Watching her walk through the snow in those heels 😂

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

I'm guessing about the quality of acid in the 70s, based on what I heard. I didn't start taking acid until 1988.

#monsterdon

Hey - I've seen this before. I remembered that line for decades.

"When the sun sets the temperature drops thousands of degrees."

The ultimate in misunderstanding thermodynamics and being unaware of absolute zero!

#monsterdon

I wanna set this battle jargon to dance music and see how close you get to doing the Time Warp. #Monsterdon

Oh no. We're trapped in one of the shittier Hercules movies.
Wtf... I had this on mute in the background while finishing up a podcast. I forgot how horribly southern the robot's accent was.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

#monsterdon Quit blaming Harryhausen for these effects! His were much better.

What they saved on fabric for the costumes, they blew on the cosmetics budget.

#monsterdon

Okay, so I think the character dynamic here is that the boy smuggler is more logical and analytical, while the girl smuggler is more compassionate and impulsive. The bald cop is green and is there to be green. The robot cop is there to provide commentary that is almost snarky.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🌟 💫 💥 🚀 🍮 😱

Christopher Plummer is only half in this movie

Trans robot Elle, my gods this is ahead of it's time!

Plummer showing everyone what 'acting' is

#Monsterdon

This robot has the least roboty voice that ever robotted

#Monsterdon

Where does she keep her lip gloss in that outfit

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

This film was made from the scraps that Dougles Adams rejected as too stupid

#monsterdon

It always surprised me they used "golems" for these robots, given the mythology involved. Like, is the Evil Count supposed to be Jewish? #Monsterdon

@hollie I'm 90% sure they used a Lite Brite for the stars. #Monsterdon

She's definitely wearing a water cooler over her head

#Monsterdon

...Okay apparently we're done with the music now. >_> #Monsterdon

Time for #Monsterdon, all my posts will go under this one!

We're watching Starcrash and it looks....uh...well....it's definitely a movie

Free here:

https://tubitv.com/player/399606?video_preview=true

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

This beginning doesn't remind me of anything

#Monsterdon

@patioboater oh yeah but thankfully that was the only problem, the rest of the movie was airtight #monsterdon

so happy to watch the boarding missiles again

#Monsterdon

the robot just named that planet amazon planet and said everything on it was 'amazon airfighters' instead of just airfighters, great choices made #monsterdon

@amyfou wait wtf

#Monsterdon

Why would you make a gun where you have to hold the pointy stabby part

#Monsterdon

OK STARTING DELETED SCENES IN 1 mINUTE :45 past the hour
https://tube.me.jon-e.net/w/mMyNdhKfuEZndRPwjjtnCk
#monsterdon #monsterdonAlert

my conclusion about this movie is there is only one woman in the entirety of space which is why she keeps being grabbed (unless there were other women while i was making dinner and not looking at the screen) #Monsterdon
(edit: i did forget about the amazons)

If you missed #monsterdon tonight, I envy you.

Finally getting to the big exploding climax scene. Lots of out of focus explosions.

Lots of slow blinks from Christopher Plummer - in the absence of actual lines in the script, that's all he had.

#monsterdon

And another #monsterdon comes to an end. Starcrash had it all.

Wooden acting, overt exposition, plot held together by off the cuff dialog, models that ranged from "I just saw Star Wars and want to do that" to "What, they need to shoot it when?", and a laser sword that definitely wasn't a light saber.

Thank you everyone, dumb movie riffing is much needed right now.

And as always, thank you @Taweret for hosting!

Still not happy how they used the Queer space habitat as a weapon to protect the Emperor's planet, if this film has any message it's that Queers can never trust an Imperial Earth....

Remember this!

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

@ramsey #monsterdon I reckon its bc they only had Hasselhoff for a couple days, so they needed someone to play a character just like him, for longer.

The slow pan across the floating city seemed to be a small camera looking around inside a 1968 RCA tube-set television.

#monsterdon

Krull was awesome.

#monsterdon

It's weird how Star Wars and many other things got the knack of gluing kibble on space ships to give them a sense of scale. But how utterly this movie fails at doing that with it's models.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

I gotta hand it to them, that was some fun explosions

#Monsterdon

They really gave that hand the finger

#Monsterdon

okay so they just have an open window on the spaceship

fine

#monsterdon #starcrash

"I'll try spinning! That's a good trick!" #Monsterdon

For being the main character Caroline Munro has very little to do with the plot here. Like she's watching the movie along with us in the third act.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

#monsterdon You can't keep a good robot down is something I have remembered for decades..

*throwing Junior Mints at the TV screen*

END

ENNNNNNNNNNNNNNND

#monsterdon

That is one gay space station

("How can you tell?" "I counted.")

#Monsterdon

...Is this their third scene together? Are they in love now? #Monsterdon

The Evil Count channels the Ham God, ordering that the Doom Weapon be sent toward the Emperor's Capital Planet to destroy it. We don't know what this Doom Weapon is, unless its the Shatner Ray that I thought was blown up on the planet earlier, but it is Very Threatening.

#monsterdon

lol, every desperate plan in Space Opera is basically "RAMMING SPEED" isn't it?

#Monsterdon

STARCRASH! We have a title drop! #Monsterdon

The first ever movie that couldn't afford a Wilhelm scream.

#Monsterdon

It's a good thing the torpedoes going through those windows didn't cause any depressurization issues

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

@Taweret oh absolutely not

#monsterdon #starcrash

audio engineer like "ok so i only have like 20 seconds of soundtrack to work with, and it doesn't really fit anything, so how about i just play it really quiet behind whatever is happening and make the voices really loud so at least something is happening in the sound" #monsterdon

I love those missiles so much.

Your enemy has big glass windows! In SPACE! For some reason? Do you want to blow them up? Pfft, what a stupid idea. No, you pack guys in torpedoes and SHOOT THEM AT THE ENEMY SHIP #Monsterdon

The flying tubes with people coming out of them is fun.
#Monsterdon

Serious comment for just a second: all the white-screen flashes during this space battle should probably have prompted us to check for an epilepsy trigger warning or something.

(Confession: that's only at the top of my mind because it's on the startup screen of System Shock (2023) and I've seen that a lot lately, I'm not sure at all how medically valid it might be.)

#monsterdon

during all the millions of man-hours it took to construct the spaceship that looked like a fist, did they ever stop to ask the shipwright like "hey is this an evil ship or what" #monsterdon

By sunset!

Dude! Sunset where???

#Monsterdon

"By sunset"

On what planet?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

@SordidAmok Maybe?

#Monsterdon

I'm late catching on to this, but the Empire are the good guys here. Is that right?

#monsterdon

lol, the death star needed more fireman's poles....

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon The final attack!! Get ready for madness..

Emperor does get a super sweet throne, though. I need a chair like that. #Monsterdon

@arisummerland it kind of reminds me of *everything* from Futurama

#Monsterdon

You need somebody like Plummer to play your Space Emperor.....god tier choice is of course Salvador Dali.....

#Monsterdon

@hollie I gaaave my love a cheeerrrry! That had no stooone🎶 #wrongMovie #Monsterdon

"Halt. The flow of time!"

with the exact cadence of

"Put. The candle back!"

#Monsterdon

Boy smuggler says that the girl smuggler and the prince will be rescued, then dies by vanishing into a flash of oscilloscope. Then the emperor appears to rescue them. The prince tells his dad that they have to leave because the count is going to blow up the planet with nukes.

So the emperor uses the Green Beam of Timestopping on his spaceship to give them three minutes to escape before it explodes.

#monsterdon

One last oscilloscoping before he goes

#Monsterdon

an thus is Greatest American Skywalker uploaded to the net, where his merged consciousness will haunt us forever. #monsterdon

I have a movie idea that would be stop motion robots fighting stop motion skeletons in endless, pointless war. These are the stop motion robots I want

#monsterdon

Only his perm will live forever

#monsterdon

"no longer useful at this time"
as opposed to the rest of the movie, when he's been supremely-- um, i mean, of course we-- bwaha-- needed-- bwahahahahahhaha!

#monsterdon

Is "destiny" just what they used for a search-and-replace of "the Force"?

#Monsterdon

The emperor's son being more skilled at sword fighting than Akton honestly fits.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

oh no! my babies! they were done so dirty. they could have been happy on a little planet by themselves just kicking random rocks and swearing at things. instead, this evil guy put them in danger! boo! #monsterdon

Every time I see those two golem robots, I expect to hear Burl Ives start singing.

#Monsterdon

Akton is really bloody annoying. He's like C3PO's attitude with all of Superman's most ridiculous comicbook powers and a blond afro.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

probably don't make the nerve center of your whole operation into a makeshift jail #monsterdon

"We have to get past those golems"

"Yes but how"

Maybe try moving at more than 0.1 mph

#Monsterdon

the K'nex twins

#Monsterdon

You know who would make a great Dark Count Zarth Arn? Danny Trejo. #Monsterdon

"Simon"

such a hilariously un-Space like name for the Son of the Space Emperor

#Monsterdon

Because evil overlords have to keep their superweapons inside dungeons, we find an unguarded metal door and wander inside, discovering an arcade full of luminescent snow globes that is the control center. The Mary Sue guy explains that the arcade cabinets are psychic weapons that project the images of the monsters into their brains; we never saw the monsters themselves, only the Shatnering that they caused.

#monsterdon

Incredible? It looks like a cheap back room on the Satellite of Love.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

FINALLY THE ROBOT GOLEMS #Monsterdon

The computers are operating at 300 millizoidbergs

#Monsterdon

Having a guy who knows everything sure does work well for exposition

#Monsterdon

Troglodytes?!?

They rejected technology in favor of an all -male society of cavemen, okay

Bad life choices

#monsterdon

#monsterdon The cavemen have more clothes than our heroine..

"What's this gap on your resume?"

"Oh. That's when I played an imbecilic space caveman cannibal. I mean, I was in prison."

#monsterdon

Suddenly, Richard Strauss enters the score!

#Monsterdon

Okay so he was afraid of steam because HE IS STEAM

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Clubs are more effective than laser guns, I take it

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Oh, NOW it's time for chauvinism.

The most PAHRFUL weapon! In the ENTIRE GALAXY! #Monsterdon

...a-a-a-and now Stella has a halter bikini with wrist cuffs? On the one hand that's an awful lot of wardrobe variety, but on the other hand they're all tiny enough that I guess the extra fuel cost for escaping gravity wells is basically marginal.

#monsterdon

There aren't enough purple planets in contemporary Science Fiction....

#Monsterdon

*Acton waves his hands around while a post production team scribbles directly on the film stock with neon coloured pens and markers*

So _that's_ what it looks like to use the microwave on a setting other than 10. Always wondered about that.

#monsterdon

Too late guys. She's a popcorn ceiling now. #Monsterdon

Our heroine, Caroline Munro, played an uncredited "guard girl" in Casino Royale (1967)

Seems legit

#monsterdon

They never really explain what Akton's deal is. Is he psychic? Alien? Some sort of Jedi thing? Apparently it's not important. #Monsterdon