@CactuarJoe Lady Gaspar needs the company

#Monsterdon

also, this witch is 100% OP. nevermind going on quests to assemble your party, now we just teleport you right to them.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

I'm replacing Hawk with Nathan For You in my mind

#Monsterdon

man who just appears with a signature tune and nods at you and you just drop everything and follow him...

#Monsterdon

Okay the "giant" is kinda tall. But they are bad at filming him or have a gaggle of 6 foot tall bandits.
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Hammer time

#Monsterdon

Roadside assistance always sucked.
#monsterdon

That one spinning ring effect and some retroreflectors.
#monsterdon

@huronbikes And, yet, it's the best part.

#Monsterdon

I'll fix your little wagon

#Monsterdon

Very brave of them to cast a man on massive amounts of Quaaludes in a starring role.
#monsterdon

mmmm, cajun blackened elf, just the way momma made them

#monsterdon

lights the candle by pointing at it, that must be handy.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

[film editing intensifies]

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

Ah, full-time knife throwers, there's an occupation that's fallen out of fashion.

#Monsterdon

I like how they rode out of Spirit Halloween.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

This was once a green forest. Now it is a very green forest

#Monsterdon

Temu Legolas and Gimli?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

PEW PEW PEW

no lasers, that's just the music

#monsterdon

@Lazarou

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

I don't have captions available, so I'm imagining the dialogue is clever and wonderful.

It's not.

#Monsterdon

This bit part actor displayed more emotions in 3 minutes than Hawk had displayed in the first 25 minutes.

#monsterdon

The film editor keeps cutting to the wrong footage

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

#monsterdon ...who are these people?

Hawk: the Palance Slayer

#Monsterdon

That horse just realized what kind of movie it's in

#Monsterdon

Gotta love how Voltan's sword bends when he pokes someone with it. That's quality.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

I like the glowing fist on the sword handle but it seems more appropriate for the Mack. #monsterdon

@amyfou I honestly have no idea if this is actually relevant to the movie or entirely made up

and I think I prefer it that way 😂

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Don't worry about the logistics of restraining a man with one hand by his wrists....
#monsterdon

This is like someone made a filler episode of House of the Dragon into a whole movie

#Monsterdon

Jack Palance was mentioned. I both can't wait and am terrified. #monsterdon

Birdbrain, seek, seek, lest

#Monsterdon

or else HE'll cut up some sandwiches too, and you don't want that!

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

hawk is bringing back the up-shot camera angle singlehandedly

#monsterdon

lol, authentic British peasant talk

"She's a witch!"

#Monsterdon

or misogyny. Or both!

#Monsterdon

"But how do you know that she is a witch?" #Monsterdon

This soundtrack goes hard, but at what I do not know.
#Monsterdon

She turned me into a newt!

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

The most exciting fighting so far is happening on the soundtrack

Western vs bardcore vs JRPG vs porno music

#Monsterdon

Just a giant snake hanging out in a british forest, as one does.
#Monsterdon

I mean this *is* why there are laws against paying ransoms... but, like, it never actually works when the person being ransomed has a name and a face #monsterdon

"OO-EE-OO-EE-OO"

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

@cherizilla pure evil #MOnsterdon

Oh that's William Morgan Sheppard, who was a Klingon in Star Trek VI: The One With All The Klingons.
#Monsterdon

I join the movie during some sort of sandwich-making scene

#monsterdon

Jack Palance? Is this where Curly's Gold came from? #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Next week is Hawk Slayers 2: The Legend Of Curly’s Gold

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

Giving my plans like "I shall next return when the moon is full"

#Monsterdon

"..if not, you're ..... toast!"

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Drogo...they really do just reuse these names, don't they?

#Monsterdon

A guy fell over in the woods, and we switch the scene to the Very High Ceilinged Cottage, where some Fantasy Nuns who I guess live in the Very High Ceilinged Cottage, take him inside, discover he is missing some fingers and cut off his hand so he doesn't get gangrene.

Later he wakes up and they say that he rambled some vague things in his sleep so they learned his name that way. I did not learn his name because I suck at learning names in #monsterdon movies.

#HawkTheSlayer

Were they evil children or...? No just regular children, so that's very bad. #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

A literal dark lord, hm

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Jack, Jack, don't shout at the sky. #Monsterdon

The opening music is very good, I like it.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Razing a village seems like kinda low stakes for the devil himself to get involved in

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

ooo, that guy was in GoT wasn't he?

Had a flaming sword.....

#Monsterdon

Ooo, it's Victor Meldrew's wife!

#Monsterdon

@log hence "chips productions"?

#monsterdon

poor synth soundtrack. poor fx.
this flix has everything
#monsterdon
#hawktheslayer1980

I'll call double fisted pointing down the wrong way to hold a sword #earlyBingo!

#monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer

Hawk the Funky Bass Player? With rock n roll flute from Jethro Tull?

#monsterdon

@yatsu it's brilliant! #Monsterdon

The composer is punching above this movie's weight.

#Monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer1980

Voltan lived by the sword, and will die by the sword. Probably.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Um. You're gonna chip the blade doing that, my guy. #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Space Fantasy Disco Jazz!

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Nobody told me this was british. I should have hydrated and used visine first.

Because of the painful dryness.

#monsterdon

Mind sword, you say

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Turned out it was just D&D dice in the pouch.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

use the Force, my son... #monsterdon

(Mystical Noise)

#Monsterdon

"Take the pouch from my neck" is what I told the plastic surgeon.
#monsterdon

This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and...
ope, no, not that one. #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

oh no, a vat of purple dry ice? how evil can you get? (^_^)

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

I've seen this but they used coconuts instead of horses.
#Monsterdon

Lets GOOOOOO!!!!

#Monsterdon

Ugh, don't make me read.
#monsterdon

“An elfin bowman.”

J.R.R. Tolkien would like a word with you…”elven.”

#Monsterdon

Oh my the special effects in the preview, they are very special indeed!

#Monsterdon

@Lazarou Short for Maximum! --dad #Monsterdon

@klu9 @Lazarou ...backs away slowly... #Monsterdon

I wonder if somebody is selling shoddy copper in that city?

#Monsterdon #EaNasir

Holds onto a big Fash coin for luck...

#Monsterdon

Dar wandered into a cannibal movie. And picked up an annoying sidekick?
WAIT WTF!? Okay no sidekick
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

I've been in woodland zones like this at festivals, usually very chilled, I like it

#Monsterdon

@diazona welll I can't really fav that, but assume I clicked on something there #Monsterdon

Why are so many Conan-a-likes overly pervy? Not just the villains, but the main characters like Dar.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

ferret perverts

#Monsterdon

You get to hear what the animals are thinking but you also feel their pain and the crimes of Humanity against them

Tough

#Monsterdon

"Fuck you Human!"

#Monsterdon

Every fourth animal shot I am filled with concern. WET FERRET CONCERN
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

This is like my wife running around hitting rocks with my favorite kitchen knife. #monsterdon

This music lifts _so_ much from the Battlestar Galactica Colonial Anthem, what the fuck

#monsterdon #DoubleFeature

Terrible form ⚔

#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

The second unit filming location shots is the best part of the movie.
Wait is the music ripping off Conan now?
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Avadar

#monsterdon#beastmaster

The Eagle is still saying "Fuck you Human", it follows him throughout the movie, just saying that to him...

#Monsterdon