My son died OFF CAMERA

(tiny, squeaky voice)

...off camera!

#Monsterdon

I'm joining a militia just for the puffy vest and huntin' hat

#Monsterdon

The cops are reacting to the third mystery death by saying they are working on it, and the townspeople are reacting by buying and selling shotguns. The main characters are reacting by flying kites and climbing trees.

#monsterdon

real. bear. hair.

#monsterdon

How long having the silver bullet revving in a garage before death's sweet embrace liberates the rider?

#Monsterdon

That wheelchair is bitchin I wish I didn't have legs now.

#monsterdon #SilverBullet

HE SAID THE THING

#monsterdon

I'm not wondering what the monster's doin'!

#monsterdon

If you try to commit suicide, but are interrupted and killed by something else does it still count for "going to hell" purposes?

#Monsterdon

@jivens fool. you do not go "viral" on mastodon. you go "woolly". you simpleton. you absolute wood panelled station wagon

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

Gotta love the subtlety of Stephen King dialogue

#Monsterdon

anne of green gables is in this?? #monsterdon

@ryan where did you find this? How did you find this?
I almost feel like sharing/inflicting this on people. But I dunno when I would have the opportunity.
#Monsterdon #WrongFrogs

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet1985 I have cousins who have shot better movies then this.

@CactuarJoe @Taweret this is the dream of Anarchism, no cops and dead eyeless were-priests!

#Monsterdon

Oh. I am too sober for Maximum Overdrive as a psychodelic music video.
#Monsterdon #WrongFrogs

@CactuarJoe Nah, this one was fine. there are definitely worse horrors awaiting us this year in the #monsterdon lineup.

"Okay, we need you to write the end credits song for a movie called Silver Bullet."

"Cool cool, what's it about?"

"Uh... a kid with like, a fast wheelchair or something? I have no idea."

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

After playing "catch the gun while not getting werewolf-mobbed" for a little bit, Marty catches the bullet and shoots the Wolfpriest in the other eye. He turns into a hairy naked guy, then into a naked guy, then appears dead, but then goes "woooaarrrgggh!" and pops up screaming until he falls back down, probably dead.

Marty makes a joke about not being able to walk and then is like "I love you jane" and jane is like "I love you marty" then piano music and credits!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon And that's that! Thanks @Taweret and @miru!

and so the voiceover added nothing

ty for joining, everyone

#monsterdon

"Joke! I'm disabled! lol!"

#Monsterdon

snout retracts like a frighten penis

#Monsterdon

"Ow! My other eye! Why did you shoot my other eye with this spray-painted bullet? It really stings like crazy!"

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

Polymarket. Now. Uncle Red is next to go.

------------

This toot is a reaction to the Monsterdon livestream playing right now at https://miru.miyaku.media ! You can mute the #Monsterdon hashtag to silence these toots from me.

@CactuarJoe PLAY BALL

#monsterdon

The uncle takes the necklace to the elves, meaning an "old world craftsmanship wizard" in a shop, who reforges it into Anduril, the flame of the west... i mean... um... a silver bullet.

#monsterdon

This has more padding than an 8th grade sock hop..... #monsterdon

"And we were taking no chances. Which is why we made exactly one goddamn bullet."

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

@CactuarJoe tsuki ni kawatte AROOOOO

#monsterdon

HE SAID IT! HE SAID THE THING!

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

not the worst werewolf transformation we've seen, 6/10

#Monsterdon

why do you need to transform to whack a guy with a bat?

#monsterdon #SilverBullet1985 #BadWhuf1985

Not even a rat--that was a gerbil!

#Monsterdon

all I know is sneaking around an American's property at night is a good way to get shot

#Monsterdon

@jivens #monsterdon

I wanna see the next shot of The Wolf with a huge cross around his neck

The werewolf has gotten slower and slower to kill people as the film goes on.

The train guy he decapitates in a single swipe.

The woman he mauls for about 30 seconds.

Then he beats the dude with his own baseball bat.

Finally he can't even kill Marty in one try.

#monsterdon

Next, on The Bridges of Werewolf County.

YES, go investigate the maybe-monster, probably-serial-killer, AT NIGHT, without backup. Admittedly the deputy is dead. But still.
#monsterdon #silverBullet

Ooh what if there's TWO werewolves?!? The reverend and the Sherrif? All of the pillars of society are werewolves.

mayor? Werewolf.
Town doctor? Werewolf.

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

Marty escapes the Ecclesiastical Wolfcar but then runs out of gas and so hides in a covered bridge. As he's trapped there, the priest wanders in to threaten Marty and explains that he had to kill the one girl he killed because she was going to kill herself and that would send her to hell. No explanation for the wolf other murders though.

#monsterdon

"Look Uncle Red let's just compromise and you can strap some harpoon guns on my wheelchair and we'll call it a day."

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

yeah, shut up, marty

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling shit" #Monsterdon

Tractor ex machina. Wait that seems redundant

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

"the other people, I just killed them cuz I was super hungry"

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

@Taweret Us?

#monsterdon

This priest must be pure evil. Who else would have bumper stickers on the front of their car?
#Monsterdon #SilverBullet1985

I'm still holding out for a surprise twist where two townsfolk got similar eye injuries on the same day. #Monsterdon #SilverBullet1985

#monsterdon Generally every horror movie features dull adults and wise children. At least the adults make for some USDA Prime Ground Castburger.

Of course you're trembling, you're alone with the creepy minister.

Also he's the werewolf, as if that mattered.
#monsterdon

I also wish I had a tape-recorder! For no reason in particular though. I just think they're neat.

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

lol, the things kids write online....

#Monsterdon

If reality has taught us anything, it's probably the priest.

#monsterdon

Is it so much to ask that we have a hot priest who isn't a werewolf? Is it really so much to ask?

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

Listen if you have a voiceover, don't just skip it for an entire act and a half. Commit. #monsterdon

Hey the priest is missing an eye too! What are the chances?!?!

ohhhhhhh wait

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN

#monsterdon

🎵 here's to you, mr. robertson 🎵

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

"Hi Mr. Robertson, I was wondering if you had any. ANY MISSING EYES THAT IS"

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

Okay, why not just say "Marty got attacked by a PERSON last night, and he stabbed them in the eye before he got away."

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

Do... we really need the narrator clearing this up for us?

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

@Taweret "Historical Allegations"

#Monsterdon

Is it a perpetual full moon in this town, or are they not bothering with the basic werewolf rules?

#Monsterdon

kid's doing a better job than a town-sized lynch mob

#monsterdon

@ohiofi He's a "care-wolf"

I'll see myself out ...

#Monsterdon

My parents eventually took down our radio broadcasting antenna because I kept sneaking out

#Monsterdon

Your cool uncle brought you illegal fireworks... is how many emergency room stories start. #monsterdon

is that the dirtiest two stroke engine they could find? I can taste it from here!

Gary Busey gives a child fireworks then just drive off into the night, howling.....

he's got to be a lycanthrope, hasn't he?

Or does he bite the werewolves and they become Busey?

#Monsterdon

I guess the character I called the dad is really the uncle because Marty was saying that the uncle was going to give him a cool wheelchair.

Another reminder to never completely trust whatever character interpretations I drop in these #monsterdon threads.

The movie can stop trying to make gary busey heartwarming any time it wants. I won't complain. #monsterdon

Really, I just want to see him drive Silver Bullet into the werewolf, and for the werewolf to 🤬ing explode

A man can dream

#Monsterdon

turns out that was a dream by the priest! not all the congregation are werewolves and day does not mysteriously turn into night instantly during a funeral!

but it does suggest that maybe the priest has werewolf detecting divination powers, which is neat.

#monsterdon

cancelled fireworks are definitely a chekov's gun

#monsterdon #SilverBullet1985 #BadWhuf1985

Hey hey, this church is way too white to be doing call and response. #monsterdon

Pazuzu would wreck this prick so hard

#Monsterdon

Wait, absolutely no church service i have been to involves people swinging back and forth during a hymn. Is this a thing??

#monsterdon

That was just objectively funny

#Monsterdon

What we're looking for is under the fog! I think we're in an old Cinemax movie, Andy!

#Monsterdon

Black Guy dies first....

#Monsterdon

@bryanhowell ...it was a failed government experiment. the bears learned to avoid them and started throwing them at the townsfolk. worst thanksgiving ever.

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

Bobby is going to make lemonade, the coward

#Monsterdon

all i can say is that if i were a mummy or dracula then i would only attack people when the moon was full to fake everyone out

#monsterdon #freeadvice

Double bear trap gag is a classic

#Monsterdon

"How do we know we're going the right way?"

"We don't! Yahhhhh!"

#monsterdon #SilverBullet

This is going to be fun watching these guys get murdered on-by-one
#Monsterdon

The time scale in this film's confusing. Hours, days, weeks passing?

HAH, the preacher is Big Ed Hurley from Twin Peaks!!!

The law has a NAME for what you're planning! It's vigilante superheroes! You're badasses, go lynch some people!

"My son was torn to Reeses Pieces! The candy popularlized by E.T.! Look at this ad for the sweet candy shell & peanut butter filling! JUST LIKE MY DEAD BOY!" (I'm saying baldy is a bad actor.)

#monsterdon #silverBullet

The father is real torn up about...
oh god, sorry, poor choice of words.
#monsterdon

He's STILL wearing that suit?!

#Monsterdon

That's a concerning armband

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet1985

What if it’s Some Kind Of Monster?!

#monsterdon #silverbullet1985

"How about if I take the boy home?"

"Red, you're literally so drunk you parked in a tree."

#monsterdon #SilverBullet

slightly out of tune organ

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

How'n the fuck did little monkey climb without use of his legs? I'm honestly concerned for the werewolf, it's gonna be fighting this kid‽

"Has anybody seen my son, Brady?" <cop drags a bloody kite>

OH that darmned kite-eating tree has got another one! When will Charlie Brown do something?

"Eh aaugh ah aaaugh!" guy mourns like me pulling a splinter.
#monsterdon #silverBullet

@bryanhowell toxic yaoi

#Monsterdon #SilverBullet

OH: did Stephen King hate rural people?

#Monsterdon

edit: Stephen (not Steven) King

Would you two just shut up and kiss already

#monsterdon #SilverBullet

That bowl cut kid is more focused on that kite than I've ever been focused on anything in my life.

#monsterdon #SilverBullet

Can't stop thinking about that Mac and Me clip...

#Monsterdon

extra points for getting impaled on a wood stake on the way down

#Monsterdon

Did the wolf... dig a tunnel under the greenhouse? That seems like a lot of work just for the element of surprise.

#monsterdon #SilverBullet