Think about it and I will condescendingly explain it to you!

#monsterdon

Also, could they not put the mics right against the faux leather suits? I keep hearing more of them just moving around than talking, lol.

#Monsterdon

The laser swords are purely an independent creation #monsterdon

The music seems to say "Hassel Hoooooffff. Hassel hoooooofff"

I think we have met the Hoff.
#Monsterdon

Action is like thirty five but Simon looks about 18. I really don't wanna know any more facts about this movie, though. So I'm not gonna look it up.

#Monsterdon #StarCrash1979

They need to move the microphone away from the costumes.

#Monsterdon

Totally not a lightsaber

#Monsterdon

Well, they definitely did a dub edit there, rofl.

#Monsterdon

Akton used the Will to fight with a Brightness Machete

#monsterdon

"I already knew you would say that"

See?

#Monsterdon

@lytta That *would* be easier

#Monsterdon

Oh no, dueling MCs!

Who will win? Guyliner Hoff, or Bronzer McCurlylocks?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

A LIGHT SABRE?

HE HAS A LIGHT SABRE!?

There HAS to have been litigation on this point

#Monsterdon

"By the way, this is Simon. He's kinda simple, but he does look like you so you should like him."

#monsterdon #starcrash

It’s the Hoff! He’s had the same hair since … well pretty much his whole life.

#Monsterdon

Use the Shwartz Ackton! #Monsterdon #Starcrash

I have a laser sword, it's a sword of light, a saber of lasers.

#monsterdon

I smell a threesome about to unfold.

#Monsterdon

Precogs would be as smug as this though....

#Monsterdon

This way looks save. lol
#monsterdon

Who gave that caveman a lightsabre?
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Holy cow the eyeliner makes Hoff look like Syndrome.

Okay, so now we have a Curly Haired Blond Guy, and a Curly Haired Brown-Haired Guy, so I must logically conclude Stella is now going to claim both of them for her perfectly permed Space Harem.

#Monsterdon

You wouldn't believe what I will be driving in some years, lady.
#monsterdon

Fighting these mooks shouldn't be that bad now that the most powerful weapon in the universe left them feeling just fine #monsterdon

The weapon Akton is using... I have seen it somewhere before..

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

heck yeah Simon and his purple crayon

#monsterdon

“My circuits, my circuits are failing!” Somehow I’m not sure that was meant to be funny? #Monsterdon

LIGHTSABER! I mean, uh, they can't sue us over the concept of a sword made out of a laser!

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Leprechauns with bad teeth! #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon legally distinct laser sword

oh it's a lightsaber.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Laser sword, too.

Well, we've got the force, we've got light sabers.

#Monsterdon

I'm impressed about how they managed to put Stella Star into a bikini bottom even when she's wearing an envirosuit

#Monsterdon

Actually ugly laughed out loud at the lightsaber appearing

#Monsterdon

The club hits sound like they're whacking cardboard boxes.

#monsterdon

oh good if they're side by side maybe i'll be able to tell them apart

#monsterdon #starcrash

Yeah going to need a midmovie relight for this..

#monsterdon #starcrash1979

The Greatest American Hero has a LASER SWORD!!!

#Monsterdon

@diazona i'm just assuming both guys in charge are bad guys because that's usually how it works

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon He brought a light saber to a bone fight.

Totally not a light saber

#Monsterdon #StarCrash1979

Space police. Evil wizards. Amazons. Kaiju robot. Golems. Lava Lamp Wax. Troglodytes.

#starcrash has it all.

#monsterdon

Imagine what the Foley industry in Italy must be like.

#Monsterdon

Simon! Get out your purple crayon!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Are they fighting with the jawbones of asses?

Way to drop your energy shield mask, Huff. #monsterdon

aah :blobcataww: punch sounds

#Monsterdon

Just tuning in to #Monsterdon... Is this dubbed? Lip movements are not matching voices...

hey ooh ohh oof yah ooh hey ooo ooh hey yah

#Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

LOW BUDGET FILM SCHOOL

Don't overthink miniatures.

Like in #Starcrash, the Italian miniature crew used recognizable parts from popular models sold during the 70s.

"haunted stars" as a complaint, or a location name. Please decide, movie.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

I'm also a lifeguard, jus' sayin'

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

The Hoff is nearly as good as the Shatner at stage fighting.

#Monsterdon

I love how in this movie they can fire in whattever direction they want without event have to point to it
#monsterdon

@nazokiyoubinbou and don't call me Shirley? #wrongmovie #Monsterdon

@arisummerland "back when the Earth was fresh and new...."

#Monsterdon #DavidHasslehoff

#Monsterdon it takes waaaay too long to get to The Hoff.

OMG, Akton has a light saber!!! #Monsterdon #StarCrash

Friggen Lucas ripped them off. Tall Ewoks. #Monsterdon

didn't Phantom Planet do the The OC theme song?

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🌟 💫 💥 🚀 🍮 😱

"My name is Simon. I'm the only survivor of the wreck of the ..(blarg blarg)"

"Are you really?"

I am also laughing at the death of the robot

#monsterdon

no joke, this is literally the second hasselhoff movie i've watched this week

#monsterdon

Eye lasers are formidable. Added to the natural OOMP of the Hoff and it becomes unstoppable!

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

He lost his brothers: Theodor and Alvin. #Monsterdon #Starcrash

The Huff!!!!! #monsterdon

The Resurrection Beasts? I do.

#monsterdon #starcrash

I didn’t see that coming. Neither did Elle, I guess. #Monsterdon

From now on they have to do what Simon says.

#Monsterdon

Some call me... Simon!

#monsterdon

baby hoff doo doo doo do doo doo
baby hoff doo doo doo do doo doo
baby hoff doo doo doo do doo doo
baby hoff

#monsterdon

nobody knows the blue spirit's identity

#monsterdon #starcrash

An energy shield mask, duh.

#Monsterdon

none of this explains who the heck that unconscious guy they found at the beginning of the movie was

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Is she getting her hair colored later? The plastic suit is giving me hair dresser vibes.

....David Hasselhoff???

#monsterdon

wait, the Hoff is Chris's son? y'alright. #monsterdon

"...the name's Knight, Michael Knight."

#Monsterdon #StarCrash

I wish Hasselhoff actually gave a concert in Germany in that outfit.

#monsterdon #starcrash

#Monsterdon the hoff!

Hasselhoff!
#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Laser eyes. Okay.

I hope the robot made a backup before going to the planet.
You know what, I'm happy that his been put out of the misery this movie is.
#monsterdon

Oooohhhh! It’s the HOFF!

#Monsterdon

Attacking cave-men? Are these Morlocks? They really like borrowing from from other pics.

#monsterdon

Please be dead for real this time

#monsterdon

okay who the fuck is THIS deus ex machina #monsterdon

#Monsterdon That hair is spring loaded.

OK Stella you can wear something now but it has to be translucent #Monsterdon

“I am a golden creature from a black lagoon!”

The Hoff.

#Monsterdon

@kurth That's not the sound a robot makes? Do we know each other? #Monsterdon I do know the sound a robot makes

Who could this person in the mask be? Hmm?

#monsterdon

If only he had said, "Come with me if you want to live."

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

wait so is there another dude with laser vision or is this Akton again

#Monsterdon

Drat! One of these weeks I'll remember that #Monsterdon is a thing on time and when I have the tine to actually watch it.

"this is safe"
sure.
#monsterdon

@Louisa some purple eyebeams'll shut 'em up for a bit

#monsterdon

Oh my goodness! They're bringing her back to body temperature sous vide! #Monsterdon