I clearly chose the wrong night to skip #Monsterdon

There are a lot more giant robots in this Olympian pantheon than I remember. #Monsterdon

"my little Italian friend"? Zeus knows Danny deVito?

#Monsterdon

One day Herc is lifting up trees out of the ground, and the goddesses decide to fuck with him by having a bear maul his dad, thus allowing the mentor to die so we can do a hero's journey. After it mauls his dad, Herc punches the bear to techno noises, and then yeets the bear into space so it turns into a constellation, which the gods find noteworthy.

#monsterdon

Thanos looks different than I remember. #monsterdon

Minos might also be talking about his dong

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Gender-swapped Daedalus was not on my bingo card

#Monsterdon

It must have taken some real effort to make the story of Hercules so boring. #Monsterdon #hercules

Cool take on Daedalus #monsterdon #Hercules1983

IN STORES NOW

#Monsterdon

🎵 how do you solve a problem like Herrrrcules

#Monsterdon

i don't believe in the gods, but doing them a little favor can't hurt. some discworld-ass dialog right there.

#hercules1983 #monsterdon

I'm not mad that Daedalus is a woman, I'm just surprised.

#Hercules1983 #Monsterdon

You're STANDING IN SPACE

and don't believe in gods

omg 🤦

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

"Upon hitting the Earths atmosphere they will grow"

as things do in Science. Yes.

#Monsterdon

Hm, rule 63 Daedalus

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Daedalus! Daylight come and me wan go home.

#Monsterdon

Always enjoy "dude in a bear costume" cut with footage of actual bear. Incredible; seamless, haha

#Monsterdon

Daedalus. You um. You forgot your pants there Ma'am. #monsterdon #Hercules

Still though "Women in Stem", the personification of Science is a chick!

#Monsterdon

This is the worst am dram Shakespeare ever
#Monsterdon

Ursa Major Beatdown #Monsterdon

Daedalus looks like.... the robots from Metropolis (1927)!

#monsterdon

Origin of Ursa Major? #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@GeoffWozniak Sad, I've got Theramin on my bingo card XD

#Monsterdon

wut

just, in general

wut

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Alright, so we have actual space here with actual stars, etc etc.

So why the bleep does throwing a bear out into space actually create stars now? Like if you're going to make this a weird scifi you have to tell us WHY on these things!!!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon
#hercules1983
Arianna Grande is Hera.

Next up, find some twins Herc

#monsterdon

Ursa Major pain in my ass #monsterdon

Too the moon, bear TO THE MOON #Monsterdon

Ursa Major!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

...uh

okay that bear DID actually end in nuclear fire

#Monsterdon

@trixter #monsterdon

If I fought a bear, I reckon there'd be ONE flash of light.... the last thing I see!

i mean, i get it, but wow that was hilarious.

#hercules1983 #monsterdon

Ursa Minor guest star
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc
🧔 💪 🐻 🎇

That bear was the first astronaut! And he wasn't even a Russian bear!

there's a Star Bear, flung into the sky...

#monsterdon

did.... did he just yeet that bear into outer space?
#monsterdon

#monsterdon that fucking bear suit made me immediately reevaluate everything we saw in Swamp Thing

Anyway, having defeated the bath bomb serpents, Herc is adopted by a kindly family who live in a concrete mushroom house. He grows up big and strong and shirtless and helps his dad on the farm by lifting up trees out of the ground.

#monsterdon

"Hercules and his laser fist punch" is a very 80s addition to the lore. #Monsterdon

BEAR IN SPPPPPPPACCCCEEEE

#Monsterdon

Hercules is pulling out some of the best WWE moves on this bear.

#Monsterdon

There are often big flashes of light and laser sounds when you fight a bear.

#monsterdon #hercules1983

The B roll of the bear vs the bear outfit is, um, stark
#monsterdon

Masterful blend of real bear footage and dude in a bear suit.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Herc is just jealous of bear's chest hair.

#monsterdon

That bear's stunt double is clearly a different species than the bear actor. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

@jorts note: no white dudes were harmed in the making of this movie. just the bear. #monsterdon

Bear vs Bare!

#monsterdon

Slou Ferrigno #Monsterdon

Quick, shoot the bear with a rocket launcher!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Cocaine Bear!!!!!!
#Monsterdon

OH MY GOD IT *IS* THE BEAR FROM GRIZZY, IT WAS THE SAME FOOTAGE #Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe IT'S.... BEARCULES!! #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983 sometimes you eat the bear and, uh, sometimes the bear eats you

this is un-bear-able. #monsterdon

Careful, dude, we all know bears explode into nuclear fire when they die. #Monsterdon

The Argonauts influence runs strong in this one. Mostly in the whole Celestial god aesthetic. They're just on the moon instead of cloudy Olympus, because a certain era of fantasy movie always used sci-fi aesthetics as well.
(see also: Yor, Hunter From The Future from this same year)
#monsterdon

Jonathan Kent's about to get into some shit. #Monsterdon

Clearly, the purpose of your strength is to rip out my fruit trees you dick.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc
🧔 💪 🐻 🎇

Just wait for this bear scene..

@Binder like father, like son

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

HE'S A LUMBERJACK AND HE'S OKAY

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "Your hands possess the power of Zeus!!"

I know, father. Don't make a big deal out of it you're embarrassing me

tree hugger.

#hercules1983 #monsterdon

The pacing of this movie is surprisingly kind of okay

#monsterdon

It was called... Time And Relative Dimension in Space, or the TARDIS...

Wait. Wrong movie.
#monsterdon

Why is that sandtimer so bloody loud? It's *sand*! #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Clay snakes

why did it have to be clay snakes

#Monsterdon

You didn't say I couldn't put it back out of harms way. It's called malicious compliance, get used to it. #monsterdon

I swear to god if we phase into Ator: The Fighting Eagle I'm leaving. #Monsterdon

This river Hercules is floating down looks like a fun theme park ride.

Oh wait it has a waterfall. Oh wait, Zeus stops the waterfall from killing Herc with a giant hand. One of the goddesses (Hera?) yells at him, so he puts the baby boat back but after the waterfall. We have a divine argument about that.

#monsterdon

The infertile Kentacus family has found a baby
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

#monsterdon they moved into one of the Planet of the Apes villages

that hourglass... can me only ONE thing:

Space Days Of Our Lives!

#monsterdon

Installing Python 2 on the boat

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Baby Herc is a sociopath

#monsterdon #hercules1983

Oh no, the invulnerable protagonist is in danger. Deus ex manipula. #monsterdon

I Can't Believe It's Not Superman

#monsterdon

Baby Herc: "Ooh hey toys!" (grabs)

Sneks: *glkrlgorpgh*

Baby Herc: MORE SNEKS PLEASE

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon this baby looks like it grows up to become Josh Allen

Kid has a drooling contest with the snakes. Kid wins. #Monsterdon

Cthulhu Vs Hercules!

#MONSTERDON
#Hercules_1983

That "hand of Zeus" was soooo Monty Python EXCELLENT 🤣 #Monsterdon

#monsterdon why is Hera even mad at Zeus this time? He didn't shapeshift into a different guy and fuck Alcmene!

She summoned asparagus? #Monsterdon

Calling it. The baby will be the best actor in the movie. #monsterdon

“Hold your fire. There's no life forms. It must have short circuited.”

#monsterdon

#monsterdon ding! Hera here. If you need help, click the HINT button 👉

"Put that back in the river!" Unspoken: it has cooties!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

"Put that baby down, you don't know where it's been!"

#monsterdon #hercules1983

"Put that back in the river!"

You don't know where he's been! #Monsterdon

Baby herc died from exposure. End of movie. #monsterdon

Baby Hercules grew up on that little boat, becoming friends with the fishes of the river...

#monsterdon

DID YOU KNOW? They had to wait 30 years after filming the opening scenes to wait for little Lout Ferrigno to grow up

#monsterdon

It would appear that the newborn Hercules came out two years old.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

When does he strangle a snake in a cradle? Give me so mythological feats already.
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

#monsterdon
#hercules1983
I mean, in the Disney cartoon, Herc was definitely Jesus, but I guess he could be Moses too?