RE: https://timeloop.cafe/@bunnyhero/117028914383157340

note that i basically have no idea what's happening though

#monsterdon

PAINTING. It's supposed to be a matte PAINTING. Not a matte DRAWING. Not a matte SKETCH.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Aww yeah, compositing a physical painting with real scenery, does it get any better than this?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

I feel like the budget is straining to keep up with the so far kinda good fantasy story writing.
#Monsterdon #HawktheSlayer

Lets give the matte painters an award #Monsterdon

@trixter That BASTARD, he KNOWS it'll go stale before they can finish it! D:< #Monsterdon

"The Church doesn't pay ransom....and they can afford to as well,......just sayin'"

#Monsterdon

summon! fog!
summon! prog!

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

High Abbott is absolutely a legitimate medieval Catholic thing

#Monsterdon

You must bring him a shrubbery!

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Oh, THAT matte painting

I mean castle

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

that loaf of bread was slashed more dramatically than the deaths of the people lol

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Genuine Question: Would it be really impressive if your sword could cut bread?

#Monsterdon

"Well, there it is, horsey. The matte painting."

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Breadicide!

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱
#HawkTheSlayer1980

He slices!
He disces!
He makes julienne fries!

You defile the holy bread? #Monsterdon

#monsterdon they fixed that guy's arm for nothing! Fuck

oof, damn ranulf. next time, just first the damn weapon.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

The helmet with the built in eye patch was cutting edge technology. #monsterdon

Give us this slay our daily bread...

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

#Monsterdon nuns should kill them all using God's power

Hail, seize her!

#Monsterdon

I'm not old.
I'm thir-ee seven.
#Monsterdon

Did that pocket matrix just teach him kung fu? #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Volton, The Dark One, and his bestie The Wizard.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

A strange MELODY affects the flesh?

It would be amazing if that was actually what was said and not the subtitles fucking with me

#Monsterdon

Give him the Gom Jabbar!

#Monsterdon

Please, Mr. Dark one was my father. Just call me Voltan

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

I just want a sword arm, is that too much to ask?

#Monsterdon

...the Master? Before he took over Nyssa?

#doctorwho #tombaker

#monsterdon

MYYY SWOOORDD AARRMMMM

#monsterdon

i too stand in front of caves during thunderstorms screaming for a wizard. sometimes you just gotta let yourself go for a minute.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

VOLTAN!

#Monsterdon

"I really hated it when my parents called me The Dark One when I was younger, but I've grown into it"

-- Jack Palance, maybe

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe yeah! :D

#Monsterdon

I'm glad we didn't have to see any of that excitement

#Monsterdon

@yatsu i thought she said holy wood lol #Monsterdon

This is no Castle Anthrax #Monsterdon

@gblues

Wow. Swords *AND* sandals? This flick has everything.

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

the sisterhood of the holy word at cadbury. the word is Easter, and the egg is chocolate.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

So God is your surgical aide, huh

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Hire A Bunch Of LARPers is a pro-tier director move, more should do it!

#Monsterdon

Morgan Sheppard!

#Monsterdon

It's that guy, from the thing. He saw the grail-shaped beacon.
#monsterdon

Monsterdon i love you but wow my feed is scrolling so fast 😆 #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

the funky theme tune was too much for this dude! staggering home from the party!

#Monsterdon

Is this the Castle Anthrax?

#Monsterdon

You pair this as a double feature with the Rankin and Bass The Hobbit and you'd capture a key part of my childhood. #HawkTheSlayer1980 #Monsterdon

#monsterdon anyways that's the end of my groin humor at least until the double feature, and which will only entail buffalo shot jokes #hawkTheSlayer

I mean practically speaking, having a sword that returns to you when you want it is a neat trick.

But like, that's the best idea they could come up with for an amazing and wondrous magic sword?

#Monsterdon

This was the Age of Matte Paintings

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Permits for running around the forest and acting like a git were really cheap and they made the most of them.
#monsterdon

music is taking some weird turns here

#monsterdon

One (1) official "... the fuck?" for the theme music here

Really dancing the whisky tango foxtrot

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon medieval music is ok I guess, but can you dance The Hustle to it? What my soundtrack presupposes,

Usually a cheesy movie can be improved with a good soundtrack but I can clearly see that it has neither of those elements going for it after the first 1 minute

#monsterdon

oooh uh, that's an opening number alright
#Monsterdon

So uh. Someone killed someones father as a call to action. Is what I've gathered. And now 5 minutes of credits.
#monsterdon

#monsterdon tipoff “The good the bad & the ugly “ music

Holy shit this intro music slaps
#monsterdon

disco may be dead, but I'm here for the Sword & Sorcery Theme…

#monsterdon

Really starting strong with this music!
#monsterdon

Mind Hawk! Mind Sword! Mind Horse! Mind Goblet!
#monsterdon  

Ok I like this weird flute jazz theme #Monsterdon

Nobody told me there was gonna be RenFaire disco.

#monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

Aw, looks like he broke the tip off his fancy sword already. #monsterdon

Tony Hawk the Professional Slayer #Monsterdon

is it good for a sword if you keep stabbing it into the floor #monsterdon

The version of Hawk that I'm watching has incorrect captions.

So, Susie just joined the office meeting. They're discussing how it will be fun to live at a hotel for the winter.

At the same time Hawk got the weird green glowy hand sword.

#Monsterdon

that sword's a LITTLE bent, Hawk.

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

I think [mystical noise] covers alot of this movie. And most knock off fantasy movies for that matter.
#Monsterdon #HawktheSlayer

#monsterdon your dad's dead but at least you got a cool mindsword out of it

#monsterdon

I MUST AVENGE MY FATHER AND FULFILL THE PROPHECY TO RESTORE THE ANCIENT POWERRRRRR

Your father is dying right in front of you. There's a flying glowing rock. And this is the face you make?

#monsterdon

They gave this actor one direction: stare intently. & he's not even doing great at that. #Monsterdon

all this green stuff is dangerous radioactive....

#Monsterdon

I’ll take Minds Word for 100, Alex

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

the mind ~flayer~ sword!

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

Either they forgot to clean the lens or Barbra Walters is doing an interview later.
#monsterdon

That’s how you ruin the point, Hawk.

#Monsterdon

@rebeld I mean, have you seen those reimaginings of starwars as a purely fantasy setting?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱

maybe try direct pressure tho?

🦖 MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIA THE SLAYER ⚔️

👂Listen for
....Hawk's "leitmotif", a five note electronic whistle.
It's similar to the one given to Clint Eastwood’s characters in the Sergio Leone westerns. For some reason.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer #HawkTheSlayer1980

#monsterdon "your eldest son" lmao ok Jack, you're the same age as this man AT BEST

Does that count as first monster kill? Do we know if this guy is the monster yet? Are there more or fewer monsters? #Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer

Why is it always the elder sibling that's the evil one?

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

#Monsterdon 👑 👬 💀 ⚔️🦅 😱
#HawkTheSlayer1980

I demand the key to the ancient power!!
This never works. I've tried it many places.

HOLY DIVAH

You've been down too long in the midnight sea

#Monsterdon

It's a medieval home invasion.
#monsterdon

A wondrous sword. And there it is? #Monsterdon

I want a purple bath bomb.

#Monsterdon

Alright, I'm going to join #monsterdon viewing tonight.

This edition of the film on Tubi doesn't have that stupid voiceover track.

https://tubitv.com/movies/465040/hawk-the-slayer

Wait!? Is this the Sherlock theme?

#Monsterdon
#HawkTheSlayer1980

*wondrous*

#monsterdon #hawktheslayer1980

@yatsu Well, you don’t have to. It’s here.

#Monsterdon

Opening narration, neat music.

#Monsterdon #HawkTheSlayer1980

This is the story of Billy Joe and Bobby Sue. Two young heroes with nothin better to do. Fightin evil and the legions of doom...
#monsterdon

This is not the story of the Oxford comma

#Monsterdon

This is the size eagle you needed for this job.

#Monsterdon #TheBeastmaster1982