this is the part where they’re selling their Nintendo tie-in

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

lol, make sure the Millennium Falcon gets out Lando!

#Monsterdon

the music is soooo the Matrix video arcade game

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

So is this Independence day or Return of the Jedi?

#Monsterdon

Godzooki blows smoke ring!

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

So, Godzilla is pretty much a badass and can take all these creatures, no problem.

#Monsterdon

Team Road Trip Babby (the bear suited hunter, the kid, and Minya, the son of Godzilla) are in Japan now but stop to watch Godzilla smash a random town. The kid asks why Godzilla is destroying a town, and the hunter explains that long ago humans made a nuclear bomb and that made Godzilla mad, then they return to their road trip.

#monsterdon

"What was the point of it all?"

Well, you got that red leather jacket. That's nifty. #Monsterdon

This part of the movie is a speedrun from a platform game, where Godzilla goes through all the levels between here and (probably) Tokyo, fighting random monsters along the way and destroying the scenery. One of the levels of Papua New Guinea, which I'm glad finally gets featured in a #monsterdon movie.

Japanese David Bowie is similarly mad that these other, lesser monsters have been defeated, and he shows his angst via bereaved hand gestures and dance moves.

Was that Blink-182!?!?!?

Flashback to high school baby!

#Monsterdon

They sure didn't have to.

But I'm glad they did.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Crack the whip with the spinnerets!

@paco I reckon when Godzilla's chasing you, you can move surprisingly fast. #monsterdon

YES YES YES YES YES LET'S GO

#Monsterdon

"Godzilla is following us."
well great, coz no one else is. wtf is this movie. #monsterdon

Okay, so we're going to the south pole in our flying drill submarine, which is very normal behavior, and we are ambushed by monsters, including Gigan, the biggest monster, and also a bug monster that shoots lasers.

But we manage to use our lasers to blow up some Ice and free Godzilla, who wakes up and fucks up Gigan, giving Japanese David Bowie a Dramatic Pain Reaction because I guess he's driving Gigan? Or maybe just emotionally attached?

#monsterdon

Funny to have that character introduced to Godzilla *as* Godzilla and then call him Gojira

I'm here for the "yea do whatever" language rules

#Monsterdon

Captain Luigi & Godzilla. now we need a cart.

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

LET'S GET READY TO RUUUUUUUUMBLE!!
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

I'm watching a weird cut of this movie where the Japanese actors have English subs but the probably anglophone actors do not, even though their dialog is dubbed in Japanese.

My Japanese isn't good enough to follow every line, but I'm 90% sure that even if I could I would still be baffled at what was going on because everything is just insane and 6 characters are introduced every minute.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon We just added the one silly style of music we didn't have in the croissant scene..

#monsterdon Those are hazardously short shorts!

We have unexpected coffee (and croissant)!

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

OPERATION: FINAL WAR #monsterdon

#monsterdon The next generation will need the clicker. Make sure you don't start just pressing buttons, Mothra hates it when people keep on changing the frikken channel on her!

The Scooby Doo team decides that Stalin needs his drill submarine to defeat the aliens, so they go steal it to martial music. And also the good twink has rescued the bad twink and brought him to the submarine hospital. Or maybe a base hospital. I don't know where anything is.

Then Stalin announces that we have to go to the South Pole to awaken Godzilla and defeat the aliens. This makes sense to me but some of our heroes have doubts.

#monsterdon

Those two are so hot for each other....

#Monsterdon

After a scene where the Klingon Ninja airship captain has to fight the giant bipedal ankylosaurus to lots of explosions but unclear results, we go back to the Son of Godzilla island where the hunter and the child and the Son of Godzilla are apparently just chilling and we learn Godzilla's son's name is Minya. That's nice.

#monsterdon

"I think I'll call him Milla!"

He'll star in multiple Resident Evil movies and a weird Joan of Arc thing! #Monsterdon

Jar Jar, the kid and the crazy old man will save the earth now

#monsterdon

"long-cherished civilization" i think they've misunderstood something here. #monsterdon

#monsterdon Many things are happening!!

WHO PUT THAT LANDMARK IN THE WAY OF OUR CRASH

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

"Destroy their civilisation completely"

Why not give us the chance to do it to ourselves you cowards?!

#Monsterdon

I feel like there are 4 movies of content packed into this

#monsterdon

C'mon, do the Akira slide, you know you want to. #Monsterdon

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO IS CHASING WHO OR WHY OR WHERE OR EVEN WHEN REALLY

#Monsterdon

what even #monsterdon

This guy's mustache is lopsided, and it's absolutely bugging the crap out of me

#monsterdon

@neia that was pretty funny, I read your comment just before the high pitched giggle.

#Monsterdon

Every hot lady journalist loves to conduct their interviews crawling around on the ground #monsterdon

Good thing Tom Selleck was there. He sure did a whole lot of good. #monsterdon

Ahhh, the old 'Pug Switcheroo!'

#Monsterdon

Chekov's dog

#monsterdon
#GodzillaFinalWars

Captain Gordon is training for Wrestlemania!
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

Okay, so the main characters are having a conference and use the computer to determine that the cool graphics that the aliens were showing us of space combined photos of space that were not in the same place so they were faking it. And they decide they need to find someone who the aliens haven't got to, and for reasons that I hope will become clear, they decide that person is Stalin, who has gotten off from his submarine and is now practicing his boxing.

#monsterdon

Been a long time since I've hard a soundtrack use an electric guitar to leer like that. #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🦖🦁🐶🐉🐢🐸🦣🦅🐧🦔🦭🦞🦀🦑🐙🕷️😱

And a man holding a large duck 💞

And here is the director interviewing the creator of X. Who knew Elon Musk stole that idea from this movie.
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

See - the dog *was* important!

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

The bald guy vaguely looks like George Takei. And the duib has him vaguely sound like Takei.
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

Every scientist's dream is to, uh, either spar or have sex with the aliens?

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon "Laying into them..." uh, is that a sexual reference or, did you think you'd just what, bitchslap them?

or having sex with them
just yet

#monsterdon

I am the alien Morpheus-san. #monsterdon

#monsterdon Your name? X!!!!

lol, like the real world would agree to anything that quickly and unanimously....

#Monsterdon

I'm still very confused but I think flying pyramids took the monsters away and then connected to a giant golf ball space ship that parked over a city. Following starcraft deterrent logic, the EDF has surrounded it with guys with guns pointed at the air waiting for signs of hostility.

But instead of attacking, the spaceship teleports the Silver Suit guy from before, who I have learned the Secretary General of the UN and was borrowed by the aliens instead of killed.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon We have come from another solar system to offer your friendship.. huh?

someone read The Cube Theory, turned it into an orb with echoes of Riven and Myst… but made it kaijus

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

Fried lobster time!
(the "Ebi" in Ebirah means "shrimp")
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

The riot shields are going be the things that make the difference here #monsterdon

that jumping in the air was very CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

Alright now we're in an oil refinery or grain factory or something; I think its Tokyo but everything has a yellow filter so maybe it's Mexico instead.

A giant beetle is there and smashes some somewhat futuristic tanks. But the mutants show up with anti-tank rockets and lasers and start fighting it by shooting at it while backflipping.

#monsterdon

And now a flying submarine captained by a Klingon?
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

Okay, there's a flying submarine commanded by a Klingon ninja and it shoots some missiles at a praying mantis monster. And there's an american looking kid who is a messy eater of chocolates and he's playing with his monster toys as he watches the monster destroy a city. And then there's a scene where a hunter in I think a bear costume is about to shoot the Son of Godzilla but then a kid stands in their way and stops the hunter from shooting the son of godzilla, who is nice.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon We're gonna fry that lobster! .. Cue Firestarter..

If they kill Godzuki the cycle will end, it's brutal but there we are....

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon fuckin grogu

#monsterdon Poor Gamura.

@OliviaVespera

Kaiju are just big spiky cats for real

#Monsterdon

I'm getting a real sense about how Japanese folks view America #monsterdon

This movie is so f'ing dumb. I kind of love it. #Monsterdon

Screaming Australians, tripping over soda carts, it's TOTAL CHAOS

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

Okay and in yet another goddamn scene, lab coat lady and friends are staring at some weird artifact and then we're teleported to a sandstone cave I guess on Mothra island, and Mothra's island, and we get some exposition from fairies (who are tiny ladies) that explain that Gigan is a bad monster that attacked their island and Mothra tried to defeat them and now Gigan is coming back?

I'm not sure but I think that's what they said? Then the humans are teleported back to the lab.

#monsterdon

I wouldn't buy a car off a guy dressed like that,......

Oh well, too late!

Lol, a typical American street scene, 'Pimps vs Pigs'

#Monsterdon

Yay, a hopeful message from the twins! #Monsterdon

#monsterdon Yay! The fairy twins!

Perfectly normal for the new secretary general of the UN to start pontificating about the "mysteries of the universe, unprompted."

#monsterdon

Because the Designated Science Mistress is too good for the nazi parking cop, she ignores her and goes to her infinitely cooler day job, which is staring at a the ossified body of a giant kaiju, that came from space 12,000 years ago and explaining the Kaiju to other people, which is a job I want.

#monsterdon

I can't get over the wardrobe choices of this film....

Cross between fetish, fash and sleezy nightclub circa early 00s

#Monsterdon

All I see are Trump appointees #monsterdon

Grandpa Gigan? Gigan is a space mutant? Can Magneto defeat Gigan?
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

Because this is a heisei era movie 1000 strange things happen before I can type any of them. There was a conference room where the big wigs were talking about the submarine needing repairs. Then we go to a brutalist parking garage where a nazi parking cop is flirting with an attractive lady in a fashionable silver lab coat, she is probably our Designated Science Master (or Mistress).

#monsterdon

Why are they dressed like low rent wanna be nazis?

#Monsterdon

GET IN THE FUCKING MONSTER SHINJI-KUN

#Monsterdon

I cannot unsee the red nipple covers on their uniforms. #monsterdon

so, these uniforms are remainders from former Soviet armies, right?

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

Okay, so in our twink cage match, the hotter twink was getting crushed by the stronger twink, but afterward the hotter twink was like "Why did you hold back bro!?" because I guess he was into some rough play.

#monsterdon

In honour of #PrideMonth I am interpretting these fighers as at least 50% more sexually charged than intended.

#Monsterdon

Why does Captain Stalin seem like he's shoving every word out of his mouth like a huge poop

#Monsterdon

BRING IT 🤩 #monsterdon

Keith Emmerson AND SUM 41!

They just threw it all in, didn't they? Those glorious maniacs!

#Monsterdon

skipping through the intro to catch up. seems like the summary is "there is a godzilla"
#monsterdon

For the 5th anniversary of Godzilla... more Godzilla.
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

Godzilla shows up to Pride and so did the cops...

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

oh also

#monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

Don Fryes (Cpt. Gordon) mustache just keeps growing and he’s only 60. #monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

@Louisa Same. Exactly the same. It’s the weirdest damn thing. #Monsterdon

Me, at the end of #monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWar