how is Adrian Pasdar not the father of Henry Cavill?!?!?!?!?!?

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies

"Where did it come from?"

Circa 1987? IBM computer. #Monsterdon

Less talking, more roller derby

#monsterdon

Cut rate Native Tim Curry will save us

#monsterdon

Critters guy!

#monsterdon #solarbabies1986

E-pigs, they're like E-cigs but racist. #Monsterdon

E-Pigs!

#monsterdon

it's so good that you can skate across the wasteland on paved roads to disco music

#monsterdon

@trixter bday parties were the best!!

#monsterdon

Roy Orb-son

#monsterdon #solarbabies1986

Holy cow. There's still an HOUR left to go... #monsterdon

"What about the personal areas!?"

Watch them hands! #Monsterdon

Oh man, this is like a weak Walt Disney flick now.

#monsterdon

Encyclopaedia Brown is going to protect us from radioactivity

#monsterdon

I like how the dystopian future state has decided that rollerblading is the most important military skill that needs to be cultivated in all the youths.

#monsterdon #SolarBabies

this is how Peter Thiel sees the future

#Monsterdon

Oh, lord, I’m stuck in Bodhi again. #Monsterdon

"His name's Bodhi."

He's a sprinkler system. #Monsterdon

but that's not how rain works, they're indoors?

#Monsterdon

happy synth tells me i should think this is magical and special

#monsterdon

pseudo-factoids

#Monsterdon

That blonde kid just kicked crows?? Enemies for life. Corvids will not forget that kind of insult.

#monsterdon

@eigen the orb that doesn't talk seems nice

#monsterdon

@bunnyhero orphanage, and they sneak out past curfew to play rollerball lacrosse with their quad rollerskates after dark

#monsterdon

“…you have the right to an e-ttorney.”

#monsterdon #solarbabies1986

@_L1vY_ Bo knows…

#Monsterdon

Bodhi? It's a tree? #Monsterdon

This movie was out to break conventions, and one of the ways it seeks to do that is by "fixing" its disabled character in the very first act.

#Monsterdon

Welp. Now he has an orb to stay up contemplating!

#Monsterdon

I am not looking forward to this child being with us for the whole film and making goober faces at every single thing.

#Monsterdon

"You're an extension of me!"

You're like my pinky, or the mole on my -- well, anyway #Monsterdon

I like that guy's M. Bison costume.

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies1986

Nothing like a paved cave

#Monsterdon

These are just normal 2026 police vehicles and tactics

#monsterdon

You can tell he's evil because he's wearing jodhpurrs. #Monsterdon

I mean, you’ve got to hand it to them for deciding to take on the challenge of making rollerblading seem badass. #Monsterdon

meanwhile, in ROLLERBALL

#Monsterdon

where do I get headlights for my rollerblades

#monsterdon

This movie features quite a few future stars and also Peter DeLuise. #Monsterdon

This concludes my thread for #Solarbabies, in which we learned that if an evil government conquers the desert we will need both rollerskates and orb magic to bring the rain back.

#monsterdon

@Taweret and we liked it

#Monsterdon

I do like how they did the opening of Waterworld, with the drowning Earth and all that.

There's not enough water on the planet to do that thankfully....

#Monsterdon

Solarbabies sequel where the Bohdi teens go all "Dune" across the rest of the planet, rollerskating jihads everywhere!

#Monsterdon

Theme written by Smokey Robinson!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon I must admit, for all the faff here, Bodhi was a lovely Macguffin.

That was not as bad as I was expecting.
It wasn't good, but it wasn't terrible.....

...fucking 'ell Alexi Sayle, the 80s were wild, weren't they?!

#Monsterdon

BEACH EPISODE

#monsterdon

"He'll always be with us."

Now that we're a cadre of water wizards whose descendants will go on to conquer the world, sure. #Monsterdon

okay well, they were still neither solar nor babies

anyway, ty for joining, everyone

#monsterdon

@Taweret A sign of a true #monsterdon movie.

the sphere was within them all along!!!!! #monsterdon

Air Quality Index is not good… full of orb and damn particles

#monsterdon #solarbabies1986

Bodhi's putting you in the snow globe, kids, you're going on the mantlepiece. #Monsterdon

lol, Bohdi just fucks off....

#Monsterdon

oops you killed him solarbabies

#monsterdon

Do not taunt happy fun ball.
#monsterdon

I like that the big bads died of Touching Balls and Robot Fondling. Feels appropriate. #Monsterdon

anyway the chief ED nazi guy was a load-bearing boss and now the aqua bunker is asplode

#Monsterdon

"Terminack is impressed, he has selected a cobalt steel bit."

*a couple of scenes pass*

*Terminack's cobalt steel drill bit glows red and shatters into shrapnel; PVC-wearing fascist dude gets hit in the face with steel shrapnel. He looks annoyed*

That... is an implausibly light consequence from a machine tool failure at close range with no personal protective equipment

#monsterdon

Nice, they've got their objective fairy back. #Monsterdon

I wonder how much that robot cost Mel Brooks?

#Monsterdon

"You throw me the idol, Jason, I throw you the whip!"

#Monsterdon

And THAT'S why you wear safety goggles!

#monsterdon #SolarBabies

they made those actors climb a ladder in rollerskates

#Monsterdon

Yeah, put your eye RIGHT UP CLOSE TO THE BIt #Monsterdon

After rollerblading to the Brutalist Fortress, the #SolarBabies are met by rollerblading goons who sally out to meet them. The know this is the right fortress because Rainbow Hat hears Bodhi whistle.

Meanwhile, inside the evil science lab, the evil science lady has added purple lasers to its green lasers to thoroughly cook the orb friend. Once its skin is cooked, she summons her torture robot friend to try to poke it open.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon This is just Fallout: New Vegas with extra factions, isn't it?

The team captain goes swimming in the secret hidden elf village pond so the audience can have another shirtless scene. He tells his girlfriend, the One Girl, that he needs to go back for the orb for reasons and she kisses him, because those reasons are very convincing.

The other #Solarbabies want to go to, so she gives them a map to the evil fortress.

#monsterdon

Ah, yes,she magically found her bio-family right when she seemed exploded. By some extraordinary luck.

#Monsterdon

there are 18 minutes left and we haven't even begun the climactic rescue

#Monsterdon

Turn off the lasers! What part of “Everlasting Gobstopper” don’t you understand?!

#monsterdon #solarbabies1986

*keeps firing lasers at the Demon Core until something happens

#Monsterdon

*sonic colors voice* LASER

#monsterdon

Did this movie just turn into Dune?

#Monsterdon

she's found some Fremen!

#Monsterdon

okay I was waiting for the movie to deliver on the inevitable orientalism the costume was setting up and I guess this is the moment

#Monsterdon

That's bait

#monsterdon

The #SolarBabies go into the storage locker to fight... Rainbow Hat wants to go to the secret ocean of destiny or something, and the nerd guy thinks this is a bad idea. The One Girl leaves in a huff and talks to Bird Guy, who says that he took the orb because he thought it would do magic for him but it didn't.

#monsterdon

Did the head nazi just blow a kiss?

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies1986

hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut

#Monsterdon

Next we go to an apocalypse desert town ruled by the evil government, where the main industry is burning tires. A sex worker tries to solicit one of the #Solarbabies, but he doesn't know what paying for two hours means and the conversation is cut short.

Wanted posters of them appear everywhere (the reward is "more water") and the Aussies are chasing them. But they find the escaped bird guy who took the orb with them and hid it in a giant storage locker.

#monsterdon

~do you believe in magic~
~In a young orb's heart~

#monsterdon

you could literally just keep making rain with bodhi and that would be all you need to basically become gods #monsterdon

*dystopian loudspeaker voice* "Distillation and pollution ratios are down, fluoride levels are acceptable"

...was... was that a water fluoridation backhand from the filmmakers..? For pete's sake

#monsterdon

lol, again this is just the USA in the near future, the water rationing, the living off the trash of previous generations, surprised not to see some battered and worn red hats lying around....

"I'll maim you!"

People just don't say that

#Monsterdon

@wohali @Taweret It's a shame that N95 Aura masks have no aura

#Monsterdon #SolarBabies1986

*the Solarbabies skate into Tiretown*

Paging Steve Yegge, this is obviously the sequel to Gas Town¹

#monsterdon

¹: yes, yes, I know the essay and the tool were inspired by Mad Max and very obviously so too was this film, the coincidence is no such thing, just let a man make fun of Yegge against the background of a silly 80s kids film

[goose_chasing.png] A couple hours doing what?

#Monsterdon #SolarBabies

i saw this act at strowlers in seattle like 15 years ago, give the troupe a proper stage and it's actually pretty good

#monsterdon #SolarBabies

ooo, reminds me of Carhenge at Glastonbury......so this is just Burning Man, yeah?

#Monsterdon

*Ivor is tortured with ants that are holograms or electrically induced hallucinations*

_very Archer voice_ Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants!

*all of #monsterdon looks on nervously waiting for @futurebird to call out this misrepresentation of ant habits*

No sphere, there is only orb

#monsterdon #solarbabies1986

If I had access to this movie in the 80s or 90s, I would've definitely been obsessed with Jason Patric in it. 🥵

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon The writers poorly disguised fetish…

Oo, they got him on the Benne-Gesserit thing. #Monsterdon

Nobody tell these fascists with "ED" written on their trucks what that stands for in 2026, okay?

#monsterdon

love that the logo for the cops is erectile dysfunction

#monsterdon

Allow the E-Vans to enter

they're E-cops wearing Vans

#monsterdon

Dude lining himself up to get eaten by pigeons. #Monsterdon

OH YOU DID NOT SHOOT THE BIRB! >:(

#monsterdon