i predict hasselhoff and starina will end up together because they have the same eye makeup. #monsterdon

director did not help the count at all with what to do with his hands in the cape. #monsterdon

oh my god the akton guy is insufferable!
#Monsterdon

"Pre-programmed computers" Those are the best kinds of computers!

#monsterdon

Is this young David Hasselhoff?

#monsterdon

ah! my stop motion babies! #monsterdon

@moira #monsterdon They also have the machine that goes PING!

Actually the "computers put nightmares into your mind to shoo you away from planet" is pretty fun

#Monsterdon

and so this movie's thruple finally makes its appearance. #monsterdon

"We have the Krell machines at home"

#Monsterdon

Jules Verne movies don't look so bad now, do they?

#monsterdon

"There's no way you could have"

The plot doesn't like you *nearly* as much as it loves me. #Monsterdon

It’s the Hoff! He’s had the same hair since … well pretty much his whole life.

#Monsterdon

Simon and the smuggler girl have a weird discussion about monsters and why they're too late, then they're ambushed by more caveman and are then rescued by the smuggler boy who has a lightsaber because he's a mary sue.

#monsterdon

Too few space movies have prolonged caveman brawls

#Monsterdon

Okay, so _this_ is a Hoff, but the other guy who looks basically the same is _not_ a Hoff.

#monsterdon #starcrash

Oh, knock it Hoff. #Monsterdon

IS THAT DAVID HASSLE HOUGH

#monsterdon

My viewing of this movie might not be helped by having watch Message From Space last night, the Japanese Star Wars rip off from 1978 made by the Super Sentai and Kamen Rider film making studio Toei.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

How much of this movie is Caroline Munro walking places in new outfits by volume? 40%? 50%?
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Naturally the southern robot dual-weilds space six-shooters

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

yes, beat the robots with a stick. this will be us in about 5 years if the AI bubble doesn't burst first. #monsterdon

AKTON: THe character with the powers of whatever the writing needs him to be able to do at a moments notice! #monsterdon

Robot chauvinism? Like no -vinism I knooooow♫ #Monsterdon

"You do not have to worry about me!"

Unless there's steam, apparently...?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Much like the audience, the smuggler girl did not know the smuggler boy had magic powers, and she's mad because this could have helped them in the past. I'm still not sure why the boy has magic powers. He explains that he couldn't tell her because then that would change the future or something, which is against the law, even they though are professional lawbreakers.

#monsterdon

My circuits have failed from time to time too.
#monsterdon

We've been hit by the Lava Lamp Beam! #Monsterdon

#monsterdon For warmth, it is important to don the bikini..

THE ICE RESURRECTION is the inverse of the nosferatu burning death scene!!!!!!
https://neuromatch.social/@jonny/113263986432865861
#monsterdon

If a robot says they can sustain your life through suspended animation, don't believe them, it's a scam. You'll wake up without a kidney. #monsterdon

female character as ass-kicking space captain, male character as has to get his ass kicked to activate his powers/healer. okay, this movie is bad, let's face it, but it's not that bad. #monsterdon

Man I bet that was an *annoying* series of makeup sessions for that defrosting sequence. #Monsterdon

The original animatics of Drax the Destroyer vs Adam Warlock were very primitive.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Wait did everyone always know he had powers? I do not understand the ... anything .. of this movie

#Monsterdon

Rather than holding hands it might make slightly more sense if the robot dug a snow cave for the smuggler girl so the snow would trap in warmth, but that might be more thought than this movie cared to put into itself?

#monsterdon

"The explosion will be of extraordinary magnitude"

mooninites.gif

please tell me someone gets this

#Monsterdon

Our heroes knock on the door of the GenX Kestral, and the green cop responds via jitsi call, letting them know that he's evil and he won't open the door for them so they'll freeze to death when the sun goes down, and also that's he's working for the bad guy and he will soon be the prince of darkness.

Robocop volunteers to hold hands with the smuggler girl and save her via self sacrifice. I'm not sure how that works. Anyway, they each get a monologue about how cool each other are.

#monsterdon

Stella, do not flirt with the robot cop in the snow. #Monsterdon

TF how is making snow angels going to save them

#Monsterdon

"lets lie down in the snow and die"

#Monsterdon

This is a joke that only people from Ontario will get:

"It's worth the drive to Akton!"

#Monsterdon

wait, is the Greatest American Hero dead? did they kill him? lololol
#monsterdon

okay, we've seen the laser magic trick thing twice now, is it gonna serve a purpose in the third act, or do we think they just wanted to show off a special effect. #monsterdon

Why is Slim Goodbody playing with a sentient pipe cleaner? #Monsterdon

@moira She momentarily forgot her line

(keep rolling)

#monsterdon

"The temperature drops thousands of degrees at night" HOW

How exactly does the temperature do that? How does the temperature not stop dropping at -273.15°C?

#monsterdon

I'm impressed that there have been the aftermaths of multiple star crashes, does what it says on the tin

#Monsterdon

there's no hope of finding

[pause]

the count's secret fortress

#monsterdon #starcrash

Oh, Temu Hoth. Nice. #Monsterdon

WTF are right and left in space?
#monsterdon

Okay, because military logic in this universe is more like guidelines, the space amazons (who serve the count) decide they need a giant silver fembot to capture the escaping duo, but spaceship comes to the rescue and knocks it over with lasers or something, and they escape.

Naturally, the giant silver robot has like... nipples? We needed a giant boobbot?

#monsterdon

@Taweret I presume the two smaller robots are their children so yes
#monsterdon

"Look! Amazons on horseback!"

No no, that's an AWS (Amazon War Squad).

#monsterdon

Oh this bit was direct from a teenage boy (or queer girl's) mind....

#Monsterdon

Logan's Run is looking pretty good by comparison

#monsterdon

Holo-Emperor tells our cop-smuggler-teamup that they need to sail their spaceship to the haunted stars and find the Count's evil weapon, and also find the commander of the exploded spaceship because he's the emperor's son. Okay, seems fine. Then the emperor's pointy flagship flies away.

#monsterdon

Every time they point at a ship I can't help but hear patsy from Holy Grail:

It's only a model.

#monsterdon

Caroline heard about acting once and she's really giving it a shot here. #Monsterdon

Whoa, lost control of my vertical hold there, sorry about that, I'm super tall now. Hold on, I can fix this... #Monsterdon

The emperor is good in this one, that's how you can tell this IS NOT STAR WARS DAMMIT

#Monsterdon

Nice bling Chris has there, Emperor's a pretty sweet gig. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Regarding the robot: prepare for "comic relief"..

Huh, Trump Hotel in Space #Monsterdon

I actually think all robots should have that accent. How did we let that slip through the cracks of film history? #Monsterdon

I bet there's a star off crashing somewhere

(Counterfeit @Taweret content)

#Monsterdon

Excuse me, this is Starcrash (1978) not Laserblast (1978)

#Monsterdon

If the radiation is going to burn your skin off, why are you wearing a leather bikini?

#monsterdon

Okay. I kinda love the stop motion robots

#monsterdon

Alright - some classic stop-motion robots.

#monsterdon

Excuse me, my lord, do you bychance have six fingers on one of your hands? #Monsterdon

You think it's someone's job to polish those stairs? #Monsterdon

"You are completely surrounded by fighter ships!"

Made from ceiling tiles and legos, but yeah sure. #Monsterdon

That's the craziest bubble mask on a space-suit I've seen in any movie. It's got some Barbarella vibes going there. I like it.

#monsterdon

@ottaross I read a lot of these points to my hubby. His response to this:

#SplendaDaddy - "No, there are lower career points than a Roger Corman movie."

Me - "What, porn?"

#Monsterdon

OMG - she's swimming through the thick vacuum of space.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Flying away on a wing and a prayer.. who could it be..

Star Wars was so ahead of its time.

#monsterdon

I assume I have a 10% chance of making it through this movie. #monsterdon

Holy crap, John Barry did the music? He did Out of Africa and Dances with Wolves

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

You guys seem kinda close to those stars, watch out or you're gonna

crash

#Monsterdon

John Barry wrote this score in realtime as he watched the movie for the first and only time.

#monsterdon

EEEEEY, hey Chris :D #Monsterdon

Why is everything Lego colors

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Oh sure, the Washbergers, I went to their potluck last Wednesday. They're takin' the camper down to Lake Woebegon next week. #Monsterdon

Red glowy things! I hate those!
#monsterdon

💡 TURN DOWN YOUR LIGHTS 💡

(where applicable)

#Monsterdon

@jonny

“If you thought the script was bad…”

I just shoved an ice pick into my left ear, then my right.

#Monsterdon

@jonny yeah seriously this is incredible

#Monsterdon #StarCrashDeletedScenes

So uh in this version Simon tells her he's the guy she was looking for so I guess later when she doesn't know who he is that would be even stupider

#Monsterdon

EXPLANATION FOR THE ROBOT COWBOY is all i needed!!!!! #monsterdon

I ship the evil count and Thor

#Monsterdon

how could you remove the misaligned "i don't care" that is such a shitty line #monsterdon

Yes. The movie did actually need the line "Watch out you big broad"

#Monsterdon

no fucking shit did they actually have "amazons on horses!" in the actual fucking script #monsterdon

the confused look on Thor's face in this scene matches my own

#Monsterdon

man the parts of this movie that worked worked so well. that set is perfect #monsterdon

Best Scene?

The way Plummer delivers this is up there with Brain Blessed in Flash Gordon

https://youtu.be/c3Rh2pfdxPU?si=7_zwhMUd2VdY140_

#Monsterdon

@paco @ricci #monsterdon
But... but... I SAID "spaceship, stop time!" You mean that didn't work?

@steggy

Ha! Same.

#Monsterdon