This guy's got the movements of a Power Ranger candidate. #Monsterdon

ecological message about carving into trees being a thing that damages them?

fuck it, I'll take it.

#Monsterdon

The robot couple cheat on each other?!

Do they have any weapons or skills at all for this mission aside from bickering?

#Monsterdon

Gosh you can hardly tell that this movie had three writers. I could swear it was five, no two of which spoke a common language.
#monsterdon

Oh no

I hope she survives Sam Raimi

#Monsterdon

I'm pretty sure the alien mook costumes were inspired by, but less interesting than, the moonbase uniforms from Wes Anderson's UFO series (that we did a past #monsterdon on the recap movie).

They are pretty similar, except the wigs are blonde instead of purple.

What's with handstand guy? Is his fetish doing handstands while two badly written robot characters bicker? I have to admit that's a specific one.
#monsterdon

Back in the space army center, we learn the aliens have landed in Hiroshima to enslave some Japanese people, after previously enslaving Africans, Arabs and Russians.

While the space army is preparing an "atomic ambush", the professor's tells his dream team that they have to find a weak point in the flying saucer armor and I think that he will pay them in space gold from past political crimes. He gives them some Endurium from his secret booze cabinet to experiment on.

#monsterdon

🎵
She glanced this way, I thought I saw

And when we touched she didn't shudder at my paw

No it can't be, I'll just ignore

But then she's never looked at me that way before

#monsterdon

The robot poem probably would’ve been the best part of the film, but no, they decided to cut to the next scene of nothing.

#Monsterdon

A.I. poetry? No thanks

#monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

You need to find a way to penetrate the indestructible metal. Have you tried turning the deus ex machina off and then on again? That'll probably do it.
#monsterdon

macho robot stuff

#monsterdon

Oh good, more grunting. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon wow robot-on-robot racism. i learned something today

Oh Human, don't go twisting a robot's antennae like that if you didn't even buy it a drink first.

Suicidal robot folly a deux. Great. New ways for movies to suck. I, too, want to end it all so I don't see this movie any more.

"Look Tilly a prehistoric cave robot!" SUPER racist robots. Ha. ha. fuck. this. movie.

I've played Civilization, & you just need a few spear infantry to take out an atomic tank.

#monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

More like R2BUTTOFJOKES2, amirite?
God this movie sucks.
#monsterdon

Just kinda thinking that staring it down with your glowing eyes to open a cabinet is not an efficient design

#monsterdon

@SnoopJ We're not gonna dwell on that.

#Monsterdon
#StarOdyssey1979

“to create ROE-bits with human emotions” #Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

So…this is…a morality play?

#Monsterdon

The two robots are some kind of experimental robots with feelings that have superpowers, so naturally they were in a car junk yard. The boxer guy throws a pole at one of them because he's a jerk.

#monsterdon

"Soon they may even abduct White People, and then the drama will matter!"

#Monsterdon

When the robot is repaired he is sad because he was trying to kill himself and didn't anyone to turn him back on again. Then he sees his fiance, who is a robot like him but with eyelashes. She also has a silly star on her head. Anyway, the boxer guy does parkour and brings her back to life.

As the robots hold hands they reminisce on their robotic suicide pact; they don't remember why they had a suicide pact.

#monsterdon

Don't create robots with human emotions, even if you could....

Man just throws a spear into the robot for shits and giggles

#Monsterdon

Movie, please, I've already seen "Heartbeeps".

#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

"Hurry! Hurry!"

I'M DOING IT, FUCK OFF

#Monsterdon

These poor, unfortunate robots...

"I'm sorry our suicide pact was a failure"

jfc

#Monsterdon

THEY MADE A GIRL ROBOT BY GIVING HER HUGE CARTOON EYELASHES.
#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey

it's a girl robot because it has eyebrows, y'see

#Monsterdon

“Light of my transistors!”

Best line of the movie so far #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Suicidal Robots? Fine. I mean, it's fine. I… fine. It’s... fine…

#Monsterdon 🌌 🔫 🪐 👽️ 🌍️ 😱
#StarOddyssey1979

oh no he's sad monkey robot

is this guy Mr Acrobat or something then?

#Monsterdon

I coulda been a contender…

#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

Hey hey, careful with that crap, the prop guys got a space fleet to build still! #Monsterdon

I want to click on that guy for more information

#Monsterdon

@berniethewordsmith
Welcome to the club, I’ve been watching for 45 minutes and have no clue. #Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

@amyfou

Maybe it’s working on becoming a real boy. #Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

oh jfc, just break these two out of jail already and lets get plot moving?

Really thought they'd be recruiting the robot and not the little man

#Monsterdon

@berniethewordsmith join the club of everyone else

#Monsterdon

I guess the 1970s was also going mad for boxing still, which explains why there's so much of it in this movie

is the boxing guy going to be recruited to Dirk's team of the coerced and/or perverts

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon The summary from imdb is damning… (1/3)

wrestling women vs the killer robot... in space!

#monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

this is just a bunch of random scenes tacked together, right?

#Monsterdon

That damn Bridget and Sean!

#Monsterdon

Vaporwave combat theme, okay #Monsterdon

@diazona Nah. He just fell down, and the other guy asked him not to kill him. Boo!

#Monsterdon

We cut to the space auction, where the Elf Emperor is auctioning off planets to the assembled collection of aliens (the "Lords of the Galaxy"), some of whom are dudes in masks and others who are dudes in body paint.

The Big Bad, who has lizard skin and big hair, is there to bid on Earth, which is notable because it has people the aliens can enslave. The Elf Emperor talks it up and we get a bidding war between the Big Bad and a bald guy wearing a spiderweb color.

#monsterdon

@paco I think they painted every inch of him

#Monsterdon

Darth Neck fights The Bloodshot Forehead! #Monsterdon

I, for one, welcome our new Kess of Kobo overlord

#monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

We have Hordak at home

#Monsterdon

I'll give you a nickel for it.

#Monsterdon

Lovejoy gonna inflate earth's price

#monsterdon

Finally, the hallmark of a quality monster movie… real estate transactions.

#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

I like the alien designs

#Monsterdon

Oh wait in addition to robot boxing we're doing a gambling again. I guess it is cards, and we are using our psychic vision to cheat.

There is also space bingo, where the space bingo explains that her body is a prize if doctor phil can win by rolling the ball bearing correctly.

So we don't have to watch that, the audience cuts to the army guys complaining that they don't know what the UFO is made of even though they told the audience that already.

#monsterdon

... geez I'm bored.

#monsterdon

lol, who gives orders like that? Like he's addressing an invisible audience?

#Monsterdon

@diazona half the running time of this too...

#Monsterdon

Why is this scene?

And the previous one?

#Monsterdon

@athena_rising @mdhughes

And Norman

#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

A poker game with a guy we've already established can see through cards. -.-

#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

you have to understand, that flail on the ground to not really stand up thing went crazy in the 1970s which was starting to go mad with martial arts fever

#Monsterdon

Still 75 more minutes left.... #monsterdon

Hercules 4 the boxing android

#Monsterdon

"Not bad looking that bridge of London huh?"

WTF?

#Monsterdon

Let's go! Space prison break!

#monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

You see this star? I drew it on myself without a mirror. It's gold sharpie.
#monsterdon

Okay so my copy turned out to be miserably broken; continuing from the Miru stream. Apologies if some of my jokes were making sense

#Monsterdon

This space station's only big enough for one space sheriff

#monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

Super-geniuses can use synth loops to hypnotize anyone.

And Dirk can turn his eyes yellow to do telekinesis & kiss girls.

Hyperactive synth music = fight scene.

… pacing of every scene is either cut like Romper Room on pixie sticks, or geriatrics on quaaludes.

In the future, R2-D2 is a defective robot who serves whiskey for breakfast.

Apparently Humans are being harvested by aliens? Well, that's just a side story to the heists.

#monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

#monsterdon The whistling musical choice is... uniquely public domain I bet.

This music is waaayyy too cheery after the horrific alien voiceover we just had

#Monsterdon

Other facts about this film:

The professor has a trash can shaped butler robot named "Jeeves".
The gambling den has hypnotic spirals on the walls.
Dirk was wearing a shirt with a glittering spider on it, so maybe he's a high tech spider man.

#monsterdon

Sean and Bridget, the Solar System's greatest criminals....

#Monsterdon

Is that licensed Spiderman merch?

#monsterdon

I appreciate the camera focusing on mens crotches but it does make it a little hard to tell who is talking when their mouths are not in frame.
#monsterdon

No, no, no

You're not allowed to genuinely make me laugh. That's right out

#Monsterdon

Get hookah'd

#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

In space, EVERYONE can hear you punch

#monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

Future space men are all named “Dirk.”

#Monsterdon

...What the fuck? #Monsterdon

His psychic powers are made possible by being part cat.
#Monsterdon

The alien ship is made entirely of Bitcoin.

#Monsterdon

@pngwen So far, the "story” is "aliens visit Earth, start attacking.”

#Monsterdon

It's only proper that since the guy is wearing a Dracula cape, this movie is fundamentally about a real estate transaction

#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979

Right-Wing vs TIE Fighter

#Monsterdon

LOL at that dude's 'tache, he's the hero of this movie to, isn't he?

OMG, the butler robot has arrived

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon There's a lot of race code here… So much…

That collar is A CHOICE

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe budget cuts

#monsterdon

Who sold him Sol 3? Did it have a clear title?

#Monsterdon

"ok, so, ma'am, we couldn't afford Majel Barrett, so just try your best to sound like her computer voice, please. thanks. 8)"

#monsterdon

*Stock footage of WWII

love it!

#Monsterdon

The humans in this pic have great mustache game.
#Monsterdon

We should make a tier-ranking for the mustaches in this movie

#monsterdon

Breathable with little discomfort? So this isn't set in 2026.
#monsterdon

ATOMIC CANNON

(Why not a Casaba-Howitzer?)

#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey1979