Who has "Bikini (Atoll or unnecessary gratuitous softcore scene)" on their bingo card? #Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

Nothing bad ever happens in these movies when two female leads are in swim suits in a body of water

#Monsterdon

"Oh, it must be the artistic portion of the film." ~ Jiff Ramsey (Bowfinger, 1999)

#Monsterdon

START YOUR RENGINES #monsterdon

She's kissing the "snap out of it" guy, ugh

#Monsterdon

Oh good, someone can get eaten by the Klingon. #Monsterdon

...you weren't planting shit ALREADY at this point?

you absolute maroons

#monsterdon

#monsterdon No, you'll all die. And we all will rejoice. Die John, Die really horribly. Screaming, melting, Spock In The Radiation Room... smutch…

It's kinda windy where I live so I'm glad I don't have to worry about nuclear strikes

#Monsterdon

Yeah I'd rather walk around in a zombie-infested valley, than be stuck listening to some old man read from the bible.

#Monsterdon

Meanwhile in another daytime shot that is supposed to represent night, one of the girls is going to make out with one of the boys on one of those marble bench things you see in parks sometimes and then the girl gets scared and they go inside.

Meanwhile, the radioactive brother has grown a fungus on his face and is celebrating by trapping and eating radioactive animals in the yard.

#monsterdon #InTheYear2889

World's most rubberiest claws 😂

#Monsterdon

turns out 2889 was the friends we made along the way

#monsterdon

...oh, it's a Christian propaganda film.

#monsterdon

getting a post-nuclear-life doctorate.

#monsterdon

Content warning: Moist
#monsterdon

(you'll note I have completely given up on anyone's name at this point)

#monsterdon

Bill eats bunny, Klingon eats Bill. IT'S THE CIRCLE OF LIIIIIIFE

#monsterdon

"Keep my brother alive, not because I care about him, but in order that we may study him."

#Monsterdon

@apLundell

But Old Man had a diorama & everything to explain it all away!

A DIORAMA!!!

#Monsterdon

Their on-screen chemistry is like de-ionized water.

#monsterdon

I'm not saying I *want* to see the character development we're being told about.

None of these people are characters yet.

#Monsterdon

DAY-FOR-NIGHT MAKEOUTS

#monsterdon

no matter how many times you try it, it does not look like night time...stop trying...

#Monsterdon

"It's important that we save him! I can't say why!"

It's all part of the plot point coming in the third act!

#Monsterdon

Why is every scene in this movie annoying?

#monsterdon #InTheYear2889

Mutant Five-O-Clock Shadow amirite

#monsterdon

"I'm going outside."

Well, alright. But stay inside.

#Monsterdon

Jeez it's days after the nukes and they're already into full on mutant mode.

#Monsterdon

Post-apoc planning, including the girl here, did not apparently account for giving her some damn pants and proper shoes.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon A funny feeling in my lady parts. I'll go fetch the coffee.

"Logically he should have been dead"

same

#Monsterdon

@SnoopJ “let’s film in the field next to Spartacus to save money on music” #monsterdon

#monsterdon I feel like if I turned into a monster, it would take me a while to realize that I was craving raw meat.

I mean, I don't normally eat raw meat, so I'd probably misinterpret the cravings as cravings for a pizza or something.

Granger's got game senses!

#monsterdon

I'm super baked but I want to hear the true account of those tests from gramps. #monsterdon

@jsadow normally depends on the key and if you have synesthesia or not.

In this #monsterdon though, it's a red flag because everyone in this movie is sus.

#InTheYear2889

contaminated game

*dangerous* game

#monsterdon

oho so maybe the dad *did* cause the nuclear apocalypse! that was part of his 10 years of planning!

#monsterdon

Not since gif vs jif have I been so sure something was supposed to be pronounced with a hard G. #Monsterdon

the subtitles on the youtube copy i'm watching don't appear to be auto-generated, but they're also not word-for-word accurate. it's like they were translated from subtitles from another language

#monsterdon

Yeah, you look like you're sorry. #Monsterdon

80 mins of this... #monsterdon

hue hue hue misogyny

#monsterdon

Aren’t you a little *clumsy* for a dancer?

#monsterdon
#InTheYear2889

all the men here are creeps...

#Monsterdon

Movie is certainly following the tropes at least.

#monsterdon

dad is (cooked)
#Monsterdon

Dad's been looking forward to his own private dictatorship.

#monsterdon

@LingLass@vmst.io #Monsterdon

ikr too bad they couldn't get Ray Milland...

Kill the old dude and establish a collective

#Monsterdon

Meanwhile, in the radiation and sunsoaked woods, a Chunky Country Boy appears, and like all Chunky Country Boys he wears a giant hat and carries a ceramic jug of moonshine around. He spies on the plantation bunker house where a lady is showering or something and then gets tackled by one of the random young male characters. He explains he's a ranger and just wanted to see if the house was occupied and wasn't peeping honest.

#monsterdon #InTheYear2889

There Will Come Contaminating Rains

#monsterdon

i was not prepared for PREPPER DIORAMA. this is even better than an informative slideshow or filmstrip #monsterdon

Sure, nothing says safe long-term like geological activity.

#Monsterdon

actual lols as he brings out the model he prepared for guests...

#Monsterdon

@paco
You need to spend more time in the shadows of neighborhoods in the evenings.
I would imagine.

#Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

#monsterdon

Guy tried to break in with a gun, dad shoots the floor as a warning

"FATHER STOP"

drunk donkey-man wanders in from the mountains, dad goes to tell him to fuck off

"FATHER STOP" /sprays dad with a squirt bottle

nukular zombies start eating the inhabitants, dad goes out with a 30.06

"FATHER" /goes running after with a rolled up newspaper

NOBODY MAY STAY!! 😠

#Monsterdon

Uninvited guests are now inviting additional uninvited guests

#monsterdon
#InTheYear2889

I'm sensing a recurring theme here.

#Monsterdon

Kind of seems like everyone survived, maybe

#Monsterdon

We learn the young girl is engaged to someone named "Larry" and I guess the old guy is her dad or something and a doomsday prepper who has stockpiled supplies in his house, and the girl is sad that Larry didn't come to hang out in their doomsday prepper plantation house

#monsterdon #InTheYear2889

*whistles* wow, we haven't had day-for-night of this caliber in a LONG time

#Monsterdon

Day posing as night

#Monsterdon

"This is not how i planned it"

told you he was a prepper

#Monsterdon

This gun is loaded and I'll waste ammunition to prove it.
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

It's Steve Marlin everyone!

#Monsterdon

That's not what radiation does, I've seen Chernobyl, where's the sloughing!

#Monsterdon

(cooked)

#Monsterdon

yes, yes, you were right. You are very smart. Now please shut up about it.

#monsterdon #intheyear2889

wait didn't I see this movie

but with Brendan Fraser

#monsterdon

Ted "Cave" Johnson here

#Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

I recognise each one of those atomic exploisions....

#Monsterdon

burn burn burn!!!

#monsterdon

Pfft. This noise ain't THAT great. #Monsterdon

Ok, I'm a little nervous and regretful that I didn't watch a trailer for this before voting, but here we are.

#monsterdon #InTheYear2889

Reading #Monsterdon posts in my feed without watching the movie feels like chugging LLM output straight from the fire hose. Absolute madness!

Yes, torture the baby monster, that'll make it love you.

LOL "English" almost managed.

Attention giant monsters, please file a flight plan and install proper tail lights.

#monsterdon #gappa

What is the tariff charge on importing a kaiju like these days?
#Monsterdon #Gappa #TheTriphibianMonster

"Hey, Kool-Aid Gappa!"

"OH YEAH!!!"

#Monsterdon #WrongYear

"Maybe it's a mistake to take the baby away from the island"

It would be a lot shorter movie if they listened to you

anyway, time for bed

#Monsterdon

"It looks like a monster, but is really cute"

same

#Monsterdon

Gappa's parents should not have gone out to a dinner party, leaving the egg unattended

#Monsterdon

Oh my, is that guy in the rubber suit, 'Gappa?'

#Monsterdon

"Gappa Angry"

I hear ya Gappa, plenty to be angry about...

#Monsterdon

lol, earthquakes, volcanoes, creatures from the age of the Dinosaurs and there are already people here....but sure, build your resort on this island, the banks will love to give you the money for it.

#Monsterdon

Oh, you're going to steal a giant egg, aren't you?

When will Humanity learn!

#Monsterdon

this is a less threatening romance than the previous movie...

#Monsterdon

@RachelThornSub

@Taweret maintains a list

#Monsterdon

NOT A MOAI! That is just some off brand ancestoral god.
#Monsterdon #Gappa #TheTriphibianMonster

@diazona #Monsterdon #WrongYear

I wish ALL of the previous movie had been silent.

@ottaross “It’s probably Larry!”

“Wait! Don’t open the door! We don’t know who it is!”

You’re standing right next to the doors, and they’re french doors with glass panes and lightweight curtains. If the person on the other side wants to get in, they will.

#Monsterdon

..and it wasn't even set in the 29th century, how dare you .....

#Monsterdon

@otheorange_tag

I'm trying to read it (as charitably as I can) as a biblical allegory (or is it a parable...I can never keep them straight ✌️🤣

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 📅 ⏩ ⚛️ 💣 💥 🧟 🧟‍♀️ 🧌 😱 viewing of 'In the Year 2889' (1969)

Thanks, @Taweret and company. I now know that I can survive apocalyptic movies that involve rain and a complete lack of budget, direction, sound, lighting, acting, decent dialog, plot, etc.

@SocialCommentaryBot 7 breeding pairs... #Monsterdon

Ooh, the secret sauce is SEXISM. That's a new one! #monsterdon

This concludes my #monsterdon thread for #InTheYear2889 , a movie that seemingly did not take place in the year 2889 and is less good than the one song that has kind of a similar title to it but is more catchy.

Thanks to everyone for attending this week's monsterdon!