#monsterdon Why was this movie????

In the climactic final scene, where she emotionlessly kneels next to her tragically zapped former boyfriend, is Cathy wearing a GIRL SCOUT uniform shirt? Or maybe even a Boy Scout uniform shirt? What even IS this movie?

#monsterdon

The whole sad Franny-with-no-friends birthday pool party subplot was quite a thing.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Plot summary:

Turtle aliens chase a fugitive alien to Earth. They use the wrong beam and shoot him with the "burn up the body, but leave the necklace and gun" beam.

They got a bollocking from king turtle dude.

They return to Earth to find Billy with the necklace and gun. This time they fire the "burn up the necklace and gun, but leave the body" beam. There were some explosions and a pool party between these moments.

The End.

#monsterdon

So many loose ends.

What was the laser cannon for?

Why does it exert vampire mind control?

How did FBI guy know to come to town?

And how did he know more about what was happening than even the turtles?

Who's going to tell Mom to stay in Acapulco?

Who will be the next idiot to pick up the laser cannon?

What an incoherent, boring, pointless fireball of doom.

#monsterdon #laserblast

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A big thank to to @Taweret for hosting tonight's blast from the 70s!

I suspect there are a lot of in-jokes buried in there just 'cause it was shot so quickly.

I also wonder if that stop-motion stuff wound up in other B-movies.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Just focusing on the alien plot:

A green ghoul with a laserblaster runs through the desert, pursued by aliens in a spaceship. They both attack, the ghoul is killed, leaving the blaster & necklace.

Billy finds the blaster & necklace. When he uses them, he *also* becomes a green ghoul. But when he's not wearing the necklace he's normal, except for metal in his chest where the necklace touches. The ghoul takes him over and makes him evil? The aliens come back to kill him.

THAT'S IT

#Monsterdon

@hollie The 1970s were the 1960s until they were the 1980s. 😃
#monsterdon

anyway now that this cinematic nightmare is over it's time to rest up for the regular nightmare of, you know, all this [waves arms] so good job team and thanks to @Taweret as always for hosting

#monsterdon #laserblast

@Lazarou He was probably looking for work, the bum #monsterdon

When not playing shirtless Billy, our lead actor had a music career apparently. Briefly associated with rock &roll hall of famer Jeff Beck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_eVCwO8Qlw

#monsterdon

BTW: Of interest to the group it turns out "The X From Outer Space" (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_X_from_Outer_Space) is available for free on a lot of platforms including the Internet Archive. It would be a nice return to rubber suit city stomping. #Monsterdon

y'know LA makes it hard to get film permits sometimes and I'm kinda thinking maybe this shoulda been one of the times

#monsterdon #laserblast

@ramsey @ohiofi @moira Yay? #monsterdon

They’re cuter than the Critters clean-up crew. But equally inefficient. Over all, just, oof. I guess it helps fill in my derivative 70s sci-fi gaps. Thanks, @Taweret and everyone else who made it through this showing! #Monsterdon

But who was the green guy at the start with the laser, and how did he get to Earth?

Do the Turtle guys drop people on Earth to hunt them for sport or something?

#Monsterdon

@kshernandez From left to right:

"Rock star!"
"Errrm... I don't think so"
"Look at me... I'm Tom Petty!"
"Claymation to scale is HARD!"

#monsterdon

There is nothing like a little #Monsterdon to make you remember why you

a) enjoy hanging out with kind yet snarky people

b) are glad the 70's are over

c) don't play dopey piano music when you make out with someone

#Laserblast

@ricci you see, LASERBLAST is kind of like 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY in that it was created to be paired with a novelization in order to explain what the hell had just happened.

The only thing is that it they used all the book money on props for that one cop's munchies, so they never did write that book.

Thankfully(?), @mwl has got us covered with "Laserblasted"

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/mwlucas/mwls-next-1-april-book

#Monsterdon

I guess with this movie we did get a sort of fiery revenge on the car ex machina from Cat Girl #monsterdon

@Lazarou @ramsey The aliens were like the serpent, we were not meant to know about laser blasting.

#Monsterdon

@tarotbird sometimes the Truth can do that to people 🤷‍♂️ #Monsterdon #TransRightsAreHumanRights

"Have you ever felt alone in the universe? Do people treat you as something almost... alien? Ever been suspicious that your friends are only hang out because you have a pool?"

#monsterdon

Anyone have a critical analysis of this one? #monsterdon

@ramsey @Lazarou He was destined to fall and lose his innocence like Adam and Eve.

#Monsterdon

@ohiofi @jsadow@c18.masto.host Cake Girl's name was Fannie.

#monsterdon #laserblast

Oh huh, I guess the aliens weren't bluescreen, they were claymation. Wikipedia says it is widely considered the best part of the movie, and I have to agree. I'd watch a movie just about them.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon wrap up post in a bit, as always i try to get through at least half the feed first to keep the warm fuzzies going- in the meantime this was mst3k’s wrap up of the same film. I want to offer both a warm congratulations and my deepest condolences to all who stuck with it this week- we should all get a merit badge or something is how bad this movie was:

@jsadow @Lazarou It's really difficult not to stick your arm in a tube you found in the desert? I mean, have you ever tried not doing it?

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

@mwl the first day with a brand new Korg can be scary #Monsterdon

@moira Yeah, the first thing this movie needs is a re-write. Like, Manos has a cute, campy short hidden in it, but this doesn't even have characters or motivations or anything.

I've seen more coherent plots in avant-garde non-linear art house films with deliberately ambiguous endings.

("""Fortunately""" @mwl has already done this first step...) #monsterdon

So whew, that was... technically a movie, I guess. We're going to have to start warning for Eddie Deezen like we do for animal deaths. Goodnight #monsterdon, and thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

@riedlr It was a "Mom gets her mojo back" female-empowerment rom-com. There was the sort of douchey 80s guy that flew her out there, and she chance-encounters the gone-native American-in-Mexico that sweeps her off her feet and teaches her how to be independent. ...Before she dumps them both and flies back to take care of her son that had some kind of lightning-induced stroke during a freak storm that destroyed half the town. And a mailbox. #monsterdon #laserblast

@Lazarou It was a childish mistake but he paid an adult price.

#Monsterdon

the moral of the story is that if your boyfriend is like billy you should dump him

#monsterdon

@riedlr They did. Early on there was Chekhov’s Hat collection. Now you’ll have to rewatch it.

#Monsterdon

I need to complain about the music. At times it had a cool psychedelic/synth thing going on. Then the rest is a jumbled mess. Ending here is sad piano noises with a BIT of synth? It's not anything.

The film would be at least 50% better with a consistent soundtrack.

#monsterdon #laserblast

You can blast the laser, or the laser can blast you. There is no in between. #Monsterdon #laserblast

Time to recuperate #monsterdon

Wait. Did the aliens just fuck off and leave the gun on earth AGAIN!? #Monsterdon #Laserblast

@Lazarou I see him as an innocent victim of the cruelty of others.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Ah, and then we get some contemplative piano music so we can all take a moment to really think about the deep meaning and lessons learned.

dammit, #monsterdon watched Laserblast. One of my fav bad movies. Sorry I missed it! Sunday nights are proving to be difficult for me to find time to join the fun -- maybe next week!

@Louisa Wait, there is director's commentary?!

#Monsterdon

wonder if federal agent guy's suitcase became the glowy suitcase in repo man

#monsterdon #laserblast

So.... what happened in Acapulco? #monsterdon

okay well

that

y'know i can't even say that happened. what even happened. why did whatever happened, if it happened, happen

#monsterdon #laserblast

A few minutes after the movie ended, and I'm still sitting here trying to figure out if it ever really began

#Monsterdon

hey! they shot the lab scenes in a real lab! #monsterdon

@brooke It does what it says on the tin!

#monsterdon #laserblast

I have no idea what the heck this movie was, but thanks @Taweret for hosting! And thanks to all you folks who voted to subject us to this.

#Monsterdon

Ahh sweet relief, thank you giant Claylien

#Monsterdon

movie's over. time to put my shirt back on. #monsterdon

the good news is, she's free to go chat up that cake girl now. a happy ending for everyone. #monsterdon

@randy_s I felt sorry for the car, and Froggy #Monsterdon

Took you guys long enough to finish the job!
Wait so you guys are like 15 feet tall? Huh.
#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Everything getting laser-blasted is a far better ending than this movie deserves.

It's not a good ending, mind, just better than it deserves.

#monsterdon

Stoner cop lives, Stoner dude dies. What's wrong with you, movie?

#monsterdon #laserblast

Do you mean the aliens could have come down and ended the movie at any time!? Thanks to @Taweret for hosting. That one's gonna leave scars though. #Monsterdon #Laserblast

Huh. If only they’d taken the weapon away the first time.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast1978

Sorry, this is so embarrassing, but we seem to have run out of movie. Could I recommend the chicken cordon bleu instead? #monsterdon

Another #Monsterdon is in the can!

Special thanks to @Taweret for hosting! I suspect there are also plenty of tomatoes sailing through the air in the general direction of @mwl for catalyzing this particular viewing!

Tonight we watched #Laserblast, from 1978, which has some distinction as being a genuinely bad movie. Highlights included,

i hope she makes it back to the scout troop those kids need merit badges #Monsterdon

So did the aliens steal the gun? Vaporize it?

Oh shit we're rolling credits already? What the hell?

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon well that was .... not great ... but it DID BLAST a lot of LASERS at things and people so I can't complain!

Turtle dude is like 12 feet tall. #monsterdon

aaand freeze frame. perfect, no notes. #monsterdon

FUCK! That was it?

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Ain't nothing out here but rattlesnakes and turtles with no shells.

#monsterdon #laserblast

I could make a list of all the things that happened in this move, and the number that could have been deleted without having any effect whatsoever on the way it ended is all of them

#Monsterdon

Go go giant Claylien!

#Monsterdon

Okay so I don't understand any of this plot but I want to make it super clear that I'm not saying this so that anyone explains it to me

#Monsterdon
#Laserblast

What's alien for "It's Miller Time"? #Monsterdon #Laserblast

@gnomon Somebody's light bill isn't going to get paid and it's going to be extremely inconvenient!

#monsterdon #laserblast

Aww he's hopping and skipping now. Billy is having the time of his alien gun possessed life.
#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Oh, those are much bigger than I thought they were
#Monsterdon

Alien, don't you think that was a little overkill there. I mean, you got him.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Producer: We need to cut our green makeup budget by 50%. Who’s got ideas? #monsterdon

I guess they run out of "actors acting as cops" budget
#monsterdon

Oh! There we go! Called it! #monsterdon #laserblast

Don't you see? Billy has *become* the weapon. And so, he must be destroyed.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

what is even happening

how was Roddy McDowell in this movie

#monsterdon #laserblast

FUCK THE NEWS

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👦 🔦 🚀 💥👽 🔦 🚀 💥👾 😱

Ruh roh now the postal cops are gonna have to get him

oh we just went federal

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

i wonder why the laserblast gives the wielder bad posture as well

#monsterdon

Billy is like, "Do I blow up the patrol car or the cop in the out house?" 🤔

"Maybe both." 👍

#Monsterdon #LaserBlast

I wanna learn to dance like Billy after he blows up a lot of shit with his laser
#Monsterdon

Dual mufflers on that police car.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast1978

@hollie same same

We have suffered enough for this, we deserve it

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

They blew the whole budget on Roddy McDowel.

OMG, the interpretative dance!

#Monsterdon

Frankly I was OK with all his laserblasting up until he killed van hippie. #Monsterdon

yes, this all needs slow motion, this was a noble choice

#Monsterdon

billy just wants it all to end now, he's blowing stuff up to attract the wrong kind of attention. #monsterdon

he's gonna start spinning it around real fast and using it fly and then he's gonna find gamera and they're gonna get into a fight and gamera's going to be about to win but then gamera's gonna get hurt real bad and laserblast is gonna be all HAR HAR HAR HAR HAR but we won't hear it because they couldn't afford the sound and then gamera's going to get away with the help of some children for a while (because he's friend to all children) and

#monsterdon #laserblast

We have reached the "laserblasting everything within range" part of the movie and I am here for it

#Monsterdon

laserblast it. lasterblast it all

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

These aliens need to step up their game and put this laser wielding knucklehead out of our misery. #Monsterdon #Laserblast