I really think whoever did the panning was thinking all the time "look guys, it's panning left and right in REAL STEREO SOUND LIKE A REAL MOVIE!!"
Throne made out of old Subaru emblems.
akton deserved better than what the cop in his head told him. i'm still not over that
Well this scene goes on for evah!
#Monsterdon
“Let us hold hands and pray.”
I swear it looks like someone’s just pitching those torpedoes through the window. #Monsterdon
But can you run DOOM on the Doom Machine?
@ColesStreetPothole That may be too much like "hey, lets try fire?" #Monsterdon
4-D Chess is for chumps, 4-D attacks are a privellaged roll
#Monsterdon That's a very badly lit refinery.
A fourth dimensional attack!
#monsterdon
My grandfather's ship was hit by a torpedo with a guy in it in WWII. It didn't blow up.
Starcrash Plus the Floating City? Are you crazy man?
That's okay, it'd be a hollow victory without Elle present #monsterdon
“I WAS IN THE MOTHER FUCKING SOUND OF MUSIC!!!”
well, i agree, that would be surprising, i'm just not sure Surprise is enough to win a galactic war. #monsterdon
#Monsterdon 🌟 💫 💥 🚀 🍮 😱
"There's one solyution left" <-- CP
And here I was thinking Count Evil wanted to conquer the empire and rule it, which would require a functioning bureaucracy and buy-in from major power centers.
#Monsterdon #Starcrash1978
#Monsterdon Oh, god, no. Not hypber ell oh well.
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THE END - already?
OMG, they said the name!
“Kill. Kill.” Great leadership, Count. #Monsterdon
STARCRASH! We have a title drop! #Monsterdon
but why wait until now to deploy The Doom Machine? Wait; HALT ALL TIME??
#Monsterdon the starship design in this is… gripping?
…
I'll see myself out.
I feel like this scene is very much like the Trump Whitehouse.
deploying the doom machine, what could go wrong #monsterdon
Christopher Plummer was just like, "Look, I'm available to film for ONE DAY, I don't want to have to make eye contact with anyone, I will touch one person -- ONCE -- if I think it furthers the plot, and you will have half ready for me upfront in non-sequentially numbered small bills, with the rest wired to my account in Zurich within 36 hours."
I don’t get why Akton had to die. Not that I’m shedding any tears, but… 🤔 #Monsterdon
DOOOOOOOOM
#monsterdon
Doom Machine? Didn't Cinematic Titanic do that one?
@_L1vY_ That's her entire character arc #monsterdon
Ok, that was totally dubbed over.
*Slow motion death scene*
pewpewpewpewpew
*not slowmo sounds* aaahhh
pewpewpewpewpew
*even more obviously not slomo sounds* oh no
pewpewpewpewpew
Who voted for this? This is guilty of the most ultimate sin of B movies: it’s boring.
@Violinknitter This is unrealistic, men don't do windo... Nuthin! #Monsterdon
@otheorange_tag Hear me out for a moment—what if, instead of people, those torpedoes contained explosives . . . that detonated when they got into the control room?
#Monsterdon #StarCrash
@Taweret it would make more sense...like they even have all these ladies in bikinis this #Monsterdon is literally Space Benny Hill
who won?
#Monsterdon
Wait, that was the shovel bonk noise!
Some fucker just threw a fire extinguisher onto the set and they pretended it was a space ship model
I appreciate that the evil emperor is on the front lines trying to motivate his troops
#monsterdon
That flutey music isn't really appropriate for a pitched battle #monsterdon
Are they shooting by the windows of the ship with handguns?
#monsterdon
Where did stella gone? Isn't she the best pilot?
#monsterdon
ARrRRRrrrrrghhhghhghghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Which came first, these death scenes or Paul Rubens in Buffy?
Yes, let's have our main actos just stand and watch with us. Cool
#monsterdon
Torpedos are crashing through spacecraft windows and disgorging pairs of gold-clad fighters
I am laughing so hard I may never recover
Trench run on a fist? Fisting run?
#Monsterdon #StarCrash
Golden man torpedos
Imagine being hired to star in Knight Rider after this.
That'll teach him to defy the emperor.
#Monsterdon stg if you say "final solution"...
#Monsterdon yes, that's what planets blowing up looks like.
They really REALLY needed Queen playing during these scenes. #Monsterdon #Starcrash
The Count's giant hand of a space station was DEFINITELY made out of Lego.
That's how a leader leads, telling the troops "Kill! Kill!" so they don't forget #monsterdon
@diazona They have extremely good microphones. #StarCrash #Monsterdon
ecstatic overload of pew pew explosions
@sean How old is the other ship? #Monsterdon
Oh you weren't kidding about the batwing guns.
i kinda dig those helmets #monsterdon
Spaceships in formation are giving Galaga now...
This is a very boring pew pew space fight.
#monsterdon
Is he yelling kill kill or Carol Carol?
#Monsterdon I keep hearing Queen's Princes of the Universe when the count keeps saying he'll be the master.
"Kill! Kill!"
Faster, Pussycat! #Monsterdon
Well, of course android Marjoe had to die, there can only be one main character with that hairstyle.
#Monsterdon I wonder how long it was after making this movie before Christopher Plummer could look in a mirror…
Kill! Kill! Over There! 😆 😆 😆
This movie might have less of a plot than the minecraft movie.
@ColesStreetPothole Dead man thwacking! #Monsterdon
So, we load our dudes, into the torpedoes.
"Yeah, and then?"
We fire them. Then they shoot the enemy with handguns.
"Brilliant."
I have so many things I want to say but they are all crashing into my brain at once and it's a giant bottlestop of WTF.
Who knew arm injuries were so fatal
#monsterdon
@socketwench Akton is the monster
You could have shot in a torpedo and blew it up, but you shot in a torpedo-shaped enclosure for two people to pop out and shoot.
Back to the drawing board on weapons.
Suppositories, attack!
Guards! Quick, put on your ridiculous helmets!
laughing so hard at the man torpedos so much wrong yet so right
Can anyone tell if the space sun is setting yet? How close are they on the time?
why do they all wear the same helmet style? 🥴
#monsterdon
Not the adaptor dongles!!! #Monsterdon https://mastodon.social/@gnomon/114730254536848524
In space, crossbows are how you repel torpedoes
space paratroopers #monsterdon
i like the buck rogers styling of the soldiers' armor
The movie accurately predicted the popularity of LED lighting on everything.
@cocaine_owlbear He died as he lived: For no good reason.
@paco Skletor's origin story.
They're fighting back with a heavy barrage of disco lighting #monsterdon
you can tell it's after sunset now because the spacedock is shot darker
guys popping out of golden space coffins
Whoosh
Bang
"Kill them"
"Over there!"
Whoosh
When's the hand shaped ship gonna give the finger?
Attack the Space Fist!
Serious comment for just a second: all the white-screen flashes during this space battle should probably have prompted us to check for an epilepsy trigger warning or something.
(Confession: that's only at the top of my mind because it's on the startup screen of System Shock (2023) and I've seen that a lot lately, I'm not sure at all how medically valid it might be.)