<baby Hercules dies in the vacuum of space>

Gods: Well, crap

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

And then Hercules washed up on the shores of Bohemia and was adopted by a farmer and named Perdita

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983 young hercules was an avid white water river rafting enthusiast

Baby Hercules: begins reciting the Lady of Shallot
#Monsterdon

Put that back in the river! You don't know where it's been!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Oh cmon man, this had his bow and arrow ready and could spare us from the rest of this movie
#Monsterdon #hercules1983

oh no we did not see that coming
#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Zeus is wearing Miss Piggy's gloves

"we didn't get the baby but it's probably going to die, our job is done" yes, these antedeluvian government employees are my true ancestors

#monsterdon

#monsterdon beats my price for daycare

"The river will get rid of the child for us."

He's... in a boat. I mean... I just don't get the assumption that death is assumed here. Sure, maybe he'll like starve or something, but just... child in a boat doesn't equal automatic death...

#Monsterdon

ok, I think, "back to Thebes: our job is done" is how I'm gonna start concluding projects I'm finishing up…

#monsterdon

wow that newborn grew up fast. River of time or what not i guess

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Thanks voiceover I would never have guessed the baby was in a boat on a river. #monsterdon #Hercules

He grew up on the river, just like Huck Finn. #Monsterdon

*superman theme intensifies* wait wrong movie
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983 "don't need to kill baby; river will get it" <-> "don't need to wash legs; water will get it" axis

"Kill the baby" "put the baby in a boat" close enough
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

As always, good may be dumb but evil is incompetent. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon the funniest part of this is that making Hercules the Greek Moses is stealing Oedipal valor

never trust a river. lazy rivers #Monsterdon

#monsterdon And we're off to a #SuddenStringSection run thru the woods. Chills, spills, slivers, exposed roots, soggy sandals…

"The river will kill the child for us." Are you sure? That's a heccin placid river!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@CactuarJoe Hope he makes it. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

I see the King has dispatched his crack squad of Famous Last Words guys

#Monsterdon

"No one could survive that!"

Does that trick EVER work?

#MONSTERDON
#Hercules_1983

The baby sailed along the river, mile after mile, tacking and rowing, avoiding the rapids...

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Evil plans were much more slip-shod in the Bronze Age.

It's kind of racist of you to expect that a river isn't good w/ kids.

#Monsterdon

This music is trying so hard to be epic.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc
🧔 💪 🐻 🎇

So the child is Moses?

"Here, kid, you know how to pilot a boat, right? No? Well, good luck." #Monsterdon

Why weren’t we blocking The Secret Passageway? #Monsterdon

so, little hercules sailed past multiple matte paintings... #monsterdon

The baby sounds like a little lamb? Wait... the lamb of... *gasp* #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

wow you aim = terrible, part 2

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

@wohali actually that'd be a sick way to give that reminder in a movie theater

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Did Aegeans have those ridiculous crests on their helmets? I though that came along rather later, and only for extra-pompous officers. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

If it's secret, how can anyone know she was going to use it?
#Monsterdon #hercules1983

"We saw her heading for the secret passageway"

& you decided that wasn't worth following up on until I asked about the baby? #Monsterdon

where does one buy a bed like that

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 💪 🧔‍♂️ 🐻 👊 🌌 🇬🇷 😱

i would like those cat statues

#monsterdon whenever I announce anything to my bosses, I always do it standing in mountain pose

#monsterdon that baby is clearly a goat

#monsterdon Am I watching the right version here?

Capture her! And give me more scenery to chew!

#Monsterdon

Hercules in Baby's Day Out
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

the subtitles not lining up has me cackling
#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Get him, baby! #Monsterdon

Great line read, dude. #Monsterdon

@sakhavi Stupid space jar!

*Shakes fist*

:HoloAngry:

#Monsterdon

Killing babies is the best treat a man can have. #Monsterdon

so was the battle

Thebe Roll

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc
🧔 💪 🐻 🎇

Why are we wearing hair brushes on our heads?

You're the boss, you get the really shitty part of the job.

#MONSTERDON
#Hercules_1983

Sorry he's busy strangling snakes #monsterdon #Hercules1983

Lots of upper body protection, not much covering the family jewels. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

He didn't notice the bed was empty until after he stabbed it? Maybe he's the one with a bad eye. #monsterdon

"Someone saw here running for the secret passageway that everyone know about." #Monsterdon

"Obviously the work of a VAMPIRE!"

#monsterdon

#monsterdon lol goddamn, not even little toga skirts huh? We're going all the way to "large loincloths" for the soldiers are we

I don’t remember Hercules’ origin story going this way

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe It's not stealing if it's repurposing. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Uhh bad fake blood
#Monsterdon #hercules1983

#monsterdon “A jar did this”

someone just literally overthrew that crown

#Monsterdon

I don't remember that being what Sybil was up to in mythology, though it has been a while

#monsterdon

Act like you need to sneeze, but are also smug and horny.
Action!
#Monsterdon

(guards marching)

PIZZA PIZZA

(hey, if the joke works for Joel and the Bots it works for me)

#Monsterdon

@cherizilla He gave up his penis for strength.

#Monsterdon

Boo rebels? yay... king?

#monsterdon

Helmets they can sweep a floor with later, that's so efficient when you cause mayhem on the regular

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Wasn't there a baby around here somewhere? #monsterdon #Hercules

the crown was overthrown, very literally

#Monsterdon

lots of clunky brass here
#Monsterdon

Oooh. Fun stock footage from other sword and sandal movies.
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

everything metal looks too shiny, needs some faux-aging
and Zeus' crown looks like it glows in the dark
#monsterdon

The throne of Thieves stolen? Shock. This is my shocked face

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

For decades, the stock footage blazed across the kingdom...

#monsterdon #hercules1983

That bad guy has a really inconvenient beard style. #monsterdon

Yay down w/ aristocrats #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Costumes by Grace Jones's closet.

Wow, these subtitles are very accurate

#Sarcasm #Monsterdon

Why are many of the captions incorrect on the stream? @ryan

#Monsterdon

Oh dear, the front of her bathing suit is a bit...they're not supposed to grow long enough to braid, honey.
#Monsterdon #Hercules

I can only assume based on the costumes that time wraps around and 2900 BC or whatever is actually the future

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

This thief is so good, he can shoot them with one eye closed.

#monsterdon

HOLD UP HOLD UP you guys stole footage from another Hercules movie, that's illegal. #Monsterdon

Here, have some B roll of battle!
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983 wife says "they had to reduce their costume budget to spend on special effects"

Who stole the princess's wardrobe?

#Hercules1983 #Monsterdon

IT IS VERY WARM IN THE AEGEAN.

#monsterdon #hercules1983

#monsterdon wait just MOST of Greece what hid he do wrong?

Someone forgot to finish the top of Sybil's outfit. #monsterdon #Hercules

Captain of the guard hailing hydra right here. #Monsterdon

ah yes, perfectly recreated ancient greek clothing. lordt

#hercules1983 #monsterdon

I’ve been trying to come up with some kind of cultural appropriation joke, but I’m coming up short. Like, you’re all white people. Greek mythology is the mythology of white people. How do you fuck it up?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon this soundtrack cannot hit a single note

lots of stabby stabby, this is going well

#monsterdon

Welcome back Sybil Danning!
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc