AH YES, THE MAT-TSU-OH TEST

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe i hate re-heated plot points

#monsterdon

…did she say Jimothy? It sounded like she said Jimothy.

#Monsterdon

lol *gratuitous bikini scene

#Monsterdon

So we got one plot point in half an hour. Did they have to ration those, too? #Monsterdon

Elvis tells John that the bible has the answers to everything because this movie is also a Chick tract, but with added mutants.

#monsterdon #InTheYear2889

#monsterdon You know it's an exciting movie when they interrupt the action for a bible study group.

EVOLUTION DOES NOT WORK LIKE THAT

#Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

MOIST.

BONES.

#monsterdon

That wasn't a rabbit, it was a Crunch bar :D #Monsterdon

huntin' and trappin' and EATIN'

#monsterdon

Grange is slowly mutating into James Coburn

#Monsterdon

"oh these past few week with you… just off-camera…"

#Monsterdon

Outside a bird is flying and a mutant klingon is skulking in the jungle.

Meanwhile, inside the dumbass bedroom, two of the surviving boys are saying they heard coyotes (probably radioactive) and one of them is sick of canned food and wants to eat meat.

We then see the ranger outside being stalked by a mutant klingon.

#monsterdon #InTheYear2889

Granger is trying ACTING. Wonder if anyone else will make an attempt.
#Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

So, uh, the 2889 apparently doesn't mean anything. It's a left over title from another work (an adaptation of a Jules Verne story) that was never made by the studio.

#Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

Oddly… sexual way of saying “That’s what YOU think”🤔

#monsterdon
#InTheYear2889

"I can feel it, and I need meat."

#Monsterdon

lol, this dude really likes his meat

#Monsterdon

oh my, the mutant fioncee has arrived and is hungry for squirrel

#Monsterdon

The real power of WHICH atom? There's a couple different ones, Bob.

#Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

well judging from the background noise

I THINK BIRDS SURVIVED

#monsterdon

This reminds me of DEVIL GIRL FROM MARS without the dom, in that it's mostly assholes talking to each other about stuff I'm not super interested in

#Monsterdon

So this doesn't feel like the year 2889. #Monsterdon

My god theres two more radiations than last night.
#monsterdon

SOUNDTRACK AVAILABLE ON TINNITUS RECORDS
#monsterdon

The plantation bunker house is safe from radiation because there is lead in the hills nearby. That makes no sense to me but physics is normally waived during #monsterdon movies anyway.

#InTheYear2889

Yes, let's explain the basics of nuclear annihilation to the 1969 audience. And geothermal fallout resistance.

#monsterdon #intheyear2889

There better be a radioactive zombie or something, otherwise this sux.
#monsterdon

Counterpoint: humans *are* animals

#Monsterdon

Okay I know everybody wants to dunk on the diorama but this justification for why the house is a safe place is actually quite good IMO

#Monsterdon

🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧🔧

47 wrenches

#monsterdon
#InTheYear2889

"The nukes have fallen. Let me preen on the balcony!" #monsterdon #intheyear2889

"I got big things in LA"

Chief LA doesn't exist anymore. It's goo.

#Monsterdon

"My second-in-command will be Steve."

#Monsterdon

awaiting for this to become Donner Party: 2889

#monsterdon

He's a little bulky for a Torgo, but you use what you've got. #Monsterdon

How can I know what’s in that guy’s jug unless it says “XXX” on the side? #Monsterdon

Yeeeep, sure am glad I built this REMOTE HOUSE in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, where NOBODY would just WANDER BY

certainly not AN ENTIRE CAST OF THOUSANDS in the FIRST FIFTEEN MINUTES

#Monsterdon

"forget the sob story" is a hell of a thing to say to someone pointing a gun at you

gonna be a long one I think

#Monsterdon

Love how the man with the apocalypse mansion just keeps the doors unlocked....

#Monsterdon

Bold of old man here to assume a locked door with panes of glass is gonna stop any post-apoc critters or raiders.

#monsterdon

He's gonna sit down in his chair and wait for the frogs to come kill him. #Monsterdon

Seven hundred forty wrenchens!!

#Monsterdon

Roentgens mentioned!!

#Monsterdon

740!? He should be A PUDDLE

#Monsterdon

This doesn't look very future-y

#Monsterdon

"Don't touch him!"

He's gross!

#Monsterdon

Oh, they have a photo of The Average Man. Finally let him out of the vault in Svarlbad, huh? #Monsterdon

NGL this post nuclear world looks pretty great so far

#Monsterdon

AND KTLA IS THERE

#Monsterdon

three billion people murdered by nuclear bombs... but the Dow closed up 3%

#Monsterdon

Oh, so this movie picks right up where Dr. Strangelove leaves, nice.

I guess I don't blame them for not springing for the rights to "We'll Meet Again"

#Monsterdon

♫ IN THE YEAR 2889 ♪

♫ IF MAN IS STILL A uh SPINE ♪

#Monsterdon

American International TELEVISION? This is a TV movie? Ripoff! #Monsterdon

This cave needs a rave...

#Monsterdon

Just walk right on ahead and desecrate their holy site, I mean they're only island people, aren't they?

Oh now look what you've done!

#Monsterdon

awww, look at the Pterodactyl!

#Monsterdon

@TerryHancock It would be almost impossible for next week's movie to not be better

If that happens, it'd honestly be impressive, except that we might not survive

#Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

@wulfric I was on team Mutant Fiancée Larry #Monsterdon

"let's just mix a load of Indigenous cultures together and maybe a bit of Brownface, it'll be fine"

Colonisers....

...they're after the island as well, aren't they?

#Monsterdon

the main advantage of tonight's #monsterdon has been that now the next movie everyone sees is bound to be better.

#InTheYear2889

@lalah This is an excellent question.

#monsterdon

RE: https://mastodon.social/@Newpa_Hasai/116751733334515059

easily the front runner for the year, this movie was a disgrace

#Monsterdon

The best character was... um... I dunno... the rabbit that one of the mutants ate I guess.

The worst character was John, who was supposed to be the hero/mentor figure I guess but his main hobby was urging the Elvis impersonator to murder. The other characters were also bad.

#monsterdon #InTheYear2889

I blame Joanna for this whole fiasco. Prepper Dad had it all worked out. But that wasn't good enough for Joanna.

#Monsterdon

So he wants Steve to shoot his daughter, to save her from "a fate worse than death"? Did he ever ask if that's what she wants? All the men in this movie are the worst

#Monsterdon

RE: https://retro.pizza/@xerozohar/116751729771946759

Better still!

#Monsterdon

That one would definitely be in the running if we did #WorstMonsterdon again.

#Monsterdon

@paco perhaps we should have watched the movie backwards and it'd be better

#Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

@combatwombat @Taweret Nah, that's Planet Earth. Which was only bad because Gene Roddenberry couldn't stop being weird about gender

#Monsterdon

Maybe that was just a very bad print? Missing an audio channel?

#Monsterdon

@Violinknitter burn it all down #Monsterdon

Maybe it's a failed pilot for a TV show, not just a failed movie.
Anyway, thanks @Taweret for hosting :D #monsterdon

and we fucked off into THE BEGINNING

now let's forget this film ever existed.

actually, no, let's remember it's BAD and never watch it again.

#monsterdon

ugh

#monsterdon

"It was Larry"

called it an hour ago

And now they casually discuss genocide....

The End

#Monsterdon

Yes yes, the Impure can't exist alongside The Chosen Pure Ones blah blah don't mix genes, d- HEY WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE END??? #Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe what a world

#monsterdon

Oh grandpa, better put the safety on before you tuck the gun in down there :x #Monsterdon

Is the mutant fiancée going to melt in the rain?

Or transform into a winged god?

#Monsterdon

The, uh, monster. He's like if a butler was a rubber mask. #Monsterdon

I always sleep on the couch with the lights on and with a gun in my hand like all real American men

#monsterdon
#InTheYear2889

Luger, I hardly...

Eh.

Nah.

#Monsterdon

The dingo out there's got my baby!

#monsterdon

Mickey better watch it. John's let him off with the open threats of violence the last hundred times but THE NEXT ONE OH JUST YOU WAIT BUSTER

#Monsterdon

"It was once a man? It's trying to communicate? Kill it!" #monsterdon #intheyear2889

Jesus, dad #Monsterdon

One of the other boys I don't care about tries to rape the daughter in the woods, but the other girl (his GF/wife/partner, I guess) yells at him, giving her a chance to run away. She then tries to tempt him to having a nice midnight swim instead, even though it's always daytime in this movie. He is not interested so she goes swimming on her own while he creepily skulks around.

#monsterdon #InTheYear2889

He's CROUCHING IN PLAIN SIGHT #Monsterdon

"Let's go take a moonlight swim" and get EATEN BY CREATURES

PLEASE

#Monsterdon

This movie is teaching me that bombs should be dropped directly on men in general

#Monsterdon

@wohali lolwat

That's so bizarre that the sound would be in some copies and not others

#Monsterdon #InTheYear2889

Not any more 😳

And there goes the jug, the precious jug

#Monsterdon

it's your mutant fiancée, come to rescue you from gaslighting Steve

#Monsterdon

The mutant in the bushes is Larry, isn't it

#Monsterdon

More things pretended to happen in this movie. The ranger guy got drunk, one girl had a jazz dance party in the living room, and then the ranger got his jug broke. John uses this to wax melancholy on the evils of alcohol, and the ranger walks into the woods.

John tells him not to go into the secret food vault and if he goes he will be killed and then chases him with a gun to prove it.

#monsterdon #InTheYear2889

"Now my whole family has gone"

delivered like a catalogue model

#Monsterdon

20 more minutes until we can see the abrupt ending and be done with this

#Monsterdon

@bstacey the best mixing that no money can buy

#Monsterdon