#monsterdon

suburban white people not used to describing white monsters 🧐

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

#snowbeast PROS
horny subtext is surprisingly interesting
Danger Tuba
includes yetis
sufficient log battles

CONS
75% of it is just skiing and snowmobiling
most of the plot threads are just kind of... there and not all that engaging
Danger Tuba
insufficient yetis

#monsterdon

they left without their guns and snowmobiles. what kind of gringos are they?

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

so uberdude Gar has trauma from winning the winter olympics?

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

This movie keeps showing people going down, but not back up.

I feel this is an omission

#monsterdon

Octoman v Snowbeast
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#monsterdon "We're going to say the girl was mauled to death by a crazed grizzly out of hibernation."

(Cocaine Bear cinematic universe: established)

LMAO the edging on her hat is just a skein of wool

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

They killed the beast without getting the secret of its high speed travel. Lost to science.

#monsterdon

LMAO an almost Cormanesque ending

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

#monsterdon
FADE TO RED
ROLL CREDITS

AND THAT'S A WRECK

Nobody with normal or big feet fucked off into the sea! But there was a hot springs / pool scene so that kind of counts. No explanation for why bigfoot turned murderous, or what he is or was! No wrap-up about what happened to the ski resort or the people in it.

A+ movie about snow beasts! Thank you @Taweret@octodon.social for hosting! Thank you @Cherizilla for the bingo card! Thank you snow beast for the skiier attacks!

oh, so WE are the beast? that’s our POV?

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

I will be amused if this movie ends with the #snowbeast figuring out how to use guns and starts shooting the polycule. #monsterdon

I legit thought granny was supposed to be the villain but now they’re all “yes the winter carnival IS more important than peoples lives”
#monsterdon

i really need one of those rosy orange-glo jackets. that color is amazing.

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Fading to red when no one is getting killed feels weird.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

Why is she randomly napping in the murder barn? 🤨 #monsterdon

After the Surprise Yeti Invasion, the Sassy Granny, whom I shall henceforth dub "The Matriarch", is injured by fright and carried away by an ambulance, confessing to Mr. Goggles (I think) that they should have reported the monster attack but she didn't want to disrupt the lodge's 50th anniversary celebration. Goggles guy promises the matriarch that it will go on for another 50 years, Yetis be damned.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

In this mountain resort's high school gym, we are doing some pomp and circumstance things (possibly a prom) when suddenly a Surprise Yeti glares at us through a school window and breaks it open, causing everyone to scream and run away. The Surprise Yeti is bored by this and settles for attacking a car and eating the driver. Then it breaks open a gym window and scares more people, then fucks off into the snow.

#snowbeast #monsterdon

By the depth of those monster foot prints in the snow, our beast weighs about as much as a five year old.

#monsterdon

that thing killed her Gar(th)!

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

#monsterdon That houndstooth jacket would never make it out of the wardrobe department these days, given the way that pattern wreaks havoc with modern video codecs. Really interesting how small things like that will date films like this.

I'm also loving all the large outdoor shots. They're not trying to hide this one on a soundstage somewhere and fill out the runtime with indoor shots from somewhere in Hollywood!

That was amusingly bad. Thanks, everyone! Fun trivia, @JoeWynne Goodnight, monster people. #Monsterdon

Cannot get over how they used the same three locations again and again, relentlessly like it was an artistic statement.....but it wasn't

#monsterdon

TO THE MURDERBARN
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There was a KEEP OUT sign but did anyone bother to teach the snowbeast how to read? Checkmate, ski bunnies. #monsterdon

Hell yeah. Bigfoot is OURS, mofo. #Monsterdon

dumb white girl putting herself in danger cuz she’s always had a white knight to rescue her.

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

#monsterdon "Maybe I'll recognize her when I see her face."

@k8eb: "She doesn't have a face!"

movie sheriff: "She doesn't have one."

@k8eb: 😮

Gar: I'm gonna find this Yeti and befriend it. You're not gonna seduce my horny wife while I'm gone, right?

Tony: 👀

#monsterdon

You don't do business in a hot tub, that's just hot tub etiquette

#monsterdon

welp, that was awkward

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

THE COFFEE HAS LANDED. i repeat, THE COFEE HAS LANDED.

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Heidi skied off when she heard a yeti growling. Like a sensible person would. Is she our Final Girl? #monsterdon

menthols voice grangran is rocking it with that all brown ensemble featuring that leather vest

#monsterdon #Snowbeast

lady has that signature “i smoke a pack of Virginia Slims menthols” 1970s voice

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Director: I think we should add more skiing shots though, and take away that whole Snowbeast thing really...it's silly. Skiing is so graceful....don't you think?

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@Copperplate I was prepared for the monster to be shit, but to not actually see the monster, not even a corpse.....well......

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@jonny this film had a writer? #monsterdon

That film was 99% skiing and 1% Snowbeast....

#monsterdon

I could have written a better Snowbeast film than...checks notes...the guy who wrote Psycho?

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I give #snowbeast 3 out of 5 snowmobiles; because of all of the padding I would have probably given it only 1 if it was not determined to help me find as much bisexual subtext in it as possible.

#monsterdon

They were renting that Snowbeast costume by the MINUTE #monsterdon

look, I'm not American and even I know that little pistol isn't going to do anything at that range.

Tony, you wanker.

#monsterdon

"Can you find the rifles....."

"No......but there are some skis"

Great

#monsterdon

Our watch plan goes awry when the #snowbeast attacks and kills the sheriffs with some convenient logs, probably because it was mad at being poked with logs before and wanted to payback. Our surviving heroes decide to forget their snowmobile steeds and their guns and run away, eventually wandering off to the murder barn, then they realize that this is dumb and that they should go back and get their guns. Along they way they decide that their enemy is smart and yearns for murder.

#monsterdon

So Tony and Mr. & Mrs. Bo just left the sheriff to be #Snowbeast snackfood? 💀

#Monsterdon ❄️ #Snowbeast1977

yeah, friends don't kiss each other like that......

especially Heteros in the 70s

#monsterdon

@Taweret@octodon.social What if old man fairchild is also octoman?

#monsterdon #snowbeast

so, the beast treats cars as sardine tin cans, but packing humans inside

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

It really is the same fucking slope again and again, isn't it?

Feels like they'll find some old greek guy pushing a rock....

#monsterdon

a mutant left over from the ice age?

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Yes, because when someone dies at the ski hill, the family has them buried at the ski hill.

And the ski patrol have a six gun salute. Yes.

#monsterdon

@SRLevine my take was that this particular gratuitous skiing represents the joy he feels at skiing again after triumphing over whatever psychological issues were stopping him from skiing.

As opposed to... all of the other gratuitous skiing scenes which were there to remind the audience that this movie is at a ski resort?

#monsterdon #snowbeast

It's the 70s, so it's a monster. In 2024, they'd be running from a shooter.

#monsterdon

I think this cop knows way too much and is pretty indifferent to whether the people of this town live or die.....so pretty authentic.

12 hours and the giant has only just noticed his wife is missing? No wonder they're divorcing.

#monsterdon

swimming pool in the fucking dead of winter. temperate climate peoples are so weird.

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

They had to film the Giant in a swimming pool as his bulk was unsupportable on land in this gravity

#monsterdon

Okay, so #snowbeast has a love triangle. Captain Turtleneck is married to Sweater Lady, but is angsty about having won sports things in the past and is now nervous about that and hasn't skied since then for psychological reasons. Sweater Lady almost married Goggles Guy and is still horny for him. Goggles Guy is also horny for her, which Captain Turtleneck notices and also doesn't seem to mind. This suggests that the optimal resolution is a threesome that involves skies.

#monsterdon

am loving that Tony looks like out of a Sears-Roebuck catalog

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

those Orange-glo jackets are THE LOOK

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

Launching my thread for #Snowbeast, which, true to form, starts with some snow and also the ominous hand of a beast! Followed by two women skiing to orchestral music.

Monsterdon is the thing every week where we watch an old monster movie and make fun of it. If that sounds fun to you, feel free to join along! If that sounds boring to you, then you might want to mute the #monsterdon hashtag lest you be inundated by posts about snow and... beasts....

@Infoseepage Well, some of us *did* watch the Star Wars Holiday Special recently...

#monsterdon #snowbeast

The End.
Thanks @Taweret@octodon.social and everyone #monsterdon

I guess the snowbeast fucked off down the slope as it died. Then people just stared at it for a while.

THE END

#monsterdon #snowbeast

And boom - it's over. It's the #monsterdon way.

Ha! ✅ Improvised Weapon! #monsterdon

It's actually rather fitting that the villain of a movie with so much gratuitous skiing is ultimately killed by a ski stick. Presumably its body is then carried back to the ski lodge behind a snow mobile and dragged around it, like Hector's body before Troy.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

Okay, so we get back to the truck and there's no #snowbeast there, and we grab some guns, and then the snowbeast shows up from a distance but we don't really see it and Captain Turtleneck starts skiing after it as the Danger Tuba plays in the background, only to be attacked by it. Naturally he shoots it with his pistol, then runs out of ammo, then stabs it with his ski stick.

Goggles Guy and Sweater Lady are in another search party and catch up to it after is vanquished.

#monsterdon

Do Yeti shed all their hair come spring so they aren't stark white against the greenery? Is there some period of time when they're running around nude and pink?

#monsterdon

beast gonna have the rifles, don’t it?

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

"no we'll be more vulnerable if we split up" HEY! SOMEBODY WITH A BRAIN! #monsterdon

I miss Octaman. #Monsterdon

It would be nice to see full nudity at this point, just saying

#monsterdon

TIL that:
• Bo Svensen is 6'5"
• Clint Walker was 6'6"
• Yvette Mimieux was 5'4"
#Monsterdon ❄️ #Snowbeast1977

#monsterdon "I don't think what we've seen is Bigfoot. I don't think it's as simple as that."

...

"A mutant of some kind? A leftover from the last ice age?"

That's more exposition than the whole first 65 minutes of the movie! Well, supposition rather than exposition, but still. Plot progress!

"Just the four of us"

Regular fucking fellowship of the ring we have ourselves.....

#monsterdon

Imagine having the US Army Corps of Engineers dispute your existence. I'd fly into a murderous rage, too.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

After a funeral for the dead ski minion, a dead bear is brought back to the lodge on a sled, believed by the foolish villagers I mean ski patrons that this is the murderous #snowbeast, when we all know its a scary Wampa Yeti that still lurks and will also kill more.

The sheriff says that it rushed him and he shot it, but Captain Turtleneck and Sweater Lady know better that the perpetrator is not a Bear.

#monsterdon

it ain’t a gringo movie without some shooting

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

only white man suffers trauma from being a winner cuz grock forbid you just close and are grateful for completing a chapter in your life and move on to being something, and somebody, else.

literally, a first world problem cuz you can only be one thing until the day you die in white supremacist capitalist patriarchy.

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

#monsterdon I love how bines ocular in films are always framed with those double circles. Straight out of a comic book, every single time.

#monsterdon *snow beast stalks the cabin where Gar and Helen are fixing their marriage with pop psychology*

Come on, what is the motivation for all this icy murder? It's not territoriality, clearly; the snow beast is obviously eating well, it's not starvation; is the cover story accidentally accurate? Grumpy hibernation interruption?

#monsterdon If this Snowed Beast attacks an auditorium I am going to lose my entire mind

"If you want to know more about Bigfoot.....you can come back to my shack and I have some literature for you....."

I'd pass.

#monsterdon

In addition to having gratuitous ski scenes, #snowbeast also has gratuitous snowmobile scenes... there's a lot of zooming around on snow motorcycles in this movie. In this case, we use the snowmobiles to go to the farm, where we discover the Offscreen Murdered Body of Orange Ski Lady. The cop asks questions to Goggles Guy and is suspicious of him; he explains that he saw a monster and left the orange coat of the orange skiing lady as a marker of her location.

#monsterdon

I’m like 30 minutes past the point where some characters casually mentioned giving a witness to the snowbeast tranquilizers or something to knock her out. Like is that a standard thing to have at a ski resort?? I’m still thinking about Heidi.
#monsterdon

The Yeti is making a woman suit, like in Silence of the Lambs.

#monsterdon

Complicating our love quadrangle is the knowledge that sweater guy is good at shooting, and so goggles guy wants him to shoot the monster, who they seem to think is a bigfoot, but the turtleneck guy doesn't want to do that. This gives our male leads a thing to talk about as they lounge in the swimming pool and in the bathrobes.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

Will nobody close the beaches! (woops, wrong movie).

So, so many films trying to cash in on Jaws.

#monsterdon

Snowbeast just needed a hand with the rustic decor.

#Monsterdon #Snowbeast

lol, the people are awful to children in this movie, at least that's authentic 70s

#monsterdon

This clothing is obscenely cheesy and I LOVE it. #monsterdon

After learning about hot dogging, we meet the sassy old lady's grandson, who drives a snowmobile and wears orange tinted goggles, like the lego spacemen from the discontinued Ice Planet 2000 series.

He goes out to meet with the green skiing lady, who is scared because she lost her friend (orange skiing lady) and all she found were strange monster footprints; she wants to tell the missing girl's parents but goggled grandson reassures her that her friend will be found.

#monsterdon #snowbeast

OMG the acting in this is the real monster, it's almost sublime

#monsterdon

Say what now? #Monsterdon

I hope #monsterdon goes back to the 1950s or 60s next week. The 70s were a special kind of suck, and we've had 2 of those in a row.

@plaidtron3000 fair play to them, that was authentic rosy cheeked cold #monsterdon

@douglasfur I feel like I know this location so intimately now.... #monsterdon