Reptilian
Floaty Birb
Floaty Birb
floatybirb

What did we learn from this ?

1) always read the hieroglyphics
2) don't fight a giant cgi dinosaur if you don't have to
3) if you do have to fight a giant cgi dinosaur, then don't shoot missiles at it if you know those missiles will miss and also destroy buildings

Proud Owlbear
Proud Owlbear
cocaine_owlbear@retro.pizza

And so Yonggari fucked off to a deserted island.

That was terrible, but I gotta admit, I laughed pretty hard in places. It was such a mess of a script, with godawful dialogue and a nonsensical plot, acted terribly, and with just plain bad CGI… but it had its moments.

Thanks for making it extra fun, everyone. Take care of each other. Be kind, spread love, enjoy the absurd.

Goodnight.

#Monsterdon

Bluedepth

We're hazardously close to this becoming Hentai…

Floaty Birb
Floaty Birb
floatybirb

@ohiofi I'd rather fight Yonggary than the T-rexes because he might switch sides and join my team on his own before I had a chance to die.

Floaty Birb
Floaty Birb
floatybirb

the evil government agent decides to sabotage the army's computers with a walkie talkie but gets his ass kicked and his walkie talkie confiscated.

back in LA, the other monster has appeared to fight Gary. It looks kind of like Gary, but has more claws and a tail with a claw.

Srol
Srol
srol@mellified.men

"If that thing was any meaner, I'd swear it was my wife"

lasjhdfoaluiysbdfpuabdsf we've peaked. we've peaked. there's nowhere to go from here, we've peaked.

#monsterdon

Floaty Birb
Floaty Birb
floatybirb

no fucking idea why but Gary is on our side now and so we don't have to fight him.

This freaks out the aliens so they wave their hands and shout "activate cyborg!" and shoot a roman candle to LA so it explodes and... I guess turns into another monster that we haven't seen yet?

saucerlost

None of these guys have good tone

Faces for radio and voices for a PDF

SnoopJ
SnoopJ
SnoopJ@hachyderm.io

…and then it follows up this exposition immediately by having the Jetpack Jackoffs track Yonggary using infrared, a thing they can apparently do

so, is he NOT dematerialized, then? what the fuck?

#Monsterdon

Floaty Birb
Floaty Birb
floatybirb

in the army factory the government decides it wants to nuke LA to defeat Gary. somehow there is an off-screen evacuation of LA, which annoys me because why would you make a kaiju movie without an evacuation scene? Also the army has jet packs but they're not ready but they'll use them anyway to fight Gary.

Bluedepth

well, a daemon you say? sudo systemctl yongary restart?

Terencio

@moira

The Archies would probably do a better job of handling this crisis.

Floaty Birb
Floaty Birb
floatybirb

One of the army guys is mad that the Mysterious Government Agent knew about this for several months and didn't tell them. I feel that's a pretty short timeline for a Mysterious Government Agency to reveal its dark secrets.

Anyway, the agent wants them to capture the aliens alive but the army guys are like "i dunno man that space dinosaur is kicking our ass."

Harvey Sandstrom
Harvey Sandstrom
cd0

Fun fact you have to have 4 or more greying white men in a grey windowless room in order to be a "situation room". Otherwise it's just a sparkling crisis center.

saucerlost

General, we've found Yongary's Switch, and we deleted his Zelda game save.

Bluedepth

More Secret? Who are you keeping the secret from? You may mean, more private. Because private is secret without the ...object… in there…

Floaty Birb
Floaty Birb
floatybirb

Oh neat we finally meet the aliens! They look kind of like silvery kaiju villain talking heads, maybe with some goop or blood on them to make them look gritty or less defined. Their voices sound exactly like power ranger villains.

We see them but they don't really say anything interesting. Just "our superior space technology will technology" and "no we must do strange stuff."

Floaty Birb
Floaty Birb
floatybirb

While the puny earthlings are so happy they found a giant dinosaur, the aliens decide to harsh our mellow by launching space fighters and lasering our space shuttle and also a satellite, making the army dudes monitoring the space shit go "WTF what happened to all our space shit?"

saucerlost

Did you find any Power Ranger skeletons in the vicinity

Floaty Birb
Floaty Birb
floatybirb

We then introduce new character, Shirtless Boss, who is lounging in bed with our other character, Bored Yet Cuddly Sex Worker. Shirtless Boss interrupts her cuddling time by taking a phone call to say "dinosaur!"

Harvey Sandstrom
Harvey Sandstrom
cd0

I'm going to watch Giants of Thessaly because the thumbnail has a shirtless bodybuilder, and I need a palate cleanser after that thing that I struggle to call a "movie".