I guess this must be a mirror universe where the Earth turns in the other direction

Only way the directions make sense

#Monsterdon

oh well done captain, you broke the valve and killed everybody on board the balloon. No biscuits for you

#monsterdon

The captain is going into the giant flappy anus thing to turn a valve.

#monsterdon

it seems like the odds of getting where you want to go in a hot air balloon are basically zero and you'd want to put it down as soon as you possibly could and proceed on foot #monsterdon

Consider: Elven hardtack

#monsterdon

Convenient mode of transportation
If you don’t particularly care where you’re going
and you don’t necessarily demand a soft landing.
#monsterdon

I mean, wouldn't you just lie about knowing how to work a balloon just to stay alive?

#monsterdon

Still waiting patiently for the monster to show up
#monsterdon

The Captain's got a real Jim Kirk fighting style, huh #Monsterdon

men cannot control themselves around balloons

#monsterdon

lol, slavers caught out by the old broken step ruse

#monsterdon

@yatsu Great Escape-ing?

#Monsterdon

libby military prison, where library apps go after they've Committed Crimes. #monsterdon

Yes, Ray Harryhausen FX!

#monsterdon

that artillery is useless against balloons

#monsterdon

@Newpa_Hasai @jonny Hard to stick a limpet mine on a wooden ship, though. #Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland1961

@Lazarou @Simplicator
Someone posted about not eating slime coming off rocks just because it is sweet, and I immediately remembered Jared Diamond's story about prospector miners in the old west eating pack rat middens (prehistoric congealed rat pee?) and falling deathly ill.
#Monsterdon

@Lazarou Some studios paid their writers by the page, and not the resolved plotline - it really shows

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Honestly this would have made a good Star Trek episode. 😳

@Lazarou
They were fucked over by nature, or geology, or bad timing, or I think the weather. 🤷‍♂️
#Monsterdon

@jonny wait but they're mad that there ARE female characters now? #Monsterdon

@Zerofactorial indeed! hence "white guys." the lady whatshername had more personality than the rest of them combined.

#monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

we were not alone, the real jules verne heads also disavowed the movie
#monsterdon

@moira One of the women had personality, but it had no point #monsterdon

@Zerofactorial yes

it would've been nice for nemo

or really ANY OF THE WHITE DUDES

to have some personality, like, we could've had some conflict just in the acting, most of all with nemo but not just

#monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

@moira Vincent Price or Christopher Lee would have spiced it up, it had the bones of a cool movie #monsterdon

Also Nemo's OTHER plan -- ending war by teaching everyone how to breed giant animals -- was ALSO stupid.

Surely nations won't wage war for reasons other than access to food, right? Surely raising giant animals won't require more land and other resources, thus driving nations into conflict over already limited fertile ground, RIGHT? SURELY a sudden advance in this technology will be evenly applied to all nations everywhere at once, RIGHT?????

dipshit #Monsterdon

Man they sure are benefitting a LOT from a deus ex machina here, huh

#monsterdon

@Infoseepage @mosquete I did enjoy that about that Sean Connery movie that everybody hates, that the Nemo was accurate. #monsterdon

@Lazarou Furiously trying to prove Jared Diamond right #Monsterdon

@jonny Hang on...

subplot - plot = sub 🤔

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon Nemo wanted to end hunger and scarcity in the world. That explains why he was hated by England.

@r343l I also liked the few seconds of lava flow footage. I want more of these things, less balloon time. #Monsterdon

That was kind of fun and annoying at the same time. Next time I'll be voting for that Alan Hale movie again though if it's among the choices, because I'm ready for change #monsterdon

#Monsterdon The entirety of the plot is happening because Nemo tells it. Not the best narrative structure but Nemo IS pretty cool.

#Monsterdon It's not a hose, it's a series of connected hollow bamboo stalks!

We have learned that every movie can benefit from more giant octopus and less regular-sized human

Thanks @Taweret for hosting and everyone for posting! Excellent form today. I feel like the multitude of things happening on my feed made up for the nothing happening in the movie.

#Monsterdon

@msh @Taweret Nemo's traumatized because the last Westerners he tried to teach the ways of peace betrayed him and got his whole crew killed in the previous book. #Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland1961

What a movie, I can't believe it felt like nothing happened AND every possible thing you could imagine happened, at the same time. I lightly recapped it a minute ago and forgot they also found an underwater city

#Monsterdon

In the director’s cut, all Elena’s “who do I have to fuck to get off this island” scenes are reincluded, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever watched. #Monsterdon

So Nemo's answer to wars fought to end oppression is giant bees? Ok then. #Monsterdon

The biggest thing I learned from this is that, although I thought the "big crossover shared universe movie" was a modern phenomenon, apparently the Jules Verniverse did it in the 60s.

So I can only assume Captain Nemo is coming back as a robot in the next movie.

#Monsterdon

This whole movie has been Captain Nemo bailing out these losers.

#monsterdon

ok i would like to renominate The Milpitas Monster (1976)
https://neuromatch.social/@jonny/112990534865193851

give a scrub through this no budget thing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLtLuZfOeNA

#monsterdon #monsterdonNomination

Welp, that had some super fun creatures and effects. I didn't quite get a bingo but I may have missed some squares. Thanks for the fun commentary, Monsterdonians! And thanks for hosting us, @Taweret 😁

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon "Contact with my own species has always disappointed me." - might add that to my mottos. 🤣

I feel like anyone could have told Nemo 15 minutes ago (which is probably like a month in island time) that it would have been a good idea to move his submarine out from under all the rocks that could fall on it

#Monsterdon

As they built this raft at the water's edge, I thought "sure is lucky there was exactly 1 giant crab on this beach." #monsterdon

@jonny Can you have a subplot without a plot though

#Monsterdon

ah yes just lick whatever mysterious fluids show up nearby, what could go wrong #monsterdon

"We returned to the civilized world, determined to work for a peaceful world, as Captain Nemo would have it."

So we immediately set to killing everyone who fought in wars, thus ensuring wars went on pointlessly for all eternity. Yay~! <3

Dipshit. #Monsterdon

@Taweret
THE END

#monsterdon

And Tubi rolls right into more Harryhausen with Jason and the Argonauts. #monsterdon

Well, if nothing else they certainly fucked off into the sea. I hadn't intended to sit through the whole thing, but here we are. Thanks to @Taweret for hosting. I think it's oysters on the half-shell for dinner tomorrow. #Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

Fun but way too dang long #monsterdon

And there's no Loose Ends or anything at all! 🌋⛵

the end

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

...And a rather sudden end.

Thanks @Taweret for hosting!

#Monsterdon

Wait, it wasn't Nemo who came up with the inflatable boat idea, don't sell yourself short #monsterdon

Another #Monsterdon is in the can!

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

Tonight's feature, #MysteriousIsland, from 1961, provided not only a pinnacle of giant chicken cinema, but also:
- Did I mention there's a giant chicken?
- Hot air balloon chaos!
- Giant crabs!
- Mysterious caves!
- Normal sized goats!
- Giant bees!
- Captain Nemo and the Nautilus!
- Horticultural Physics! (Yeah, no idea what that means.)
- Atlantis!
- Giant octopus!
- Volcano eruption!
- Plot? Hmmm. Well, not so much.

thanks @Taweret that was terrible

see yall next time #monsterdon #mysteriousisland1961

quick get off the island! #monsterdon

Nemo. You alright in there buddy? Maybe you should have packed before the volcano started erupting.
#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

so who is gonna tell Jules Verne what the Civil War was actually about lol

#monsterdon #mysteriousisland1961

fucking off into the sea! +10

#monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

CAPTAIN NEMO WILL RETURN

IN

"THUNDERBALL" #Monsterdon

Yeah, Nemo miscalculated

#monsterdon

@Lazarou Sunk into irrelevance

#Monsterdon

Atlantis all like, "Oh no. Not again."
#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

Nemo's totally gonna "die" again. #Monsterdon

So Nemo's perfect escape plan was to get the pirate ship by sinking it to kill the pirates, re-floating it using rubber and air bladders and whatever, scraping off the pirate corpses, bing bang boom free ship

#Monsterdon

Y'all I don't think Nemo is going to make it.

#Monsterdon

They better hope they still don't catch the broad side of a pyroclastic flow out there :comfypopcorn:

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland

No, not the sunken city!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon he's putting the smoking jacket back on 😂

@Taweret Nemo traded his personality for that jacket, the movie didn't have the budget for both #Monsterdon

Wait a second. This is just like the fucking Fellowship Of The Ring.

They could've just RIDDEN THE BEES INTO MORDOR.

Hold on, I think I've gotten confused

#monsterdon
#mysteriousisland

#Monsterdon 🏝️ 🐝 🦀 🦪 🐦 😱

Nemo says 'I'm a realist' but he's still writing with quill pens? Something doesn't make sense here

@CactuarJoe I was loving the giant octopus squeezing and spear attacks battle to stately-ominous music. #Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland1961

i dont know why i thought nemo would be less boring than the other characters

#monsterdon

Oh man you just KNOW Nemo is going to go down with the Nautilus to save the folks on the ship, isn't he?

#Monsterdon

the REAL Nautilus!

will they have time to make calamari before they escape from the volcano!?

#monsterdon

i'm being told by a jules verne apologist that i have misunderstood the whole movie so i want to make a public apology to everyone for not having watched the movie with the big animals and no plot correctly #monsterdon

Well that wasn't too much of a battle

#monsterdon

#monsterdon

Is that a giant nautilus? O the irony #monsterdon

And now this story is namedropping other Jules Verne stories. is there just like a Jules Verne Literary Universe?

also "He had a kink about war. A very sensible kink. He hated it." Ah yes, English sure does change over time.

#monsterdon

Oh, it's not just an octopus it's a nautilus. Kinda. Not really. but kinda.

#monsterdon
#mysteriousisland

OMG ARE THOSE CHOCOBOS?

#monsterdon
#mysteriousisland

@T3CHT Oooh Godzilla would make a great addition to this movie

#Monsterdon

Can't have a Harryhausen flick without a giant octopus <3 #Monsterdon

@Zerofactorial I wanted piss water, I was promised piss water! #monsterdon

Sound Supervisor: Nick Couscouris

Dialogue Editor: Nick Couscouris

Effects Editor: Nick Couscouris

Re-recording Mixer: Nick Couscouris

#Monsterdon #MysteriousIsland2012

@Lazarou But the water isn't going piss yellow and purply, what a ripoff #monsterdon

uuugggg 'Underwater scenes'

slooowwwwww

#monsterdon

I think I can safely rule out giant spiders now. The few giant animals that did show up didn't really matter much either. #monsterdon

roll that beautiful B footage

#Monsterdon

im getting ad breaks on tubi like every fucking 10 minutes jesus fucking christ

#monsterdon

For an adventure movie, this sure manages to be really boring.

#monsterdon
#mysteriousisland

Why not ride the giant bees back to the Shire? #monsterdon

I don't think you're going to get very far hopeshaming the guy literally playing a dirge on a pipe organ #monsterdon