RE: https://mastodon.xyz/@Louisa/116997978132459908
#Monsterdon I won't keep going on about this, but I wanted everyone to see it while the hashtag is most active
I did not in any way collaborate with the design being called "Monsterdon season 2"
Rip Torn is in this movie? Fuck!!
I'm sticking around for THE BEASTMASTER
Mirror trickery Wizard: "THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL" (but there never was, despite attempts).
β β β β β beats the FUCK out of those shitty "Dungeons & Dragons" movies.
#monsterdon Scream and they fuckered off to the matte paiting model. HAWK THE SLAYER. LOL. Continue? 25-cents!
Is this a good movie? No.
Is this a good D&D campaign turned into a movie? Kinda.
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer
#monsterdon Lot of sword-throwing in this film.
Nuns are dropping like flies
Practical effects hilariously playing an SFX role with a foley and music worthy of Benny Hill #Monsterdon
"I die as I wanted: without dignity, in a bad movie."
Voltar, 50 years ago:
I Can't Believe It's Not Iocaine Powder
oh, Volton's mad because he considers himself unfuckable.
Volton there is a big wild world of people who can overlook your physicality
but not what's in your heart.
#monsterdon Bitch has no alcohol tolerance. Big mean giant, huge puss... LOL
The elf looks like Mikey Day from SNL.
Yes I always eat my giant slabs of bread and cheese by alternating giant chomps of each and not say putting the cheese in the bread to make a sort of sandwich.
okay, tall boy and short boy are friends now, i approve.
@Taweret they had big dreams... #Monsterdon
Did anyone explain this movie to the editor
"a message of death!" this is right out of that episode of The Critic isn't it
"Who will taste my sugared nuts" he shouted to the crowd of nuns
Turkles! They're full of caramel.
#monsterdon "Check to see if this place can be held against attack."
Sure I'll just go check to see if they've paid their siege insurance.
Nunny want a cracker? Brack! Nunny want a cracker!
ah yes, now we've got to work our way through the midbosses.
So for all practical purposes we have two characters with kalashnikovs.
@yatsu and a very light mace at that based on the way he's holding it
...is this a Fruit-Of-The-Loom underwear commercial?!
@aburka hahahahahaha nice
Holy food, batman
π¦ MONSTERDON ποΈ
βοΈ TRIVIA THE SLAYER βοΈ
π©Έπ It's Been Zero Days...
John Terry's sword punctured Jack Palance in a fight scene. Palance didn't stop, and completed the take.
Overworld theme again, they're back on the world map #Monsterdon
@CactuarJoe gotta grind for gold
oh, and a Robin Hood plot.
get you a little bit of everything in this movie.
oh lord, not another flashback.
... i was kidding
and now, a heist movie!
Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice
I loved that Zappa tune, I'm A Chanting Fooo-oo-o-ooo-oool!
I like how everyone knows who Hawk is
Dramatic tension wasn't invented yet, but bless their hearts they tried.
#monsterdon
Um guys. Han shot first. Duh.
#monsterdon
this actor is just cranky that he didn't get a role in Alien as the synth, haha
#Monsterdon π π¬ π βοΈπ¦ π±
arrow guy has a very silly voice
Twink reveal!
i feel like half this cast just came from a Monty Python sketch.
#monsterdon You can't name a panther fufu, that's a bnuy name #beastmaster
So he's just leaving the guy in the End of Time while he goes to recruit the rest of the party? #Monsterdon
I have the power... the power... of CANDLES!
So this is a timeline where elves and magic exist but also Jesus Christ was nailed to a cross, hence all the crucifixes?
"Here, take my Mystical Artifact. It'll be significant in the third act." #Monsterdon
Friendzoned
Oh jeez, no. Time for backstory -_-; #Monsterdon
without the disco i am losing focus
Jack Palance was loving this...
(Why doesn't my sword do that?)
@CactuarJoe i hate old rpg encounter rates
PARTY MUSIC AGAIN
Yeah, challenge the guy with the magic sword and his own theme song. Sure that'll end well. #Monsterdon
"he may run like a dog, but not i! I'll run like a rooster! BAWK"
oh shit it's getting funky
snek
I'm gonna cut that matte up for land cards. #Monsterdon
@CactuarJoe 'tis a silly place
Oo, teleporting knife. Nice. #Monsterdon
@CactuarJoe such heroic nunsense
I feel like Palance is struggling not to go into a western accent
@bunnyhero Zoot lit the grail-shaped beacon.
We're not doing a great job of "show don't tell", there's a hell of a lot of telling.
#monsterdon
...Is that the guy who played the Soul Hunter on Babylon 5? #Monsterdon
He's gonna go meet up with Ator, see if he can go out for beers. #Monsterdon
This theme tune is already the best thing in this movie, by far
Launching my #monsterdon thread for #HawkTheSlayer, which is some kind of 80s fantasy movie with a magic sword and probably some sound stages. Hoping for lots of puppets.
Monsterdon is the thing where we watch an old monster movie every week and make fun of it. As is tradition I will be badly summarizing the movie until I get bored. Mute the hash tag if you don't want to see millions of posts about this movie, remember to follow @Taweret if you want to pick next week's movie.
@xerozohar I'm totally :blobcat: ing right now. #Monsterdon
@CactuarJoe :blobcat_party:
Also, on behalf of the Princes of Mongo and Brian Blessed in particular, I would now like to express my pique that the villain's name is Voltan.
And also how this soundtrack really wants to be Jethro Tull.
There's a little bit of 80s rock video mixed with the Elfstone/Sword of Shannara mixed in liberally with rando fantasy tropes.
I think what struck me on re-watching as a grown adult is that while it isn't a great film, it isn't actually that bad. It just sort of competently does what it does.
I forgot parts of the soundtrack actually kind of slap. #Monsterdon
Disco panpipes!
funky disco theme!
I wish I had some chips
Krull had a cooler weapon :/ #Monsterdon
I thought Ringo Starr had the Elven Stones? #Monsterdon
lol, loved the hand coming back through the Palantir pond!
"Oh I hate when the children get stuck on the chute, get the stick..."
Say what you will about the modern world but Child Sacrifices aren't public now!
Rip Torn is looking particularly evil and crazed here, well done
Man's lack of imagination when it comes to naming pets
@diazona @strangefour OO EE OO EE OO #Monsterdon
@brews #ChecksNotes ... porky? kevin bacon? #Monsterdon
Perfect Teeth in prehistoric times
we're going to be seeing a lot of Marc Singer in this movie, every inch...
"I had one fucked up dream last night darling"