@Louisa

Landos Calrissian. Well done.

#Monsterdon

Hey, I just realized. Did anyone use a Devil Girl template that I missed? #monsterdon

#monsterdon At least Star Crash didn't make a Christmas SPecial, although the movie itself looked like one..

"The stars are clear and the planets shine."

Might have made more sense the other way around. Plummer goes into what seems to be an ad lib pseudo Shakespeare wrap-up and we're done.

A little late for us with a Tubi melt-down right at the end.

#monsterdon

@arisummerland @strangefour good point

#Monsterdon

This concludes my #monsterdon thread for #starcrash, a movie that is a superposition of "Amazing" and "Terrible" at the same time.

I wanted the space amazons to come back and do more wacky anime gestures. Maybe have their giant fembot shoot a shatner ray at the emperor's fighters or something. But that would require more continuity than this movie could spare, I guess?

@jivens I guess that's why he's the Emperor.... #Monsterdon

What was the count saying at the end?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1978

@arisummerland @lytta Oh someone said we were starting at :45 🤷

Not that I expect anything to happen anyway

#Monsterdon

I’m actually a little mad at this movie. It should have been better.

#Monsterdon

Stellllaaa!

#monsterdon

That was one of the movies that we saw, and I guess they fucked off into space.

I still consider Elle one of the better characters, though.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

why is dad speaking directly into the cameraaaaaa #monsterdon

"Well, it's done ... it's happened"

Perfect monologue to end this #Monsterdon

the suburu logo? polished.

#monsterdon #starcrash

The smuggler and the robot set the Flying City into kamikaze mode, then are challenged by the Count's fighters, which shoot it with pew pew lasers but are too puny to actually penetrate its rainbow armored hull.

However, its still going to explode when it hits the blue claw thing, so they evacuate by diving (with a space suit for the human) and then synchronize swim to safety.

#monsterdon

Space high five!

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe they didn't even take the time to snap the model parts from the stems, they just glued on whole sheets #monsterdon

Every character in this movie is Trans, it's Lore

#Monsterdon

Oh did we forget to mention the Floating City until now?

#monsterdon

This Flash Gordony fight in the space fister feels like it was stolen from an unrelated Italian sci-fi movie.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

The “doom machine.” Sounds bad.
#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe I don't think anyone does. Not us, not the characters, not the effects people...

#monsterdon #starcrash

the sparkle throne of handholding is the gayest throne that has ever been imagined #monsterdon

Doom Machine = Torment Nexus

#Monsterdon

"It's over. It's finished."

oh thank god

"We've lost."

well that's too bad but at least we're getting to the end of this nonsense

#monsterdon

"character is on the right of frame so PAN HER VOICE 100% TO THE RIGHT" #monsterdon

I would say that it's ridiculous to have a weapon named the "doom machine" but we are ripping of a movie with the "death star" here

#Monsterdon

Okay now this red leotard with a silver armor dress, THIS I would wear.

#Monsterdon

Okay, so the gold jets are doing a good job lasering the blue claw and then I guess a breaching pod lands and some of the gold hat guys start boarding the blue claw and shooting the mooks inside. The evil Count does his best at leadership by shouting "Kill! Kill!" which I would put in the top 35% of evil overlord commands. Despite this excellent advice, his mooks seem to be losing.

#monsterdon

Crashing through windows on a spaceship? Now that's just silly.
#monsterdon

"Prepare for attack?!?!" wtf were you doing before that? #monsterdon

loving the golden dildo invaders there, brilliant!

#Monsterdon

[stares Christopher Plummerly]

#Monsterdon

Didn't he just get an injury to his arm? Why is he obeying destiny to die of a small flesh wound? 🥴

#Monsterdon

why is that starship a hand? (and why did i just realize it's a hand?) (these are just a few of the many questions this movie has produced) #monsterdon

why is Chris's throne some kind of dreamworks-esque moon and stars thing? #monsterdon

#monsterdon Wow this just keeps going, doesn't it?

Any space civilisation which paints it's ships in gold is probably one to keep an eye out on.

I think this count is really counting his chickens.....

#Monsterdon

If we succeed at this, we could save billions of dollars.

Lives sir.

Yes, of course, lives.

#monsterdon

why is there still 20 minutes left in this file? #monsterdon

Chris here to show you amateurs how to say a stupid goddamn line with GRAVITAS. #Monsterdon

"IMPERIAL BATTLESHIP......HALT, THE FLOW OF TIME!"

Only a man like Christopher Plummer could deliver a line like that

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Stella! Stella! A spaceship named Desire..

He is no longer useful at this time.
#monsterdon

Reminds me of that Cyclops who knew his own death

"You're the only human-like friend I've ever had"

That's kinda sad

#Monsterdon

HEY CHRIS! Thank god, here to get the movie back on track. #Monsterdon

i wish the cowboy robot would come back, RIP #Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

🎥 LOW BUDGET FILM SCHOOL 💸

Copying a money-making movie quickly? Don't waste two hours watching the movie when you could be in production.

Like #Starcrash, where director Lugi Cozzi was told to make a movie like mega-popular Star Wars. Unfortunately, he had never seen Star Wars (it was not released in Italy yet).

So he used the novel derived from the movie to plan production.

i predict hasselhoff and starina will end up together because they have the same eye makeup. #monsterdon

director did not help the count at all with what to do with his hands in the cape. #monsterdon

oh my god the akton guy is insufferable!
#Monsterdon

"Pre-programmed computers" Those are the best kinds of computers!

#monsterdon

ah! my stop motion babies! #monsterdon

@moira #monsterdon They also have the machine that goes PING!

Actually the "computers put nightmares into your mind to shoo you away from planet" is pretty fun

#Monsterdon

and so this movie's thruple finally makes its appearance. #monsterdon

"We have the Krell machines at home"

#Monsterdon

Jules Verne movies don't look so bad now, do they?

#monsterdon

"There's no way you could have"

The plot doesn't like you *nearly* as much as it loves me. #Monsterdon

Simon and the smuggler girl have a weird discussion about monsters and why they're too late, then they're ambushed by more caveman and are then rescued by the smuggler boy who has a lightsaber because he's a mary sue.

#monsterdon

Too few space movies have prolonged caveman brawls

#Monsterdon

Okay, so _this_ is a Hoff, but the other guy who looks basically the same is _not_ a Hoff.

#monsterdon #starcrash

Oh, knock it Hoff. #Monsterdon

IS THAT DAVID HASSLE HOUGH

#monsterdon

My viewing of this movie might not be helped by having watch Message From Space last night, the Japanese Star Wars rip off from 1978 made by the Super Sentai and Kamen Rider film making studio Toei.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

How much of this movie is Caroline Munro walking places in new outfits by volume? 40%? 50%?
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Naturally the southern robot dual-weilds space six-shooters

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

yes, beat the robots with a stick. this will be us in about 5 years if the AI bubble doesn't burst first. #monsterdon

AKTON: THe character with the powers of whatever the writing needs him to be able to do at a moments notice! #monsterdon

Robot chauvinism? Like no -vinism I knooooow♫ #Monsterdon

"You do not have to worry about me!"

Unless there's steam, apparently...?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Much like the audience, the smuggler girl did not know the smuggler boy had magic powers, and she's mad because this could have helped them in the past. I'm still not sure why the boy has magic powers. He explains that he couldn't tell her because then that would change the future or something, which is against the law, even they though are professional lawbreakers.

#monsterdon

My circuits have failed from time to time too.
#monsterdon

#monsterdon For warmth, it is important to don the bikini..

THE ICE RESURRECTION is the inverse of the nosferatu burning death scene!!!!!!
https://neuromatch.social/@jonny/113263986432865861
#monsterdon

If a robot says they can sustain your life through suspended animation, don't believe them, it's a scam. You'll wake up without a kidney. #monsterdon

female character as ass-kicking space captain, male character as has to get his ass kicked to activate his powers/healer. okay, this movie is bad, let's face it, but it's not that bad. #monsterdon

Man I bet that was an *annoying* series of makeup sessions for that defrosting sequence. #Monsterdon

The original animatics of Drax the Destroyer vs Adam Warlock were very primitive.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Wait did everyone always know he had powers? I do not understand the ... anything .. of this movie

#Monsterdon

"The explosion will be of extraordinary magnitude"

mooninites.gif

please tell me someone gets this

#Monsterdon

Stella, do not flirt with the robot cop in the snow. #Monsterdon

TF how is making snow angels going to save them

#Monsterdon

"lets lie down in the snow and die"

#Monsterdon

This is a joke that only people from Ontario will get:

"It's worth the drive to Akton!"

#Monsterdon

wait, is the Greatest American Hero dead? did they kill him? lololol
#monsterdon

okay, we've seen the laser magic trick thing twice now, is it gonna serve a purpose in the third act, or do we think they just wanted to show off a special effect. #monsterdon

Why is Slim Goodbody playing with a sentient pipe cleaner? #Monsterdon

@moira She momentarily forgot her line

(keep rolling)

#monsterdon

"The temperature drops thousands of degrees at night" HOW

How exactly does the temperature do that? How does the temperature not stop dropping at -273.15°C?

#monsterdon

I'm impressed that there have been the aftermaths of multiple star crashes, does what it says on the tin

#Monsterdon

there's no hope of finding

[pause]

the count's secret fortress

#monsterdon #starcrash

Oh, Temu Hoth. Nice. #Monsterdon

WTF are right and left in space?
#monsterdon

"Look! Amazons on horseback!"

No no, that's an AWS (Amazon War Squad).

#monsterdon

Oh this bit was direct from a teenage boy (or queer girl's) mind....

#Monsterdon

Logan's Run is looking pretty good by comparison

#monsterdon

Holo-Emperor tells our cop-smuggler-teamup that they need to sail their spaceship to the haunted stars and find the Count's evil weapon, and also find the commander of the exploded spaceship because he's the emperor's son. Okay, seems fine. Then the emperor's pointy flagship flies away.

#monsterdon

Every time they point at a ship I can't help but hear patsy from Holy Grail:

It's only a model.

#monsterdon