i wouldn't book hawk's actor as a dancing banana in a fruit-of-the-loom commercial

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

"...men who are more than happy to meet our needs"

time for this to turn into a porno

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Cadbury + Canterbury = chocolate cathedral? #Monsterdon

Not bad shooting for a guy with one eye.
#monsterdon
#hawktheslayer

tsk, 'brothers'...

#Monsterdon

Laser beam sound effects in the music even #monsterdon

Hawk, secret mercenary

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

Back to Zoot and the other young nuns ...

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

And then ... a spanking! A spanking; a spanking! #Monsterdon #HawktheSlayer1980

The way these guys ride, they’re gonna need more than talcum powder #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Patrick Magee! He played the writer in A Clockwork Orange, and he was in Lucio Fulci’s weird adaptation of Poe’s “The Black Cat.”

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

I wanna roller skate to this soundtrack.

#Monsterdon

abstractly I'm aware that this movie *must* have a plot but I could not tell you what it is

they're building a party to do whatever to battle zoltan or whatever

I'm just here for the musical montages at this point I think

#Monsterdon

Oh, that explains the strange helmet. #Monsterdon

Is “if we get in a fight we are all dead” his idea of a pep talk? #Monsterdon

@srol yeah, this is "save an entire village from brigands" level of assembling the ronin

#Monsterdon

@xerozohar @CactuarJoe
Quick, queue the grinding action adventure music!

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

#monsterdon you know she's down for some forest sex when she's not wearing anything under her kirtle

Does Mr and Ms Hawk only meet on the forest?
#monsterdon
#hawktheslayer1980

imagine a day of filming where you just ride a cute little donkey back and forth around the British woods. what a great time that must have been.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

"Thats not the only thing that hangs heavy"
DUDE I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT, STOP DROPPING HINTS
#monsterdon

That burro is hoofin' it!

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱

thank goodness riding montage I was beginning to lose hope! And it's got a little donkey!!

they're off to cadbury to find the caramilk secret

#monsterdon

"Would that it t'were so"
#monsterdon
#hawktheslayer

is he riding a donkey?

#Monsterdon

Disco snaaaaaaaake #monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

That hula hoop thing makes a sound like a heartbeat on an ultrasound.

#Monsterdon

DONKEY #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon

"Since we last met, time has hung heavy.
And it's not the only thing that has hung heavy..."

< Matt Goetz enters the chat >

Horse horse horse horse! #Monsterdon

Hey baby, wanna see something that hangs heavy?

#monsterdon

Seriously, did NO one build homes in this corner of medieval whatever-this-is??

#Monsterdon

@moira whatever they're made out of, they're ·huge·…

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon more backstory nonsense

When is this movie set anyway, 1950s Scotland?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Ugh. He's got a bad case of flashbacks. #monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

No one can really, truly trust the word of Voltan.
#monsterdon

"The ends truly justifies the means if the lady abbess is returned..."

Eh. Hm. #Monsterdon

Nice of the witch to copy-paste Hawk's horse.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Flashback Part Deux!

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Soothsayer ASMR [10 HOURS]

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱
#HawkTheSlayer1980

We don't have enough riches to fill a chamberpot!
Oh, I beg to differ.
That chamberpot is overflowing.

Wait, are we about to have a macguffin quest?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

That seems like a rather fine ass... #Monsterdon.

Ok, I like the dwarf best.
These movies where beter when they had really dwarfs and not digital ones.
#monsterdon
#hawktheslayer1980

I'm sure I missed something in the first ten minutes explaining why the Abbess of Caddenbury is so freaking important.

#monsterdon

Baron Munchausen assembled a better party. #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

I'm so glad Hawk is happily married. I bet his wife lives a long happy life.
#monsterdon
#hawktheslayer

actually it's not so bad but I couldn't resist

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱

never put your riches in a chamber pot, friends. It's icky.

Do they make chocolate at the church? #Monsterdon?

#Monsterdon

Stop me if you've heard this one before...

A man, an elf and a dwarf walk into a forest...

#Monsterdon what happened to all their races need more backstory

So these are conservatives looking to throw off socialist Voltan & return to the good old days? #Monsterdon

This adventuring party is a complete sausage fest. Even the hot elf archer is a dude.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

I yearn for the old days before I started watching this movie

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

"...okay, I'll ask. What else hangs heavy?"
"Noooo! Never ask that!"

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

"Remember Voltran has many men and we are few."

Poetry.

#Monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer1980

So in the old days it didn't hang heavy?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

@neia that must be right!

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱

#monsterdon

I never even saw it...

#Monsterdon and i want a hula hoop!

This last 20 minutes could have been a party select screen. #monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

@amyfou@lingo.lol Because it's fun!

I mean, it must be fun or they'd stop doing it, right?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

honestly she has more LED in that cave than I do on my gaming rig

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

New hobby to try out: Whip fishing.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Oh ok so the dorf is just Gollum with an Indiana Jones whip.

#Monsterdon

Little Vulcan Peter Gallagher has a thousand yard stare

#monsterdon
#hawktheslayer

Screencap request: think again ugly one

#Monsterdon

We must travel to the forest of convoluted deaths and seek the clan of the toga.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱

why is everyone talking like that?

It's supposed to be Gollum eating raw fish like that.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱
#HawkTheSlayer1980

Okay, I've never seen someone whip a fish out of the water and gargle it down.. WTF???

“We likes ‘em raw & wriggling” #Monsterdon

Indiana Fish!

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

ew 🐟

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

yeurg indeed.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

<monotone>Lay down your bows</monotone> #Monsterdon

Well, he's a little washed, now. #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

#Monsterdon the punishment drunken fights is being burned to death on a raft huh? Unsure in this justice system

"Pit of Gimri" really

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Now he has to get dirty all over again to regain his powers. #Monsterdon

Clockwork Orange guy?

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

two much wine, not enough scotch

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Hawk is accosting some ancient Greeks? Or a fraternity hazing ritual?
#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Unwashed, alive, and pissed off.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱

putting someone on a raft in water to burn them up seems silly

He could have just gotten out the whole time.

#Monsterdon

Oh good. Now they're rescuing the comic relief. #monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Luckily their aim sucks.

#Monsterdon

"oh well." - hard same.
#monsterdon

#Monsterdon the Genesis of lawn darts

Counterbalancing the good archery with extremely bad. #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

that fucking music sting I swear ta god

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Anyone else missing Ergo from Krull at this point?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

[OO-EE-OO-EE-OO]

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

this is a really small elf. maybe a half-elf half-dwarf?
#monsterdon
#hawktheslayer1980

I am demanding that Real!Baldin at least puts on a tonsure so he's partially bald

#Monsterdon

so it's a repetitive task N times and then you're "done" (you definitely won't be done) and you kinda go along with it even if you're not having fun with it?

…so this is a Legend of Zelda movie

#Monsterdon