You know. The son of the emperor. Simon.

#monsterdon #starcrash

"Now it's just a matter of waiting. An hour goes by quickly" I fully want an SNL sketch where he's about to descend on an elevator that takes an hour #Monsterdon

Okay, let's try that again but MORE maniacal laughter.
#monsterdon

The Count has big cape energy #monsterdon

More stop motion robots with swords.

Whoa, and they really bumped up Hasselhoff's make-up for this scene.

#monsterdon

He looks too handsome to realize much of anything. I think that helmet cut off the oxygen to his little punum for too long. #monsterdon

I dunno, an hour goes by very slowly if this movie's playing. #monsterdon

The count's laugh was dubbed in, right?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Ooo, Green Lightsaber now....

#Monsterdon

YES the killbots!
please end this atrocity already

#monsterdon

Why does everyone has a bandmarking their assess?
Again, kudos to the wardrobe dept.
#monsterdon

In the beginning I didn't know who's side you where one, but now that I see we wear the same eyeliner, it's all different.

#monsterdon

The rear projection on the stop-motion golems lmao

#Monsterdon

Space Satan is back, and he wants to destroy this planet because… he’s bad, I guess?

And he has it out for Christopher Plummer, which is definitely evil #Monsterdon

@brooke They should let him sing his song first #monsterdon

#Monsterdon the bad guy looks like if salvador dalí became a mad supervillain

Pre-programmed computers. They could run forever. 🤔 #Monsterdon

@arisummerland He clearly has an evil goatee. He’s not the emperor.

#Monsterdon

@uptownsongclub just informed me that this actor is the titular maniac from the classic misogynist 80s slasher film Maniac
#monsterdon

Bad guy looks like a smaller, goofier Kurgan

#Monsterdon

"the emperor will make you pay for this" wow okay imperialist

(they're both bad! the evil guy AND the people ruling an empire!)

#monsterdon

ok that was a great evil laugh tbh

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon That was the stupidest maniacle laugh.

He’s a button man who wants to be a boss.

#Monsterdon

So he is going to . . . blow up his weapon? To kill them?

#Monsterdon #StarCrash

@socketwench You insult Max von Sydow with the comparison

#monsterdon #starcrash

Carnival bad guys are the worst

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

#Monsterdon
This movie is truly awful. 😂

I like the count’s eyes and the way his lips move.

#Monsterdon

Gotta love the fight scenes in this. It's like Star Trek ToS fight choreography, but drunk.
#Monsterdon

Oh wait I thought weird cape guy was the emperor?

#Monsterdon #StarCrash1979

Half a quadrant is something like an hour. Okay.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Speaking of the plastic suit, wasn't that put on her by the bad guys as they captured her? Why is she still wearing it?

#Monsterdon

What was with that long, slow walk to the control panel? #Monsterdon #starcrash1978

He attended the Ming the Merciless school of acting.

#monsterdon #starcrash

this bad guy looks like a devil from a live action adult swim show

#monsterdon

REALLY? A lightsab----- sword? #monsterdon

They sure liked this shot.It lasted way to long.
#monsterdon

Half a quadrant? That's not much time!

#monsterdon

Guess who is here with the CAPE

#monsterdon #starcrash1979

Oh no he's monologuing

#Monsterdon

"How much time is left, Captain?" "Half a quadrant to go"

what

#monsterdon #starcrash

@otheorange_tag @moira @adubya Maybe even diffie-hoffman?

#Monsterdon

Wait. I just noticed her plastic suit has a dog collar on it.
#Monsterdon

So, that's the big secret?? A datacenter?? I mean I coulda just driven to Ashburn VA. Meh

#Monsterdon

So, Akton has the Schwartz!
#monsterdon
btw, I just discovered they are making a new spaceballs to 2027 and I don't know how I feel about it.

It's the duck robots again! *Quack*! #Monsterdon #Starcrash

oh it's the stupid arrow helmet guys again 👍

#monsterdon

The Dinkytron 5000s are on site again, okay

#monsterdon #starcrash

"Here's the nerve center of the entire operation - our array of tanning beds..." #monsterdon

@wulfric thank you for your sympathies in this difficult time. i don't know how it happened! #monsterdon

Pre-programmed computers? Got it.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon spoke too soon!

Pre programmed computers! So advanced unlike our lousy post-programmed garbage #Monsterdon

So monsters were in their heads all along.

I can relate.

#Monsterdon

What good is it to be a robot when you're taken out by a bunch of low budget Neanderthals armed with old bones?

#Monsterdon

you can tell it's from before software ate the world because it was obvious that "pre-programmed computers" would run forever without maintenance #monsterdon

#Monsterdon Count Beergut makes his grand entrance.

Wait, what?

The monsters aren't real. Just mental projections in our brains.

HOW THE FREAK DID THEY BLOW UP A SHIP THEN???

#Monsterdon

Okay they lost me with the sciencey bits.

#Monsterdon

Pre-programmed computers? Impossible! What will these writers come up with next!!!

#monsterdon

@ryan Hasselhoff was super popular in Germany, for some reason. Still is? #Monsterdon #StarCrash

“Fantastic! Pre-programmed computers. They could run forever!”

Kill me.

#Monsterdon

@brooke new Spirit Halloween costume

#Monsterdon

This reminds me of something from Futurama.

#Monsterdon #StarCrash1979

@JigmeDatse mixture of both. seems like they did not have the budget to shoot anything more than once #monsterdon

We've got star wars, we've got charlie and the chocolate factory, now we have dwemer ruins from skyrim. What's next, fallout 4 nukes?

#Monsterdon

While Disney is busy suing AI, they should also sue Starcrash for laser sword infringement.

#Monsterdon

Turns out the sound makes half the light saber. Instead of Ben Burtt we got a squeaky toy. #monsterdon

Oh, it's a bad planet. I see. Ok.

#Monsterdon

(I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON)

There needs to have been an exhaust port at some point

#Monsterdon

Akton is the only important character in this movie. Nobody else serves any purpose whatsoever

#Monsterdon

@jonny they didn't learn the most important lesson of star wars which is 'if you give the audience less they will fill in the blanks with a passion'

#monsterdon

@jonny@neuromatch.social I have to say, that I'm enjoying the little I'm catching. Oh, look at those effects... Great for 1929... At least some were doing as good as that. #Monsterdon

@moira It's Hoff by two, yeah #Monsterdon

@adubya Three Hoffs! A THREE Hoff plan!

#monsterdon #starcrash

Wait, what? They're blowing up the planet?

Why???

#Monsterdon

@moira A Hoff and a spare. So to speak.

#monsterdon

So, wait, we're nearly an hour in and this is the first she's been tied-up?

#monsterdon

@davesdogmaggie Oh man, Akton would be the most insufferable person to have sex with. He'd be good, yeah, but he'd also be constantly *telling you how good he is* D: #Monsterdon

She changes outfits every 10 frames while the guys never leave those sweaty jump suits. #Monsterdon #Starcrash

#Monsterdon that's a big matte painting!

@msh@coales.co And it's even sized like a normal cavalry saber!

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1978

Marjoe and David have a certain chemistry between them, in the eyes... no?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

I reckon Akton is in league with the phantom count...

#Monsterdon

well well well... Akton finally akted #monsterdon

"I was here and I didn't even realize it" Hoff never saw Buckaroo Bonzai

#monsterdon
#Starcrash

@diazona in terms of following the narrative, yes. in terms of getting a happy ending.........

#monsterdon

Think about it and I will condescendingly explain it to you!

#monsterdon

"There's no question about it --"
"Actually I have a lot of questions."

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1978

Also, could they not put the mics right against the faux leather suits? I keep hearing more of them just moving around than talking, lol.

#Monsterdon

The laser swords are purely an independent creation #monsterdon

The music seems to say "Hassel Hoooooffff. Hassel hoooooofff"

I think we have met the Hoff.
#Monsterdon

Action is like thirty five but Simon looks about 18. I really don't wanna know any more facts about this movie, though. So I'm not gonna look it up.

#Monsterdon #StarCrash1979

They need to move the microphone away from the costumes.

#Monsterdon

Totally not a lightsaber

#Monsterdon

Well, they definitely did a dub edit there, rofl.

#Monsterdon

Akton used the Will to fight with a Brightness Machete

#monsterdon

@lytta That *would* be easier

#Monsterdon