This movie should've had more Snowbeast killings.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon _Gar on skis looks uncertain_

_POV shot of bigfoot paw prints in blood-spotted snow_

_Ellen and Lodge Dude skiing_

_PoV shot of bigfoot paw prints_

_Gar looking uncertain_

repeat × 23.5

And now for some cross country script padding. #monsterdon

@OldRustBucket@universeodon.com snowbeast spent the whole night making a trap while they were having fondue parties and cheap 70s sex #monsterdon

how big were the gas tanks on those things? those snowmobiles keepnonngoing and going

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

#monsterdon BIGFOOT HATES SKIS OK now it REALLY makes sense

#monsterdon _sheriff, Gar, Helen, and whatsizname Rill Lodge manager go out bigfoot hunting on snowmobiles, lightweight... bolt-action..? rifles slung over their shoulders_

AHA this movie is biathlon fanfic, this all makes sense now

I'm wondering at this point whether Scott brand did sponsored product placement in this film.

#monsterdon

Seriously what happened to Heidi?? Is she still knocked out
#monsterdon

Okay, so I thought the goggles guy and the turtleneck guy and the sheriff were all supposed to meet up at the lodge for a bigfoot hunting party, but both goggles guy and the sheriff were no shows, and so instead this turned into a kissing scene between turtleneck guy and sweater lady, interrupted when the monster decides to bother them and rattle the barn door. They try to fight it off by thrusting a log it through the windows, like a horizontal game of whack-a-mole.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

#monsterdon Here we see Gar navigate a broad flat field of snow

A Gar Field, if you will

"Have you been watching my wife ski?!"

#monsterdon

lol @ "THE CROWN, THE CROWN!"

lol @ Betty Jo mother mauling plot twist

so much going on!

#monsterdon

I'm still not sure in what sense a ski lodge having skiing is a "festival." #Monsterdon

#monsterdon @nev You were absolutely correct, this is literally Skifree.exe: The Movie

uncanny

sherrif either is wearing too much kevlar or ate too many donuts

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Amazed they found a snowmobile big enough for the giant to ride, was NASA involved in this production?

#monsterdon

Psychic Perm Lady from The Black Hole needs to send a message back to robots at the ship about those footprints....

#monsterdon

Ha! I'm loving the crazy bathrobes. Is that santa claus wear?

#monsterdon

Meanwhile, another ski patrol minion with a young boy discover the body of (presumably) the OG Orange Skiing lady in a cabin, disproving my fan theory that she escaped and is teaming up with secret snow witches. A cop guy appears, meets the goggle guy and goes off to talk to this second ski patrol minion, because this looks like a murder scene.

Meanwhile, Sweater Lady is having lunch with Goggles Guy and tells him how horny she is for him. Also, she's a TV reporter.
#monsterdon #snowbeast

So far #snowbeast has long sequences of people doing real life skiing up and down all these mountains to orchestral music. It's actually a little more engaging than it sounds, and that I thought it would be, maybe because it looks more realistic than most scenes like that would be in a modern movie? I feel like most modern action movies with skiing would have sorter ski sequences and they'd be a little more fast cut or otherwise more extreme.

#monsterdon

uh-oh, dude is gonna end up being a scratching post for Mr. Snowbeast and his janky unmanicured claws

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

For me all the poplar trees are really a highlight of the flick so far.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "Let's split up, see what we can find, meet back at the lodge in half an hour" says the guy in the white jacket to the three orange-jacketed employees.

Are we following Star Trek ToS rules? Is everyone in red going to die before the first ad break??

#Monsterdon ya’ll I am 100% positive that Grandma is the dead case worker Juno from Beetlejuice 1988

Okay, so we meet our first two characters, orange skiing lady and green skiing lady. For a while they vibe and ski together, then decide to split up, and the orange skiing lady is (presumably) eaten by an offscreen monster.

We then learn there's a ski tournament and other winter festivities at this monster infested snow resort, announced by a sassy old lady who tells us that skiing used to be "hot dogging" and that we have to hot dog with grace. #monsterdon #Snowbeast

Buster doesn't know how to wear his touque. Canadians would be subjecting him to a game of keep-away pretty quickly.

#monsterdon

that font used in the titles is like the bastard child of Impact and Comic Sans

#monsterdon #Snowbeast

@davesdogmaggie @liferstate I kinda feel like The Inglorious Bastards would be a fun Bo Svenson movie for the Monday Action Movie. It's basically a dirty dozen knock-off. Tarantino did his version as a titular tribute and even invited Bo to come on and have a small role. He also in Kill Bill Volume 2 as Reverend Harmony.

Do Orca on a Sunday and Inglorious Bastards on a Monday and decide who is the better Bo, once and for all.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Inglorious_Bastards

#mondayactionmovie #monsterdon

Possibly a future #monsterdon ?

@liferstate We've yet to watch Orca (1977). We should totally watch Orca!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gd8-MfC6LrQ

#monsterdon

@Lazarou yeah my first #monsterdon didn't even really have a fight in it.

Much shorter Snowbeast:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=312bCRAEgls

#monsterdon

What? Was there even one clear shot of the Snowbeast? We saw more of Ellen's butt than the title monster.

#monsterdon

this concludes this week's #monsterdon thread. as always thanks to @Taweret@octodon.social for hosting!

Until then remember to snowmobile safely. #snowbeast

This was a very self-involved ski lodge culture kind of film. I think Snowbeast and marital discontent were side stories to celebrating ski lodges to people already invested in that kind of thing

#monsterdon

and it ends? so they really did nothing with the whole plot, there was no reason for the monster to exist, they just dropped the entire 'keep it from the town' and winter festival angle, and the monster wasn't even hard to kill just a ski pole (not sharp or even long) to the POV? man you could have had a whole 'wrath of the mountain' plot for basically free just by showing the snowbeast actually being like a rock formation or something and montaging back to all the prior deaths as being caused by natural phenomena like falling or avalanches or hitting trees and made it like a morality play about the excesses of Dionysian pleasure. like that would have made the whole 'not pursuing the throuple' subplot at least something, they only lived because they were Chaste and Pure #monsterdon

What an ending! Wolverine finally killed Sabertooth! #snowbeast #monsterdon

The Snowbeast is now mounted at the bar in town and nobody believes it is real or that Gar was once an Olympic medalist, but they buy him a drink anyways out of pity.

#monsterdon

you can tell by the violins this movie was scored after JAWS

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Is that it?

Do we even see the full Snowbeast?

OMG that was it.

Gar was the real Beast after all.....

#monsterdon

Snowbeast can figure out toys but not how not to run into a ski pole‽
#monsterdon

Wha -- really? REALLY, movie?! #Snowbeast impaled himself on Gar's ski pole?! 🤦🏻‍♀️

#Monsterdon ❄️ #Snowbeast1977

@paco I saw someone suggest that the snowbeast is an angry mountain spirit, and honestly, that might do it.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

yes.
More skiing
Yes

sickos.jpg

#monsterdon

Please let the snowbeast shoot them and then drive off on a snowmobile.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

NO DONT BRING OUT THE SKIS YOU FOOL

#monsterdon

Chevy did make some nice trucks in the 70s. That one's probably a 3-on-the-tree.

#monsterdon

@LK_877 Yes, first viewing -- and it is deliciously terrible 🤣

THANK YOU @Taweret@octodon.social 😂

#Monsterdon ❄️ #Snowbeast1977

@diazona there are strange, unwelcome bursts of artistry in this movie and it needs a slap #monsterdon

#monsterdon "Why don't you stay with Ellen, there's no sense risking all our lives"

Oh ELLEN not HELEN, mea culpa. I should have hunted down the subtitle track for this.

Use your adamantium claws, Wolverine! #monsterdon #snowbeast

Hold up, if the beast is smart enough to make traps, how did it have so much trouble opening the door?

#monsterdon #snowbeast

welp, he was a cop, so…

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Cole, are you hurt
(100 logs on top of him)

No I'm fine thanks

#monsterdon

Amazing hair for being outside in the snow all day.

oooo, three way......how 70s

#monsterdon

The snowbeast is just protesting the use of modern composite materials in the manufacture of skis.

#monsterdon

Anyone have a theory for why the Snowbeast is suddenly attacking people after a hundred+ years of white settlement in Colorado? Is that ever explained?

#monsterdon

lol, are we back to Day posing as Night and STILL going up and down the same hill?

Time is irrelevant

#monsterdon

IF THE RV'S A-ROCKIN

(it might be the monster)

#monsterdon

WTF is this ski slope burial ceremony?

#monsterdon

so y’all thought there was an orgy scene, but it’s gonna be a foursoms of shooting violence, no hanky-panky

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

"Don't give the woman a snowmobile, they're too butch a vehicle for them. Cling to the body of the Giant, like a baby possum to their mother"

#monsterdon

I mean the fucking thing showed up in front of 100 people and showed its face!

Why would this guy insist on passing it off as a bear attack?

#monsterdon

Wait, she has a TELEVISON show?

Glad she pointed that out, again.

And that lady is Tony's Grandmother, don't you forget it.

#monsterdon

Falling body parts alert

#monsterdon

Tuba warning #monsterdon

"A lady reporter" - also known as a reporter.

#monsterdon

Yvette Mimieux never saw a script and said "No, this is garbage."

#monsterdon

Ok so she lost respect for him because he didn’t want to ski anymore and he thought she might be cheating, is that right? I’m glad the snowbeast is bringing them together I guess
#monsterdon

Good idea starting an open fire in a hay barn
#monsterdon

Captain Turtleneck retires to his Gloriously Furnished 70s Style Lodging to angst, then takes up his skies and Skis Gratuitously to the Barn, where it turns out Sweater Lady is lurking in a hay bale, either to catch the monster or catch the boys kissing at their secret rendezvous, who can say?

#monsterdon #snowbeast

Gotta say, those high school scenes were eerily familiar, with all the '70s attire. I would've been entering high school just shortly after this movie debuted.

#monsterdon

Ellen escapes because she's central to the plot and they want to do a few more shots of her butt.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon

That's it! Scream, run around randomly, keep bumping into each other and knocking each over in the giant gym. Perfect. Now we'll just take it from the top. Just one more cut.

#monsterdon

"Aaaaaah there's something scary outside - everyone run outside screaming."

#monsterdon

#monsterdon MONSTER PAWS SMASHING THROUGH THE WINDOW

But now he's going after Winona Ryder from Temu outside in that 4x4 instead of the auditorium..? Baffling, A- decisionmaking

The snowbeast has no social anxiety I see

#monsterdon

The awkwardness of an actual high school band should be enough to kill the beast

#monsterdon

It's a good thing the Sheriff can find time between Elvis impersonation gigs to do some investigating.

#monsterdon

So the cop guy tells the sassy granny that a body was found in a cabin that is somebody's old farm, which they go out to investigate, with sweater lady trailing behind on her Skies of Sneaking.

I have to wonder what farming potential there is up on this snow mountain... maybe they grew potatoes in the summer or something?

#monsterdon #snowbeast

Yeah, there's a monster up there. It's your haircut, dude. #monsterdon

#monsterdon Come to think of it, I'm looking at the snow gear everyone is wearing and thinking that I remember how it would feel, and how much better cold-weather gear is now... because we're almost half a century past when this movie was filmed. Hecc.

NOOO they can't kill off maritally unsatisfied lady! It's too early ...
#monsterdon

The awkward lodge love triangle conversation eventually pivots to goggles guy talking about the monster mystery, and then inviting turtle neck guy to talk about this in the swimming pool, possibly so they could look at each other shirtless. After this scene, the two of them continue talking to each other, having donned bathrobes.

Props to this ski resort for having a warm swimming pool out in the snow. That probably is fun and swedish, if not energy inefficient.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

Tony in the pool with the Giant just reminds me of the Megalodon beneath a single human diver.....

#monsterdon

"Meet me in an hour at the swimming pool. Wear something skimpy"

#monsterdon

Ohhhhhh, is the Bored Wife the lady with the perm and the psychic powers in The Black Hole?

#monsterdon

I'll tell you real monster of this movie: the writer. #monsterdon

*Smash cut to triumphant Tuba* #monsterdon

At this point, our designated hero, Goggles Guy, has decided to be more cautious than his first scene implied and is telling his Ski Minions to go forth and put up "Restricted Area" signs on the slopes in hopes that no one gets eaten by the monster.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

#monsterdon
🎵 Hark! A horrid snow beast yawps
Murder to the ski patrol!
Death to skiiers, murder wild
Murder to the young and old! 🎶

In the next scene, we meet a new character, Captain Turtleneck, who used to be a sports winner guy and was having some kind of conversation with Sweater Lady about his job angst, but I wasn't paying attention. Sweater Lady and Goggles Guy have or had some of thing going on.

The next scene is between Goggled Grandson and Sassy Lady, where he tries to tell the lady that there's a monster, but she thinks its an avalanche, and they agree to call the cops.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

I've decided, this dude can die next, his absurd tale must reach it's climax #monsterdon

Yeah that's how you tree ski #monsterdon

After a choreographed ski patrol, we eventually find the orange snowsuit of the missing girl, with no sign of where she went to (or any blood for that matter). Did the #snowbeast just take her clothes off? Or did she perhaps take off her clothes and throw them at the monster to mislead it, then run naked into the snow, to be rescued by a mysterious tribe of snow witches?

Anyway, we then hear a scary roar and the camera implies that monster is looking at goggled grandson. #monsterdon

Snowbeast was on a Scooby Doo episode. #Monsterdon

lol, have we established Tony is her grandson yet, I think maybe one more time....

#monsterdon

I’m assuming this is a Scooby-Doo situation and in the end #snowbeast will be unmasked and will be revealed to be…

Grandma?

The Olympian?

Heidi?

#monsterdon