To try to make up to the #Monsterdon crowd for voting for #StarOdyssey, I give you all a picture of tonightβs sunset. In retrospect, I shouldβve just stayed outside staring at the sky.
August 16, 2026. Wolverine Lake, Michigan.
192 participants. Not one amongst us who can explain the plot, I assume. #monsterdon
With each subsequent replaying of that theme song I get closer and closer to setting fire to my house. #Monsterdon
This is the most ridiculous scene I have ever seen. Guy with a space laser blaster on his hip is doing flips. Meanwhile some fool is digging a hole with a metal rod? That might be a better use of the laser....
Ladies and gentlemen, fuck this movie.
A SECOND SONG ON THE SOUNDTRACK!?!? #Monsterdon
#monsterdon But he's probing very profoundly with his pants pilot proboscis, pointedly
(There was a bit of alliteration in that scene) #spaceOdyssey
"Take these pills!"
They paid for this glowing eye effect and goddamnit they're going to USE it
because star wars had mind powers you see. so your space movie has to have mind powers
There's still an hour left on this film. Which is totally believable because NOTHING HAS ACTUALLY HAPPENED YET
βI can make the right person feel all kinds of pleasures and thrills.β
"Maβam, this is a Wendyβs.β
Does the movie have:
* At least two guys with mustaches
* That have a conversation
* About something other than another guy with a mustache
Cyberman mask from Doctor Who???
I got a late start on tonightβs #Monsterdon because I was out watching the sunset. Then I paused it while making dinner. Now I somehow still have 20 minutes of this terrible movie remaining. Yet I feel compelled to finish it because I voted for it and helped to inflict #StarOdyssey upon us all.
Oh, how I envy those of you who have already completed this awful movie. #StarOdyssey1979
it j-
are you fucking
THEY INTERRUPTED THE LAST LINE OF THE FUCKING MOVIE
WITH THE TWEEDLE DEE FUCK MUSIC!?!
WILL YOU JUST FUCKING END ALREADY
This hilarious suicide subplot
Professor looks familiar
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU USE THAT KIND OF FLASK.
I appreciate that the villain is capitalism, though. Thoughtful. #Monsterdon
This whole film is absolutely incomprehensible. #Monsterdon
Wait, I just realized! The reason we're watching this movie is that it's another entry in the Real Estate Transaction Cinematic Universe!
This tache!!! π
Major Galaxy Express 999/Star Blazers vibes. It's dismissed as a rip-off of Star Wars, but Star Wars didn't open in Japan until two months after the release of this movie. They may have heard about it and seen stills and promotional art, but this feels one hundred percent 1970s Japanese to me. Japan was already in the middle of a sci-fi boom when Star Wars went into production. #Monsterdon
βfuck you movieβ is evergreen #Monsterdon
Hey, they killed the protagonist! Nice! :D
Yeah, again, Starcrash's space battle scenes made zero fucking sense. AND YET THEY WERE FAR SUPERIOR TO THIS TRIPE
The anti-etherium is completely useless. Glad we wasted so much time on it.
"you will all die in atrocious agony"
this film will be played over again and again death liberates us
this is the weirdest polycule
Oh, they're alive. Damn :/ #Monsterdon
This movie was filtered through a pair of brown corduroy pants.
Ya know. That movie that was just a handful of episode of the Gerry Anderson show UFO stitched together had a better plot. I'm sorry UFO. Also you had cooler music.
#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey
The two options for the poll at the end are gonna be "What." and "WHAT?"
You could show someone this scene out of context and it would make more sense than it does in context
#Monsterdon my wife wakes up from a nap, looks groggily at the screen for a minute, says "This must be Italian."
There are like 4 different movies going on here, and none of them have a coherent story.
WOULD IT KILL YOU TO FINISH A FUCKING SCENE? #Monsterdon
This film is random bullshit intercut with drawing room talkies. #Monsterdon
Dirk is absolutely the kind of guy who would ask this robot for a sex act if they were alone in this room
#monsterdon Nobody in this movie has any chemistry with anyone else and every time the director orders some sort of intimacy all you get is Robbie the Sex Toy Robot.
The set looks like they are tiny people inside an old school mainframe.
I hope there is someone out there whose first #Monsterdon was IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS and whose second Monsterdon was this curious little object
There are two Monsterdons inside of you. Mostly it's this one, though.
Sex DLC?
#Monsterdon #StarOdyssey
this movie is still going somehow
stop waving the lightsaber around in the middle of a huddle
Aliens: "Sol 3" Subtitles: "Soul three".
Alien slavers: "Humans, the rarest of life forms" (everyone looks like a Human)
100 million credits, when a Human slave is 1000 Cr, seems you only need to collect 100,000 Humans to pay it off. A hell of a deal!
Telepathic duels are very efficient for fight coordinators, just stand there while synth music plays. No pesky swords or moving around.
THIS MOVIE IS JUST CLOSEUPS OF PEOPLE MAKING DISGUSTING GROANING NOISES
7! That's NumberWang!
So is there anyone in this movie that does not have the power of hypnotism?
it's still technically a 70s flick, so time for the union-mandated fucking around with the zoom
I'm not sure how much I can add, fam. This movie riffs itself.
Suddenly his voice echoes? He has a built-in reverb switch? #Monsterdon
I find the robots arms disturbing. Why are they constantly moving
The prof is wearing Ming the Merciless hand-me-downs. #Monsterdon
Entherium is practially unobtainium!
The alien space command bridge is fucking huge. They covered that sound stage with shit to make it feel like something out of a space opera. It's like a Zeon battleship bridge from Gundam turned up to 11.
#Monsterdon #MessageFromSpace
Yes, #StarOdyssey, you and #Starcrash are both late Seventies Italian sci-fi βStar Warsβ ripoffs. But I know #Starcrash. I watched #Starcrash. I enjoyed #Starcrash. You my friend are no #Starcrash.
We have replaced Emperor Palpatine with Darth Vader's grandma, let's see if anyone notices.
#Monsterdon #MessageFromSpace
But I still had fun with y'all!
As always, thanks to @Taweret for hosting, @JoeWynne for the drink recipe and trivia, @ryan for the live stream, @paco for data analysis, @combatwombat for the replay, and all of you for making it awesome!
@combatwombat There was this place and a bunch of people were there. Then these other people came. Some stuff happened and, like, a couple people died. Then some more stuff happened. Finally a bunch of stuff happened all at the same time. And then people said things that were supposed to be funny and they smiled. The End
My mind... To your mind... My thoughts... To your thoughts... #Monsterdon
"I can't go any further, the alien lord is projecting visions of mustard into my mind!" #Monsterdon
EXCUSE ME??? THERE WAS A TRACK FOR THE ALIEN ARMY DOING STUFF ALL ALONG, AND WE JUST DIDN'T BOTHER WITH IT FOR THE BATTLE SCENE?
#monsterdon Gotta be honest, I find myself out of jokes here. Lord knows the bar was low, but I think we have a new bottom performer of a film
...This is a sex metaphor, right? #Monsterdon
Film Editor: "should I cut here?"
Director: "no, we need to see the robots slowly walk out of the room so that the audience knows that they slowly walked out of the room"
No time to finish half the other scenes, PLENTY of time to watch the depressed robots waddle out of the room. #Monsterdon
oh okay we ran out of budget for the soundtrack before we wrote action music, so just use the theme?
it's um, a little upbeat for this, no?
Oh my god I thought maybe I would find these robots charming but NO
If this were a cartoon they'd actually go to some interesting places instead of an Italian scrap yard in 1979
"I'm assembling a group of con men and sex criminals to save the Earth"
...Are they gonna kiss? #Monsterdon
"I'm sure it's very important."
But the soundtrack says we have to start mackin'. #Monsterdon
No one in this movie knows what they are supposed to be reacting to
You know your movie is in trouble when Starcrash outpaces it. #Monsterdon
I love the shots framed so poorly that I check to see if something's messed up on my side
anyway, now: ACTION
this is actually impressive, to see junk shaky-cam action this many years before shaky-cam was invented
oh my god I love the robot patting itself as the person inside the suit worries about getting the drink-serving trays closed
this is like the adventure of a different droid off the Jawa crawler.
Ahhh, the SimpleHuman trashbot 9000. In our hubris, we gave a trashcan anxiety.
π¦ MONSTERDON ποΈ
βοΈ TRIVIA ODYSSEY ππΎππ₯
π¨Content Warning
πΉLow-budget props
πΉHeavy use of miniature effects and models
πΉRe-used props and costumes (from War of the Robots from previous year)
πΉConfusing narrative
πΉConstant justification that it should never have been made
Earth is made up of a lot of iron, which is basically just a random element selected off the period table for abundance and not something to do with the fundamental nature of the stellar lifecycle and the stability of nuclei
Anyway maybe the aliens's planet is made out of unobtanium
"It'll take a miracle now."
Just run the film backwards. #Monsterdon
Alien villain guy saying "even better thanβ¦when I bought it" when looking on Earth from space
okay that's pretty cute
anyway now some bridges are blowing up or something? I get it, stock footage explosions are a lot cheaper than real pyrotechnics
We're starting off strong for a potential "humanity was the real monster" theme
but also with a dub and something that's been chopped up as much as this, who the hell even knows what the plot will turn out to be?