Absolutely nothing happened in that movie.
Some bored teenager found a gun with a necklace, put on the necklace, and danced around while blowing things up.
That's it. That's the pitch line for the movie.
So many people were involved with this, did they all get paid?
"Why is it always so costly for mankind to move into the future...?"
Or maybe,
"He learned... Too late. That man is a FEELING creature. And because of it. The greatest in the universe."
![[empty]](/media/avatars/287224a269fbaefbc7e94920b207f9dca8b6e0415d818373c9f1528359b6a0e8.jpg){kind=small}
The VW Van. The most versatile car ever made.
Billy isn't green at all now, but fuck that billboard!
tbh the driver seems high as fuck
Billy must be somewhere close. I can hear his theme song.
Oh finally, the aliens are back!
@CactuarJoe THE CAR WAS! π
Ah yes, the Coleman Francis school of justice. We saw you in the vicinity, so we're gonna snipe you from a light plane!
Due process? What are you, a commie?
"Yep, these are all empty flasks"
"Agreed"
What are those cute aliens up to right now?
#monsterdon
"take my shirt off? Me?"
Where does he stash his alien laser weapon when he's not 'Laserblaster'....his ass?
Billy found a shirt!! No sleeves, but also no buttons. Perhaps that is why he figured out how to wear it! Good for you, Billy: well done.
"Diane, February 28th. I'm entering the town of Twin Peaks."
Laserblast doesnβt fall into the trap so many movies do of having at least one character whoβs likeable or appealing. #Monsterdon
Yeah don't bother telling us WHICH agency 'Mr Craig' is here from, we don't deserve that obviously
This film's plot feels like something I could have written in 6th Form in the 90s.
PUT ON A DAMN SHIRT!
We're at the half-way point and all we've got so far is Billy's got a laser, and no buttons on his shirt.
Halfway through, the movie starts
...So are we supposed to feel bad for the rapey guy's car getting vaporized?
*Man* this film is gross.
This is too much Deezen. :/
Long live the Clayliens!! Being chewed out by a superior officer for leaving a job incomplete looks the same even when the subtitles just read "(quacking)", apparently.
Looks like the Aliens get the same bad streaming service as we're watching.
Alien Boss is chewing these two out for leaving a space weapon in the hands of a human idiot
The aliens are waaayyyy better than the humans in this movie and we all know it.
MORE ordinary!? Is that *possible*???
PUT
YOUR
HAND
IN
I do not want to ever end up in the back of that man's van
lol
"Just drivin' through the desert, looking for weird alien shit to throw coke bottles at"
we all want him to button his shirt, right?
lol, there was just no need for that stunt at the end, was there?
I miss the aliens. #monsterdon
She's an airline stewardess, of course she wants to go to Alcapulco
ET's rougher cousins #monsterdon
#monsterdon I wonder if the Sheriff contacted the guy's mom in Acapulco to tell him that, unfortunately, your son found a laser in the desert and it turned him into a monster so some aliens had to show up and kill him while simultaneously de-monstering him.
@moira Sooooo we had 2 named female characters discussing cake?
OK, regardless, this is one the highlights of my week. Stupid movies with snarky commentary, and absolutely no connection to reality. A much needed break from [waves hands listlessly].
Thank you everyone for contributing, and thanks again to @Taweret for organizing.
How drunk was Leonard Maltin when he saw this film?
Because there's not enough beer in the world.
#monsterdon It's really embarrassing that this film took a jab at 'Star Wars'.
As though there's any possible universe where those two films are on any kind of equal footing.
It just ends. No need for explanation. #monsterdon
@riedlr they put in Chekhov's aliens! The movie ends just as it began: the turtle aliens blast some dumb idiot to death and leave
Bury him without a shirt.
He'd want it that way.
The only thing I can say about this movie is that it lived up to the title. There was a laser . . . and a lot of blasting.
This is not our worst Monsterdon. And not the worst movie MST3K did. But man is it a bad bad movie.
But I love those little shellless turtle boys so much even though this entire movie is their fault.
#Monsterdon #Laserblast
Double credits, half of a movie #monsterdon
Tortoise ex machina
#Monsterdon uhhhh ok. So thatβs that huh? Just gonna toss end credits and be done with it? Was this a high school group project movie?!?
That was a lot of ray gun to kill one human. #Monsterdon
The aliens abruptly kill Billy and fuck off back into space.
That's a wreck!
To those of you who have just seen LASERBLAST for the first time, welcome to the club, and I'm sorry.
It turned out the mood ring was predicting DEATH all this time. #monsterdon
I hope you earned your First Aid merit badge!!! #monsterdon
Longest. Blast. Ever.
#monsterdon
#Monsterdon Not a Candy *and* Paper Store!?!
LOOK UPON MY BLOCK OF ABANDONED TENEMENTS, YE MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR!
#Monsterdon Deep down every car in this movie is a Ford Pinto. Spiritually.
The wrath of Nosfer-eh-tu.
Not the billboard!!!! I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.
Our mystery G-man/government spook/military commander Craig is going to trade salutes with the claylien commander in the dΓ©nouement of this train wreck after Billy is liquidated like an overripe banana, isn't he?
(They sure used a lot of petrol explosions in this production.)
Oh good, more vintage car!
I love how the green makeup is wearing away quickly
Jeez they really hold some scenes for a long time. The orange car toolin' down the highway went on forever.
The two men in the plane are lovers
Green facial skin, teeth sharpened to points, and a kind of open-mouthed gasping as he blows up... defenceless pinball machines..? Still don't really have any why this is happening to Billy, but I expect we'll see him up the level of violence aimed at every character who humiliated him in the first half of the film. Presumably including the Colonel at some point?
Don't be mean to Froggy, you ableist fuck, Chuck
Oo, instant Lou Ferrigno
Like watching a man massage a side of pork. :/
Billy is a right cunt in the morning, huh?
lol, he's got his glam grenade on, his laser arm locked and ready to party
"EMERGENCY ALERT ONE" he said, bored.
@kshernandez Wondering if this film's budget is a result of car insurance fraud. #monsterdon
@CactuarJoe later released as a soft porn by the same production company. #monsterdon
why did Laserblaster kill the doc though?
It wasn't explained, we just had shirtless billy instead
Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but, uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine, we're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?
#Monsterdon Why??? Well, I donβt care I guess. The squeaky turtles are likewise dismayed. I guess. A lot of guessing in this movie.
@Taweret They are so good
#monsterdon
#monsterdon this movie is a waste of a Roddy McDowall.
is it "after midnight" a code for sex?
#monsterdon
@brooke feels wholesome #Monsterdon
#Monsterdon an A list actor?? In this movie? Someone was blackmailed!
Oh Roddy McDowell, once the Ape pictures stopped things got tough, huh?
I guess we'll never get a shirt on Billy no he's growing a metal vagina on his chest...
If there's one still-frame that accurately captures the experience of watching LASERBLAST, it's probably this one
Flashback to the Casting call 4 weeks prior #monsterdon
All these actors had so many supporting/1 episode runs on various tv shows. I imagine when they all end up in a movie together one of them mentions in the cafeteria they 'got a part in Laserblast'. so they all went and did the same thing. #monsterdon
And now we shift into Dukes of Hazzard mode.
@paco I am waiting to see a Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper
Jeez, the shirt budget for this flick must've been peanuts.
lol, we all just saw his 'Oh face', didn't we?
BUTTON. YOUR, SHIRT,
lol, but why isn't there more laser blasting though? π
"France today, exploded it's 29th nuclear bomb"
Ooo, bit of satire as well in this magnum opus
DO UP YOUR DAMN SHIRT BILLY!
THERE's the groady boob shot I was expecting!