Hey, check out that pyroclastic flow, guys! #monsterdon

So far the biggest mystery here for me is why the Confederate soldier has the same accent as all the Canadian characters on South Park #Monsterdon

I sure hope they next big animal tries to eat one of the interchangeable white guys next.
#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

The crab monster would have attacked Johnny Reb first, but then it would have had to speak through his ghost’s weird voice.
#monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

@srol historically accurate then #monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🏝️ 🐝 🦀 🦪 🐦 😱

So what kind of crab actor is this?

i don't need no fucking characterization i need more giant animals #monsterdon

there's probably a crab research Dharma station nearby

#monsterdon

Hmm. I haven't had crab in ages. I know what I have to have soon. Maybe I can get to Red Lobster before they all close.
#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

also, a) he lived! and b) he lived to eat the crab that tried to get him! congrats to guy who's name i never did catch. #monsterdon

Not my wife theorizing how to boil a giant crab #monsterdon

Is this movie just gonna be them eating everything on the island? #monsterdon

amazingly the black guy survived

#monsterdon

A crab boil, a hoedown, what's better than this, fellas

#Monsterdon

Men, who brought the Old Bay seasoning? What? #monsterdon

WORLD'S BIGGEST CRAB STEW

Also, props for not actually killing the black guy first.

YET.

#Monsterdon

Circle around and hit it where its claws AREN'T.

#monsterdon

oh the black dude didn't already die, good

#monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

and i don't think the crab actually smooshed him? is it trying to carry him back to its lair for a nice cup of tea??? #monsterdon

Don't you dare kill the black guy first you crustaceous son of a bitch!
#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

ah. RIP only black guy in the movie which ostensibly stars civil war soldiers. #monsterdon

GIANT ENEMY CRAB

#Monsterdon

That fallen tree bridge looks very familiar - maybe a homage to King Kong?

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

It's so hard to buy these men as from the 19th century. Everything I know about film is screaming they're actually like 1950s rocket scientists or astronauts or something. #monsterdon

@Taweret the special effects aren’t bad! Either that or i need to clean my glasses #monsterdon

ok that big log is very king kong #monsterdon

I've been taking care of a sick kid this evening so I have not been able to #Monsterdon. But at least it's one I've seen before!

Birb
Two birb
#Monsterdon
#MysteriousIsland

those are just normal birds tho

#monsterdon

It is a beautiful monster island.
#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

Penfield is being played by Percy Herbert, a British actor, so that's Cockney Johnny Reb.

#Monsterdon

Mr. Spillit is a good cook name
#monsterdon

"...gentlemen, we're going to climb that."
"That volcano?"
"Yep"
"The one that's smoking."
"Yep"
"ummmm ... can we maybe do something else?"

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

New Zealand, lmao

#Monsterdon

Mount Doom is very realistic. #Monsterdon

We've landed in the MATTE PAINTING ARCHIPELAGO! #Monsterdon

the guy with the greaser hair keeps making me think they're going to break into a rock and roll dance number #monsterdon

So seaweed was poison back then #monsterdon

this movie will redeem itself if they start anthropomorphizing the giant oysters and stuff right the hell now and ideally in a musical number where they clap their shells together like castanets #monsterdon

Ope, different person, and unconscious people don't make fires

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

@Taweret I can tell the Confederate when he talks because I still not over that accent

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon Yes, let's find who's ever blowing that damn horn!

i looked it up and the southern is i believe the one played by an english actor who learned a "southern" accent by watching some other movie a bunch of times

#monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

those birds are kinda transparent in front of the matte painting #Monsterdon

Fundamentally, the story problem with “this mode of transport will take us wherever no matter what we do” is the “no matter what we do” part–if the character’s decisions have no impact, it’s barely a story. You need to have some character moments, and this movie might not know how to do those. #monsterdon

"c'mon young man, eat my fresh sea meat..."

#monsterdon

finally

you know, Lost opened on the island. you didn't have to slog through 20 mins of bullcrap first

just saying

#monsterdon

Mon dieu, even the seagulls are greenscreened.

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

And the balloon drags them over a cliff. #Monsterdon

Amazing timing. Just amazing. #Monsterdon

Dudes, once you’ve made it to land, you can let go of the ropes. #Monsterdon

The air bladder is quite slack now....

#monsterdon

Okay I get that they need events to explain how they cross america and half an ocean before getting to monster island. But I am already tired of this balloon ride.
#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

Picture the stage hands off screen throwing buckets of water at the actors

#monsterdon

i'm home! tuning into #monsterdon which is already in progress. looks like they're just approaching the mysterious island now?

I think they're going to set a world record in that old balloon for distance and time aloft

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

@Taweret I swear to god if one of you asks "are we at the island yet" again I am turning this balloon around

#Monsterdon

So I guess it's a gas balloon, not hot air?

I guess that's why they kept it ready to fly for days. #Monsterdon

Judging by this film, it's a miracle anyone won the Civil War

#monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

so when do we eat the confederate guy? #monsterdon

"This was the only control we had!" says the Confederate soldier, who was only allowed to exist because he knew how to operate this, the only control they had.

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

If this was an actual hot air balloon, that's where the heat source would be. And this guy would NOT come back with eyebrows, hair, etc. #monsterdon

"This was the only control we had!"

So instead of trying to get it back in working order, I'm gonna throw it out of the balloon! There! #Monsterdon

@Newpa_Hasai Accent guy said they were heading west #monsterdon

#monsterdon New fear unlocked

Ok. So, gas-filled balloons were a thing in the Civil War times. #Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

"HARDER"

That's what she said!

#monsterdon
#mysteriousisland

If they crossed america in 4 days what is the air speed velocity of a laiden balloon?
#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

cheap-ass incompetent confederate manufacturing

#monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

"Oh good.....the ocean......well that's something.......ffuuucccckkk"

#monsterdon

I wonder what compositing technique is used for this background. It looks good enough to be chroma key? It's got a Real Look to it

#Monsterdon

@paco I wonder this #monsterdon

I grew up in Alabama and let me tell y'all that guy's accent is right vexing.

#monsterdon

so four days without water would be real bad tho

#monsterdon

"It's been four days."

About time to eat the Confederate, right? #Monsterdon

The audience is wondering that as well movie. CAN YOU PICK UP THE PACE!?

#monsterdon

What is keeping this balloon up!? #monsterdon

Where do they poo in that thing? #monsterdon

“Finally, the Earth disappeared from our view.”

This balloon is a space ship!

#Monsterdon

In grad school for my journalism degree they made us take a history of news in the US class and that course spends like a week talking about how weird the New York Herald was. #monsterdon

what the fuck kind of accent is that??

#monsterdon

What's your crypto password? #monsterdon

Gideon Spillit. I finally have a name for my Fallen London alt account #monsterdon

Oh look, they have Elven biscuits for their quest.

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

Heck yeah smack Johnny Reb in the head with that ballast

#monsterdon

Yes yes. More killing Confederates plz. Sure I want to see some giant chickens, but I don't mind kicking Johnny Reb's ass.
#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

Atrocious Balloonmanship!

#monsterdon

@moira@mastodon.murkworks.net Looks like it has barely enough buoyancy to get off the ground, much less soaked in rain with a few passengers!

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

Y'know, that's not a bad composite shot with the balloon in the courtyard.

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

So were told this was during the siege of Richmond. And they think flying a balloon that could be shot down by the Union army is a GOOD plan? #monsterdon

I'd have called it Mysterious Balloon.

#Monsterdon

The precursor to the Geneva Convention guaranteed every prisoner the right to a harmonica

#Monsterdon

no one ESCAPES from Confederate Stalag thirTEEN

#monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

This is actually pretty nice for a POW camp. If it's by a lake, You could probably charge to stay there now.
#monsterdon

seems like that plan would have failed if they had walked down the stairs single file like normal people

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon oh no this is their plan A????

I'm ready for the monsters.
#Monsterdon

I like how the one man got captured in full dress uniform.

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

@strangefour https://xkcd.com/37/

#Monsterdon

Made it 5 years without COVID. And ONLY 5.

Hoping to make it to the end of #Monsterdon and… uh why are we in the Civil War? Is my brain okay?