#monsterdon You'll try to WHAT yourself?

The Emperor's throne is made of sparkle emojis!

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

look, the floating city is basically just a bunch of exploitive assholes, it's not a real loss okay?

#monsterdon #starcrash

#Monsterdon FUCK the robot's back

"Mecha-Manos the Robo-Hand of Fate"!

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon We all live in a rainbow star machine, a rainbow star machine, a rainbow star machine.

I'm used to Deus Ex Machina but how many are in this movie?

#Monsterdon

@sean Yeah I'm sure it's safe to assume it runs Doom

#Monsterdon

Did I detect a Wilhelm scream in that fight?

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Time Travel ex machina vs Doom Machine.

Perfect. 🤦‍♂️

has the villain actually explained why he's trying to destroy the empire btw?

it's not a coup - he's clearly not going to be in place to *take over* the empire...

#monsterdon

wibble-woo-wibble-woo-wibble-woo-wibble-woo

#monsterdon #starcrash

Hoff's rockin' some serious eye liner in this one. #Monsterdon #Starcrash

I think I'm even more lost than I was last week. I guess that's fine. It's past my bedtime.

#Monsterdon #StarCrash1979

This is movie why Hasselhoff has always been popular in Europe.

#Monsterdon

@bstacey sometimes, ...it's for the best lol

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

#Monsterdon The refineries in my hometown would put up huge christmas lights up during the holidays. It looked a lot like this.

emperor is playing 4D chess rn #monsterdon

@cs "Get yer red-hots!" #monsterdon

…the hole of the Universe? #monsterdon

@Taweret idk but the giant robot boobs were definitely real #Monsterdon

There are only 10 minutes left, but it will take 15 minutes to set whatever it is the Count wants to do into motion.

Someone please fuck off into space already!

#Monsterdon

i want a doom machine....

#monsterdon

lol, I'm sure the people of the floating city were fine with all this

#Monsterdon

Thank you #Monsterdon movie I now know without a doubt my left and right speakers are functional and properly connected

#monsterdon Lando must be *really* pissed at this plan!

Way to go Emperor Tell-Don't-Show #monsterdon

I really think whoever did the panning was thinking all the time "look guys, it's panning left and right in REAL STEREO SOUND LIKE A REAL MOVIE!!"

#Monsterdon

Throne made out of old Subaru emblems.

#Monsterdon #StarCrash1979

akton deserved better than what the cop in his head told him. i'm still not over that

#monsterdon

Well this scene goes on for evah!
#Monsterdon

“Let us hold hands and pray.”

#Monsterdon

4-D Chess is for chumps, 4-D attacks are a privellaged roll

#monsterdon

But can you run DOOM on the Doom Machine?

#Monsterdon

@ColesStreetPothole That may be too much like "hey, lets try fire?" #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon That's a very badly lit refinery.

A fourth dimensional attack!
#monsterdon

Starcrash Plus the Floating City? Are you crazy man?

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

That's okay, it'd be a hollow victory without Elle present #monsterdon

“I WAS IN THE MOTHER FUCKING SOUND OF MUSIC!!!”

#Monsterdon

well, i agree, that would be surprising, i'm just not sure Surprise is enough to win a galactic war. #monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🌟 💫 💥 🚀 🍮 😱

"There's one solyution left" <-- CP

And here I was thinking Count Evil wanted to conquer the empire and rule it, which would require a functioning bureaucracy and buy-in from major power centers.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1978

#Monsterdon Oh, god, no. Not hypber ell oh well.

THE END - already?

#monsterdon

OMG, they said the name!

#Monsterdon

“4th dimensional attack!”

Of course!

#Monsterdon

“Kill. Kill.” Great leadership, Count. #Monsterdon

but why wait until now to deploy The Doom Machine? Wait; HALT ALL TIME??

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

#Monsterdon the starship design in this is… gripping?

…
I'll see myself out.

I feel like this scene is very much like the Trump Whitehouse.

#monsterdon

deploying the doom machine, what could go wrong #monsterdon

Christopher Plummer was just like, "Look, I'm available to film for ONE DAY, I don't want to have to make eye contact with anyone, I will touch one person -- ONCE -- if I think it furthers the plot, and you will have half ready for me upfront in non-sequentially numbered small bills, with the rest wired to my account in Zurich within 36 hours."

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

I don’t get why Akton had to die. Not that I’m shedding any tears, but… 🤔 #Monsterdon

DOOOOOOOOM
#monsterdon

Imagine you’re Christopher Plummer.

That’s it.

That’s the whole post.

#Monsterdon

Doom Machine? Didn't Cinematic Titanic do that one?

#monsterdon #starcrash

@_L1vY_ That's her entire character arc #monsterdon

Ok, that was totally dubbed over.

*Slow motion death scene*
pewpewpewpewpew
*not slowmo sounds* aaahhh
pewpewpewpewpew
*even more obviously not slomo sounds* oh no
pewpewpewpewpew

#Monsterdon

Who voted for this? This is guilty of the most ultimate sin of B movies: it’s boring.

#Monsterdon

@Violinknitter This is unrealistic, men don't do windo... Nuthin! #Monsterdon

@otheorange_tag Hear me out for a moment—what if, instead of people, those torpedoes contained explosives . . . that detonated when they got into the control room?
#Monsterdon #StarCrash

@Taweret it would make more sense...like they even have all these ladies in bikinis this #Monsterdon is literally Space Benny Hill

who won?
#Monsterdon

Wait, that was the shovel bonk noise!

#Monsterdon

That flutey music isn't really appropriate for a pitched battle #monsterdon

Are they shooting by the windows of the ship with handguns?
#monsterdon
Where did stella gone? Isn't she the best pilot?
#monsterdon

ARrRRRrrrrrghhhghhghghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

#monsterdon #starcrash

Which came first, these death scenes or Paul Rubens in Buffy?

#monsterdon

Yes, let's have our main actos just stand and watch with us. Cool
#monsterdon

Torpedos are crashing through spacecraft windows and disgorging pairs of gold-clad fighters

I am laughing so hard I may never recover

#Monsterdon

Golden man torpedos

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

Imagine being hired to star in Knight Rider after this.

#Monsterdon

That'll teach him to defy the emperor.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon stg if you say "final solution"...

#Monsterdon yes, that's what planets blowing up looks like.

They really REALLY needed Queen playing during these scenes. #Monsterdon #Starcrash

The Count's giant hand of a space station was DEFINITELY made out of Lego.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

That's how a leader leads, telling the troops "Kill! Kill!" so they don't forget #monsterdon

@diazona They have extremely good microphones. #StarCrash #Monsterdon

Faster pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Wait, what movie are we watching?

#monsterdon

ecstatic overload of pew pew explosions

#Monsterdon #Starcrash1979

@sean How old is the other ship? #Monsterdon

Oh you weren't kidding about the batwing guns.

#monsterdon #starcrash1979

#Monsterdon

Spaceships in formation are giving Galaga now...

i kinda dig those helmets #monsterdon

This is a very boring pew pew space fight.
#monsterdon

Is he yelling kill kill or Carol Carol?

#Monsterdon #StarCrash1979

#Monsterdon I keep hearing Queen's Princes of the Universe when the count keeps saying he'll be the master.

Well, of course android Marjoe had to die, there can only be one main character with that hairstyle.

#Monsterdon #StarCrash

#Monsterdon I wonder how long it was after making this movie before Christopher Plummer could look in a mirror…

Kill! Kill! Over There! 😆 😆 😆

#monsterdon
#Starcrash

This movie might have less of a plot than the minecraft movie.

#monsterdon

@ColesStreetPothole Dead man thwacking! #Monsterdon

So, we load our dudes, into the torpedoes.

"Yeah, and then?"

We fire them. Then they shoot the enemy with handguns.

"Brilliant."

#monsterdon #starcrash

I have so many things I want to say but they are all crashing into my brain at once and it's a giant bottlestop of WTF.

#Monsterdon #Starcrash

Who knew arm injuries were so fatal
#monsterdon

@socketwench Akton is the monster

#Monsterdon

Suppositories, attack!

#Monsterdon

You could have shot in a torpedo and blew it up, but you shot in a torpedo-shaped enclosure for two people to pop out and shoot.

Back to the drawing board on weapons.

#Monsterdon