Guards! Quick, put on your ridiculous helmets!

#Monsterdon

laughing so hard at the man torpedos so much wrong yet so right

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

Can anyone tell if the space sun is setting yet? How close are they on the time?

#Monsterdon

why do they all wear the same helmet style? 🥴
#monsterdon

Not the adaptor dongles!!! #Monsterdon https://mastodon.social/@gnomon/114730254536848524

In space, crossbows are how you repel torpedoes

#Monsterdon

i like the buck rogers styling of the soldiers' armor

#monsterdon

space paratroopers #monsterdon

@cocaine_owlbear He died as he lived: For no good reason.

#monsterdon #starcrash

The movie accurately predicted the popularity of LED lighting on everything.

#monsterdon

@paco Skletor's origin story.

#Monsterdon

They're fighting back with a heavy barrage of disco lighting #monsterdon

#monsterdon #starcrash

you can tell it's after sunset now because the spacedock is shot darker

#monsterdon #starcrash

guys popping out of golden space coffins

#monsterdon

Whoosh
Bang
"Kill them"
"Over there!"
Whoosh

#monsterdon

Attack the Space Fist!

#Monsterdon

When's the hand shaped ship gonna give the finger?

#Monsterdon #StarCrash

The torpedoes *aren't* explosives, they contain fighting men! Who die when they get shot! How innovative!
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Are the ships launching? I think the ships are launching. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon exit Akton. He died as he lived: confusingly.

Hehehe the Trojan space coffin gets 'em every time. #Monsterdon

<LIE>They recently found a pristine copy of this movie with all the original sex scenes intact.</LIE>

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon They finally gave the woman some clothes.

#Monsterdon i don't have a clue what's happening in this climactic space battle

Wow. Temu trench run looks nice, comparatively. #monsterdon

@wulfric he has a lisp, that was supposed to be "first ship?" #Monsterdon

More pew pew!!! #monsterdon

I swear I saw a USB port somewhere in one of those stuff blowing up montages (yes I know it's impossible)

#Monsterdon

take that, chocolate ceiling!

#monsterdon #starcrash

"I will be the Master of the Universe!"
#monsterdon

Sunset of which sun on which planet, my lord?

#Monsterdon

Has there been another action movie where the lead actress wears more and more clothing with every reel? #monsterdon

The question is not "Who is the emperor", it's "Why is the emperor".

#Monsterdon

@ramsey @SordidAmok Yeah

If anyone is a good guy

#Monsterdon

So. Uhhhh.

Have we found the monster yet?
.
.
.
It's the editor, isn't it? The monster is the editor.

#monsterdon #starcrash

Oh, man, the emperor didn't get the memo about prematurely celebrating did he.

#monsterdon

What do you know, James Bond villain expositions look just as dumb in scifi movies. 🙄

#Monsterdon #StarCrash

@bstacey Count Zaza's got one of those daylight alarm clocks, just can't wake up without it

#monsterdon

We are now approaching dieu-mon-dieu? What

#Monsterdon

also holy shit flashing lights warning 🥴
#monsterdon

#monsterdon, would you watch a porno filmed in rome starring christopher plummer

#Monsterdon

Gotta say that is a nice throne design. Not ergonomic, but definitely sends a message.

They call it One-Punch Space Station

#Monsterdon

Wait, so... who decides who is emperor and based on what? Why did he need to have an evil planet that projected mind monsters to become emperor of space?

I got really lost somewhere back there.

#Monsterdon

Attack the Fist ship!

#Monsterdon

Movie has a new pace and feeling when Elle robot dude isn't narrating every five seconds.

#monsterdon

@flowerpot I just yawned

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Wait, why isn't it over? Why are there 20 minutes left?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

The evil space station has a bat pole! 😂
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

@RamenCatholic @arisummerland ooh yes please

#Monsterdon

Wow. Hasselhof really nailed Hamlet fighting Laertes.

#Monsterdon

THAT'S IT SPACE THING

#monsterdon #starcrash

Worst deus ex machina evah! #Monsterdon

Who wants to go live in the glow of a fuscia star with me?

#Monsterdon

wow these needless flashing lights are actually intense enough to affect me a li’l heads up if u haven’t hit them yet #monsterdon

@arisummerland I want a Futurama spoof episode of this movie now. #Monsterdon

I'm sorry, WHAT? Halt the flow of time??? HALT the FLOW of TIME? Halt the FLOW OF TIME? HALT THE FLOW OF *T*I*M*E*?????

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

@littlemiao He's about as menacing as the Count in Sesame Street #monsterdon

This Simon is a really spoiled kid, It had to be rescued by daddy.
#monsterdon

The evil count's space fleet looks like a giant hand! How adorable.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

This starship chase scene... Did they forget to run credits over it? #Monsterdon

In case it’s not clear. That would be 0 degrees Kelvin.

#Monsterdon

@Louisa or guns

#monsterdon

Come to think of it, HALT THE FLOW OF TIME would come in handy in several other combat scenarios, why not use it early and often?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

@moira
Goldfish shoals
Nibbling at my toes
Fun fun fun?
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Ooof. Baaad optical compositing. #monsterdon

@msh I think Acton was just ready to move on, now that Prince Simon Hasselhoff is on the scene. So he was faking his death. #Monsterdon #StarCrash

#Monsterdon oh, Akton, we barely knew ye.

Let's just watch fighter ships take off for a solid two minutes. Really builds the tension.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

idk i think cannot bear this much longer

#Monsterdon

Plummer has some of the best hair in this thing. #Monsterdon #Starcrash

Ok but why would you give robots pirate cutlasses. Their arms could just be blades. Their whole bodies could be blades

#Monsterdon

Also, rofl, new outfit for MC.

Good old fake mylar. It's so... spacey.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon The claaaaaaaw

@hollie Then they can escape over the Space Alps #monsterdon

Wait, is this set drawn? Like actually drawn on paper?

#Monsterdon

dang all the innocent troglodytes got blown up :(

#monsterdon

If only you could halt the flow of brain matter out of my ears. #monsterdon

Well, two minutes now that you've sat there like idiots talking

#monsterdon

Idk man, they way you all keep monologing I don't think 3 minutes is enough
#monsterdon

Aren't you a bit short for a space emperor?

#Monsterdon

How is it that the sword bots look real and the humans are on a projection screen?

#Monsterdon

"Three minutes are enough father" Not if you keep standing there gabbing they're not. #Monsterdon #Starcrash

Seeing that Stella seems to be wearing a bikini under the Ziplock Spacesuit implies that it's canon she was walking around in underwear before. #Monsterdon

I didn't know Christopher Plummer was not tall #monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🌟 💫 💥 🚀 🍮 😱

what??

#Monsterdon here comes the emperor with the magic machine that stops time for 3 minutes, then explodes the planet

wait what?

But the widespread unisex plastic loincloths are new to me 😂

#Monsterdon

Christopher Plummer doesn’t looked thrilled that he had to show up in person for this scene #Monsterdon

akton is like 'i have to die because you can't change time :|' and then the emperor is like 'i'm the emperor so i can freeze time if i want'

#monsterdon

I am gonna go lock the chicken coop and I bet I'm not gonna miss anything...

#Monsterdon #StarCrash1979

When they were buying christmas lights to be stars in the background of the space scenes, they go the multicolored set by mistake, and were just like:

Meh, looks fine.
#monsterdon

You have to appreciate The Hoff vitality back then. He had the Schwartz all right!
#monsterdon

what
#monsterdon

I predict he’ll be back with the robot and yoda as ghostly apparitions before this turd ends.

#Monsterdon

We're all about to die! Of embarrassment.
#monsterdon

@Lazarou #monsterdon with a straight face, you mean?

"Give me Rome any day. I’ll do porno in Rome, as long as I can get to Rome…Getting to Rome was the greatest thing that happened in that for me."—Christopher Plummer, on Starcrash (source)

#Monsterdon

Acton’s plot turn from rogue to paladin is the least believable part of this otherwise completely sensible movie #Monsterdon