The men's costumes all focus to the groinular region and then have no real followthrough in the bulging sense. Zero stars. #monsterdon

The torpedoes *aren't* explosives, they contain fighting men! Who die when they get shot! How innovative!
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

Are the ships launching? I think the ships are launching. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon exit Akton. He died as he lived: confusingly.

Hehehe the Trojan space coffin gets 'em every time. #Monsterdon

<LIE>They recently found a pristine copy of this movie with all the original sex scenes intact.</LIE>

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon i don't have a clue what's happening in this climactic space battle

#Monsterdon They finally gave the woman some clothes.

Wow. Temu trench run looks nice, comparatively. #monsterdon

@wulfric he has a lisp, that was supposed to be "first ship?" #Monsterdon

More pew pew!!! #monsterdon

I swear I saw a USB port somewhere in one of those stuff blowing up montages (yes I know it's impossible)

#Monsterdon

take that, chocolate ceiling!

#monsterdon #starcrash

Looks like 20 more minutes. Probably more space bikini.

#monsterdon

"I will be the Master of the Universe!"
#monsterdon

Sunset of which sun on which planet, my lord?

#Monsterdon

Has there been another action movie where the lead actress wears more and more clothing with every reel? #monsterdon

The question is not "Who is the emperor", it's "Why is the emperor".

#Monsterdon

@flowerpot #monsterdon Probably just as good. The actor wasn't exactly nailing it.

#monsterdon The St. Elsewhere ending only they zoom out and it's a kid staring into a Christmas tree.

@ramsey @SordidAmok Yeah

If anyone is a good guy

#Monsterdon

We get a launch viper scene as the Emperor's flagship or something launches a bunch of golden space jets while the emperor sits on his chair.

Then we cut to the rectangle claw ship where the Count announces this he will win this ensuing space battle with the level of ham that the audience would expect.

#monsterdon

So. Uhhhh.

Have we found the monster yet?
.
.
.
It's the editor, isn't it? The monster is the editor.

#monsterdon #starcrash

Oh, man, the emperor didn't get the memo about prematurely celebrating did he.

#monsterdon

What do you know, James Bond villain expositions look just as dumb in scifi movies. 🙄

#Monsterdon #StarCrash

@bstacey Count Zaza's got one of those daylight alarm clocks, just can't wake up without it

#monsterdon

We are now approaching dieu-mon-dieu? What

#Monsterdon

also holy shit flashing lights warning 🥴
#monsterdon

#monsterdon, would you watch a porno filmed in rome starring christopher plummer

#Monsterdon

Gotta say that is a nice throne design. Not ergonomic, but definitely sends a message.

They call it One-Punch Space Station

#Monsterdon

Wait, so... who decides who is emperor and based on what? Why did he need to have an evil planet that projected mind monsters to become emperor of space?

I got really lost somewhere back there.

#Monsterdon

Attack the Fist ship!

#Monsterdon

Movie has a new pace and feeling when Elle robot dude isn't narrating every five seconds.

#monsterdon

@flowerpot I just yawned

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Wait, why isn't it over? Why are there 20 minutes left?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Another very loud space explosion, but this time with embers that bounce off of unseen surfaces.

#monsterdon

The evil space station has a bat pole! 😂
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

@RamenCatholic @arisummerland ooh yes please

#Monsterdon

Wow. Hasselhof really nailed Hamlet fighting Laertes.

#Monsterdon

THAT'S IT SPACE THING

#monsterdon #starcrash

After the planet explodes, the Emperor explains that now that the count thinks he's dead, he's going to attack the Count's headquarters in a surprise move that will "save billions of lives". I'm not sure from what, because the superweapon just exploded... maybe from the Count's remaining caveman/amazon armies.

#monsterdon

Worst deus ex machina evah! #Monsterdon

Who wants to go live in the glow of a fuscia star with me?

#Monsterdon

The last 20 minutes of the film are just footage of these Micro Machines being thrown out an airlock. #Monsterdon

wow these needless flashing lights are actually intense enough to affect me a li’l heads up if u haven’t hit them yet #monsterdon

@arisummerland I want a Futurama spoof episode of this movie now. #Monsterdon

I'm sorry, WHAT? Halt the flow of time??? HALT the FLOW of TIME? Halt the FLOW OF TIME? HALT THE FLOW OF *T*I*M*E*?????

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

@littlemiao He's about as menacing as the Count in Sesame Street #monsterdon

This Simon is a really spoiled kid, It had to be rescued by daddy.
#monsterdon

The evil count's space fleet looks like a giant hand! How adorable.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

This starship chase scene... Did they forget to run credits over it? #Monsterdon

In case it’s not clear. That would be 0 degrees Kelvin.

#Monsterdon

@Louisa or guns

#monsterdon

@Lazarou #monsterdon Plummer as Space Emperor vs the guy who played Skeletor in that He-Man movie. That's the battle I wanna see.

Come to think of it, HALT THE FLOW OF TIME would come in handy in several other combat scenarios, why not use it early and often?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

Ooof. Baaad optical compositing. #monsterdon

@moira
Goldfish shoals
Nibbling at my toes
Fun fun fun?
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

@msh I think Acton was just ready to move on, now that Prince Simon Hasselhoff is on the scene. So he was faking his death. #Monsterdon #StarCrash

#Monsterdon oh, Akton, we barely knew ye.

Let's just watch fighter ships take off for a solid two minutes. Really builds the tension.
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

idk i think cannot bear this much longer

#Monsterdon

Plummer has some of the best hair in this thing. #Monsterdon #Starcrash

Ok but why would you give robots pirate cutlasses. Their arms could just be blades. Their whole bodies could be blades

#Monsterdon

Also, rofl, new outfit for MC.

Good old fake mylar. It's so... spacey.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon The claaaaaaaw

@hollie Then they can escape over the Space Alps #monsterdon

You need somebody like Plummer to play your Space Emperor.....god tier choice is of course Salvador Dali.....

#Monsterdon

Wait, is this set drawn? Like actually drawn on paper?

#Monsterdon

dang all the innocent troglodytes got blown up :(

#monsterdon

If only you could halt the flow of brain matter out of my ears. #monsterdon

Well, two minutes now that you've sat there like idiots talking

#monsterdon

Idk man, they way you all keep monologing I don't think 3 minutes is enough
#monsterdon

Aren't you a bit short for a space emperor?

#Monsterdon

How is it that the sword bots look real and the humans are on a projection screen?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Time will flow once again, and everything will EXPLODE!!!!!

"Three minutes are enough father" Not if you keep standing there gabbing they're not. #Monsterdon #Starcrash

Seeing that Stella seems to be wearing a bikini under the Ziplock Spacesuit implies that it's canon she was walking around in underwear before. #Monsterdon

I didn't know Christopher Plummer was not tall #monsterdon

#Monsterdon here comes the emperor with the magic machine that stops time for 3 minutes, then explodes the planet

wait what?

#Monsterdon 🌟 💫 💥 🚀 🍮 😱

what??

But the widespread unisex plastic loincloths are new to me 😂

#Monsterdon

Christopher Plummer doesn’t looked thrilled that he had to show up in person for this scene #Monsterdon

akton is like 'i have to die because you can't change time :|' and then the emperor is like 'i'm the emperor so i can freeze time if i want'

#monsterdon

I am gonna go lock the chicken coop and I bet I'm not gonna miss anything...

#Monsterdon #StarCrash1979

"Imperial Battleship, halt the flow of time!" alkdjflkdj

#Monsterdon

When they were buying christmas lights to be stars in the background of the space scenes, they go the multicolored set by mistake, and were just like:

Meh, looks fine.
#monsterdon

You have to appreciate The Hoff vitality back then. He had the Schwartz all right!
#monsterdon

what
#monsterdon

We're all about to die! Of embarrassment.
#monsterdon

I predict he’ll be back with the robot and yoda as ghostly apparitions before this turd ends.

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou #monsterdon with a straight face, you mean?

"Give me Rome any day. I’ll do porno in Rome, as long as I can get to Rome…Getting to Rome was the greatest thing that happened in that for me."—Christopher Plummer, on Starcrash (source)

#Monsterdon

Acton’s plot turn from rogue to paladin is the least believable part of this otherwise completely sensible movie #Monsterdon

48 seconds is the best planetary explosion countdown figure ever

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

#Monsterdon You know his name is Simon,
And he likes to do drawings!

#Monsterdon 🌟 💫 💥 🚀 🍮 😱

Exit Marjoe, Marjoe's weird voice, and Marjoe's luxuriant golden locks, all at the same moment

So, uhm.... He can see the future. He must have seen his death coming.

But, uh... like, all he had to do was move slightly. Not even much. Slightly.

So, uhm... Maybe he actually hated her and just wanted to get away? 😁

#Monsterdon

"We're all about to die!" Oh thank god

#monsterdon #starcrash

greeting my son who I thought was dead with a subdued handshake

#monsterdon