I'm unironically having a great time, y'all. This feels so much like a bunch of film school kids made their own Clash of the Titans. Like every cheesy stop motion effect was just a labor of love for someone. I grew up with this kinda thing. β€οΈ
#Monsterdon #Hercules
#monsterdon I'm just sayin, if you know about the Minoan statuettes, Ariana's outfit is pretty demure
Who can forget Roger Larry's touching performance as "The Friend."
so was the story of that movie how this scientist king had enslaved the phoenix inside of a mountain to be his power plant and so the gods spawned hercules to stop him but also made him fall in love with the woman that one of the gods had promised to sacrifice to refuel the power plant except another woman who stole the talisman from the core of being gave him a ride there and he was going to be married to the daughter of the evil scientist king but he kicked their ass back into space the end #monsterdon
alright I was too hasty before, gonna have to go again #monsterdon
Well that was a highly entertaining way for some kids to end up flunking a mythology exam later, I imagine.
Thanks @Taweret for hosting and @cherizilla for the bingo cards!
you can't be happily ever aftering with a composite woman who refuses to tell you the origin and purpose of her being #monsterdon
"Begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism"
π¦#MONSTERDON ποΈ
βοΈ DEMI-TRIVIA πͺ
Remember the bear scene? Anything look familiar? Some shots were taken from "Grizzly" (1976).
Small boulder the size of a large boulder
I've watched Hercules Against the Moon Men AND THAT MOVIE HAD MORE DIGNITY THAN THIS ONE #Monsterdon
This is literally just He-Man. #Monsterdon
"Can i just see it grow a little bit"
#Monsterdon #BestOfMonsterdon #SeeingItGrowsOfMonsterdon #ItWouldMeanAGreatDealToMe
Hercules Log Crush & Throw Full Scene (official) #monsterdon #BestOfMonsterdon #LogThrowsOfMonsterdon
The biggest thing I can say about that movie is that I genuinely think Starcrash is a better film.
This is based on Roman myth the same way Lucky Charms is based on Celtic myth. #Monsterdon
"The Black Lotus... Its nectar numbs the mind... Makes you pay $3 million for a piece of cardboard..." #Monsterdon
Daedalus is really just Rita Repulsa. #Monsterdon
bechdel pass! bechdel pass! #monsterdon
THE RAINBOW TO THE GATES OF HELL!?!?!?!?!?! #monsterdon
They LITERALLY fucked off into space. Iβll be damned.
which pride flag is this flaming sword
rock propelled chariot of love and discovery #monsterdon #chariotsOfMonsterdon #BestOfMonsterdon #FallingInLoveAsATransparentOverlay #TransparentOverlayRomance
"rainbow to the gates of hell"
#monsterdon #bestOfMonsterdon #RainbowsOfMonsterdon #RainbowBridgesToHellOfMonsterdon #BridgesToHellOfMonsterdon
Many centuries later, that log came back and tried to contact the whales. When it couldnβt, Kirk and the gang had to slingshot around the sun and travel back in time to bring two whales forward to the 23rd century to save Earth.
#Monsterdon Welp, I canβt believe that I didnβt watch that terrible movie back in the 80s when it was new and terrible. But it was fun watching it with all of you now that itβs old and still terrible.
Casting Lou Ferrigno as Hercules is still a good idea. But that movie had to be written on a Chianti bender and directed by an inexplicable mechanical monster meant to defeat us all.
Iβm not sorry to have seen it. But, wow. Just wow.
King Minos is unable to finish a speech without consulting an AI. #Monsterdon
And of course they kill her off, god this writing is embarrassing. #Monsterdon
I think we can be glad that the King of Africa only had one line, I don't trust these screenwriters with a second one
YEET THE HORSESHIT! YEET THE HORSESHIT!
Yeah, see, the problem here is that Lou's got the look but he hasn't got the MOVEMENT.
Like, when Lucy Lawless played Xena she wasn't particularly muscled out but she MOVED like she was and so you believed it. Lou's like the opposite, he just doesn't move like he's strong. He moves like he's afraid of hurting himself.
I got pulled away because a loved one had a minor emergency, but all is well now.
Thanks for the laughs everyone, and thanks to @Taweret for hosting!
Hercules Log Throw (just the log throw) #monsterdon #BestOfMonsterdon #LogThrowsOfMonsterdon
This film's color palette is something else. Even the lava is rainbow technicolor. #Monsterdon
this guy has been trying to kill hercules the whole time because he is trying to refuel his mountain power plant with the only virgin on earth #monsterdon
"i am in love with you"
"nevermind we're here"
holy fuck we are reaching critical mass where i can't breathe anymore #monsterdon
see unlike all the jules verne stories where a bunch of random things happen in sequence, here it feels like i have a carbon monoxide leak and at any moment anything could happen #monsterdon
yeah yeah, falling in love depowers the woman, I'm not sure YOU understand the metaphor you're using here >_> #Monsterdon
Yeah, if I'd seen this when I was like eight or nine I would've thought it was the best thing ever. #Monsterdon
WHY ! WHY DID HE throw it into space!?!?!?! this movie rules #monsterdon
@Taweret Straight up tho' things _did keep happening_, and even if none of it really mattered much, that's important in these things
and that was...it.
I'm not even sure it was bad.
though don't confuse it for like, a good film.
ah yes, the constellation Denouement
Man, the princess's Frontal Bike Rack is really just, like, right there, huh. #Monsterdon
HURTLING THROUGH SPACE ON YOUR ROCK PROPELLED CHARIOT #monsterdon
I assure you CIrce, the hydra is not "the three headed dragon that guards the gates of hell". For one hell doesn't exist in your mythos. For two how did you mix up a dog and a dragon? #Monsterdon
@GeoffWozniak Pandora's .jar file
@jonny "just the log throw" #monsterdon #hercules1983
I give Hercules (1983) 4 out of 5 bloopy magenta explosions. It gets +1 point for having a toy boat, +1 point for bloopy noises, +1 point for having actual minoan frescoes and +1 point for an abundance hot villainesses. It loses 1 point for having crap dialog.
The best character was Circe, who was cool. The worst character was the gods, who were doing barely comprehensible god plotting, which I guess is on brand.
This movie was a "what the fuck" train from beginning to end.
@CactuarJoe oh Starcrash is a WAY better film. Not even a contest.
Getting weird spam during the middle of #Monsterdon can be one of our inside jokes, like "wrong frogs"
This is the corniest Hercules fight I've ever seen and that is *SAYING* something. #Monsterdon
Cassiopea staring off into the middle distance like "hooray for socks"
what is fucking happening #monsterdon
I love how Hercules just redirects a river into the stables, like that won't have consequences later....
DAY PRETENDING TO BE NIGHT!
Still thinking about that bear thrown out into interplanetary space...
imagine how emotionally taxing it would be to roll up your entire mom in toilet paper like that #monsterdon
what the fuck man this is so awesome what is going on #monsterdon
The First Task of Hercules: to watch the #monsterdon movie, read the commentary, and make posts all at the same time.
He used a bear to create constellation
I don't ever watch the #Monsterdon movie, but I definitely enjoy reading the snarky commentary. π
They really wanted to make another Starcrash, didn't they?
And as a Space Opera junkie I applaud that
ββ¦and that kids, is why we have that well-known and beloved constellation, βThe Three-Legged Raceβ. The Endβ #Monsterdon
@diazona it's a shame her and Hercules didn't work out.
Fun Fact: Earth does not have seven moons
This concludes my thread for Hercules (1983), a movie in which a muscleman yeets a bear, a log and a chariot into space and then Atlantis explodes.
Until next time, um... if the gods give you power to yeet things into space, use it for good instead of evil. I think that's the moral. Yes.
That is the least flattering silhouette they could have possibly traced
Self-cleaning princess. That's new. #Monsterdon
And that's how we got the constellation of the rope and pull-oh he threw it at the door, never mind :/ #Monsterdon
#Monsterdon A goblet of black lotus surely would have improved the watching of this movie.
"We have eliminated all hope, all doubt...."
sounding a bit fash there....
*starts talking about breeding champions
..and there it is.
thank you narration for the exposition however almost none of what you said maps on to the things that have happened in the movie #monsterdon
#Monsterdon πͺ π§ββοΈ π» π π π¬π· π±
YES. Evil will triumph over good. Surely that's what we've been building up to, Narrator.
So many incomprehensible things happened at once it's hard to pick one. #Monsterdon
The extent to which this movie is a complete mish-mosh of names and events from various mythologies and movies only grows as this disaster progresses. Itβs a surprisingly effective way to introduce tension and suspense. We may know what happened and what was what in the myth, but in this flick anything goes!!! (And it probably goes into space, yeeted there by Herc!)
this is awesome why is it happening #monsterdon
Using magic to tie a half-hitch feels like a waste of claymation. #Monsterdon
Jesus christ Circe
The crotch tassel? Really? #Monsterdon
The screenwriter has heard of foreshadowing and narrative consistency and wants no truck with any of it. #Monsterdon
They threw into the bag a few Roman god names as well. Just to keep us guessing.
@SRLevine Yup. Just report and block! Definitely don't click the link.
Sounds like Star Trek, The Voyage Home. #monsterdon
ZEUS WHAT THE FUCK #Monsterdon
You know, she has impeccable blush for a woman who was convinced nobody was gonna see her face today. #Monsterdon
Y'know, this bit would be SO MUCH more effective if he just DID IT instead of narrating it and explaining it and making you wait for it
"Show, don't tell" but really more accurately it's "JUST GET ON WITH IT" #Monsterdon
Did they really just take a bunch of Greek mythology names and throw them in a bag and grab them randomly like scrabble tiles or when you play charades? Because that's the vibe I'm getting here.
YEET THE LOG! YEET THE LOG!
Mecha Mothra
He hates trees!
there's a sequel to this movie on Tubi btw
knockoff starwars march soundtrack is kicking ass right now #monsterdon
The Sacred Sword of Hera was stolen and we got like a dozen divorces we need to officiate today!