with/as the forces of darkness and trying to take over the universe. If I'm understanding it correctly, there was barely any mention.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

😭

#Monsterdon

So the floating city they're sacrificing is an LGBTQIA city?

#Monsterdon

Everyone knows there is no intermediate power level between guys stuffed in space torpedoes and crashing a city through the fourth dimension

None at all

#Monsterdon