The protagonist looks like one of the professors on Saved by the Bell; The College Years. #monsterdon

seriously posture and outfit suggests "I'm emo but my school banned wearing black to show that"

#Monsterdon

"Am I, an honest citizen, to be treated this way?"

Sir, you have literally just demonstrated that you are not honest.

#monsterdon

Is anyone ever going to explain the rapid fire crossbow?

#Monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer1980

@raederle

I have found that no expectations doesn't mean that a #Monsterdon movie can't let you down.

We know they can.

Hawk's companions sitting there, just making small talk while they wait. #Monsterdon

Is the elf listenin to linkin park?

#Monsterdon

[OO-EE-OO-EE-OO] #Monsterdon

Someone had fun with the music
#monsterdon  

[Muted OO-EE-OO-EE-OO]

#monsterdon

Not the worst fight we had.
#monsterdon
#hawktheslayer1980

Movie keeps insisting that Hawk has gravitas

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

My ride is here! Im off to the renfair!

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

So we're just speeding up the camera for the action scenes, then? Cool.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

MUTED-EE-OO-EE-OO-EE-OOOO

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

[Muted OO-EE-OO-EE-OO-EE-OO]

#Monsterdon

The crazy thing, to me, is that the British actor who played the giant is ACTUALLY 5'8"! They usually use camera angles to make average people reach those heights.

#Monsterdon

that is NOT Robin Williams

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

I can't help but notice how Catholesque it all is but also the relentless #HorseMontage.

#Monsterdon

OO-EE-OO. Welp, gotta go.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

My Hawk Sense is tingling!

#HawkTheSlayer1980
#Monsterdon

I am not able to watch #monsterdon but from the toots I’m seeing it sounds like the people who made this one spent lots of money on horses and then used the heck out of them to, uh, further the plot through montage?

"OO-EE-OO-EE-OO!" #monsterdon

Awful lot of intense looking going on for just a simple melee.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

(So was John Terry literally the only American actor they knew? other than Palance, I guess? is that what's going on here?)

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Mostly it's a movie about bad decisions.

Bad decisions and disco snake. #monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Hell yeah hammer time!
#monsterdon

ok, everybody else is hearing the kung-fu movie strike-sound-effects, right?

#monsterdon

And that poor brigand couldn't even afford a sheath for his sword ​:floofCry:​

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

This guy is the tallest dwarf in the world. #Monsterdon

Can any historians pin down the year and setting of Hawk the Slayer? Seems to be Midevilish and Eurpeonish

#Monsterdon

fwiw these are bluray PGS subtitles on stream #monsterdon :bluray:

Maybe it's because I don't live in the right area but tree trunks aren't this green.

It's.... what's the word.. "Moss Ichor Troll-colored"?

#Monsterdon

Who wants to be "cow dung" was not what the original script said?

#Monsterdon

"fuck you and the wagon you rolled in with!"

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

I mean, anyone's a giant standing next to Tom Cruise.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱

we will need to see the face of this buggy horsie but his butt is fuzzy and patable at least

How much effort was it to set up this person in a hood with a zillion candles only to have them ride by for like 5 seconds.
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon who's this cart owing actor sure I recognize him?

Cybertruck plastic wheels on that cart. #Monsterdon

Of course, we have a Ratnose #monsterdon

I left my purse in my other set of rags

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

The witch is clearly from krypton

#monsterdon

That hardly seems like a proper way to fit a wheel
#monsterdon

#monsterdon is this hamlet or the magnificent seven?

“A cyclops blindfold could work.”

The conversation that is implied by the costume.

#Monsterdon

A Wild Accent appears! #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

For a movie that LOVES shots of horseriding, they are cutting the quest short by using a teleport spell to gather the party? HAH
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Okay just sit here while this witch teleports me to the plot. #Monsterdon

....is that Baldin? I genuinely can't tell but he IS bald

#Monsterdon

Way to state the obvious, witch

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Why is the talking so much quieter than all the other noises in this :neocatGooglyWoozy:
#monsterdon

HAWK explains the formula of the genre in case someone hasn't ever seen a typical fantasy quest movie #Monsterdon

oh hey, it's that dual ring thing.

still looks cool!

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

The vaguely catholic crucifix from the vaguely catholic religion!!

#monsterdon

Superman rings!

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

#Monsterdon having trouble understanding the distance being traveled and the timeline

#Monsterdon

< She puts the necklace around his neck >

The music starts.

♫ The sailors say, Brandy
♫ you're a fine girl
♫ what a good wife you would be...

"This was once a green forest lit by sunlight. Now it's a green forest shot day for night."

#monsterdon

Damn it, my idea for my new fantasy TTRPG has been taken. Back to the drawing board. #monsterdon

oh shit, it's phantom zone time for him

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Dang it. I wanted a cuter shot of the haunted forest Critter.
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

The red candles are pretty nice though

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

"Land changed. Wolves hunt where there were none before. This was once a place of ___ and sunlight. Now its a place of darkness and evil" Well until you got to that last bit you were describing California post endangered species act.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Okay, half an hour too late, but that shouldn't pose a problem for me. The forest of toilet paper I see.

[MYSTICAL NOISE]
#monsterdon

"& bring the one-handed one w/ you". That feels like a 3 take line. #Monsterdon

The Iron Hills, a Mirkwood knockoff...

No IP is safe.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

just riding our horses down the spirit halloween cobwebs and battery powered suburb ornaments aisle #monsterdon

so wait that was a shortcut through the scream dimension??

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Man they cleaned out a Spirit store for all this fake webbing.

#Monsterdon

Now it’s a green forest full of cobwebs. #Monsterdon

journey through the quilt batting!

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

"An elf from the Silver Forest, now burned and blackened."

The elf is burned?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

"this was once a green forest" line kind of undercut by the magic stone currently making everything... green #monsterdon

screaming ghost boogie

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Wait is the Spider lady from Krull in this?

#HawkTheSlayer1980
#Monsterdon

This crossbow enchantment seems somewhat OP for the milieu. But "autococking" makes the guardsman lads giggle so that's what the wizards crank out. #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Worst. Spirit. Halloween. Ever. #Monsterdon

Subtitles: [Snorting and Snuffling]

#Monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer1980

ahhhh i love the creatures!

#monsterdon

Nice of the spiders to make a very clear path with their webs
#monsterdon  

Do you hear that, Princess? Those are the shrieking eels.

#monsterdon

HE"S GETTING SENT TO THE PHANTOM ZONE!
#monsterdon
#hawktheslayer

@cocaine_owlbear I think the horses were on acid too #monsterdon

Cheap cotton spiderwebs - and only on the trees along the path.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Is this going to be the "putting the gang back together" part of the movie?
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon wolves hunting is a good sign for the health of the forest

The three may sound intimidating, but they are pretty cool dudes when you get to know them.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Was the eyes of the horses glowing intentional or did they get matted out by accident do you think? #monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Oh this is a parable about climate change. #Monsterdon

Oh god, no. Not Doctor WHO, but Gerry Anderson

#Monsterdon

Heck yeah we got elves and dwarves up in this fantasy setting?

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

the good knights of the synth pop
#monsterdon

Baldin had better have no hair

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

"The surest route is often the most dangerous"

*a lethal dose of synth whimsy*

#monsterdon

now, this is a woman screaming, not a Hawk.

subtitles are important!

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

Baldin? is.... is he bald?

#Monsterdon