WARNING

THE CHILDREN HAVE WON

EXPLODING ENTIRE AREA

🚨

#Monsterdon

“It’s ORB-ing time!”

#monsterdon #solarbabies1986

I haven't seen a ball tortured this much since Casino Royale.
#monsterdon

THE AQUABUNKER

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies

Pole vaulting with roller skates is kinda rad, actually

#monsterdon

Oh good, make sure you arrive in FULL VIEW OF THE ENEMY and STOP RIGHT WHERE THEY CAN SEE YOU #Monsterdon

[orb_pain.wav]

#Monsterdon

"This is Jason, that's Freddy, over there's leatherface, and Mikey's a bit shy in the corner"

#monsterdon

imagine how much of this movie hit the cutting room floor. at some point this script made any goddamned sense

#Monsterdon

This is increasingly looking more and more like a bad TNG episode

#Monsterdon

Terra's got her esper form!

#monsterdon

who DOES flash water like that?

#Monsterdon

So, this movie is basically a loosely connected sequence of escape scenes?

I mean, I'm not mad. I'm just asking.

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies1986

@CactuarJoe go go solar babies
mighty skatin' solar babies~

#monsterdon

Ma'am, please stop fondling my potatoes.

...No, I mean the ACTUAL potatoes :/ #Monsterdon

WHO RULE TIRETOWN

actually it's probably someone played by Bina Burner.

#Monsterdon

We have the Gom Jabbar test at home.

#Monsterdon #SolarBabies

ACAB definitely includes e-cops 😤

#Monsterdon

I do like how effectively the toadie kid is portrayed as a piece of shit

#Monsterdon

we're past the halfway mark. wonder if this movie plans to establish a larger plot or if we're just gonna trip over it in the third act

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon When I become a wise old sage, I'm absolutely going to set up my base camp in a wax museum.

That's a good plan.

village elder pondering the orb

#Monsterdon

owl actor is not amused

#Monsterdon

Are the Mullet People like 'force sensitive' or something

#Monsterdon

Man I bet that room smells like rotten leather and sweat and Axe Body Spray. #Monsterdon

Everyone just seems to have forgotten that it rained on this waterless world. OK

#monsterdon

And with this mystic origin, they become the BK Kids Meal Kids #Monsterdon

Bodhi is just Orbeez

#monsterdon #solarbabies1986

#monsterdon In the future, Super 8 balls were used to smuggle in Thorium...

"I know that you understand things."

Which is better than you're doing, Chief! Heyooo! #Monsterdon

OMG that girl is the wife of Bill Paxton in Twister (i love that movie)

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies

lol, the plumbing is busted and they're dancing in sewage

#Monsterdon

The deaf-until-16-hours-ago boy's friends completely fail to notice that he now hears without his hearing aid. Some friends. #Monsterdon

Oh, it's Holes, but 80s. #Monsterdon

Solarbabies is both an odd name for a skateboard team and for a movie. #Monsterdon

Those teens' hair sure looks clean and degreased for living under severe water rationing.

#Monsterdon

the nazi theme is really on-the-nose, innit?

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies

Now if only the boy's deafness had been hinted at or made part of the story previously, this whole scene with the orb would have had more impact. #Monsterdon

Whoops, kid broke the soundtrack. #Monsterdon

What if Mad Max but for less wet?

#monsterdon #solarbabies1986

RE: https://mastodon.social/@devilgirlbot/116949982964286547

#monsterdon

RE: https://infosec.exchange/@paco/116949977618367117

the strings Mel Brooks can pull...

#Monsterdon

@healyn I think that's a fair assessment; I just happened to heavily enjoy the half that was pretty damn good more than despise the half that was the worst movie ever made, so I walked away liking it.

#monsterdon #SolarBabies

People at the time pointed out how odd it was that so many jetskis would still be around hundreds of years later but I guess people would find a way, wouldn't they?

Man coming back for his limes!

#Monsterdon

RE: https://mstdn.social/@skatem/116949981468883834

That would have made more sense.
Or just drop the whole 'babies' thing because they're clearly young adults

#Monsterdon

@diazona @Taweret After the previous 100 movies having warped our sense of taste beyond recognition. That's a long game. #monsterdon

Opening the movie with some piss gargling was a bold move and I think Time has shown it to have worked

#Monsterdon

THERE'S INCALCULABLE DANGER! QUICK, CAST ASIDE YOUR HELMETS AND WEAPONS!

#Monsterdon

Solarbabies! Too bad I missed out on this one, would have been oft-rented in the 80s.

Huge thanks to @Taweret for always drenching us in B movies, and special thanks to the #Monsterdon crew for being absolute ballers.

🥍💦

there's a good 10-minute youtube video hiding somewhere inside of this feature film that cost 23 million 1986 dollars

#Monsterdon

Then the credits roll and its a Baywatch style montage of the #Solarbabies running through the desert, then peeling off their clothes and jumping into the sea and splashing each other. A straight guy did not make this movie, change my mind.

The most 80s music imaginable plays in the background. The team captain kisses the one girl, because no homo.

#monsterdon

Well, that's it people. The Solarbabies have neither solared nor babied, but at least they're gone. As always, just one more thing to do before leaving the theater;

Was SOLARBABIES (1987) the WORST #Monsterdon movie of the year?

Well I was skeptical, but this movie is really frickin bad. Holy shit.
#monsterdon

Oof. Now that we've sat through that could we maybe have a little Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone? (https://
tubitv.com/movies/675008/spacehunter-adventures-in-the-forbidden-zone) You know, as a treat? Thanks as always to
@Taweret Have a great week Beautiful Mutants! #monsterdon #Solarbabies

@Taweret so the orb is named Bodhi does that mean this movie is a reflection on Samsara or

#Monsterdon

This theme song has nothing on Zarkor. #monsterdon

And so Bodhi fucks off into space and the kids enjoy the pool. Thanks @Taweret @miru and the usual.

THERE GOES THE SUN
GOOD RIDDANCE

#monsterdon

Whenever Bodhi isn’t onscreen the other characters should ask “Where’s Bodhi, he’s gone.” #Monsterdon

Well DAM

#Monsterdon

Bodhi now becomes the "More You Know" star.

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies1986

The real Bodhi was the friends we made along the way

#monsterdon

So they were hoarding everyone's water?

That I can believe.

But that's not how thunderstorms work

#Monsterdon

...what?

Was that a load-bearing boss?

#Monsterdon #SolarBabies1986

This seems more like a red alert than a yellow alert

#Monsterdon

See Tech Bros, this is what your robot bodyguards will do to you....

#Monsterdon

Very convenient that we now have ramps instead of stairs.

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies1986

She stole dad's Napkin of Destiny #Monsterdon

"Be sure to protect your eyes with the handheld window mask while we shoot lasers at the orb." - Evil Science Lab rules

#monsterdon #SolarBabies

Adding to the list of cultural appropriations with every scene

#Monsterdon

Everyone knows you're supposed to throw the Sphere of Longinus into space

#monsterdon

I wonder what the glowing sentient volleyball is up to right now

edit: *fast forward to the very next scene* oh he's being zapped by three green lasers. Thanks for the update, movie

#monsterdon

That license plate (F841663) on the bounty hunter cart as they were being chased away by the Tattooine sand people slash Akkaris fremen slash etc was a little too prominent and obvious to have been accidental. Anyone know what that was about?

#monsterdon

Well, White Jesus seems nice at least. #Monsterdon

The eco-warriors are exploiting an ice-filled lava tube. Northern California, perhaps?

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies1986

Okay I'm having trouble with the Quest of the Delta Knights-ish-ness of all this. #Monsterdon

Okay, I did not expect her to become the leader of some nomadic tribe in the 90 seconds since we last saw her

#monsterdon

Oh geez, she's found the Lawrences of Arabia :/ #Monsterdon

Meanwhile, with british Bulk and Skull

#monsterdon

Bleugh. These two have chemistry, but it's like when you mix the wrong cleaning fluid with bleach :/ :/ #Monsterdon

See, this is why you need more than one woman in your cast. Now any new civilization they form is doomed. #Monsterdon

Man, that sucked.

.....so you guys wanna play lacrosse

#Monsterdon

Terra no! you have to beat kefka!

#monsterdon

@jonny these children lack vision, they just use the god machine as a football
idiots!

#Monsterdon

Bodhi doesn't BoLie

#monsterdon

Make a house of WHAT bo-di? FUCKING AQUAMAN?

#monsterdon

It's a good thing hair gel is ubiquitous in the dystopian future

#monsterdon

Alexei Sayle chewing the hell out of every. damn. scene.

#monsterdon

...Okay, so we've wandered into Blake's 7? #Monsterdon

@Crazypedia The production values seem really high - the sets seem pretty impressive, and there's model work and even custom vehicles.

#monsterdon #SolarBabies

Cleared to Operating Thetan Level 7

#Monsterdon #SolarBabies1986

For people on the run hoping to avoid the attention of the authorities, they sure use bright lights and shout a lot.

#monsterdon

Those trucks are like if Gonzo played Darth Vader. #Monsterdon

This is some pretty sadistic torture for a kids movie....even if it was all holograms

The Spear of Longinus?!

Wtf?!

#Monsterdon

e-ants

#Monsterdon

Crew of Crocodiles Dundee hanging out in front of Stalag 13. #Monsterdon

Does the owl die dot com has failed me again

#Monsterdon

Well well, look who become a cop

OWL MURDERER!!!!!

#Monsterdon

how is Adrian Pasdar not the father of Henry Cavill?!?!?!?!?!?

#Monsterdon #Solarbabies

"Where did it come from?"

Circa 1987? IBM computer. #Monsterdon

Less talking, more roller derby

#monsterdon