We're at the half-way point and all we've got so far is Billy's got a laser, and no buttons on his shirt.

#monsterdon

Halfway through, the movie starts

#monsterdon

...So are we supposed to feel bad for the rapey guy's car getting vaporized?

#Monsterdon

*Man* this film is gross.

#Monsterdon

This is too much Deezen. :/

#Monsterdon

Long live the Clayliens!! Being chewed out by a superior officer for leaving a job incomplete looks the same even when the subtitles just read "(quacking)", apparently.

#monsterdon

Looks like the Aliens get the same bad streaming service as we're watching.

#monsterdon

Alien Boss is chewing these two out for leaving a space weapon in the hands of a human idiot

#Monsterdon

The aliens are waaayyyy better than the humans in this movie and we all know it.

#Monsterdon

MORE ordinary!? Is that *possible*???

#Monsterdon

PUT
YOUR
HAND
IN

#Monsterdon

I do not want to ever end up in the back of that man's van

lol
"Just drivin' through the desert, looking for weird alien shit to throw coke bottles at"

#Monsterdon

we all want him to button his shirt, right?

#Monsterdon

lol, there was just no need for that stunt at the end, was there?

#Monsterdon

I miss the aliens. #monsterdon

THE END

Great film, thanks everyone!

#monsterdon

ET's rougher cousins #monsterdon

#monsterdon I wonder if the Sheriff contacted the guy's mom in Acapulco to tell him that, unfortunately, your son found a laser in the desert and it turned him into a monster so some aliens had to show up and kill him while simultaneously de-monstering him.

@moira Sooooo we had 2 named female characters discussing cake?

#monsterdon

OK, regardless, this is one the highlights of my week. Stupid movies with snarky commentary, and absolutely no connection to reality. A much needed break from [waves hands listlessly].

Thank you everyone for contributing, and thanks again to @Taweret for organizing.

#monsterdon

@jsadow

First name: Cake
Last name: Girl

#monsterdon

How drunk was Leonard Maltin when he saw this film?

Because there's not enough beer in the world.

#monsterdon #laserblast

#monsterdon It's really embarrassing that this film took a jab at 'Star Wars'.

As though there's any possible universe where those two films are on any kind of equal footing.

It just ends. No need for explanation. #monsterdon

@riedlr they put in Chekhov's aliens! The movie ends just as it began: the turtle aliens blast some dumb idiot to death and leave

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Bury him without a shirt.
He'd want it that way.

This is not our worst Monsterdon. And not the worst movie MST3K did. But man is it a bad bad movie.
But I love those little shellless turtle boys so much even though this entire movie is their fault.
#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Double credits, half of a movie #monsterdon

Tortoise ex machina

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

#Monsterdon uhhhh ok. So that’s that huh? Just gonna toss end credits and be done with it? Was this a high school group project movie?!?

That was a lot of ray gun to kill one human. #Monsterdon

The aliens abruptly kill Billy and fuck off back into space.

That's a wreck!

To those of you who have just seen LASERBLAST for the first time, welcome to the club, and I'm sorry.

#Monsterdon

It turned out the mood ring was predicting DEATH all this time. #monsterdon

and so the turtle aliens fucked off into space

the end

ty for joining, everyone!!

#Monsterdon

I hope you earned your First Aid merit badge!!! #monsterdon

Longest. Blast. Ever.
#monsterdon

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Not a Candy *and* Paper Store!?!

LOOK UPON MY BLOCK OF ABANDONED TENEMENTS, YE MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR!

#monsterdon #laserblast

"Fuck you post box!
"Fuck you news stand!"

High drama!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon Deep down every car in this movie is a Ford Pinto. Spiritually.

Not the billboard!!!! I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.

#monsterdon

Our mystery G-man/government spook/military commander Craig is going to trade salutes with the claylien commander in the dénouement of this train wreck after Billy is liquidated like an overripe banana, isn't he?

(They sure used a lot of petrol explosions in this production.)

#monsterdon

"Stand on the rocks like you're off your face at a rock concert"

the director to Billy

#Monsterdon

I love how the green makeup is wearing away quickly

#Monsterdon

Jeez they really hold some scenes for a long time. The orange car toolin' down the highway went on forever.

#monsterdon

The two men in the plane are lovers

#Monsterdon

Green facial skin, teeth sharpened to points, and a kind of open-mouthed gasping as he blows up... defenceless pinball machines..? Still don't really have any why this is happening to Billy, but I expect we'll see him up the level of violence aimed at every character who humiliated him in the first half of the film. Presumably including the Colonel at some point?

#monsterdon

Don't be mean to Froggy, you ableist fuck, Chuck

#Monsterdon

Oo, instant Lou Ferrigno

#Monsterdon

Like watching a man massage a side of pork. :/

#Monsterdon

Billy is a right cunt in the morning, huh?

#Monsterdon

"EMERGENCY ALERT ONE" he said, bored.

#Monsterdon

@kshernandez Wondering if this film's budget is a result of car insurance fraud. #monsterdon

@CactuarJoe later released as a soft porn by the same production company. #monsterdon

why did Laserblaster kill the doc though?
It wasn't explained, we just had shirtless billy instead

#Monsterdon

Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but, uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine, we're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon Why??? Well, I don’t care I guess. The squeaky turtles are likewise dismayed. I guess. A lot of guessing in this movie.

@Taweret They are so good
#monsterdon

#monsterdon this movie is a waste of a Roddy McDowall.

is it "after midnight" a code for sex?
#monsterdon

@brooke feels wholesome #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon an A list actor?? In this movie? Someone was blackmailed!

Oh Roddy McDowell, once the Ape pictures stopped things got tough, huh?

I guess we'll never get a shirt on Billy no he's growing a metal vagina on his chest...

#Monsterdon

If there's one still-frame that accurately captures the experience of watching LASERBLAST, it's probably this one

#Monsterdon

Flashback to the Casting call 4 weeks prior #monsterdon

All these actors had so many supporting/1 episode runs on various tv shows. I imagine when they all end up in a movie together one of them mentions in the cafeteria they 'got a part in Laserblast'. so they all went and did the same thing. #monsterdon

And now we shift into Dukes of Hazzard mode.

#monsterdon

Jeez, the shirt budget for this flick must've been peanuts.

#monsterdon

lol, we all just saw his 'Oh face', didn't we?

#Monsterdon

BUTTON. YOUR, SHIRT,

#Monsterdon

lol, but why isn't there more laser blasting though? 😭

#Monsterdon

"France today, exploded it's 29th nuclear bomb"

Ooo, bit of satire as well in this magnum opus

DO UP YOUR DAMN SHIRT BILLY!

#Monsterdon

THERE's the groady boob shot I was expecting!

#Monsterdon

Please, dear god, let the pool party scene have a point.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Saved some money by filming the cast party at least.

#Monsterdon

Aaaaaand Jaws. ...Please? :/

#Monsterdon

He is a creep though

#Monsterdon

Every one of those bikini girls were doing that before I was born.

And I'm old.

#Monsterdon

...was that the opening bars to Walk Like an Egyptian?

#Monsterdon

These Billy bare-chest scenes are approaching Yeti-nipple awkwardness levels.

#monsterdon

This guys nipples co-starred in this film
#monsterdon

They spared NO EXPENSE for these effects #monsterdon

"Billy, I wish you weren't so weird. You should be more ordinary."

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

So is he bored of the alien gun already or is he going to surprise his girlfriend with it?

"Something so dark in you sometimes"

Soon you'll learn that's not sexy, it's a red flag. Soon....

#Monsterdon

...So does he actually TALK to his girlfriend at some point?

#Monsterdon

OMG! He's a bored teenager in a small town, with nothing to do, and he just discovered a laser canon. This does not bode well.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

"Fuck that cactus! BLAST!"

This film is so deep

#Monsterdon

Wear the grenade around your neck too....

So much interpretive dance in the desert

#Monsterdon

So why did the laser shoot the bottle, but not him when he walked into the same spot?

#monsterdon

I hope he accidentally blows up his van.

#Monsterdon #Laserblast

Boys are weird....

#Monsterdon

The "almost Benny Hill" no-royalty theme

#monsterdon

Ugh, can we get back to the Laser blasting please, not this unsettling cop drama

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon is effectively a Keenan Wynn fan club at this point

I bet that was some rank ditch weed

#Monsterdon

it's all downhill from here, folks. Savor it.

#Monsterdon

Alright - it's stop motion. This is going to be fun.

#monsterdon

this already has a "Burning Man" feel to it...

#Monsterdon

This movie had a plot like the felon has a plan. #Monsterdon