As large as the pit of Gimli? #Monsterdon

@whiskeysailor literally just walked into some nearby woods and started filming #monsterdon

Of course the party doesn't include any women, that would be crazy talk >_> #Monsterdon

Elf's name is Melvin. #Monsterdon

Legolas says fuck off, I'm working. #Monsterdon

STOP WITH THE SCREAMING

JESUS FUCK

#Monsterdon

AZIZ, VOLUME BALANCE

#Monsterdon

...and why are you talking about wolves and showing us... frogs?!

#monsterdon

If Jack gives us a one handed pushup I will be very happy.

#AcademyAwards1992

#Monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer1980

"Cannot you find happiness in your heart"

Cannot you edit that line to make fucking sense

#Monsterdon

Even Jack has to check the quest board, jeez. Old-School Runescape was so clunky. #Monsterdon

"10 pieces I can drag this scene on long enough for slow motion birdbrain to reach us in time"

#Monsterdon

"I'm not a witch, I'm NOT a witch! They put this on me!"

#Monsterdon

oh no a snake, oh no a snake

#badgerbadgerbadger #mushroommushroom

#monsterdon

"He is called... HAWK"

And he has his own theme music!

#Monsterdon

“The gold had best be here. If not [WHACK!] everybody will eat half a loaf of bread for dinner.”

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

"You must go to the holy fortress!"

That's where the quest marker is pointing!

#Monsterdon

"Thanks for cutting the bread! that shit was hard"

#Monsterdon

That helmet is the steel equivalent of the emo flop haircut.

#monsterdon

"The sisterhood of the holy word."

And that word is GRUEL

#Monsterdon

sister? will there be spanking? did someone light the grail-shaped beacon again?

#WrongMovie #monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

empty the pouch into your hand... #monsterdon

The Ancient Power! The Power which is Ancient! It's probably in the fridge, gotta keep it fresh. #Monsterdon

Oh this is some FANTASY MUSIC

#Monsterdon

save the ferret you bastard!

#Monsterdon

rewatching this clip in isolation, a lot of what makes it so good is that it's like 30 seconds of silence building up to that absurd moment

#Monsterdon

Is that Rip Torn as a Vulcan?

#Monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON Goodbye!

Sword and sorcery and a spectacularly funny commentary by the Real-Time Film Analysis Squad! Now that's a good night!

❤️ Thank you very much @Taweret for hosting this unique and popular event. I feel like this TL will be over 3000 toots.

🎥 and thanks @ryan for your stream which I used again tonight! Love Ultraman kicking butt!

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

The fast archery by duplicating the motion in editing is so funny to me, because you could just as easy film a few distinct takes of the same action and splice *that* together in exactly the same mechanical sense and get an effect that lands better for the low price of like, maybe an additional 30 minutes of filming for the entire movie, if that? lmao

#Monsterdon

@SnoopJ and they came back with a bunch of glowsticks and shaving cream to finish the job #monsterdon

@jonny my most charitable read on the silly string shotgun is that it was a spell of binding, like roots or something freezing that person in place since they were just standing in the background of the scene afterwards.

but uh

#Monsterdon

@steggy OMG, you're right.
#monsterdon

what kind of bullshit church just lets the devil waltz right in and steal the body of its servant back #monsterdon

🦖 MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIA THE SLAYER ⚔️

The grand finale fight between Voltan and Hawk lasts about 45 seconds. It was filmed completely in slow motion.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

#monsterdon "Let me see you ... with my own eyes."

this is all to rescue a single nun? just let her go life expectancy is like 25 #monsterdon

#monsterdon "If you have a God to pray to, pray to it now."

Buddy, you're brothers, you know he's christian.

MULTIBALLLLLLL

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon This witch is pretty powerful I wonder how that pig farmer from the beginning managed to capture her.

not enough City Slickers fans 😩

#monsterdon

No woman would look upon you because you've got red flags visible from the Moon

#Monsterdon

@amyfou You've obviously never been to Catholic school.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

@Binder

Hey, just because they are evil doesn't mean they don't respect the Third Amendment.

#HawkTheSlayer1980
#Monsterdon

#monsterdon This is seven random D20's away from being pointlessly seven random D20’s.

#monsterdon Really excited about a potential dance-off.

I'd love a documentary about the making of this. From pitch to release. #monsterdon

There was no trombone slide! I didn't know I was supposed to laugh just there...

#monsterdon

MORE PROG WILL GET THIS MOVIE MOVING

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

PARTY MUSIC ENGAGE

#Monsterdon

I never knew there were so many fantasy cliches in 1980 #monsterdon

"Sorry lads, going to have to nab this warrior for a new jazz funk project I'm working on"

#Monsterdon

DO DE DO DE DO

#Monsterdon

Hose you? Not on the first date, buster.

#Monsterdon

Legend of the Hula Hoops

#Monsterdon

That elf has a twelve o'clock shadow. Didn't they know elves can't grow beards? #monsterdon

@socketwench no villages, just loners in the woods #Monsterdon

Jesus. Spock had better ears. #Monsterdon

Not the first spinning hula hoops we’ve seen on Monsterdon

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

She's casting Rflect on him. #Monsterdon

🦖 MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIA THE SLAYER ⚔️
The worldbuilding here seems to consist of a few tents, a nunnery hall, and some matte paintings.

Everything else is the forest of Buckinghamshire, mostly Burnham Beeches, United Kingdom.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

Thanks, @LuciaG

#monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer

Tonight the part of FF6 Edgar will be played by Morgan Sheppard

#Monsterdon

Oh, they're assembling a party. #Monsterdon

I hate it when my jerk brother who is 52 years my senior gives me guff

#Monsterdon

🦖 MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIA THE SLAYER ⚔️

Jack Palance was 60 years old when tonight's feature was released.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

BWAAAAA ♫ NAAA ♪ #Monsterdon

I would get places so fast with this theme tune.....

#Monsterdon

oh no, the One-Armed Bandit! Look out for Harrison Ford!

#monsterdon

Yeah, I love this movie. Even the fire has its own synth :D #Monsterdon

look, there's no way of saying it softly but, ...Hawk has a mullet

#Monsterdon

"why do you treat the woman this way?"

Bad writing

#Monsterdon

Ca-caww motherfucker! I an walk through a fog machine better than anyone!

#monsterdon

All jokes aside, any of these matte paintings would make a great album cover.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

"If not..."

I'LL INVENT SLICED BREAD

#Monsterdon

Voltan invents sliced bread

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

OH YEAH TIME TO MURDER SOME DEFENSELESS NUNS

#Monsterdon

VOLTAN

THE DARK ONE

#Monsterdon

We are all certified leather mug-makers now. #Monsterdon

"Find My Sword App"

#monsterdon

"Empty my pouch lad...."

#Monsterdon

nobody does 'boo hiss villain' like Jack Palance!

#Monsterdon

"This is a story"

About a man named Brady!

#Monsterdon

Creep-ass bird(?) people but now he's got a medallion.

And a forced perspective "just a model!" city shot! He's gonna kill everyone!

May Arr receive this child! YES BURN THE TODDLER! ANOTHER CHILD! ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED‽

Also why is the child all dressed up in bright colors, when everyone else is in boring robes?

An eagle cannot carry a toddler. It's like the swallow & coconut problem.

#monsterdon #beastmaster

"I'm no threat to you"

this is why women choose the Bear

#Monsterdon

"Mr, there's only two things a man like that can be doing with two ferrets in the desert and neither of them are good"

#Monsterdon

QUICKSAND!!!!

You see?!

Everywhere in movies!

#Monsterdon

There's a timeline where people who have nostrils like him are viewed as demons and shunned from society

#Monsterdon

It's clear a lot more money was spent on this movie than the previous one...

#Monsterdon

Rip Torn has authentic prehistoric teeth, he made the effort. Maybe went too far with his Vulcan eyebrows of evil....

#Monsterdon

Todo urinates on the Beastmaster to bring him round

#Monsterdon

A difficult wank....

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon okay while I was grooving along not remembering what beastmaster looked like ya'll were watching some messed up stuff over here. At least it has a flared base. Pardon the mess while I defrag the timeline over here

is this how he became a mootant? is this how he got his mootant abilities? how he got his moogical powers?

#monsterdon #MiruMonsterdon #DoubleFeature

RE: https://mastodon.xyz/@Louisa/116997978132459908

#Monsterdon I won't keep going on about this, but I wanted everyone to see it while the hashtag is most active

I did not in any way collaborate with the design being called "Monsterdon season 2"

Rip Torn is in this movie? Fuck!!

#Monsterdon

I'm sticking around for THE BEASTMASTER

#Monsterdon

Mirror trickery Wizard: "THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL" (but there never was, despite attempts).

★★★★★ beats the FUCK out of those shitty "Dungeons & Dragons" movies.

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer #dnd

#monsterdon Scream and they fuckered off to the matte paiting model. HAWK THE SLAYER. LOL. Continue? 25-cents!

Is this a good movie? No.
Is this a good D&D campaign turned into a movie? Kinda.
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

#monsterdon Lot of sword-throwing in this film.