She's not as funny without Billy Crystal as her husband. #monsterdon

Okay so Herc was chained at the bottom of the ocean, but then he wakes up and tears off the chains and swims to shore, where he is met by an old wizard who invites him into her mansion which seems to be a salt cave with a salad bar.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 💪 🧔‍♂️ 🐻 👊 🌌 🇬🇷 😱

No, Lou. That's not 'watching a witch potentially die' face. That's still 'someone asked you to do a math problem' face.

she's a werewitch

#monsterdon

Man, Ferrigno veins look like pipes
#monsterdon
#hercules1983

The subtitles of the @miru steam of this #Monsterdon take some liberties with the script that the actual movies should have too

wayyyyyyyy too much T in that blood for you lady
#monsterdon

Herc's blood goes up to 11!

#MONSTERDON
#Hercules_1983

Quick, someone get the Sorceress red eye remover!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon bro your blood tastes TERRIBLE

"I am Circe... and I am saucy." #monsterdon

imagine takin a blood sample out of those bulging arteries on his arms
#Monsterdon

An island witch vampire dual class? #Monsterdon

No trouble finding ten drops of Hercublood; Lou lookin' mighty damn vascular on the print

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Ahh, your blood is much better with some Tabasco and minced shallots

#monsterdon

“Nobody’s allowed to see my face but I put on a full face of makeup every day because nothing in this movie makes any sense” #Monsterdon

Have fun storming the castle! #monsterdon

"I'm not a witch I'm your wife!"

#monsterdon

Grandma Island Witch likes to feed the godson when he visits

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Oh she lives in the robot freezer above the underground society from Logan's Run.

#monsterdon

Oh, this is going to be Circe or something, not Baba Yaga

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

This is my mind, and this movie is the intruder

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

The guards are led by the distrustful advisor and also the Hot Evil Queen from Thebes, and while Herc and Cass are asleep they make a plan to carry Herc to sea and then feed him to the sharks, so we cut to him splashing in water to the tune of whale songs, while the Gods provide unhelpful commentary

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Herc falling in love for the 2nd time

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc
🧔 💪 🐻 🎇

Is that Witchipoo?

Where did his miniskirt go

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

🗿 🗿 🗿

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

After all that swimming, he’s probably ready for a Hungry Man TV dinner.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

look how tired he is from speaking whale

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon hello Hercules. I'm your Athena representative, Baba Yaga

And passed Beowulf going the other way. #monsterdon #Hercules1983

@allanb
...as listed in the closing credits

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Zeus, the ultimate c*c*blocker. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

again. what are they actually trying to stop Hercules from doing?

#monsterdon

herc breach!
#Monsterdon

FREE HERC-Y!

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

huh...

#monsterdon

He’s not dead! He’s pining for the fjords!

#Monsterdon

I wanna see what happens when Sybil Danning lifts her arms over her head in that outfit. #monsterdon #Hercules

#monsterdon YES it’s wrong to have a heart, jesus

Hercules Bubbles. We work hard so you don't have tooooooo

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983 the probe aliens from star trek iv are trying to call to him

#monsterdon
#hercules1983
He's only mostly dead.

Is this a bad time? I don't mean to superimpose

#Monsterdon

Spock can mind-meld with that whale in distress

#monsterdon
#Hercules

It's a swimming pool, but the whalesong makes me believe its the ocean.

#monsterdon #hercules

Time for a shark to get yeeted into space

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Those humpback whales are asking "Where are the nuclear wessels?"

#monsterdon

WHALES! #monsterdon

Love the combination Greek robes/80s jazzercise leotard.

#monsterdon

@ricci 👍

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ DEMI-TRIVIA 💪

Shipping Lou and his co-star Sybil Danning (Ariadne)? Sybil has admitted to having a big crush on Lou, but it was unrequited, as he was married.

She also wanted to keep the R-rated movie version. Not surprising - it would have given her certain access to Lou.

#Hercules1983

He's a stable genius #monsterdon

Nice organ

#Monsterdon

Just a quick reminder: this movie did well enough to get a sequel. Wherein, iirc, more shit gets yeeted into space.

#Hercules1983 #Monsterdon

I like how she never removes her veil but wears lipstick just in case

#monsterdon

Herc is like "ok come with me to the river and i'll make a bet that if i clean out the stables you'll show me ur face because i bet that ur super hot" and Cassiopea is like "okay"

then herc goes to the river and starts Gorning rocks off a cliff into the river to divert it (presumably so they'll flood the stables but we're not to that part yet).

#monsterdon

She takes off her veil and INSTANT SOFT FOCUS!

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou She does, his name is Hercules

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Tyre Water Authority issues a boil water advisory. Which everyone was already doing, because pre-municipal water treatment. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

missing a lot trying to keep up with commentary but here is a #MonsterdonBingo too

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Yes because this is just how flooding actually works, peoples' houses get really clean, true story

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

River full of bleach...

#MONSTERDON
#Hercules_1983

now that's horseshit. #monsterdon

No horses were harmed in the making of this stable flood.
#monsterdon #Hercules1983

Shania Twain was reportedly inspired to write "That Don't Impress Me Much" by this film, but lamented later in interviews that she was too weak a lyricist to include any of the actual tasks.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

Maybe you shoulda taken the horses out first....

#monsterdon

Ok, so... Let me see if I understand this correctly. Dropping two boulders into a canyon river doesn't cause it to divert. Rather it just simply goes over the boulders and goes higher and suddenly starts flowing faster and harder because of [this space intentionally left blank because apparently we aren't supposed to think about it]

#Monsterdon

Thanks, @cherizilla

#monsterdon
#Hercules1983

Imagine being a goddess who's notorious for having a really nasty stable.

#monsterdon #hercules1983

Oh wait, the distrusting advisor has given Herc one more test. To prove that he is not evil he has to clean some stables with 1000 horses in it.

Cassiopea, the hot daughter, goes to meet him while he's not cleaning the stables, to taunt or tease him or maybe just look at his nipples. She explains that she's promised to Diomene of Athens but she has to wear a veil because the Oracle said she would marry whoever first saw her face.

#monsterdon

I suppose if its stone stables and a metric fuckton of horse shit, "clean" is a relative term.

#monsterdon #hercules

"don't worry about the doors..."

#Monsterdon

two rocks did this

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Bingo!

#Monsterdon #MonsterdonBingo

@srol #monsterdon

Don't tell Herc that! He already burned down his home and his mom! I think he's got a problem....

Hercules will do what the Army Corp of Engineering won't.

#monsterdon

I think it'd be easier to clean the stable the normal way than to divert a whole effin river through the stables, and then divert it back once you're done.

#Monsterdon #Hercules1983

"cleaning the stable" is apparently a metaphor for something sexier
#Monsterdon

This myth always confused me. Do you know how much water damage you could cause to a wooden stable like this? Might as well burn it down.

#monsterdon

a stable with two big stone horses is like something i would build in minecraft.

#hercules1983 #monsterdon

DAYYYYYYY
FORRRRRRRRR
NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTTTTTT!!!!!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc
🧔 💪 🐻 🎇

I can't wait until he throws a giant shit-ball into space.

Not evil = cleaning the stables of 1,000 horses that hasn't been cleaned for years? Totally makes sense. Trust but verify. #Monsterdon #Hercules1983

There's a scene in Pumping Iron that shows Arnie playing with Lou's head. You can tell Arnie is trying to make it look good natured, but it comes off as incredibley mean, at least to me. #monsterdon

No offense to Lou, but I can see why they didn't have him doing dialogue in the old Hulk show. #monsterdon

please tell me he throws the stables into space

#monsterdon

The Goddess Cybele gonna be getting a visit from the GSPCA.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon
#hercules1983
Cassiopeia before she tried to sacrifice her daughter to the Kraken

Heracles throws the stable into space. Easy
#monsterdon

....

He just survived blades slashing into him that just... bent... He picked up a tree trunk and smashed people with it then threw it out into literal space.

But yeah, sure, cleaning the stables is definitely the big epic challenge to try next.

After all "that's impossible. Those stables haven't been cleaned in years!"

#Monsterdon

"Why do you wear a veil, Cassiopeia?"

"Because then people can't tell I am a 40-year old actor!"

#monsterdon

Those are some Torjan stables. I wonder how many men can fit in those horses?
#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Of all the goddesses to keep 1,000 horses and not demand the stables be cleaned, Cybele has to be at the bottom of the list. #monsterdon

Now, we find the tie-in to Pinky and the Brain!

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 💪 🧔‍♂️ 🐻 👊 🌌 🇬🇷 😱

Also, I would clean the stables of Cybele by morning if I could pat all the horses I don't care that they haven't been cleaned in years

Y'know you might have started with the place where no evil could enter

#Monsterdon #TheIncredibleHerc

Hercules, wallowing in shit

#Monsterdon

That task is horseshit

#monsterdon
#Hercules

I really thought wrestlers were going to do it

#monsterdon #hercules1983