jesus christ ma'am #Monsterdon

·what is with this armour·‽

#monsterdon

No snakes sent by witches to prevent his birth, either?

Y'all, I don't think this movie is going to be very consistent with the myth.

#monsterdon #hercules1983

Madness? THIS! IS! THEBES!

#Monsterdon

Well folks, we have dialogue worthy of the budget. #monsterdon

wow I really can't say I think much of thebes's bonus plan

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

A redheaded amish man in charge of roman soldiers?
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

The commander is playing egg checkers. #Monsterdon

I see the princess has a strategic panel covering her inner calves.

#monsterdon

"I used to be an adventurer like you. Then I took an arrow to the... um.. well" #monsterdon #Hercules

@everyday_light We'll see how much I remember, we've done a couple of these greek/roman myth movies and my recall for the details isn't great.
#Monsterdon

Nice Janus God of doorways reference #monsterdon #Hercules1983

@paco Right, he had to be dubbed, but the rest? Maybe easier to do everyone then?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Was Hercules supposed to be penis-less? I never studied the classics in school. #monsterdon

what if… what if he'd put the shield ·in between· himself and the arrow, rather than hanging off his arm to the side…

#monsterdon

@paco @JoeWynne must have been nice to not be able to hear the reviewers

#monsterdon

Imagine cramming seven movies into one, you don't find that sort of vision anymore

OOF, talking about 'shoot the messenger!'

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon HE MAN! AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE! LOL.

#monsterdon dude that is not how you hold a sword

Congratulations! You're the rightful king of England, sorry it doesn't exist yet

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

pchooooow
#monsterdon

its actually impressive how cheap they managed to make the props look

#monsterdon

What a slippery sword hilt. Are you planning to use that for ceremonies or

#Monsterdon

@sakhavi The forces of evil did have a perfectly good jar, but then some stupid asteroids or something broke it. Can you believe it? Such a nice space jar too...

#Monsterdon

I’m having Clash of the Titans flashbacks. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon
#hercules1983
Fight a snake! I want to see that baby fight a snake!

Very effective armour, arrow goes right through it.

#monsterdon

@foebrian #monsterdon

Literally the plot to "The Hangover"!

You can tell they made this movie like five minutes after someone discovered that spray painting styrofoam grey gives the appearance of stone

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@ramsey I mean, it's prime real estate, being made of cheese and all. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Costumer borrowed pirate headwear for the archer for some reason.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

the breastplate, my one weakness!

#monsterdon

For those who don't know (and I only know second hand), Cannon Group in the 80s was a prevalent maker of low-mid budget action B-movies. This is known as their Golus-Globus era, named for the owners at the time.

They did Chuck Norris movies, they did American Ninja movies, Masters Of The Universe, Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo, etc.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc
🧔 💪 🐻 🎇

I guess that Pandora had both a jar and a box. One good and one.. evil?

#monsterdon I loved this quest in Skyrim

Right in the golden armor nipple! #monsterdon #Hercules

@jadebees Hush. We still have some more visual effects to blow up. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

An archer who uses only a single eye, that's how badass they are. #Monsterdon

That man has never shot a bow in his life.

#Monsterdon

Awww! My diog had to go outside! I missed Herc's lack of dingus!

#Hercules1983 #Monsterdon

Better put a silencer on that thing first, dude. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon It's like the roving pile of light is shopping at Costco for a ready made meal that doesn't just bleh. hahahahah

Wow, that was a delayed reaction to that arrow...

#monsterdon

Imaging going to bed one night, and waking up with a toddler in the other room the next morning. My heart would skip a beat. Get sober after that too. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@paco Because his pants were too tight, and he spent too long lingering in hot tubs?

#monsterdon #hercules

Hercules looks very impressive but it feels like he is lacking something #Monsterdon

Ah. The time difference explains Apollo’s lack of finding evidence of these gods existence.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

#monsterdon Have any of you looked up why Amphitryon was living in Thebes at the time Hercules was born?

It was not, in fact, because he was the king there. It was because he'd gotten thrown out of Tiryns for killing his father-in-law.

The sword is Excalibur, right?

#Monsterdon

Promethius?

#MONSTERDON
#Hercules_1983

He'd see better if he uncovered his eye. #monsterdon

Sorry, I looked away and when I looked up there was a women wearing a glowing fish outfit? That Made out of a shower curtain?

#Monsterdon

Clearly nothing worth mentioning happened in those 4000 years

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

#monsterdon but I bet the forces of evil don’t have a JAR

A Thierry Mugler bodice, with this budget?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

🔍 how much of hercules 1983's budget was spent on protein shakes

#monsterdon

Just kind of jamming an artificial soul into someone's baby... this this more or less moral than Zeus's normal jam?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Zeus is usually a little more hands on with putting demigods into queens. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

🎵 did you ever know you're Zeus's hero.. #Monsterdon

is this #StarWars?
#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

newborn son of amphibian, king of

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Hercules never had any children. I think we can see why.
#monsterdon

Isn't that the thing that made all those Klingons and the crew of the Enterprise fight with swords that one time? #monsterdon #Hercules

#monsterdon ah, I see Noel Fielding is already here

I didn't know JJ Abrams was making movies in the 80s

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc
🧔 💪 🐻 🎇

Are they implying that Hercules is 4000 years old? I am confused.

Late Narrator is TRYING THEIR BEST to make this movie work.

#monsterdon

The royal palace exactly 4000 years ago. This movie is live-tooting what Hercules did back then. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #hercules huh. Are we watching the right movie?

Why is she hiding behind that fish tail? #monsterdon

Lou is the Chinese clone of Hercules

#monsterdon

FWOOP! #monsterdon

@RobynGoodfellow incarnatmaxxing #monsterdon

I’m not sure this script was written by, uh, writers.

#Monsterdon

Lou just bouncin' around the landscape like WHOOOOOOOA ngyooooo HWOOOOAOAO nyooom #Monsterdon

Earth woman: OH MY GOD MY BABY IS INFUSED WITH LIGHT

Gods: My god is right

Other humans: <rolls eyes> she's so full of herself

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@CactuarJoe 😂

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Um... where's his... uh... why you gotta do Lou like that? #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Nothing about Zeus showing up as a swan or a golden shower or anything? No icky rape scenes or "seduction"?

#monsterdon #hercules

I have been blinded by all the flashing lights and the copious amount of male-presenting nipple

#Monsterdon

So when Zeus built Hercules out of light he forgot to give him his Little Herc, is what this myth is teaching us?

#monsterdon

And so the world will be saved by naked null bulge man!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Wait! Where's his junk? #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

#monsterdon
#hercules1983
Was that a Ken doll crotch on Herc?

Movie, just get to the part were Zeus commits infidelity in the form a goose. That's what we're all here to see.

#monsterdon #hercules1983

@RobynGoodfellow made you look #monsterdon

Who made those flesh colored tighty whities for Herc?
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Hercules is apparently endowed as well as a Ken doll #monsterdon

How do you fuck up Greek mythology so much?

#Monsterdon

Hercules has Ken doll crotch?

#Monsterdon

Imagine if these guys had modern technology and a budget, the ambition!

#MOnsterdon

that is a very large naked buff man
#monsterdon

Aw jeez lou put some pants on #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Yeah, they're definitely not going into Heracles's parentage. Can't offend Zeus.

Is this dubbed? Or subtitled? Why don't they match?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Hercules is not anatomically correct. #Monsterdon

HERCULEEEEES FROOOOOOM SPAAAAAAAAACEEEEEE

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983 oh he's like a ken doll

Every labor?

Buddy, I've been in labor. He never did that.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@GramrgednAngel That chrome's gonna flake off in two days.

#monsterdon #hercules1983