"we're the U.S. Army! we meet interesting entities AND KILL THEM!"

#monsterdon

Woah woah woah we only had six months head start. What should we have done? Something? Don't be childish, it was nap time

#Monsterdon #Yonggary1999

"We're taking these mothers out" well it *is* Mother's Day #Monsterdon #Reptilian2001

#Monsterdon 🕵️‍♀️⛏️🐊🐢🦎🐍🐉🦕🦖😱
#Yonggary1999

what city?

“Gentlemen, let’s be realistic now”

Sir, we are 50 minutes into the movie, I don’t see why we should start now

#Monsterdon

@davesdogmaggie

Delivery disturbed by lack of science pipe to puff on at key moments

#Monsterdon #Reptilian

The spy just made the case to the military that spies can't trust the military because the military are thugs who noogie them.

& the general agreed that that was valid. #Monsterdon

"The craft has immobilized? " Is that English? #monsterdon #yonggary1999 #reptilian1999

You knew about this for SIX MONTHS, and you didn't fuckin' cap the goddamned Professor before a bunch of foreign nationals bit the dust?

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999

i love the janky-ass "UNDA" logo

#Monsterdon

UNDA? United Nations Defense Agency? What the actual..

#Yonggary1999
#monsterdon

"Six months?!?"
"Gentlemen, we figured we had a week to spare.
Or twenty million years, give-or-take. Depending on the breaks."

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999 #Yonggary1999

Why are you flying so close to the target when you have missiles?
#monsterdon

His secret agent power levels are over 9000

#Monsterdon

Here's my dossier of everything which happened over this 200 my period. #Monsterdon

That monster looks straight out of reboot
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ReBoot

#Monsterdon

For a super secret spy dude, this guy sure seems nervous. #monsterdon #yonggary1999 #reptilian1999

#Monsterdon 🕵️‍♀️⛏️🐊🐢🦎🐍🐉🦕🦖😱
#Yonggary1999

oh no it's also 'chariots of the gods' and all

"Level Five classified …"

Hahaha, what? 😂🤣 #Monsterdon

Is Yongari the love child of King Koopa and Spyro? Yes, a forbidden love.

#monsterdon

he printed that badge on a dot-matrix printer

#monsterdon

#monsterdon
🕵️‍♀️⛏️🐊🐢🦎🐍🐉🦕🦖😱

An agency that specializes in "alien encounters". I wonder what he means by "alien".

This movie makes more sense if everything is interpreted as sexual innuendo.

#monsterdon

A Level Five Classified Agency. Convenient.

#Yonggary1999
#monsterdon

#monsterdon

This is so bad. Why is Yonggary glowing?

The real answer is they didn't match the lighting in their CG with the lighting in the scene they composited it into.

That's a real rookie error.

#monsterdon This soldier laughs like Pitbull.

He's a level FIVE secret agent. #Monsterdon

oh the guy's name was Bravo. I thought he was being applauded for dying

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999

Clearly supposed to be Walter Skinner from X-Files.

#monsterdon

“I want a sensible explanation. And I want it now” #Monsterdon

"Find out what the hell happened to my choppers!"

"Do you care about the people on them?"

"No, just the choppers."

#monsterdon

ok that is CLEARLY an X-Files reference....

#monsterdon

I also want an explanation

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999 #Yonggary1999

The aliens have a yoink beam. #Monsterdon

So the aliens sent Yonggary to a random spot in a desert, it baited out a military response, and then the aliens beamed it back up? Why?

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999

vanished ... from radar?
YOU WERE LOOKING RIGHT AT IT. IT VANISHED FROM SIGHT.
#reptilian1999 #monsterdon

I like how half the scenes have half the actors barely holding back a laugh
#Monsterdon

"Dematerialise Young Gary. And Yungblud. And Machinegun Kelly."

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999 #Yonggary1999

Wait, if that guy was Bravo Leader, whotf was Bravo who got smoked earlier? #Monsterdon

Beam me up Young Gary.

#Yonggary1999
#monsterdon

Waaaaah, my choppers! #Monsterdon

Great, now the monster is invisible!

#monsterdon
#Yonggary1999

I'm so, so sorry that some poor composer had to score this nonsense. I mean, they're "legally distinct"-ing their way through all the familiar standards, so it's not like they're straining their creativity; still, imagine having to watch THIS while thinking, "Ugh. I have to put music here."

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999

Special effects from the guy who did "The Amazing Bulk" #monsterdon #yonggary1999 #reptilian1999

I’ve seen five-year-olds playing make believe with a more cohesive plot structure

#Monsterdon

@socketwench …is this a cry for help, Wench?

#Monsterdon

Wow I did not expect Campbell to get squished so early! #Monsterdon

"Target is mobile" eh not really #Monsterdon #Reptilian2001

@flowerpot The only way to defeat a bad guy with CGI is another bad guy with CGI

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999 #Yonggary1999

#monsterdon why'd they give Yonggary such goofy little arms

Damn it, we just can't stop the monster!

Have you tried Apollo 440?

#monsterdon

"you bastard" was probably the One Swear for the movie, sorry that's it y'all

#monsterdon

NGL, this gives the vibe of a video game boss battle.

#Monsterdon

Y'all.

My friends.

My comrades in shit film.
.
.
.
.
I miss The Incredible Bulk.

#monsterdon
#Yonggary1999

The US Military mildly exfoliates Yongarry. He didn't order the ballistic scrub, tho. There goes your five star rating! #monsterdon

"Four, seven, three, eight!"

Who do we appre-ci-ate! #Monsterdon

In the mid-90's there was an actual made-for-TV movie called, I think, "Apache" about AH-64 missions and I feel like this is desperately trying to rip that off #Monsterdon #Reptilian2001

Yes! “SQUISH!” goes the evil paleontologist!

Sooner than I expected, but satisfying nonetheless.

#Monsterdon #reptilian1999 #reptilian

#monsterdon tooooot

also digging the formula 1 CGI apaches

What’s the strategy behind Resurrecting Dino and then teleporting Dino to [checks notes] the middle of nowhere?

This helps the alien invasion how?? #Monsterdon

It's okay, helicopters can regrow their tails, they just separate to distract predators. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Everything here is CGI. And... yeah, it's fine. It’s… fine.

That's some low res graphics for 1999, dang

#monsterdon

They train sumo wrestlers as pilots?
#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🕵️‍♀️⛏️🐊🐢🦎🐍🐉🦕🦖😱
#Yonggary1999

"MAYDAY Aaarrrgh"

It baffles me how everyone in this movie stares right at the monster and goes "Nah, that's not real" Then goes "I'm sorry I didn't believe you" like WHAT?? ITS RIGHT THERE HOW DID YOU EVER DOUBT IT??😂
#Monsterdon

ROCKY!

#monsterdon #Yonggary1999

go go Yonggary smash

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999 #Yonggary1999

Has he seen no kaigu films? Choppers never work. #Monsterdon

so many of these fast action cuts this is totally a shitpost movie
#monsterdon

Do you smell it, Doctor? #Monsterdon #Reptilian1999

The target remains mobile, unlike this story. #Monsterdon

Yonggary looks like he's enjoying a nice shower when those missiles hit him.

like it must feel really good when the sparks fly.

#monsterdon

Young Gary smells old? Like an old book old, or Werther's Originals, or like throw those leftovers in the trash old?

#Monsterdon

We watch a lot of older movies and sometimes I'm left wondering "bad or just old?" And then we watch something like this that came out in my lifetime and there's just no question about it.

#monsterdon

oooh, this dino model is BAD. It looks like it's from Nintendo 64 or something, idk I never had a console

#Monsterdon

got a visual, yes, that's what you said last time
going in for a closer look... ...

what is this groundhog day?
#reptilian1999 #monsterdon

Yonggary is ripped BTW

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999 #Yonggary1999

"Bravo. Bravo."
I didn't think it was that great of a death. #Monsterdon

When does Guardian Matrix show up?

#monsterdon #Yonggary1999

This is glorious

#Monsterdon

@Ayyyydrew

Is that Axe Body Spray?

#Yonggary1999
#Monsterdon

Yonggary appears to be built like a buff twenty year old in body armor.

#Monsterdon #Reptilian2001

The "choppers" have a chance to stop it because they exist in the same CG universe #Monsterdon #Reptilian2001

Monstermovies can't get more generic than this, I'm sure!
#monsterdon
#reptillian1999

Yea you definitely want ATC to clearly hear you evaluate the encounter as "Damned Ugly". #Monsterdon

This writing is… chef’s kiss. #Monsterdon #Reptilian1999

Now I understand the young Gary part.
#monsterdon #yonggary1999 #reptilian1999

"It smells so... old!"
Girl, the Professor is standing right there, you're gonna hurt his feelings!
#Monsterdon

@diazona

Flowers and toys on vital military consoles?

#Yonggary1999
#Monsterdon

I like the puff shoulder sleeves on our monster. Very stylish.
#Monsterdon

going down to check it out.
Well, he's going down alright.
#reptilian1999 #monsterdon

What an awful helicopter presentation. . #Monsterdon

Please save the plans for this movie so we can print more future monsterdons.

#Yonggary1999
#monsterdon

Oh great, this is going to turn into a Holly-Yonggary Hallmark romance movie #Monsterdon #Reptilian2001

#monsterdon This CG is as bad as the acting. It's not completely horrible in still frames, but the animation is so laughably bad.

Is this going to rip off Mighty Joe Young too? Holly's going to befriend Yonggary, isn't she?

#Monsterdon #Reptilian1999

@diazona He rolls and then he gets up as if he’s dazed from the roll.

#Monsterdon