He hates trees!

#monsterdon

there's a sequel to this movie on Tubi btw

#monsterdon

knockoff starwars march soundtrack is kicking ass right now #monsterdon

#Monsterdon Space grizzly!

Somehow that should be a #monsterdon movie of its own.

#hercules1983

The Sacred Sword of Hera was stolen and we got like a dozen divorces we need to officiate today!

#monsterdon

Okay, I’m on board for tonight’s #monsterdon , “Hercules” (1983) starring the one and only Lou Ferrigno.

This should be a terrible movie, but Ferrigno looks more like a CGI effect than most CGI effects, so at least there’s that. #Hercules1983

Is this going to be on the test?

#monsterdon #hercules1983

INCREDIBLE ELEMENTS LIST #monsterdon

In conclusion:

#monsterdon #hercules #landOfTheLost

Well... that was insane!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

I'm honestly still reeling with shock from that movie. I think I lost several IQ points. Maybe they were yeeted into space with all the other stuff.

#Monsterdon

Minos is weilding the sword of #ThundarTheBarbarian!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

I mean if you're going to mash up Classical Myths with Space Opera then Ulysses 31 is where you start.

this would only confuse the novice.

#Monsterdon

Hercules hurling that container ship that blocked the Suez Canal out into Space...

#Monsterdon

And it ends as it began

With an incomprehensible explosion. #Monsterdon

"I'm all of them and none of them"

...What? The fuck does that mean? #Monsterdon

"that's right! the phoenix goes in the sky hole"

#monsterdon

Free Phoenix with purchase of volcano of equal or greater value

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

I HAVE THE POWAAAAAH #Monsterdon

All villains should have a volcano lair

#Monsterdon

I'm just saying, they both like a plunging neckline

#monsterdon

Seashell pasties, okay. Sure. Why not. #Monsterdon

oh hey it's Mecha-Knight.

#monsterdon

Ha ha, King looking at the queen like, "Honey, I think we just found our unicorn" #Monsterdon

ON A CLEAR DAY YOU CAN SEE HERCULES'S BALLS

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

those crotch tassels really are throwing me off, trim those things girl #Monsterdon

"Can you at least take me NEAR Thera?"

I can drop you off at the bus station, sure. #Monsterdon

"HOLD STRONG HERCULES"

Be tough! We're making a Dune remake at the same time! #Monsterdon

the sauceress #Monsterdon

and playing Hydra, it's MECHA_GODZILLA!

#monsterdon

??????????????? #monsterdon

"But you said they stole it!"

Herc, don't point out the inconsistencies in the plot, it's not healthy. #Monsterdon

This movie is so bad I can't look away.

#Monsterdon

Do the people who made this movie understand how water works

#monsterdon

There's an Ursae Minor as well, which implies a second, smaller bear will be throw out into Space in this movie

#Monsterdon

Is "taking your daughter to Athens" slang for something....?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

WE GET IT

HE'S STRONG

CAN WE MOVE ON NOW

#Monsterdon

Ferrigno looks especially weird in the little loincloth thing given that everyone else has, like, clothing. #Monsterdon

Herc, c'mon. This is the bronze age, not the stick age. #Monsterdon

who WAS that even??? space scientist??? #monsterdon

gods: how can we make good win over evil. how about we make the king's baby extremely buff and dickless?
gods: but don't forget to kill its whole family and enchant a bunch of algae to try and eat it
#monsterdon

No baby of divine providence left in a river has EVER survived

#monsterdon

Evil Plan

1) steal sword
2) ???
3) do a rebellion (evil)
4) become king of Thebes
5) profit

#monsterdon

Sostratus?

Sostratos of Aegina, son of Laodamus, is reported by Herodotus as a famous merchant in the sixth century BC Hellenic world - indeed to have gained "the biggest profit any Greek trader we have reliable information about has ever made from his cargo"

#monsterdon

This movie needs a superimposed testosterone meter on the right. Like a big thermometer. #monsterdon

I had to interrupt my last post because of the nude genital-less Hercules that we saw hovering in space and was too baffled to continue.

#monsterdon

classic socialize the costs but privatize the benefits, creating one extremely muscular guy with no dick to rule over and protect all people instead of making all people slightly more powerful #monsterdon

Are they calling it Pandora's Jar because they couldn't get the rights to the box?

#monsterdon

don't forget the aftershow on https://miru.miyaku.media/ !!!! #monsterdon #WrongHercules

@jonny thanks this was the summary I was looking for

#monsterdon

Wilco_-_I’m_the_One_Who_Truly_Loves_You.mp3 #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@CactuarJoe i hesitate to say it wasn't that bad, but i don't believe it was The Worst.

#hercules1983 #monsterdon

lol, what if Herc and Cassiopeia meet all the things he flung out into Space?

🐻

#Monsterdon

@bstacey oh I got tabs, I'm on the desktop, I was reportin' and blockin' while #monsterdon was running...

@CactuarJoe There's a bar that's super low and I have to say my expectations are pretty low which could possibly inform my choice, here. :) #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@Binder #monsterdon

They shoulda had all the women characters played by a single actress. That woulda cut down on the budget, if nothing else!

That was so much worse than I remembered. #monsterdon

Okay folks, you made it through what is possibly the least comprehensible movie we've ever watched. As usual, there's just one last labor to perform:

Was HERCULES (1983) the WORST #Monsterdon movie of the year?

@xerozohar @trixter Best bang since the big one <3 #Monsterdon

That is not how the Hercules constellation works

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@ricci Sorry buddy. Guess it's up to you to make the flag. LOL #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

well now, that's a sword of a different color!

#monsterdon

that is the gayest lightsaber I've ever seen (positive)

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

It numbs the mind, not unlike this movie!

#monsterdon

Every Hercules movie has to have a scene where he's in chains and being menaced by an evil female. It's in the contract. #Monsterdon

@Taweret @Louisa this is why their civilisation collapsed...
...also because it was not real.
#Monsterdon

STAY TUNED

FOR NEXT TIME, ON HERCULES!

#monsterdon

If Diddleus was a real scientist, they'd spend a lot more time worrying about funding.

#monsterdon

Lou Ferrigno is kind of an incredible hulk, I wonder if there are any casting decisions that could make use of this

#monsterdon

"Science, for the sake of Science"

and that is bad, because?

#Monsterdon

Oh, the tassels are a recovery unit, I stand corrected. #Monsterdon

can't even leave your lovers body lying on the beach around this meddlesome asteroid scientist #monsterdon

Geez evil dudes get some ideas other than robots maybe

#monsterdon

#monsterdon A giant Hercules didn't impress me as a 8 year old gayboy, no. NOT AT ALL. Didn't by any chance inspire unlikely anatomy appreciation either. Hurr hurr hurr… ;)

Hi, Hercules growing to the size of a giant is everything I had hoped it would be

#monsterdon

Lots of size play in this movie. #Monsterdon

"the king of africa"

uh oh we're gonna get super racist now aren't we

#monsterdon

Hercules and the Gom Jabbar

#monsterdon

hercules help me get my bracelet back i just lost it inside the soul of all being that resides in the center of hell #monsterdon

Hercules crossed the Rainbow Bridge

I...
I...

#monsterdon

@jonny let's just repost this every five minutes

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

"Can I just see it grow a little bit? It would mean a great deal to me"

@devilgirlbot

#monsterdon

"Could I just see it grow a little bit?"

The writer's barely disguised yadda yadda yadda #Monsterdon

"And that sacrifice... Will be you."

Thanks, I appreciate you making that clear. I was starting to wonder why you were telling me this. #Monsterdon

Huh, blood-based nose surgery. That's a new one. #Monsterdon

Does Circe win the "stupid hat" contest in this one?

#monsterdon

this is literally every exchange I've ever had with a phlebotomist, right down to the clothing

#monsterdon

This old witch who knows everything is Mastodon

#Monsterdon

The scheming vizier is like a species unto itself. Homo Habilis, Homo Neanderthalensis, Scheming Vizierensus

#Monsterdon

Ha ha ha they dissolve to a clean stable like it's a Scrubbing Bubbles commercial XD #Monsterdon

Man, Lou's a really awful actor, huh. #Monsterdon

"we need to prove he isn't evil by sending him to a sacred place where no evil can enter and... he must clean it" #monsterdon

ugh the pecs look weird #Monsterdon

alls i want to know is when does this guy show up? #monsterdon #hercules1983

I'm out camped in the middle of nowhere near the border wall, but I have enough coverage to be watching #monsterdon on my phone and it is ...wow... off the charts bad even for monsterdon! 😆😆😆😆

Hercules, look out! The gods are sending Digimon after you! #Monsterdon

Random unrelated note - I like how they gave the goons actual bronze armor (or at least bronze colored armor) and made the silly sword out of bronze. It's not the Dendra Panopoly or anything else appropriate to the time, but they at least know what bronze is.

#monsterdon

Hera has resting smelled-a-fart face

#monsterdon

We have Clash of the Titans at home.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

still better than Kevin Sorbo

#Monsterdon