Prince Herc singing "Let's Go Crazy!"

#monsterdon

MIND THE DROP

#monsterdon

Don't bother, there's no lifeforms on-board. #monsterdon

Can’t decide whether you want to rip off Clash of The Titans or Superman? Why not both?? #Monsterdon

I don't think your "job is done" if you let the baby Hercules live. Like, I think that's a fireable offense.
#Monsterdon

@Lazarou and WILLOW too iirc #monsterdon

"Kill him!"
(shoots the woman)

Yeah, that's misogyny for ya'.
#Hercules1983 #Monsterdon

oh yes, definitely don't bother actually killing the one person that could ruin your whole life, that never comes back to bite anyone ever.

#hercules1983 #monsterdon

"Back to Thebes, our job is done"

"Must've been my imagination"

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

I feel like Hercules needs telekinetic powers to be consistent with his origin story as portrayed in this movie

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

I hope I never find myself trying to run from a Steadicam operator; they're apparently fast, terrifying, and sometimes armed with arrows?! #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Baby Herc on his boat is going to sail past Boromir's boat going the other--

(whoops, wait, wrong mythos)

#Monsterdon

I love the music tension sting when it's like OBVIOUSLY HE DOESN"T SUCCEED IN KILLING BABY HERC. Like the movie only just started, his plot armor is 5 inches thick. #Monsterdon don

the adventures of young HercuMoses

#monsterdon

Ooh right in the chiton #monsterdon #Hercules1983

A bracing chase scene disrupted by the need to simplify the casting costs. #Monsterdon

Moses! I mean Hercules!
#Hercules1983 #Monsterdon

So, uhm, the only thing this story has to do with Hercules is location and baby Jesu- I mean Hercules is really strong thanks to the space ball?

#Monsterdon

Is he the snake baby Hercules is supposed to be throttling?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Yeah, we don't need a guard on the secret passage way, who is going to use it during our bloody coup right‽
#monsterdon

So, Hercules is Moses? #monsterdon

"Someone saw her heading towards the secret passageway!"

Well, that passageway can't exactly be TOO FUCKING SECRET NOW CAN IT

#Monsterdon

How does he know about the secret passageway?

#MONSTERDON
#Hercules_1983

Not much of a secret passageway if everyone knows about it. #monsterdon #Hercules

@wohali #monsterdon

lemme guess... he sold really shitty copper?

I don't know any of this non-Lou-Ferrigno stuff, I usually skip it. #monsterdon

wow you aim = terrible!

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Hope one of these guys has a dust pan helmet. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon The sword that stops the fire, so... a fire extinguisher.

"We have the Imperial March at home"
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Oh, good, an exposition montage. I was getting anxious as it had been almost 2 minutes since the last one. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Tomato soup got away from her :/ #Monsterdon

So, uhm, where was the whole thief sneaking in to steal a magic sword and it all turns out to be an inside job and etc in the original Greek myth of Hercules? I must have missed that part.

#Monsterdon

Thank you Mistress Exposition. #monsterdon

@Newpa_Hasai #monsterdon

I hadda look it up, lel

#monsterdon That swords hilt is a marriage assistance device in boring times.

gold colored plastic does not look like real metal on screen. its a shame no one told the props department that

#monsterdon

Sybil Danning always over dressing. #Monsterdon

Classic 'villain arches eyebrows'

Oh now it's a historical epic I see, the heist movie over so soon?

#MOnsterdon

That was unkind. He was on your payroll, for goodness sake.
#Monsterdon

Did they have to invent guns before they started shooting messengers? #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

#Monsterdon 💪 🧔‍♂️ 🐻 👊 🌌 🇬🇷 😱

this pirate robber archer has skinny legs he'll never stand up to Lou

Oh I see they also made this movie five minutes after someone discovered Lycra

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

#monsterdon get stabbed, idiot!!! Thebes send their regards

that sword would have been red hot

#Monsterdon

...thief in bright red robes, okay #Monsterdon

Hercules in the myths was a bastard son of Zeus btw

You could have made a better movie about Zeus' horny escapades

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon #Hercules1983 that was less Zeus/Jupiter fatherhood than I was expecting. Refreshing.

Yeah, sneak archer builds are always overpowered. #Monsterdon

@JoeWynne Lou Ferigno was nearly (totally?) deaf. I'm sure his own dialog wouldn't have been good.

#monsterdon

Is that one eyed man a a thiebe here to steal something in Thebes?
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Yeah that's how I do things in Skyrim.

#monsterdon #hercules1983

The forces of evil and their poor depth perception are at work in Thebes

#Monsterdon

This movie is honestly leaving me speechless. #monsterdon

While I appreciate Herc didn't descend on some woman's womb, I'm not sure dropping into some kid's blank brain is really a Pure And Holy thing to do. #Monsterdon

@Terencio @CactuarJoe They have not yet said "let there be pants" though

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

How do you fuck up Greek mythology so much?

#Monsterdon

meanwhile, on "we saw Superman"

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

I wonder if Superman is also an inspiration for this movie

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

#monsterdon Itty bitty willy committee... hahahhah

there is so much happening so fast
#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

it's kinda also doing Superman huh
#monsterdon

Who’s controlling the flashlight? #Monsterdon

wait if he's a newborn how's he gonna do much fighting i mean fourth trimester all he's gonna manage is like some drinking and occasional pooping an... oh, right, Hercules. Carry on

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Behold, Testicles! #monsterdon

so the story so far is the gods are dicking around on the moon and decide they need ot make a beefcake man

#monsterdon

Okay, but is this Hercules also missing a belly button?

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

dickless Hercules

tee hee

#Monsterdon

Wow, I didn't know that is where Hulk is from!
#monsterdon

#monsterdon this is just Golan and Globus' The Terminator

"Incarnate your mighty energies" Is that what the kids are calling it these days? #monsterdon #Hercules

I really did not need to see Hercules Ken doll.

#Hercules1983 #Monsterdon

I need a hero, yes. A little more clothing would be fine, though.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

I'm getting culture whiplash.
#Monsterdon

The flesh colored speedo sure was a choice. #monsterdon #Hercules

mighty herc has no genitals
#Monsterdon

@GramrgednAngel #monsterdon

They needed an excuse to go to Mardis Gras.

In the beginning there was Golan-Globus. And they said 'Let there be crap". #monsterdon

Who will bring balance to the force?

#Monsterdon

It's Ken!

#monsterdon
#Hercules

This Sailor moon episode got weird. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@devilgirlbot but evil is dark and strong

#monsterdon

Ooooo "Lost in Space" level of special effects. Cool cool
#Monsterdon

This is why we can't have nice things

#Monsterdon

Pillars of Creation! I guess. Why not. See I can make up a mythology too.

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Not exactly sure why this movie needs a creation myth backstory, but here'm we are. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Authoritative narrator: the gods lived on the moon

Me: [nodding]

The Greek gods lived on the moon?

#Monsterdon

Are they not men? They must be DEVO #monsterdon #Hercules1983

What really shocks me is that the effects here are genuinely pretty solid. Like, that's some good moon mist. #Monsterdon

this moon ice is a mess, where the hell's the zamboni?

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Finally, Earth!

If we'd had to sit through all the moons one at a time, I would have turned this movie right around

#Monsterdon

How long are we going to spend on the planets?
#Monsterdon

This creation myth is somewhat less genuinely Greek than falafel and hummus. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

oh so they made Greek gods outer space because this was 1983 and star wars was so huge. like return of the Jedi came out that year

#monsterdon

And then the battle of Wolf 359 happened... #monsterdon

Each planet has its own whooshing sound
#Monsterdon

@lorgonumputz #monsterdon

"It is.... inevitable!"

Jupiter has some lovely grill marks!

#monsterdon

Who knew Hercules was a creation myth about the solar system?

#Monsterdon