*Smash cut to triumphant Tuba* #monsterdon

At this point, our designated hero, Goggles Guy, has decided to be more cautious than his first scene implied and is telling his Ski Minions to go forth and put up "Restricted Area" signs on the slopes in hopes that no one gets eaten by the monster.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

#monsterdon
🎵 Hark! A horrid snow beast yawps
Murder to the ski patrol!
Death to skiiers, murder wild
Murder to the young and old! 🎶

In the next scene, we meet a new character, Captain Turtleneck, who used to be a sports winner guy and was having some kind of conversation with Sweater Lady about his job angst, but I wasn't paying attention. Sweater Lady and Goggles Guy have or had some of thing going on.

The next scene is between Goggled Grandson and Sassy Lady, where he tries to tell the lady that there's a monster, but she thinks its an avalanche, and they agree to call the cops.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

I've decided, this dude can die next, his absurd tale must reach it's climax #monsterdon

Yeah that's how you tree ski #monsterdon

Heidi was notable as she was the sole survivor of the first scene because she knew when to get out of a bad situation.

Now she has survivor's guilt.

#monsterdon

After a choreographed ski patrol, we eventually find the orange snowsuit of the missing girl, with no sign of where she went to (or any blood for that matter). Did the #snowbeast just take her clothes off? Or did she perhaps take off her clothes and throw them at the monster to mislead it, then run naked into the snow, to be rescued by a mysterious tribe of snow witches?

Anyway, we then hear a scary roar and the camera implies that monster is looking at goggled grandson. #monsterdon

Snowbeast was on a Scooby Doo episode. #Monsterdon

I’m assuming this is a Scooby-Doo situation and in the end #snowbeast will be unmasked and will be revealed to be…

Grandma?

The Olympian?

Heidi?

#monsterdon

i know that Avon lip gloss sparkle

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Everyone's jackets are disgustingly clean and new

#monsterdon

I feel for Heidi

#monsterdon

Cut to scene of Snowbeast riding the chair lift to get in another round of skier slaughter without the effort.

#monsterdon

Okay, ✅ Downhill Skiing was a bingo card gimme. #monsterdon

#monsterdon MONSTER PAW

Dang that was right speedy

#monsterdon And away we go!

Oh I remember this snow field shot. We're about to see a dog and a helicopter, right?

I am now going to spend the rest of the night writing a Twilight/Snowbeast vignette about how Emmett always ruins everything.

#monsterdon

@JoeWynne lol, that has to be a record for #monsterdon

So many ways that a film can be bad. This one was via repeated transit across snow. #Monsterdon

@diazona lol, I am so sick of skiing after this movie! #monsterdon

We're all having dreams of that slope tonight.....

#monsterdon

The moral of the story is that a powerful legendary beast can be undone when it is confronted by the menace that is Chekov's ski pole #monsterdon

Really, though. Snowbeast was a lot better than that giant spider thing last week.

#monsterdon

FADE TO RED, a movie about a young man who is obsessed with quoting all the great yeti movies and decides to become a yeti himself

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

all in all a solid #monsterdon movie - bunch of stuff happened and nobody seems to really have had a plan to make a movie they just found themselves in that position and needed to turn in something

Svenson isn't great, but Sweden is a social democracy, so... there's that.

#monsterdon

So this whole movie was an excuse to shoot on-location somewhere where the big-wigs could ski and write it off as a business expense, right?

#Monsterdon

A "service revolver"? For the ski lodge service?

#monsterdon

The beast is happy he got Cole for Christmas this year #monsterdon

@allanb "Please, leave me here to die, I'm not worth the fuss. It's fine" #monsterdon

"He poked him with a sharp stick and he died. the End "

#monsterdon

Note to self: don't park downhill from the conveniently stacked logs

#monsterdon

They killed the cameraman! #monsterdon

Uh oh! Snowbeast took the rifles? #monsterdon

@crazypedia I think they failed their morale check so hard that they were too scared to get the guns when they ran away from the #snowbeast the first time. #monsterdon

I don't care if I end up on an ice planet, I am never touching skis after this fucking movie

#monsterdon

DANGER TUBA ALERT

#Monsterdon

don't french fries until you see the white of his eyes

#monsterdon

are they implying the snowbeast took the rifles because i will accept snowbeast shooting from the hip off a snowmobile in place of snowbeast ski-chase scene #monsterdon

#monsterdon "Why don't you stay with Ellen, there's no sense risking all our lives"

Oh ELLEN not HELEN, mea culpa. I should have hunted down the subtitle track for this.

does the beast get lice or fleas?

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

#monsterdon _bigfoot kicks over an inexplicably convenient pile of logs and clobbers the sheriff hanging out in the camper_

_point-of-view shot as bigfoot attacks the sheriff, freeze-frame, fade to red_

@k8eb: "I one hundred percent thought that's how the film was going to end!"

My theory is that the Cullens moved to town and Emmett decided that Yeti were both far enough removed from human beings to be fair game and fierce enough to make a good alternative to his usual diet of Grizzlies. The Yeti, mistaking the Cullens for humans, attack the townpeople in revenge. The Cullens are forced to move due to the sudden press attention on the town and everyone is mad and throw things at Emmett for a decade or so. Stupid Emmett.

#monsterdon

lol, did the snowbeast make a trap for the humans with those logs?

where did the flaming barrel come from....

Cole is a goner...chewing log.....fade to red

#monsterdon

Yesterday, cop wanted civilians to help him kill Bigfoot. Today, he's forgotten yesterday's dialogue.

#monsterdon

Just a polite, Christian friend-kiss… on the lips

#monsterdon #snowbeast

the beast just wanted a sled to track them faster

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Amazing hair for being outside in the snow all day.

oooo, three way......how 70s

#monsterdon

The snowbeast is just protesting the use of modern composite materials in the manufacture of skis.

#monsterdon

Still trying to figure out what Snowbeast's MOTIVATION is.

#monsterdon

@LK_877 this movie gives me LOTS of downtime 😆

Also, that scene blew my 5'3" mind 🤣

#Monsterdon ❄️ #Snowbeast1977 https://mastodon.social/@SesameSquirrel/113699943690899610

#monsterdon #enemiesToPodiumRivals

"We'll use the Recreational Vehicle as a lure, as we know Snowbeasts can't resist fucking them...."

#monsterdon

I'm gonna go enjoy the SERENITY OF NATURE! *snowmobile noises at 5000Db* #Monsterdon

I like that the sherriff's snowmobile has a little police light on it.

#Monsterdon

As dumb as this movie is it is still smarter than cable news. #Monsterdon

"So just the twenty three of us then?"

#monsterdon

A government conspiracy is possibly implied in that the Sheriff talked to Washington about this before telling everyone it was a bear; he doesn't want to tell people that its a monster to avoid mass panic I guess. The Sheriff agrees to secretly form an adventuring party with the Sweater Lady and her two husbands to slay the mythical #snowbeast, and they head out for this quest aboard their camper truck thing that also carries snowmobiles.

#monsterdon

how dare he kill a teenage bear? fuck that guy.

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Poor bear. 😔 #monsterdon

Oops! Rifle salute caused an avalanche again! #snowbeast #monsterdon

#monsterdon "We got it! The sheriff himself shot it right between the eyes!"

o god did they kill the hero of this film off camera

_edit_: OH COME ON it's just a poor little black bear, those poor things are just big ol' overgrown raccoons

Okay, so the cop and the goggles guy were just late arrivals and arrive fashionably late on their snowmobile steeds, after the #snowbeast has already gotten bored of being poked at by a log and just wandered up the mountain.

So far the monster seems both violent but also very non-committed to violence. Maybe it gets scared extremely easily and runs off. I'm guessing it's motivated by hunger more than a hatred for humanity, and could be deterred if offered snacks.

#monsterdon

In the 70s, people thought skiing was cool. And tennis.

#monsterdon

My sister ranks worst response to "I love you":

3. "It'll pass" (Fleabag)
2: "I know" (Star Wars)
1: "Did you say something?" (this)

#Monsterdon

Couldn't Gar the Giant stomp the Snowbeast with his mighty mountain foot?

#monsterdon

How can the monster have that much trouble with a door that flimsy?

#monsterdon #snowbeast

heartwarming: horrifying cryptid attacks takes womans face apart, brings couple together ❤️
#Monsterdon

All this movie is missing is Steve Austin. #monsterdon

But why was she in that barn though?

And is he starting a fire in the barn, surrounded by hay?

#monsterdon

Gotta say, those high school scenes were eerily familiar, with all the '70s attire. I would've been entering high school just shortly after this movie debuted.

#monsterdon

@Taweret everyone who is anyone ends up at the Old Fairchild Place.

Well parts of them do at least.

#Monsterdon

his name is GAR Seabird?
#monsterdon

@plaidtron3000 without the crown there will be no kingdom, burn the crops, burn the cities! #monsterdon

well she DOES kinda resemble Cruella De Ville 🤷🏻‍♀️ (sorry, Sylvia Sidney) #Monsterdon ❄️ #Snowbeast1977 https://gensokyo.social/@Ayyyydrew/113699861548161107

"Please tell Tony, my grandson, that I am sorry. I'm his grandmother"

#monsterdon

Meanwhile, the cop is talking to the two boys about bigfoot, he seems to think that the monster is real, but suggests that they lie about it and say that it's a grizzly for now, because there should be no bigfeet in this region of the country I guess. He also suggests that the three of them secretly meet in the morning for a threeso... I mean... to shoot the #snowbeast

#monsterdon

Snowbeast will fade to red 'Betty Jo'...calling it.

The giant is surrounded by teenage girls, uh -oh....}

#monsterdon

So, sweater lady (I think?) is doing her own investigation, and has found the place where the one ski patrol minion tripped and almost fell down a mountain before a monster ate him. After this discovery, the monster starts growling at her from afar and she is doing a cautious escape, walking her skies over presumably perilous ice. Eventually she makes it out of the danger zone and starts a normal ski escape.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

#Monsterdon I appreciate she actually has some skiing techniques!

Clearly the snowbeast is a trope for marital discontent but I think that discontent must come partially from the boredom of wandering around ski resorts.

#Monsterdon

Me too 😆 I have to go by the color of their ski suits #Monsterdon ❄️ #Snowbeast1977 https://mstdn.ca/@bunnyhero/113699767614869501

It's a good thing the Sheriff can find time between Elvis impersonation gigs to do some investigating.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon honestly…70’s makeup is really pretty…I hope it makes a comeback…

That snowmobile sounds very poorly......raspy noise can't be good even for a two stroke engine....

uggg, more skiing montages....

#monsterdon

if you were going to the movies in 1977 you could've seen Star Wars or this

#monsterdon

The sheriff has a John Travolta Grease looking going on here.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "Meet me in an hour at the swimming pool, OK?"

That line is supposed to end "...if you want an ass-kicking", come on, get it right

"tony, come away from your giant friend before he breaks you playing...."

"Yes Grandma, my Grandmother"

#monsterdon

Yvette Mimieux to Not Her Husband: "I've been having fantasies about you for the last year." #Monsterdon ❄️ #Snowbeast1977 https://mstdn.social/@davesdogmaggie/113699685326278264

I bet the writer really felt they had excelled themselves with the depth of the 'Blonde Giant Sports Hero Is Feeling Mortal' storyline here.

Cocaine, yeah?

#monsterdon

Ohhhhhh, is the Bored Wife the lady with the perm and the psychic powers in The Black Hole?

#monsterdon

oh that snow patrol guy was not the grandson. i am having trouble telling these white dudes apart #monsterdon

Does the Snowbeast not take a bit of time to digest his skiers, just off to another victim right away.

#monsterdon

If the Snowbeast takes on Sylvia Sidney, I’m betting on Sylvia. #monsterdon

#monsterdon MONSTER SWIPE

Just fully open-palmed the whole skull of that hapless ski patrol gentleman in one nasty grab!

It's going to be a real surprise when it's revealed that the snow beast is just a single large arm the size of a b̶o̶b̶c̶a̶t̶ mountain lion

Skiing scenes so they don't have to act #monsterdon

something about how that man dresses, and rides on a snowmobile is just so ridiculous it's almost like a professional clown doing a performance

I grow wearing of seeing people skiing

#monsterdon

lol, have we established Tony is her grandson yet, I think maybe one more time....

#monsterdon