Please, dear god, let the pool party scene have a point.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Saved some money by filming the cast party at least.

#Monsterdon

Aaaaaand Jaws. ...Please? :/

#Monsterdon

He is a creep though

#Monsterdon

Every one of those bikini girls were doing that before I was born.

And I'm old.

#Monsterdon

...was that the opening bars to Walk Like an Egyptian?

#Monsterdon

These Billy bare-chest scenes are approaching Yeti-nipple awkwardness levels.

#monsterdon

This guys nipples co-starred in this film
#monsterdon

They spared NO EXPENSE for these effects #monsterdon

I fucking love these aliens
#monsterdon

"Billy, I wish you weren't so weird. You should be more ordinary."

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

So is he bored of the alien gun already or is he going to surprise his girlfriend with it?

"Something so dark in you sometimes"

Soon you'll learn that's not sexy, it's a red flag. Soon....

#Monsterdon

...So does he actually TALK to his girlfriend at some point?

#Monsterdon

OMG! He's a bored teenager in a small town, with nothing to do, and he just discovered a laser canon. This does not bode well.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

"Fuck that cactus! BLAST!"

This film is so deep

#Monsterdon

No pew pew without an artichoke.

#monsterdon

Wear the grenade around your neck too....

So much interpretive dance in the desert

#Monsterdon

So why did the laser shoot the bottle, but not him when he walked into the same spot?

#monsterdon

I hope he accidentally blows up his van.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Boys are weird....

#Monsterdon

The "almost Benny Hill" no-royalty theme

#monsterdon

Ugh, can we get back to the Laser blasting please, not this unsettling cop drama

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon is effectively a Keenan Wynn fan club at this point

I bet that was some rank ditch weed

#Monsterdon

it's all downhill from here, folks. Savor it.

#Monsterdon

Alright - it's stop motion. This is going to be fun.

#monsterdon

this already has a "Burning Man" feel to it...

#Monsterdon

This movie had a plot like the felon has a plan. #Monsterdon

Speaking of 'Charles Band', talk of where that Green Guy at the start came from and why the Turtle Guys reminded me of the plot to a film I barely remember from a video store in the 80s, about humans fighting aliens in some kind of sporting arena.

Possible Monsterdon material? It has rubber headed aliens in it!

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101366/

#Monsterdon #Arena

@riedlr

Chekhov’s Trans rights beam 🏳️‍⚧️

#monsterdon

Do you want to read a brand-new re-telling of LASERBLAST?

You… do? Are you okay?

Anyway, here it is:

https://mwl.io/archives/24036

(Edit: I (very!) incorrectly called this a novelization. It is not. After all, what story is there to be novelized?)

#Monsterdon

Does anyone else ever feel a crash after #monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON Goodbye!

Thank you @Taweret for hosting this explosive exhibition! Whether I travel to the mountains, to the coast, or to the drunk tank, I always try to make it to Monsterdon!

and thanks @Cherizilla for the Bingo card! Sorry, I didn't have time to pull it up tonight 😞

And to all the members of the Real Time Film Analysis Squad: We really have to do something about the masochism streak behind these movie choices.

Until next time!

@jsadow @ramsey Cheryl, talking to snakes and plotting....it's all there!

#Monsterdon

@kcarr2015 Seems to me that if they had just deployed the "trans rights are human rights" beam in the first 5 minutes of the film, we could have been spared the other 90. #monsterdon

@ohiofi @moira Passes the Bechdel test!

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

The most disappointing thing about the universe depicted in our movie is that Aliens with all their technology still have to watch the same bad Tubi movies on their spaceship as we get here.

#monsterdon

@ramsey Laserblast 2: Laserblastier! #Monsterdon #Laserblast

I have to admit, I was surprised when Billy was defeated by the power of the turtle aliens saying "trans rights are human rights"

#monsterdon #Laserblast

@SnoopJ Isn't really explained! I will not have you slandering the intricate storytelling of LASERBLAST

But yeah, I guess Billy died as he lived, by the LASERBLAST

#Monsterdon

@mdhughes I'm sure they thought that ragtime piano during the car chase was a stroke of genius.

#monsterdon #laserblast

Have we stumbled upon a true origin story for the Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles? #monsterdon

This movie would've been much better if they put in a Chekhov something. #monsterdon

this is why i never remember what happens in some of these movies. because basically nothing does #monsterdon

i made cornbread for _this?!_

fortunately no I did not make it for this

#monsterdon #laserblast

the moral of the story is that when life seems unfair and not working out you could wind up turning green from a laser you found in the desert. #monsterdon

So the aliens just fuck off, leaving the laserblast gun behind again, did I get that right?

Did they learn nothing?

Also, how did the first "guy" get the laserblast gun, and who did he blow up with it?

I'm left with so many questions, and this movie warrants grappling with none of them. Colour me annoyed!

#monsterdon

Dénouement? No thanks. #Monsterdon

Space Turtles say OK Billy that's enough

PEW PEW!!!

THE END

The lesson is uhh...put a shirt on before you put on the Space Amulet I guess I dunno...

Anyways too much Billy chest, not nearly enough Space Turtles! Still lots of blasting lasers and loads of fun to watch though!

Thanks for another delightful #Monsterdon @Taweret !

And boom - it's over.

And just as Billy's girlfriend was doing an extra close inspection of his chest incision.

It had healed nicely, though Billy had by then been zapped by aliens

#monsterdon

This whole movie could have been an email. #Monsterdon

Well, that was... time spent. and it was enjoyable because YOU came!

Thanks to @Taweret and @Cherizilla and everyone else who made tonight's event a blast. With a Laser. Get it? Gotta be funnier than any single moment in that film. 😩 😄

See you next week at #monsterdon !

It was terrible, but I can't think of a better hang. My first. #Monsterdon #Laserblast

The Moral of the Story:

Don’t wear necklaces with a tiny pineapple on it.

#monsterdon

Notice how they misspell Roddy McDowall's name in the credits

#Monsterdon

And then he died! The end
#Monsterdon

The end! The real laserblasting was the friends we made along the way #Monsterdon

In the uncut version she kissed his nipples goodbye

#monsterdon

death was not a bad outcome for billy, he wasn't going to live down the laserblast spree amyway #monsterdon

Not quite "fucking off into the Sea" but the Turtle Aliens weren't hanging around, were they?

#Monsterdon

Thank you turtles 🙏 #monsterdon

#Monsterdon I-

What an amazing ending. So heartfelt. So touching. So sudden.

So... LASERBLAST.

#Monsterdon

'Ass, grass, or laserblas'—nobody rides for free!'

#monsterdon

Give him a good soaking with the pink ray gun, that's right!

#monsterdon

His teeth turned back to normal! #monsterdon

why does the FBI(?) agent have a different suit every scene

how many fucking suits he got in that car

#monsterdon

MOST PREDICTABLE ENDING EVER

#Monsterdon

Billy! You monster!

#monsterdon

PEW PEW PEW

The End.

#Monsterdon
#Laserblast

#monsterdon Hippy Van Driver was the movie's most sympathetic character. It's sad that he god LaserBlasted.

...Is Billy getting shorter?

#Monsterdon

Is this just the dream ballet? #monsterdon

Billy just HATES MAILBOXES, wow

#Monsterdon

This is all cuz Mom went to Acapulco.

#monsterdon

The aliens express their emotions through interpretive dance.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

That hippie drove all the way to NYC?! #monsterdon

FFS with the music. #monsterdon

@diazona <weeps softly> It's all I wanted....

#Monsterdon

He's gone mad with Laserblast power!

#monsterdon

The thing this movie is most famous for. Being really stupid.
#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Where are we? #monsterdon

The damage this laser can do is really inconsistent
#Monsterdon

Everything happens for a reason

Just not in this movie

#Monsterdon

What does this movie have against Star Wars?

#Monsterdon #Laserblast1978

They're making no attempt to make the drivers look like the actors they're portraying. At all.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

just random street furniture exploding....

#Monsterdon

So... did anyone have BETTY CROCKER on their Bingo List? #monsterdon

No one wrote this film. It's as if they asked everyone on set to suggest a scene and they put them all in a big bowl, shot the scenes in who gives a damn order. #monsterdon

There's the money shot! Death to the Star Wars billboard. "Farrrr out!"

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

It's good to know 70s frug culture lingo survived to this day

#monsterdon

...Uh huh. Sure. Someone got two scoops of confidence in his raisin bran this morning.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon The driver is drunk. Billy is whacked out of his mind on fish paralyzers. Mmmm. Fish paralyzers. We should all have some.

lol, haven't we all wanted to end the conversation with a big alien arm laser?

#Monsterdon

Definitely not Ray Harryhausen level stop motion #monsterdon

I was wondering how they would make the plane explode, and they just… didn’t. Not even a miniature.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Of course you would pick up a man like that for a hitchhiker....

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon The G-Man has a lot of different suits. Black ones. White ones. Tan ones. Deerskin jacket based ones.

Aliens about the WHACK some WEEDS! #monsterdon

#Monsterdon Great! Christine broke a fender. She’s gonna be pissed! She’ll come back, later on.