Such a wonderful matte castle!

(Shh!)

#monsterdon

My sword don't want none unless you got buns, nun

#Monsterdon

@xerozohar He's struggling not to go to the airport to get out of town.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

it's only 10 minutes in but i am enjoying this more than sword & the sorcerer so far

#monsterdon

Say no to druids

#Monsterdon

Everything about Jack Palance is a bit of a hat on a hat. Voltan isn't clearly evil enough of a name, so he has to also be tagged as The Dark One, just so we are clear. #Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe ZARKORRRRRR er, wait

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe yes!!!! #Monsterdon

Mr. Palance, can you leave some scenery for others to chew? #Monsterdon

@xerozohar It's the voice, it's unique :D #Monsterdon

W-W-W-W-WIZARD

#Monsterdon

This #monsterdon starts with an old dude wearing furs hanging out in a golden hot tub spa. His son, who has a metal eyepatch appears and demands the key to some whatsawhatsit, he won't give him the whatsawhatsit because his son serves the devil, and so eyepatch man stabs him. Then his other son, who is not evil I guess, appears and he gives him a weird magic sword, says "the prophecy is fulfilled!" and then dies.

Then a cartoon hawk flies across the screen and funk plays.

#HawkTheSlayer

@ramsey lol yessss the first thing i thought of too

#monsterdon

#monsterdon
Soundtrack remains clubby.

Okay, that's definitely synth, but I'm gonna need a guy in period costume capering with a flute if you're gonna give us that title jam. #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Hand needs a little oil. #Monsterdon

Get stoned with dad

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

They live inside of a chocolates box.
#monsterdon

Hey it's Jack Palance! Hi, Jack! :D :D #Monsterdon

🐦️ TURN DOWN YOUR LARKS 🐦️

(god those things are loud)

#Monsterdon

Priest shouldn't be doing wetwork anyway, that's why you have soldiers

#Monsterdon

"No, I'm not a Beast Master, I'm Mastur-bator..there's been a mixup I think..."

#Monsterdon

Children being carried off by giant birds is hilarious

Quick thinking from the Baddie there "err, actually that was meant to happen, YOU SEE!!!"

#Monsterdon

My wife will disagree but I think having a grisly parade of corpses leading up to the City gives a bad impression

#Monsterdon

Are these bat people Fash?

#Monsterdon

*Drone View

#Monsterdon

Oh wow, bat people!

#Monsterdon

Ferrets in captivity can live to be 120 years so those two could still be with us now
Rip Torn isn't though, I know that

#Monsterdon

@diazona Dentistry as well #Monsterdon

Soundtrack is *very* very blatantly ripped off from Battlestar Galactica.

QUICKSAND, the greatest threat to everyone in the '70s.

Yes, just what a superhero needs, ferrets. The eqgle was cool, and useful.

Boomerang is not how a throwing knife works.

Fight instead of waving your sword around.

And now, the anime comedy ecchi scene, girls bathing and "hero" takes their clothes. Ha ha sexual molestation is funny in 1980. What a jackass.

#monsterdon #beastmaster

that is a scuzzy move on a lady Beastmaster....

#Monsterdon

@paco @steggy humans on spikes I can handle but a ferret in quicksand is distressing #Monsterdon

Wipe out a village? What evil bastards would do that now?

#Monsterdon

OH NO! TODO!

#Monsterdon

I hate to say it, but I think the dog playing Todo might be dead now 😔

#Monsterdon

@trixter Well it's atleast on youtube and Spotify. I don't see any CD.
https://open.spotify.com/album/1SS86fAwPOeTS4498Iu9jS
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Terrible security in this royal tent.......

#Monsterdon

Terrible security in this royal tent.......

#Monsterdon

@Wynter it was indeed 'fun' #Monsterdon

Rip Torn. Why do you have a prosthetic hawk nose?
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

#monsterdon Those witches have some crotch cricket issues

Bingo Card II: Even More Bingoer

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

#monsterdon YAY! Beastmaster! Good lord, a younger me had such a crush on Marc Singer... Ooofta

@jonny @SnoopJ "I think so Bwain, but ...." #Monsterdon

We shall meet again!

THE END

:ohno: I sure as feck hope not!

I'd say this #Monsterdon was the most generic, formulaic fantasy quest story ever made but it had JACK PALANCE and DISCO SYNTH MUSIC so that made it special...right?

Thanks @Taweret for taking us on this familiar adventure, and for @miru for providing the stream with the best captioning EVAR like how else could we know WTF the music was about?

I actually enjoyed this movie, as cheesy as it is. Had a few other things to take care of, but I actually kinda paid attention.

Hope everyone else had fun with it!
#monsterdon

I didn’t like that film at all, but it was peak Monsterdon!

As always, thanks to @Taweret for hosting, @LuciaG for the bingo, @JoeWynne for the drink recipe and trivia, @ryan for the live stream, @paco for data analysis, @combatwombat for the replay, and all of you for making it awesome!

#Monsterdon

I think that was a perfect #monsterdon. This movie was exactly the right sort of bad.

#HawkTheSlayer1980

@apLundell everything in this country can be found by riding in cardinal directions #monsterdon

#monsterdon Thanks to @miru and @Taweret for this cinematic... event. :)

As the panflute toots into the distance, we say good night to Hawk and his pet sword. As always, there's just one last thing to do before you leave the theater:

Was HAWK THE SLAYER (1980) the WORST #Monsterdon movie of the year?

Amazing, unforgettable performance by Jack Palance

Thanks everyone for this week's #monsterdon and to @Taweret for hosting!

I said the theme tune would the best thing about that movie and I was right!

Not dissing the movie, just saying how good the music was!

#Monsterdon

What are we doing, setting up a sequel here? What is this?
#Monsterdon

Time to confess: this movie is just my Dungeons and Dragons campaign I ran in 1984 #Monsterdon

incredible. the sequel bait, the """acting""" the sets, THE MUSIC, just absolutely incredible. best movie we've seen all year.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

@cd0 beats local gang leader mostly

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Okay, I have to admit those are pretty BADASS final words

#Monsterdon

Ghost wizard that can pick up a dead body? Definitely the most interesting thing in the movie

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

And "good" defeats evil. Or extremely mediocre defeats evil at least.
#monsterdon

"Talkin' 'bout FAT BARONS!"

#Monsterdon

The Death of Jawas #monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

oh right, his drug dealer.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Sequel? I think not. #monsterdon

Ask not for whom the [Bell Tolls]. It tolls for Jack Palance.
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Wasted opportunity to plant Sword of Fisting in the villain’s backside #monsterdon

they didn't have enough fight choreo, so here's Slow Motion Sword Fight, but honestly, i think the music means i just don't care. (^_^)

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Voltan, now half-off for a limited time!

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

@davesdogmaggie ah, my mistake. (^_^)

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Crucifix Dagger!

#Monsterdon

@yatsu
It’s called FASHION, duh.

#Monsterdon

Is Hawk wearing the Seinfeld pirate shirt

#Monsterdon

him wearing that seatbelt was somehow key to his powers??? #monsterdon

So how does it work to lay down a sword that’s been demonstrably mind-controlled in its moves since the opening? #monsterdon

Yeah Hawk no one wants to see that

#Monsterdon

🦖 MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIA THE SLAYER ⚔️

🩸🚑 It's Been Zero Days...
Towards the end of tonight's feature, Bernard Bresslaw hurt his neck. Look for the scene where a nun drugs him. As he falls, his armor digs in underneath his jaw.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

Everyone was Disco Fighting....

🎵
#Monsterdon

Okay maybe more dead heroes.
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Hawk missed the party

#Monsterdon

1 dead hero of the Seven Sa-- err Five heroes
a handful of dead nuns.
So many dead bandits in Voltan's army.
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

one last DO DE DO DE DO for the road

#Monsterdon

The pewpewpew glowing bouncy balls also a surprise

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

This is just silly. A snow globe attack. #Monsterdon

This is why this movie is known for the greatest final fight in cinema history

#Monsterdon

What do you want on your (glowy) tombstone?
#monsterdon

@diazona Cocaine #Monsterdon

I was expecting a poison dart, so the silly string was a surprise.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

oh no, the LED ping pong balls!

#monsterdon

I die as I wanted. Among my friends. And also you

#Monsterdon

The Witch is the most powerful character in the game but only uses her powers when see can be arsed

Voltan killed the Dwarf with one punch?!

#Monsterdon

So for all practical purposes we now have *three* characters with guns

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Silly string belongs in this silly movie

#Monsterdon

Silly string! :D :D

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Bingo!

#HawkTheSlayer1980
#Monsterdon

This movie is very bdsm-y

Nuns in cages, guys in black leather with whips, etc. etc.

#monsterdon

"Little men with pointed ears?"

WE'LL do the jokes here, Jack. #Monsterdon

Anti Elf hatred

#Monsterdon

I think Jack Palance is older than their father

#Monsterdon

This movie thinks people die really quickly from single stabs to the gut
#Monsterdon

ohhhhhh Drogo was adopted

(the "kidnapped" kind of adopted)

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980