10/10

no notes

five stars

flawless victory

ty for joining, everyone!

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

#monsterdon "I am no messenger. But I will give YOU a message. A message,

OF DEATH!!!"

Lol perfect no notes

You will be visited by 3 ghosts. The ghost of plots past, the ghost of plots present, and the ghost of plots future.

#monsterdon

I was almost hoping for a full bingo card xD

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

this witch is buying out the whole dollar store to mount this offensive #monsterdon

#monsterdon

"She's a witch!!"

"How do you know?"

"She turned me into a newt!"

"A newt?"

"I- I got better..."

this movie is just like "what if our heroes had a bunch of mall ninja stuff and it worked like gangbusters" #monsterdon

One more time again! OO-EE-OO-EE-OO!
I mean it, Man!
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

#SillyStringShotgunsOfMonsterdon #WTFsOfMonsterdon #Monsterdon

aaaaand that was an abrupt ending!

I had a blast! What a wild film. So much fun and so much pain, and the disco to help it go down!

Everyone clap for @Taweret who runs this show - don't believe the impostors! There is no don of monsters.

And a big thanks to @JoeWynne for the trivia and, if you partake, @ryan for the stream!

See you next week, nerds, for another great romp!

#monsterdon

The Good, The Bad, and the Elfy #Monsterdon

Darth Palance

#Monsterdon

He stabbed the credits! We're still paying for that! #Monsterdon

How is it that I’ve never watched this movie? Thank you, #Monsterdon, for giving me the chance to remedy this terrible oversight in my education!

#HawkTheSlayer

(We’ll see if I’m still grateful afterwards.)

Fantasy movies start with horses the way scifi movies start with upskirt shots of spaceships. #Monsterdon

i take it by the reaction that the silly string gun was not introduced in the 30 minutes i was gone and it was just a silly string gun that the director thought needed no explanation #monsterdon

"And that's not the only thing that hangs heavy!

"I'm talking about MY BALLS"

#monsterdon

#monsterdon I unironically wish they still made movies like this. Just an absolutely standard hero's journey, traveling through cool places on the way and outsmarting a griffin or mermaid or whatever

"What manner of man are you, that can summon stagehands to throw prop swords at you with a mere thought?" #Monsterdon

He’s still at it, this time for #monsterdon. #dogsofmastodon

City Hawkers: The Legend of Voltan's Gold! I hope everyone out there taps into the kind of confidence this movie had about its visual effects.

Thanks as always to Sister @Taweret for hosting, and to the #Monsterdon crew for sugaring the lizard eyeballs.

🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹🏹

......🏹🏹🏹

#monsterdon Wow, this witch doesn't just have silly string, she has a whole joke shop!

yes yes i have altered the bargain pray i do not oh wait i already did lol

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

who does the nuns' headgear? do they have a habitdashery

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

#monsterdon Did the guy playing the elf think he was playing a robot?

Did they forget to explain to him what an elf is?

aw yeah i am always here for the SImmons synth drums and disco beat

if I ever get on a horse this will be playing in headphones or on a little speaker somewhere

#monsterdon

I guess that's one way to get Hare Krishnas out of the airport terminal. #Monsterdon

"Leave this circle of light and the synths will strip the flesh from your bones." #Monsterdon

I love it when Jack chews the scenery :D #Monsterdon

"Skullface must pay!" That's all you ever hear. It's never "Remind me to thank Skullface". #monsterdon

i cannot with this music XD XD #Monsterdon

Jack Palance jack palanced the heck out of his role.

Maybe drained all the acting mojo from the rest of the cast?

Or maybe the composer did that?

And who knew all you needed to be a witch was glow ball stress relievers, a fog machine and silly string.

Anyway, that was a lot, until it wasn't.

Thanks for all your delightful toots, and thank you @Taweret for hosting!

#Monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer1980

And so, they fucked off to the south to find the greatest of adventures: the unfilmed sequel.

That was a lot of fun, fam. When the Owlbear was but a puggle, they really enjoyed this movie. Now, 45 years later… wow this was bad. But holy shit that soundtrack!

Anyway, I wanna thank everyone for bringing great energy to #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer tonight. Y'all are the best.

Take care of each other. Be kind, spread love, use bad editing to rapid-fire your bow.

Goodnight!

"Where's the gold?"

Is he looking.... for Curly's Gold?!?!?!

#monsterdon

the river slavers...

the lord of the dance...

i see where this is going! 😉

#monsterdon

in this universe, elves are GIANT NERDS

#monsterdon

Oh, he's a Vulcan!

#monsterdon

This movie thinks that 98% of medieval life happened in random forest clearings

1% happens in nunneries

1% happens beside glowing lavender pools

#Monsterdon

Those colourful rings would have been done using retroreflective tape and multicoloured polarised lights!

That way the light did not illuminate anything else in the scene (and of course RGB LEDs didn't exist in 1980...)

#monsterdon

[Love theme for Hawk]

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

"Pray I don't alter the menu any further."

#Monsterdon

Jeez, you really can't go three steps without a random encounter in this forest. #Monsterdon

Nice we get World Map music here. #Monsterdon

oh my god, the soundtrack. amazing, put this directly in my veins, i needed this.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

"The evil I've spawned will pollute the land."

"take the pouch from my neck"

"The greatsword. Place it between us."

Man is a FOUNTAIN of STRAIGHT LINES my GOD

#Monsterdon

@diazona @strangefour it's lacking a disco tune though... #Monsterdon

trying to figure out the magic system in this movie

Hawk:
- can use the Force, but only on one specific object

Wizard:
- astral projection
- temporary healing of ugly faces
- resurrection of the dead
- red

Witch:
- teleportation
- telekinesis
- clairvoyance
- remote vision
- smoke screen
- silly string
- pew pew lasers

I feel like witches will win in the end #monsterdon

I am not shocked to discover that HAWK THE SLAYER was made for only £600,000 and it *was* pretty effective film-making for that budget

shame about the script and the casting, though

#Monsterdon

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting my lil baby's (@Mallow) first #Monsterdon 🥹

[Note: My Lil Baby™️ is over 18 but still my baby 😌]

Palance believes that if you only have one eye showing in your costume, keep that eye open twice as wide.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

#monsterdon Hurry! I used my last can of silly string!

Hawk suddenly emotes, the 'ludes have worn off

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Fetch the barrel with a lamp and much red cellophane!

@SRLevine they didn't invent sandwiches until 1641 😛

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Voltron is just a single father trying to raise his adopted son in this crazy mixed up world.
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

🦖 MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIA THE SLAYER ⚔️

🩸🚑 It's Been Zero Days...
Patricia Quinn burned her hand stirring a magic cauldron when too much flash powder caused a dangerous flare up.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

WatchVibe ®

Enjoyment of acting 📉
Enjoyment of archery consistency 📉
Enjoyment of horses 📈

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

#monsterdon "You're choking me!"

He's totally not, though. He's just holding the handle of his flail to the guy's chin.

A days march from Cadonbary is the chocolate factory.

#Monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer1980

Oh great, sidequest time. #Monsterdon

A Fistful of Arrows

#Monsterdon

We have to go, this forest has too many vulcans. #monsterdon

nerdiest voice possible Crow

#monsterdon

Wow, people in this movie are remarkably eager to get themselves hurt. #Monsterdon

Did I say 25% horse riding montage?

I meant at least 40%.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

i was about to ask why there were so many skull on the trees, but honestly, you can't swing a dead cat in this damn forest without getting into a random encounter, so actually, it checks out.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

oh no

AN ESCORT MISSION

#Monsterdon

Our boy Hawk is a master of Dull Surprise™. #Monsterdon

I think the director thinks he's building tension.

He's not.

#Monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer1980

"Cut him down. Or I'll play the flute at you again." #Monsterdon

did he say... "do not fuck me"??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!

#monsterdon

Did Hawk just cross a river?

Might it have been...the Hudson?

:thonkery:

#monsterdon

My subtitles said “oo-ee-oo-ee-oo” when this music started

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

🦖 MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIA THE SLAYER ⚔️

What could have been...
🔷 Richard Gere turned down the role of Hawk, saying he missed the California weather after filming in the UK the previous year.
🔷 Kirk Douglas turned down the role of Voltan.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

Excalibur Disco. perfect.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

I guess the movie's not about THAT guy, then. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Just ride south until you see wizards. Can't miss 'em.

"yeah, sure, and there can be a sequel to... whatever this is..."

#monsterdon

WTF? Sequel bait stealing Volton's body?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

#monsterdon A sequel hook? Really?

his name is GORT?!

#monsterdon

This portion of the movie was funded by a party supply store.
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

ok, after the silly string shot, this IS doctor who

#monsterdon

I can hear the call of my race...on Vulcan.

#Monsterdon

I love how epic this movie believes it is

#Monsterdon

"Wait! I have words for you!

Titillating! Unguent! Filigree!

#monsterdon

well at least the pyre isn't day-for-night...

#monsterdon

I… don't understand what's happening.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

I was not expecting a movie where the guy with the cool magic sword is overshadowed by two sidekicks, but here we are.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

even in the slow bits of this, this is delightful 😊

#monsterdon

He's THE DARK ONE, I'm SURE he's reasonable! #Monsterdon

🦖 MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIA THE SLAYER ⚔️

🩸🚑 It's Been Zero Days...
When Bernard Bresslaw hurled his hammer at his opponent's torso (a stuntman), there was a freak accident. The hammer fell on Bresslaw's head and he fell on the hammer. He needed six stitches.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

Ladies and gentlemen, the Most Gullible Nun In The World #Monsterdon

"agonized panting"

me too, Jack. Me too.

#Monsterdon

HOW DID THIS MAN GET AN EQUITY CARD?! HOW?!

CHRIST he's so bad

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

As large as the pit of Gimli? #Monsterdon

@whiskeysailor literally just walked into some nearby woods and started filming #monsterdon

Of course the party doesn't include any women, that would be crazy talk >_> #Monsterdon

Elf's name is Melvin. #Monsterdon