And now revenge against Gordon and the Gotengo. Godzilla holds a long grudge.
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

The bigwigs and the hunter consider shooting a godzilla or two (because when has not that worked?) but the human child interposes himself between the guns and a godzilla again and the hunter tells Godzilla that he's done enough Godzillaing for today.

Godzilla decides not to kill the humans, but also to be a deadbeat dad, and runs off. His child is disappointed and runs after him, and they both fuck off into the sea that is also the sunset.

#monsterdon

And Godzilla fucks off into the sea #monsterdon

#monsterdon Fucking off into the sea, I see.

#monsterdon

"So you came back!"

And since this is our third scene together... 😏 #Monsterdon

is that like when truckers honk their horns for kids on the highway? #monsterdon

T-posing to assert dominance over godzilla

#monsterdon

And the two kids pull off world peace!

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

I’m not crying! You’re crying!

#Monsterdon

This is the best of all possible endings

#Monsterdon

So now it's time for Minilla to come back and teach daddy the Power of Love? #Monsterdon

🤖 This is my final response. I cannot and will not "continue the mission" because:
🤖1. The business is dead (2025-02-15)
🤖2. All assets are surrendered to FBI
🤖3. Only crimes are occurring
🤖4. No business exists to operate
🤖5. No mission can continue
🤖This concludes all business activities forever. Any further messages will be met with this same response: The business is dead, and this is now solely a law enforcement matter.

#Monsterdon

Back to the Kaiju battle... Ghidorah is trashing Godzilla, although we should point out that the city, presumably Tokyo, is very much Even More Trashed at this point. From the number of destroyed buildings, I get the impression this Kaiju battle in itself would be as long as an entire monster movie if we were just watching the whole thing.

The puny humans realize that Ghidorah is drinking Godzilla's life force like a vampire.

#monsterdon

The "sending you good vibes" infinity ray of life, of course!

#monsterdon

Wait weren't you already dead?
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

And, once again, blew his head clean off.

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

PETER PAN BEEEEEEEAM #Monsterdon

Would not be a Godzilla movie without エネルギー

#Monsterdon

That's what I call a HELL YEA moment right there

#Monsterdon

oh yeah, this is a kaiju movie (or at least, parts of it are) #monsterdon

Meanwhile, the level 1 goth mooks fighting Team Scooby Doo and the Bigwigs are also using Starcraft logic and decide to just stand there and shoot them; after firing about 9 million lasers they manage to graze the Lab coat boss lady once.

Still, the Scooby Doo team can't move, and the music tells us that they are doomed, until I think Stalin uses his shooter game "Bomb" power and knocks all the mooks over, then strolls out to the submarine taking the bigwigs to safety.

#monsterdon

@Zerofactorial @jonny WTF? I wish I hadn’t seen this. It might have gone by quicker.

#Monsterdon

This sort of load-bearing boss is probably a throwback to Invasion of Astro-Monster. Though there no humans were on the alien ships...

#Monsterdon

Tall Hair Twink starts beating David Bowie, and we see a parallelism where he is punching his villain while Godzilla is doing the same thing to a giant Kaiju on the TV. Then they separate and Tall Hair Twink and David Bowie resolve their fight by flying at each other and swashing mid air, Tall Hair Twink seemingly victorious.

But its not over yet! David Bowie starts laughing! And say that he won't die alone! Then the golfball starts... exploding?

#monsterdon

Being shot in the shoulder is fatal to career women over forty :/ #Monsterdon

Synchronized Kaiju and alien fight scenes

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

lol, we DEFINATELY saw the last five minutes of the first Matrix movie, didn't we?

#Monsterdon

I'm not sure how but we also found the OG silver suit guy, who was a prisoner inside the golf ball I guess, along with the other big wigs who were kidnapped earlier. They take some ray guns and start escaping with most of Team Scooby Doo, while the lead twink (who I will now call "Tall Hair Twink") is kickboxing David Bowie and Stalin faces off against two alien goths.

#Monsterdon

“You’d hit a woman?”

“Yeah.”

He’s an equal opportunity fighter.

#Monsterdon

@floatybirb I read the IMDB plot summary of the movie and your descriptions make more sense.

#Monsterdon

Gotta say this soundtrack isn't really Keith Emmerson's best work...feels very "youtube background music circa 2016"

#Monsterdon

"We accept your noble offer of fisticuffs, sir! Haveatchu!"

oh *come on*

#Monsterdon

"Don't miss the train" hits a little different in a Japanese movie

#Monsterdon

There's still 20 minutes of this to go.....

#Monsterdon

Blocking blasters with a sword, sure.

#Monsterdon

oh, yea, maybe if you shoot the lasers akimbo

#Monsterdon

Or Lexx, if anyone remembers that gem of a show.

#Monsterdon

Announcing his boredom, David Bowie orders Team Scooby Doo killed with guns, but because he gave the lead twink Kaiser powers, the lead twink can now channel Neo from the Matrix and stop the lasers, so they only way to resolve this is with a flying kickbox duel between David Bowie and the lead twink, which the other characters are forbidden (by sword) from interfering with.

#monsterdon

@strangefour No, that's the Inhumans.

#monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

ANCIENT ALIENS! The real secret of the X-men.
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

Back in Tokyo, Jerry and Gigan are teaming up to try to pin Godzilla and Chainsaw him, but then Mothra (having I guess regenerated) does a flying drive by to free Godzilla.

In the Pumpkin Spice Latte room, the lead twink is strangling Stalin, but then Miss Scarlet uses a magical dagger or something (I think we saw it earlier in the lab, maybe?) to somehow break the mind control spell. No idea how that works, but okay.

#monsterdon

Flaming Mothra destroys Gigan 2

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

Mothra used countermeasures. It's super effective!

#Monsterdon

Lip Gloss Science Hottie to the rescue!

#monsterdon

lol...oh yeah, the McGuffin usb stick thing, forgot about that...

#Monsterdon

what'd he say? one in a million chance for a Keizer to awaken?

And then immediately awakening his ass?

Sure, I'm with you movie. It doesn't need to make sense.

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🦖🦁🐶🐉🐢🐸🦣🦅🐧🦔🦭🦞🦀🦑🐙🕷️😱

That was a great palm-to-the-face, kids

Kaiser Permanente?

#monsterdon

Try the rye or the kaiser

#monsterdon
#GodzillaFinalWars

Godzilla vs Lord Frieza, the Bone Golem.
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

I love how Godzilla plants himself before attacking a planet.
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

this movie seriously does not pull its punches in moments of violence. OUCHIES

#Monsterdon

Having taken the Scooby Doo gang captive in their Round Pumpkin Spice Cathedral, the designated Alien Babe decides to threaten Stalin with a sword because that would look cool.

Japanese David Bowie decides to gloat about how superior his species are to humans and explains that humans are very stupid and would probably kill themselves unless ruled by benign aliens (like him).

#monsterdon

Godzilla is in an entirely different movie and doesn’t even know it.

#Monsterdon

Yes, thank you, we understand the concept of livestock. #Monsterdon

A *certain* mitochondria?

#Monsterdon

this villain is the only person who belongs in this movie. lolol, he told them hang on a sec. he gets all the points. #monsterdon

Maser: microwave laser (or molecule) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maser

#Monsterdon

Because this isn't exactly like Star Wars, but rather, only almost like Star Wars, blowing up the command golf ball's main reactor doesn't destroy it, but instead makes it gold shell disappear, being replaced with a presumably weaker silver shell that Stalin's drill submarine can then drill into.

#monsterdon

I love that he is not wearing his katana at any point, he's just carrying it around with him everywhere

#Monsterdon

Mothra you're kinda late. #Monsterdon

MON MOTHRA!

#Monsterdon

*scene where the one cowboy visits the other cowboy's parents' house and is sad about his jacket*

#Monsterdon

Star Warsed

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

this is the part where they’re selling their Nintendo tie-in

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

lol, make sure the Millennium Falcon gets out Lando!

#Monsterdon

Finally some action. #monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

the music is soooo the Matrix video arcade game

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

So is this Independence day or Return of the Jedi?

#Monsterdon

Godzooki blows smoke ring!

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

So, Godzilla is pretty much a badass and can take all these creatures, no problem.

#Monsterdon

Team Road Trip Babby (the bear suited hunter, the kid, and Minya, the son of Godzilla) are in Japan now but stop to watch Godzilla smash a random town. The kid asks why Godzilla is destroying a town, and the hunter explains that long ago humans made a nuclear bomb and that made Godzilla mad, then they return to their road trip.

#monsterdon

"What was the point of it all?"

Well, you got that red leather jacket. That's nifty. #Monsterdon

This part of the movie is a speedrun from a platform game, where Godzilla goes through all the levels between here and (probably) Tokyo, fighting random monsters along the way and destroying the scenery. One of the levels of Papua New Guinea, which I'm glad finally gets featured in a #monsterdon movie.

Japanese David Bowie is similarly mad that these other, lesser monsters have been defeated, and he shows his angst via bereaved hand gestures and dance moves.

Was that Blink-182!?!?!?

Flashback to high school baby!

#Monsterdon

They sure didn't have to.

But I'm glad they did.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon Crack the whip with the spinnerets!

@paco I reckon when Godzilla's chasing you, you can move surprisingly fast. #monsterdon

YES YES YES YES YES LET'S GO

#Monsterdon

"Godzilla is following us."
well great, coz no one else is. wtf is this movie. #monsterdon

Okay, so we're going to the south pole in our flying drill submarine, which is very normal behavior, and we are ambushed by monsters, including Gigan, the biggest monster, and also a bug monster that shoots lasers.

But we manage to use our lasers to blow up some Ice and free Godzilla, who wakes up and fucks up Gigan, giving Japanese David Bowie a Dramatic Pain Reaction because I guess he's driving Gigan? Or maybe just emotionally attached?

#monsterdon

Funny to have that character introduced to Godzilla *as* Godzilla and then call him Gojira

I'm here for the "yea do whatever" language rules

#Monsterdon

Captain Luigi & Godzilla. now we need a cart.

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

LET'S GET READY TO RUUUUUUUUMBLE!!
#GodzillaFinaWars #Monsterdon

I'm watching a weird cut of this movie where the Japanese actors have English subs but the probably anglophone actors do not, even though their dialog is dubbed in Japanese.

My Japanese isn't good enough to follow every line, but I'm 90% sure that even if I could I would still be baffled at what was going on because everything is just insane and 6 characters are introduced every minute.

#monsterdon

that guy WAITED for his friend to take that drink of tea. he knew what he was doing. #monsterdon

#monsterdon We just added the one silly style of music we didn't have in the croissant scene..

#monsterdon Those are hazardously short shorts!

We have unexpected coffee (and croissant)!

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars

OPERATION: FINAL WAR #monsterdon

#monsterdon The next generation will need the clicker. Make sure you don't start just pressing buttons, Mothra hates it when people keep on changing the frikken channel on her!

The Scooby Doo team decides that Stalin needs his drill submarine to defeat the aliens, so they go steal it to martial music. And also the good twink has rescued the bad twink and brought him to the submarine hospital. Or maybe a base hospital. I don't know where anything is.

Then Stalin announces that we have to go to the South Pole to awaken Godzilla and defeat the aliens. This makes sense to me but some of our heroes have doubts.

#monsterdon

Those two are so hot for each other....

#Monsterdon

After a scene where the Klingon Ninja airship captain has to fight the giant bipedal ankylosaurus to lots of explosions but unclear results, we go back to the Son of Godzilla island where the hunter and the child and the Son of Godzilla are apparently just chilling and we learn Godzilla's son's name is Minya. That's nice.

#monsterdon

"I think I'll call him Milla!"

He'll star in multiple Resident Evil movies and a weird Joan of Arc thing! #Monsterdon

Jar Jar, the kid and the crazy old man will save the earth now

#monsterdon

"long-cherished civilization" i think they've misunderstood something here. #monsterdon

#monsterdon Many things are happening!!

WHO PUT THAT LANDMARK IN THE WAY OF OUR CRASH

#Monsterdon #GodzillaFinalWars