If you missed #monsterdon tonight, I envy you.

Finally getting to the big exploding climax scene. Lots of out of focus explosions.

Lots of slow blinks from Christopher Plummer - in the absence of actual lines in the script, that's all he had.

#monsterdon

Still not happy how they used the Queer space habitat as a weapon to protect the Emperor's planet, if this film has any message it's that Queers can never trust an Imperial Earth....

Remember this!

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

The slow pan across the floating city seemed to be a small camera looking around inside a 1968 RCA tube-set television.

#monsterdon

Krull was awesome.

#monsterdon

It's weird how Star Wars and many other things got the knack of gluing kibble on space ships to give them a sense of scale. But how utterly this movie fails at doing that with it's models.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

I gotta hand it to them, that was some fun explosions

#Monsterdon

They really gave that hand the finger

#Monsterdon

okay so they just have an open window on the spaceship

fine

#monsterdon #starcrash

"I'll try spinning! That's a good trick!" #Monsterdon

For being the main character Caroline Munro has very little to do with the plot here. Like she's watching the movie along with us in the third act.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

#monsterdon You can't keep a good robot down is something I have remembered for decades..

*throwing Junior Mints at the TV screen*

END

ENNNNNNNNNNNNNNND

#monsterdon

That is one gay space station

("How can you tell?" "I counted.")

#Monsterdon

...Is this their third scene together? Are they in love now? #Monsterdon

The Evil Count channels the Ham God, ordering that the Doom Weapon be sent toward the Emperor's Capital Planet to destroy it. We don't know what this Doom Weapon is, unless its the Shatner Ray that I thought was blown up on the planet earlier, but it is Very Threatening.

#monsterdon

lol, every desperate plan in Space Opera is basically "RAMMING SPEED" isn't it?

#Monsterdon

The first ever movie that couldn't afford a Wilhelm scream.

#Monsterdon

It's a good thing the torpedoes going through those windows didn't cause any depressurization issues

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

@Taweret oh absolutely not

#monsterdon #starcrash

audio engineer like "ok so i only have like 20 seconds of soundtrack to work with, and it doesn't really fit anything, so how about i just play it really quiet behind whatever is happening and make the voices really loud so at least something is happening in the sound" #monsterdon

I love those missiles so much.

Your enemy has big glass windows! In SPACE! For some reason? Do you want to blow them up? Pfft, what a stupid idea. No, you pack guys in torpedoes and SHOOT THEM AT THE ENEMY SHIP #Monsterdon

The flying tubes with people coming out of them is fun.
#Monsterdon

during all the millions of man-hours it took to construct the spaceship that looked like a fist, did they ever stop to ask the shipwright like "hey is this an evil ship or what" #monsterdon

By sunset!

Dude! Sunset where???

#Monsterdon

"By sunset"

On what planet?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

@SordidAmok Maybe?

#Monsterdon

lol, the death star needed more fireman's poles....

#Monsterdon

I'm late catching on to this, but the Empire are the good guys here. Is that right?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon The final attack!! Get ready for madness..

Emperor does get a super sweet throne, though. I need a chair like that. #Monsterdon

@arisummerland it kind of reminds me of *everything* from Futurama

#Monsterdon

@hollie I gaaave my love a cheeerrrry! That had no stooone🎶 #wrongMovie #Monsterdon

"Halt. The flow of time!"

with the exact cadence of

"Put. The candle back!"

#Monsterdon

Boy smuggler says that the girl smuggler and the prince will be rescued, then dies by vanishing into a flash of oscilloscope. Then the emperor appears to rescue them. The prince tells his dad that they have to leave because the count is going to blow up the planet with nukes.

So the emperor uses the Green Beam of Timestopping on his spaceship to give them three minutes to escape before it explodes.

#monsterdon

One last oscilloscoping before he goes

#Monsterdon

an thus is Greatest American Skywalker uploaded to the net, where his merged consciousness will haunt us forever. #monsterdon

I have a movie idea that would be stop motion robots fighting stop motion skeletons in endless, pointless war. These are the stop motion robots I want

#monsterdon

"no longer useful at this time"
as opposed to the rest of the movie, when he's been supremely-- um, i mean, of course we-- bwaha-- needed-- bwahahahahahhaha!

#monsterdon

Is "destiny" just what they used for a search-and-replace of "the Force"?

#Monsterdon

The emperor's son being more skilled at sword fighting than Akton honestly fits.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

oh no! my babies! they were done so dirty. they could have been happy on a little planet by themselves just kicking random rocks and swearing at things. instead, this evil guy put them in danger! boo! #monsterdon

Every time I see those two golem robots, I expect to hear Burl Ives start singing.

#Monsterdon

Akton is really bloody annoying. He's like C3PO's attitude with all of Superman's most ridiculous comicbook powers and a blond afro.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

probably don't make the nerve center of your whole operation into a makeshift jail #monsterdon

"We have to get past those golems"

"Yes but how"

Maybe try moving at more than 0.1 mph

#Monsterdon

the K'nex twins

#Monsterdon

You know who would make a great Dark Count Zarth Arn? Danny Trejo. #Monsterdon

"Simon"

such a hilariously un-Space like name for the Son of the Space Emperor

#Monsterdon

Because evil overlords have to keep their superweapons inside dungeons, we find an unguarded metal door and wander inside, discovering an arcade full of luminescent snow globes that is the control center. The Mary Sue guy explains that the arcade cabinets are psychic weapons that project the images of the monsters into their brains; we never saw the monsters themselves, only the Shatnering that they caused.

#monsterdon

Incredible? It looks like a cheap back room on the Satellite of Love.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

FINALLY THE ROBOT GOLEMS #Monsterdon

The computers are operating at 300 millizoidbergs

#Monsterdon

Having a guy who knows everything sure does work well for exposition

#Monsterdon

Troglodytes?!?

They rejected technology in favor of an all -male society of cavemen, okay

Bad life choices

#monsterdon

#monsterdon The cavemen have more clothes than our heroine..

"What's this gap on your resume?"

"Oh. That's when I played an imbecilic space caveman cannibal. I mean, I was in prison."

#monsterdon

Suddenly, Richard Strauss enters the score!

#Monsterdon

Okay so he was afraid of steam because HE IS STEAM

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Clubs are more effective than laser guns, I take it

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Oh, NOW it's time for chauvinism.

The most PAHRFUL weapon! In the ENTIRE GALAXY! #Monsterdon

...a-a-a-and now Stella has a halter bikini with wrist cuffs? On the one hand that's an awful lot of wardrobe variety, but on the other hand they're all tiny enough that I guess the extra fuel cost for escaping gravity wells is basically marginal.

#monsterdon

There aren't enough purple planets in contemporary Science Fiction....

#Monsterdon

*Acton waves his hands around while a post production team scribbles directly on the film stock with neon coloured pens and markers*

So _that's_ what it looks like to use the microwave on a setting other than 10. Always wondered about that.

#monsterdon

Too late guys. She's a popcorn ceiling now. #Monsterdon

Our heroine, Caroline Munro, played an uncredited "guard girl" in Casino Royale (1967)

Seems legit

#monsterdon

They never really explain what Akton's deal is. Is he psychic? Alien? Some sort of Jedi thing? Apparently it's not important. #Monsterdon

What if Kermit the Frog had a codpiece?

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Just a few more radians.. that is soooo wrong...

If my computer was a giant glowing brain I simply would not caress it

#Monsterdon

How's she going to wear the leather bikini in ice and snow?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Director: threaten the women! appear menacing!

Guy: "I'll clean out your sinuses, woman!"

Director: <weeps softly>

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

So much has happened and yet so little
#monsterdon

Well she can barely act but she can kick people....

...this film is getting way too horny all of a sudden.

#Monsterdon

"Amazons on horseback!"

Ooo yeah, I knew I liked this planet <3 #Monsterdon

At some point our protagonist here is going to find some clothes to wear, right? She doesn't spend the entire 90 minutes of this movie running around in underwear fashioned from bin liner bags?

#monsterdon

GOTTA CLIP THE HYPERSPACE effect at this #timestamp #monsterdon

@cargot_robbie @hollie

AFTER he was in Sound of Music too

#Monsterdon

Okay, so I think there are two space emperors? Because we get a hologram of a different space emperor who explains stuff. We need the smugglers because they're good at flying spaceships.

The hologram emperor explains that the galaxy has a good and a bad emperor, him being the good one and the bad one being actually a Count, because Counts are like Draculas. The space count is making a weapon and the boxy ship in the beginning was trying to find the weapon.

#monsterdon

"...he was my only son"

see how he delivered that line?

CLASS!

#Monsterdon

i think this movie heard about pacing once, and decided it didn't like it. #monsterdon

This is an Akton movie.

But the Akton ain't so great.

#Monsterdon

... is the robot from the southern US??? #monsterdon

Man they oiled her up good for this shot. #Monsterdon

Nice of Barbarella to come pick her up. #Monsterdon

I like the way Stella plots the escape and then bails the instant she gets a gun, very heroic :P #Monsterdon

lol, the impractical sexiness of her prison clothes compared to everyone else...

#Monsterdon

He's trying to be Princess Leia and Darth Vader all at once

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

I like how committed the future is to lycra

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Hasselhoff!? No way. Germany is going to love this flick.

#monsterdon

Poor bastards got stuck in the Lava Lamp of Torture #Monsterdon

You know what? You don't often see a lot of starship interior designs that include staircases. Interesting so far.

#monsterdon

In the future, we'll have the technology to make all starship hulls out of paper

#Monsterdon

hang on this theme song whips was this in the main movie??? #monsterdon

"it's so nice to be turned on again," "and how" might be the only joke that actually gets delivered well #monsterdon

You know what would have been great? If when one of those ships sploded the soundtrack just suddenly stopped

#Monsterdon

christ i have two bars of that theme just stuck in my head in a loop

help meeeeeeeee

#monsterdon #starcrash

@amyfou This is wild!

#Monsterdon

@paco those are clearly buffalo wing horses

#Monsterdon