So this is DorkassLoserton, huh?

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon He’s viscerally excited by pew pew blow up shit. Okay. Tragically straight. Also, the leaking power cell will be leading to significant radiation exposure. So, Spock-melt here we come! As long as he wears the necklace of poop. I guess.

For a few seconds of laser blasting we are going to be punished with more 'drama'

Enter: Rich Twat in a suit

#Monsterdon

ewwww, stop making the gun sexual you weirdo....

lol

#Monsterdon

I keep thinking this is a grown adult but I thinking he must be 10 at most?
#monsterdon

is he five?

#Monsterdon

Stick your hand in it, you twat

#Monsterdon

@ramsey key question tonight #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon Prince Valium shouldn’t mix Valium with Glass Bottle Coke. That’s dangerous. He could actually wake up. Then where would we be?

Is that the guy who always plays an awkward nerd in films?

#Monsterdon

If this was "The A-Team" that car would totally have exploded. #monsterdon

@Lazarou They realized they had the budget to wreck one (1) car.

#monsterdon #laserblast

I want a tv series where these two have to actually investigate real crimes. #monsterdon

Wouldn't have gotten a ticket if his shirt were off #monsterdon

Soundtrack wins already. #monsterdon

Why feet though?

Is he a 'foot guy'

#Monsterdon

and now hijinks music #monsterdon

Oh my god, 'comedy chase music'

Just use everything you can find lads, throw it all in....but don't bother with any actual stunts though...

#Monsterdon

gimme a puff o that marywanee cig

#monsterdon

So far it’s exceeding my expectations. #Monsterdon

Puff-puff-pass bro. #monsterdon

Wagged-out boomer vietnam vet stereotype was a thing in the 70s

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Ever notice that senile old military guys are always colonels?

If you've got that rank, try to get promoted before you retire.

Just.....never go near a shirtless dude in a van.....never.....

"Operation Sand....dust......"

Oscar worthy.

#Monsterdon

the music is telling me to be a lot sadder about this than i am. #monsterdon

#Monsterdon huzzah! He’s got a shirt!

This 70s van better have a big waterbed and velour wall paper inside, or it's not living up to the 70s vibe.

#monsterdon

This feels like The Room.....

#Monsterdon

Best thing about these lasers is that police don't need to make chalk lines when there's a murder. #monsterdon

Wear a fucking shirt

#Monsterdon

A difficult era for fashion, as we see in this exhibit #monsterdon

Why did Laserblast have a grenade around his neck?

Was this all a horny young man's dream?

Does anybody speak in this movie?

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon Shellless Turtle Aliens. Okay! And some pew pew laser blaster play. Piano. Oops. He’s vapor. Oh well. The end? LOL.

They chose "quacking" as the subtitle.

Are the aliens ducks?

#Monsterdon

Wow a real stop-motion clay alien!

#monsterdon

Any film that starts in a desert can't be good #Monsterdon #LaserBlast

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Nice, good transfer on the film, the music is solid, the credits looks very professional, I don't get why everyone is so- OH SHIT

These credits are reminding me how much MST3K edits the pointless stuff

#Monsterdon

If it says Irwin Yablans you know you are getting some quality

#monsterdon

Good '70s era titles. Conveys the quality of a low-budget TV movie

#monsterdon

A charles band production!

#Monsterdon

The Colonel from tonight's #monsterdon and his "hush hush" lines make an appearance in Mike Diva's Grindhouse Megamix: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yDUfPNN5Dfg

Edit: Watching it again and it looks like Laserblast played heavily in that megamix!

I just remembered Billy's mom. Like, she gets off absolutely the best in this film. She's sunning her self in Acapulco. She's having margaritas poolside, blissfully unaware of the bullshit happening at home. And she'll come home to find that her useless, vapid, whining son--who was totally harshing her buzz--is no more.
#monsterdon

@Qenupve one of the coolest things about #Monsterdon is that there is an entire halo of people who passively participate by welcoming it into their feed context-free and engaging with it!

In the Master Pancake Theater¹ community, the people who watch the streams (a new but ongoing thing since the pandemic) without interacting with the chat (but occasionally sending in a donation) grew the moniker Silent Viewers, and John Erler always did a wonderful introduction and shout-out to the Silent Viewers when interacting with the chat at the beginning and end of those shows.

So let this be a hello there to all you Silent Viewers of #Monsterdon. We're glad you're here for it, even if you're not here for it! If you want in any week, you know where to find us and we'd be glad to have you.

¹ Austin comedy troupe who riff movies and do a costumed skit in the middle. IMHO funnier than MST3k, certainly more irreverent.

This is what Republicans think that transgender people do to innocent, cisgendered white men.

#monsterdon #uspol

#monsterdon Why was this movie????

@ColesStreetPothole It was a strong moment because it reinforced the narrative of social isolation and the trauma of peer rejection.

#Monsterdon

In the climactic final scene, where she emotionlessly kneels next to her tragically zapped former boyfriend, is Cathy wearing a GIRL SCOUT uniform shirt? Or maybe even a Boy Scout uniform shirt? What even IS this movie?

#monsterdon

The whole sad Franny-with-no-friends birthday pool party subplot was quite a thing.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Plot summary:

Turtle aliens chase a fugitive alien to Earth. They use the wrong beam and shoot him with the "burn up the body, but leave the necklace and gun" beam.

They got a bollocking from king turtle dude.

They return to Earth to find Billy with the necklace and gun. This time they fire the "burn up the necklace and gun, but leave the body" beam. There were some explosions and a pool party between these moments.

The End.

#monsterdon

So many loose ends.

What was the laser cannon for?

Why does it exert vampire mind control?

How did FBI guy know to come to town?

And how did he know more about what was happening than even the turtles?

Who's going to tell Mom to stay in Acapulco?

Who will be the next idiot to pick up the laser cannon?

What an incoherent, boring, pointless fireball of doom.

#monsterdon #laserblast

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A big thank to to @Taweret for hosting tonight's blast from the 70s!

I suspect there are a lot of in-jokes buried in there just 'cause it was shot so quickly.

I also wonder if that stop-motion stuff wound up in other B-movies.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Just focusing on the alien plot:

A green ghoul with a laserblaster runs through the desert, pursued by aliens in a spaceship. They both attack, the ghoul is killed, leaving the blaster & necklace.

Billy finds the blaster & necklace. When he uses them, he *also* becomes a green ghoul. But when he's not wearing the necklace he's normal, except for metal in his chest where the necklace touches. The ghoul takes him over and makes him evil? The aliens come back to kill him.

THAT'S IT

#Monsterdon

@hollie The 1970s were the 1960s until they were the 1980s. 😃
#monsterdon

anyway now that this cinematic nightmare is over it's time to rest up for the regular nightmare of, you know, all this [waves arms] so good job team and thanks to @Taweret as always for hosting

#monsterdon #laserblast

#Monsterdon

For those of you scrolling through your timeline, you're about to hit a big mass of Monsterdon postings about Laserblast (1978).

Should you not wish to read through them, here's how to filter them out, at least on the web browser:
1) right click on the gears & open in a new tab
2) choose "Filters" then "Add New Filter"
3) give the filter a title, check all boxes under contexts, choose hide completely and put "#Monsterdon" in the keyword box.
4) Click on "Save New Filter"

... and you're done.

@Lazarou He was probably looking for work, the bum #monsterdon

When not playing shirtless Billy, our lead actor had a music career apparently. Briefly associated with rock &roll hall of famer Jeff Beck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_eVCwO8Qlw

#monsterdon

BTW: Of interest to the group it turns out "The X From Outer Space" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_X_from_Outer_Space) is available for free on a lot of platforms including the Internet Archive. It would be a nice return to rubber suit city stomping. #Monsterdon

y'know LA makes it hard to get film permits sometimes and I'm kinda thinking maybe this shoulda been one of the times

#monsterdon #laserblast

@ramsey @ohiofi @moira Yay? #monsterdon

They’re cuter than the Critters clean-up crew. But equally inefficient. Over all, just, oof. I guess it helps fill in my derivative 70s sci-fi gaps. Thanks, @Taweret and everyone else who made it through this showing! #Monsterdon

But who was the green guy at the start with the laser, and how did he get to Earth?

Do the Turtle guys drop people on Earth to hunt them for sport or something?

#Monsterdon

@kshernandez From left to right:

"Rock star!"
"Errrm... I don't think so"
"Look at me... I'm Tom Petty!"
"Claymation to scale is HARD!"

#monsterdon

There is nothing like a little #Monsterdon to make you remember why you

a) enjoy hanging out with kind yet snarky people

b) are glad the 70's are over

c) don't play dopey piano music when you make out with someone

#Laserblast

@ricci you see, LASERBLAST is kind of like 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY in that it was created to be paired with a novelization in order to explain what the hell had just happened.

The only thing is that it they used all the book money on props for that one cop's munchies, so they never did write that book.

Thankfully(?), @mwl has got us covered with "Laserblasted"

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mwlucas/mwls-next-1-april-book

#Monsterdon

I guess with this movie we did get a sort of fiery revenge on the car ex machina from Cat Girl #monsterdon

@Lazarou @ramsey The aliens were like the serpent, we were not meant to know about laser blasting.

#Monsterdon

@tarotbird sometimes the Truth can do that to people 🤷‍♂️ #Monsterdon #TransRightsAreHumanRights

"Have you ever felt alone in the universe? Do people treat you as something almost... alien? Ever been suspicious that your friends are only hang out because you have a pool?"

#monsterdon

Anyone have a critical analysis of this one? #monsterdon

@ramsey @Lazarou He was destined to fall and lose his innocence like Adam and Eve.

#Monsterdon

@ohiofi @jsadow@c18.masto.host Cake Girl's name was Fannie.

#monsterdon #laserblast

Oh huh, I guess the aliens weren't bluescreen, they were claymation. Wikipedia says it is widely considered the best part of the movie, and I have to agree. I'd watch a movie just about them.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon wrap up post in a bit, as always i try to get through at least half the feed first to keep the warm fuzzies going- in the meantime this was mst3k’s wrap up of the same film. I want to offer both a warm congratulations and my deepest condolences to all who stuck with it this week- we should all get a merit badge or something is how bad this movie was:

@jsadow @Lazarou It's really difficult not to stick your arm in a tube you found in the desert? I mean, have you ever tried not doing it?

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

@mwl the first day with a brand new Korg can be scary #Monsterdon

@moira Yeah, the first thing this movie needs is a re-write. Like, Manos has a cute, campy short hidden in it, but this doesn't even have characters or motivations or anything.

I've seen more coherent plots in avant-garde non-linear art house films with deliberately ambiguous endings.

("""Fortunately""" @mwl has already done this first step...) #monsterdon

So whew, that was... technically a movie, I guess. We're going to have to start warning for Eddie Deezen like we do for animal deaths. Goodnight #monsterdon, and thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

@riedlr It was a "Mom gets her mojo back" female-empowerment rom-com. There was the sort of douchey 80s guy that flew her out there, and she chance-encounters the gone-native American-in-Mexico that sweeps her off her feet and teaches her how to be independent. ...Before she dumps them both and flies back to take care of her son that had some kind of lightning-induced stroke during a freak storm that destroyed half the town. And a mailbox. #monsterdon #laserblast

@Lazarou It was a childish mistake but he paid an adult price.

#Monsterdon

the moral of the story is that if your boyfriend is like billy you should dump him

#monsterdon

@riedlr They did. Early on there was Chekhov’s Hat collection. Now you’ll have to rewatch it.

#Monsterdon

I need to complain about the music. At times it had a cool psychedelic/synth thing going on. Then the rest is a jumbled mess. Ending here is sad piano noises with a BIT of synth? It's not anything.

The film would be at least 50% better with a consistent soundtrack.

#monsterdon #laserblast

@moira Did we ever actually see inside the briefcase? He kept sneaking looks into it.

And why does it have the initials T C on it? His name is Mike something.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

You can blast the laser, or the laser can blast you. There is no in between. #Monsterdon #laserblast

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting and everybody for posting, and to the giant stop-motion alien for coming in at the end to shut this down and make it so the entirety of that movie did not matter for anything at all!

#Monsterdon

Time to recuperate #monsterdon

Wait. Did the aliens just fuck off and leave the gun on earth AGAIN!? #Monsterdon #Laserblast

@jsadow @Louisa "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, sorry..." #Monsterdon

@Lazarou I see him as an innocent victim of the cruelty of others.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Ah, and then we get some contemplative piano music so we can all take a moment to really think about the deep meaning and lessons learned.

dammit, #monsterdon watched Laserblast. One of my fav bad movies. Sorry I missed it! Sunday nights are proving to be difficult for me to find time to join the fun -- maybe next week!

@Louisa Wait, there is director's commentary?!

#Monsterdon

wonder if federal agent guy's suitcase became the glowy suitcase in repo man

#monsterdon #laserblast

So.... what happened in Acapulco? #monsterdon

But I am enjoying the gayness of it all #monsterdon

okay well

that

y'know i can't even say that happened. what even happened. why did whatever happened, if it happened, happen

#monsterdon #laserblast