This is the story of Billy Joe and Bobby Sue. Two young heroes with nothin better to do. Fightin evil and the legions of doom...
#monsterdon

This is not the story of the Oxford comma

#Monsterdon

This is the size eagle you needed for this job.

#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

Who are the worshiping again? #Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

@strangefour Somebody littered again?! A**holes! #PSA #Monsterdon

You know he's serious about villainy because he braids little skulls into his hair.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Plausible

#monsterdon #beastmaster

He's prepared. He's even got a sacrificial child plunger.

#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

Monk bros

#monsterdon #beastmaster

That's not part of the movie. Rip Torn just can't stand kids on set.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

I'll stand out less on this conspicuous robe than naked.
#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

So, why did they dye the tiger's fur? Is a black tiger supposed to be more impressive than a normal tiger? #monsterdon

I think I saw a road.
#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

Lmao, was that a modern town in that valley back there? #Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

Dar find tar.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

It's only a model.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

@cptbutton Brother Maynard has one! #WrongMovie #Monsterdon

That's a big model.
#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

Oh gods that is the battlestar galactica music.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Well that happened

#monsterdon #beastmaster

@strangefour I'm already calling Dr Freud! #Monsterdon

Oh it was a Christmas tree. the fleshy monsters gave Dar a gift.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

I think that was Hawk for. Dude, you're fucked.
#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster #Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

Cannibal flesh monsters that respect birds? Okay sure. Whatever.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

How's the soup?
It's different from person to person.
#Monsterdon #thebeastmaster1982

@klu9 He owned a muscle car, he drove to the bar, and now he's in jail? #Monsterdon

Oh yeah, full sweep in this weeks #monsterdonBingo #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

I knew I'd seen that boomarang technique before #Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

@diazona And since we're talking animals you mean literal small chickens? #iMconfusedRightNow #Monsterdon

I hope the tiger bites him the ass
#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

DAR NO
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Ooooo.... Titties...
#monsterdon #thebeastmaster

Having a big cat for a wingman eh?

#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

Ruh makes a decent wingman.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Well, I can say I finally watched #HawkTheSlayer and survived. 🤷‍♂️

#Monsterdon

Did they edit that shot for the trailer?
#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

*screen shots are censored for this section of the movie*
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

At least the Beastmaster deserves a reel sword, not like Hawk the slayer with a dull blade! :blobcatgiggle2:
#monsterdon #thebeastmaster

"I have my eyes, I have my cunning, and I have my ass!"

#Monsterdon

"Jun" rhymes with "nun". COINCIDENCE!? #monsterdon

We are all cheering for the face eating leopards in this one.

#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982 #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Yeah, I guess jumping in on top of a ridgeline isn't very stealthy or sneaky if they spotted you immediately and snuck up on you.
#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

The Joneses are here.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Instead of sitting there confused, why don't you get a point of view from the horses?

#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

They found so many neat rocks to take pictures of.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

All pairs of ferrets are named "Trouble and Mischief", no exceptions. #Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

Save the Ferret beat

#monsterdon#beastmaster

@strangefour@retro.pizza I really thought quicksand was going to be more of a problem for me when I was a kid. #Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

QUICKSAND! This is a prime example of the 80s warning me about Quicksand being everywhere.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

once again, movies of the 1980s lying to us about the importance of preparing for quicksand in daily life

#monsterdon #DoubleFeature

I enjoyed Hawk the Slayer more than I expected bc the music slaps and John Terry's distinct voice made it hard to not chuckle.

I told my spouse about the movie and they were like "John Terry? This sounds great!"

#monsterdon

The real stars of the movie.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Cylons!

#monsterdon#beastmaster

So apparently the direction of Hawk the Slayer (1980) produced a film in 1977 titled "Prey" with the synopsis:

A deadly shape-shifting alien infiltrates a country house occupied by two lesbians, and proceeds to study their behaviour, for a sinister purpose.

#monsterdon

@strangefour Ref says I get one of these per hashtag #Monsterdon

#monsterdon okay straight up Christianity plus magic in a (high? Low? Not far enough in yet, maybe 3rd gear) fantasy is a choice. I guess the point was to make a movie showcasing how Jack Palance could totally have been Darth Vader and not to ruffle too many feathers in the D&D moral panic crowd...

I was about to commend more dog acting, but that dog is very much drugged.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

...and the final fight was in slow mo. Somebody REALLY wanted to pad this movie's running time. 🤦‍♂️

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Like beefy kevin bacon #monsterdon

Does the dog... yes. 😞
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Good boy

#monsterdon#beastmaster

TODO NOOOOO! 😭
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Had a little Turkey juice behind his ear. #monsterdon

James Earl Jones is here to kill Conan's whole village and take him prisoner as a boy... wait.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Okay some of the shots in this are pretty.
Even if the general bronze age barbarian aesthetic is kinda too grungy.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

Does this village get flooding? Why is Dar's house 12 feet in the air?
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

the world is not ready for your mootant powers

#monsterdon #DoubleFeature

Grizzly The Prequel!
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

landshark

#monsterdon #DoubleFeature

that's a bad lesson he's teaching that kid with the glaive

#Monsterdon

He brought lunch!

#monsterdon #DoubleFeature

Its a whole flock of babayagas

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

@ramsey @strangefour I guess I see where you're coming from, I just can't consider that a strike against Dimension 20. I mean, what they do *is* very impressive to a viewing audience, and other DMs/play groups shouldn't expect that their own campaigns will be similarly fun to watch unless they operate on that level.

#Monsterdon

Huh. Funny color on that shot. #monsterdon

I got pulled away for work stuff at the end, but I'm sure I can watch the last few minutes once I get home.

So yeah, is that soundtrack available anywhere? I REALLY hope that soundtrack is available.

Goodnight, #monsterdon, thanks to @Taweret for hosting and see y'all next week!

@paco ...he's a pirate... ISN'T HE?! #Monsterdon

@Crazypedia Secret Service were not very good back then! #monsterdon #TheBeastmaster

@Lazarou And when I woke up the pillow was gone! #WrongJoke #monsterdon

Beastmaster also has ferrets. Big plus.

#Monsterdon

xtro did it better, but this is still fun #monsterdon

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@aburka truth

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

And then after that to like just take the chains off and like alright this gig is cooked let's book it time and start new lives #Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

Could? maybe should.
It would make this movie a lot shorter for us? #Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982

Wait what? The barbarian Jones? Did I hear that right? I missed the subs.
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

@whiskeysailor Two woods diverges in the yellow woods and I took the woods? hmmm I'll work on it. #Monsterdon

@jivens @Taweret Make sure it's holy food. So when the grease drips off your chin it can bless little spots on your shirt. #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

@diazona so many movies could use a silly string ex machina scene #monsterdon

Beastmaster, The
Why does this look like a DVD menu?
#Monsterdon #Beastmaster

@aburka Witches have the power of green, I think. #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

#monsterdon ohhhh I knew I'd seen Sister Monica (Cheryl Campbell) before, she guest starred in several Agatha Christie shows

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱
#HawkTheSlayer1980

This film was good to riff on, but without #monsterdonians that would have been a tough watch.
Now we eat dinner.. after seeing it dribble out of every actor's face. Thanks, @Taweret and all #monsterdonians....

Y'all enjoy Beastmaster - it's actually a better movie (and a tip of the hat to Andre Norton).

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

@bstacey @emma That tracks! #TriesToHidePreviousPosts #Monsterdon

@moira Looks like I missed some squares.

#Monsterdon

@whiskeysailor given the scale of this five-mile epic I'm thinking it's basically the next county down

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Hey, did we see a single actual real hawk in the movie "hawk"? ...I can't think of one...? #monsterdon

@aburka @apLundell I've done the math, this means there is at least one extra dimension wrapped up tightly? #iWasToldThereDbeNomath?! #Monsterdon

@whiskeysailor Budgets: Same woods. :blobcatgiggle2:
#monsterdon #hawktheslayer