Speaking of 'Charles Band', talk of where that Green Guy at the start came from and why the Turtle Guys reminded me of the plot to a film I barely remember from a video store in the 80s, about humans fighting aliens in some kind of sporting arena.
Possible Monsterdon material? It has rubber headed aliens in it!
Do you want to read a brand-new re-telling of LASERBLAST?
You⦠do? Are you okay?
Anyway, here it is:
(Edit: I (very!) incorrectly called this a novelization. It is not. After all, what story is there to be novelized?)
Does anyone else ever feel a crash after #monsterdon
@kcarr2015 Seems to me that if they had just deployed the "trans rights are human rights" beam in the first 5 minutes of the film, we could have been spared the other 90. #monsterdon
The most disappointing thing about the universe depicted in our movie is that Aliens with all their technology still have to watch the same bad Tubi movies on their spaceship as we get here.
@ramsey Laserblast 2: Laserblastier! #Monsterdon #Laserblast
@SnoopJ Isn't really explained! I will not have you slandering the intricate storytelling of LASERBLAST
But yeah, I guess Billy died as he lived, by the LASERBLAST
I have to admit, I was surprised when Billy was defeated by the power of the turtle aliens saying "trans rights are human rights"
@mdhughes I'm sure they thought that ragtime piano during the car chase was a stroke of genius.
Have we stumbled upon a true origin story for the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles? #monsterdon
This movie would've been much better if they put in a Chekhov something. #monsterdon
this is why i never remember what happens in some of these movies. because basically nothing does #monsterdon
the moral of the story is that when life seems unfair and not working out you could wind up turning green from a laser you found in the desert. #monsterdon
So the aliens just fuck off, leaving the laserblast gun behind again, did I get that right?
Did they learn nothing?
Also, how did the first "guy" get the laserblast gun, and who did he blow up with it?
I'm left with so many questions, and this movie warrants grappling with none of them. Colour me annoyed!
DΓ©nouement? No thanks. #Monsterdon
Space Turtles say OK Billy that's enough
PEW PEW!!!
THE END
The lesson is uhh...put a shirt on before you put on the Space Amulet I guess I dunno...
Anyways too much Billy chest, not nearly enough Space Turtles! Still lots of blasting lasers and loads of fun to watch though!
Thanks for another delightful #Monsterdon @Taweret !
And boom - it's over.
And just as Billy's girlfriend was doing an extra close inspection of his chest incision.
It had healed nicely, though Billy had by then been zapped by aliens
This whole movie could have been an email. #Monsterdon
Well, that was... time spent. and it was enjoyable because YOU came!
Thanks to @Taweret and @Cherizilla and everyone else who made tonight's event a blast. With a Laser. Get it? Gotta be funnier than any single moment in that film. π© π
See you next week at #monsterdon !
It was terrible, but I can't think of a better hang. My first. #Monsterdon #Laserblast
Notice how they misspell Roddy McDowall's name in the credits
And then he died! The end
#Monsterdon
The end! The real laserblasting was the friends we made along the way #Monsterdon
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In the uncut version she kissed his nipples goodbye
death was not a bad outcome for billy, he wasn't going to live down the laserblast spree amyway #monsterdon
Not quite "fucking off into the Sea" but the Turtle Aliens weren't hanging around, were they?
Thank you turtles π #monsterdon
'Ass, grass, or laserblas'βnobody rides for free!'
Give him a good soaking with the pink ray gun, that's right!
His teeth turned back to normal! #monsterdon
why does the FBI(?) agent have a different suit every scene
how many fucking suits he got in that car
Billy! You monster!
#monsterdon Hippy Van Driver was the movie's most sympathetic character. It's sad that he god LaserBlasted.
...Is Billy getting shorter?
Is this just the dream ballet? #monsterdon
Billy just HATES MAILBOXES, wow
This is all cuz Mom went to Acapulco.
The aliens express their emotions through interpretive dance.
That hippie drove all the way to NYC?! #monsterdon
FFS with the music. #monsterdon
He's gone mad with Laserblast power!
The thing this movie is most famous for. Being really stupid.
#Monsterdon #Laserblast
Where are we? #monsterdon
The damage this laser can do is really inconsistent
#Monsterdon
What does this movie have against Star Wars?
They're making no attempt to make the drivers look like the actors they're portraying. At all.
just random street furniture exploding....
So... did anyone have BETTY CROCKER on their Bingo List? #monsterdon
No one wrote this film. It's as if they asked everyone on set to suggest a scene and they put them all in a big bowl, shot the scenes in who gives a damn order. #monsterdon
There's the money shot! Death to the Star Wars billboard. "Farrrr out!"
It's good to know 70s frug culture lingo survived to this day
...Uh huh. Sure. Someone got two scoops of confidence in his raisin bran this morning.
#Monsterdon The driver is drunk. Billy is whacked out of his mind on fish paralyzers. Mmmm. Fish paralyzers. We should all have some.
lol, haven't we all wanted to end the conversation with a big alien arm laser?
Definitely not Ray Harryhausen level stop motion #monsterdon
I was wondering how they would make the plane explode, and they justβ¦ didnβt. Not even a miniature.
Of course you would pick up a man like that for a hitchhiker....
#Monsterdon The G-Man has a lot of different suits. Black ones. White ones. Tan ones. Deerskin jacket based ones.
Aliens about the WHACK some WEEDS! #monsterdon
#Monsterdon Great! Christine broke a fender. Sheβs gonna be pissed! Sheβll come back, later on.
That's a lot of explosion and destruction for a film with no budget
#Monsterdon very satisfying car explosion tho
This film was made for a whole $1000
See this? THIS, is my BOOMSTICK!
#monsterdon So, is this standard police procedure for when a guy is running around the desert with a weird gun?
I bet those aliens are having some adventures right now
#monsterdon
Here we go! LaserBlast his ass! #monsterdon
Wait why are they trying to stop him with a Cessna I am very confused.
Billy, you're supposed to point the end of the gun TOWARDS the plane. There y'go. Good job.
Is firing a machine gun out of a cesna the best this mysterious agency could muster?
Check it out, Pepsi product placement.
Okay, movie, this ain't American Graffiti. Cut the car shots and get back to the plo.... ah... never mind. Carry on. #monsterdon #laserblast
20 years later, Jock realizes the reason he insisted in hanging out with Froggy wasn't just because their houses were back to back, but it's too late, Froggy is out of his life forever. #monsterdon
The pace of this thing... slow down people, you have to let that plot really unfold. #monsterdon
How much of the soundtrack of this movie do you think came from the demo mode on a Casio keyboard?
I hope they released the soundtrack to this film as an album /s
See, even fully possessed by the machine, Billy still looks like a 5 year old frolicking and playing with a new toy.
"Cause this is THRILLER!"
Love that cut straight to Billy's Hulk rampage, pure art
Fortunately, she's dressed
#monsterdon
Oh! Our protagonist Billy is turning green.
It must've been a '70s thing that everyone wants to see someone turn green?
"He hates these cans!" #monsterdon
Yikes, did Billy just graduate from mass property destruction to murder? I think Officer Ungar might not emerge from that flaming outhouse.
Monsterdon loves dead cops!
"Emergency alert one....", he yawns.....#monsterdon
I saw this periscope and thought of "Das Boot." Which has a much peppier pace and thrilling drama.
I hope no one laserblasts the gas station. #monsterdon
OMG I love his car phone. Love. Love. Love
haha the whole science lab in the tiny fuck town
SCIENCING!
That's about how my casting calls go...flash my nipples and they ask me to leave... #monsterdon
#Monsterdon Billy, youβve irritated Sheriff Neckbeard. If any of them displayed any emotion other than disgust, maybe weβd relate to them. We also feel the disgust, but thatβs because we know this movie will suck an hour of our life away. Please remember, this is for science, so be descriptive.