the score is really doing so much work to make this movie worse than it already is

#Monsterdon

How long has Godzilla been in NYC at this point? A few days? That's a fuckton of eggs and clearly more than could be laid in a single go.

#Monsterdon

"okay we gotta work a SONIC reference in here, right?"

???

"Doctor Eggman Right???"

#monsterdon

@cocaine_owlbear an NCO doing all the work, in MY american military?

it's more likely than you think

#Monsterdon

If you're gonna make an omlettezilla you gotta break a few eggzillas

#monsterdon

Madison FISH Garden amirite

#monsterdon

We are at 1h28m and this movie has a runtime of *checks* WHAT THE HELL 2h18m WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED

well settle in, this is going to suck a lot worse before it sucks better

#monsterdon

fuck me, that was the start of the third act, wasn't it

#Monsterdon

Obligate subivore

#Monsterdon

Chekhov’s Square Garden!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

This movie is so unrealistic. There is NO water this clear anywhere near Manhattan.
#monsterdon

Wow, US Military really fucked that one....

#Monsterdon

What if we kissed

 🥺
👉👈

at FISH TRAP 2

#monsterdon

@arrjay explains the "he"

#monsterdon

the music is still highly inappropriate

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

oh my god this is only half over?!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon LOOCY... I’M HOME! Watch the bipedal snacks scurry! Mammals make the best baby food!

Just let me do all the talking. Don't bring up wine and for god's sake cover up that Asterix tattoo

#Monsterdon

look, every New Yorker knows how to navigate the tunnels.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 it's like Escape From New York in reverse

I could tell they was French because of all the baguettes and bechamel sauce

#Monsterdon

Ooooooo, I almost have a coverall!!! #Godzilla1998 #Godzilla #Monsterdon #monsterdon_bingo

So Curly steals the "Gojira" video and gives it to her network, but her boss ignores her contribution and presents it on the news, making her extra mad that he called the monster "Godzilla" instead of "Gojira", which I guess in this universe is a legendary sea monster.

This also got worm scientist fired, making him sad, and she apologizes for faking being a reporter when she's like... not quite a reporter. But like, a semi-reporter. Clearly a major distinction.

#monsterdon

I figured it out Jean Reno works for euro disney, he wants the eggs so that attendance will go up. #monsterdon

@SnoopJ The nuclear weapons reading fits decently given how optimistic the 90s were about it. Actually trying to clean things up and large scale weapon disassembly.

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

did we still really have taxis like that in 1998?

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

so this is the start of the Third, ACTION MOVIE

HOT FRENCH ACTION

wait.

#monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIAZILLA 🏙️💥🦖

It's not your imagination. Tonight's feature has more Simpsons actors than anything other than The Simpsons.

#Godzilla1998

@blogdiva I think its kind of a gray area, given Godzilla was never established as gendering very much, but it is notable that they've calmly kept referring to Godzilla as he/him even after the pregnancy test, while I think in most movies of the period they'd immediately jump to "OMG the Monster is a GIRL!" which is nice.

#monsterdon

Now Leon & Ferris going to check each other for Gojira eggs? I can't keep up.

#Monsterdon

"Why aren't you working with the US military?"

"Have you seen the US military?"

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

ah the French are on a MISSION

FOR EGGS

#monsterdon

god, having Broderick and Reno in the same scene really drives home how much I do not like Broderick's performance

#Monsterdon

this city sure looks pretty evacuated

#monsterdon

for a second I would going to crack wise about going to Newark on purpose, but I guess JFK isn't really an option right now, huh

#Monsterdon

@jivens #monsterdon

I mean, he DID leave classified info laying out in the open...

They really could lose all this romantic subplot and just stick with the French shenanigans and the Big Lizard.

This scene is going on forever...

#Monsterdon

@trixter

Pretty Cheap Aliens Nod is the name of my brand of scifi bobble head dolls

#Monsterdon

Casting the guy who voiced the news anchor on the Simpsons as a news anchor was definitely a choice.

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

Earthworm Jim ovahere

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

that is an interpretation of an actual pharmacy that existed on 2nd avenue somewhere about 5th or 6th street. they didn't even have a cash register. it closed sometime on the aughts.

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

Just leave that top secret vhs tape lying around
#monsterdon

The movie continues to think that anhthing else it has to offer is more interesting than THE KAIJU

#Monsterdon

you know it's top secret because it's marked Top Secret, you know.

#monsterdon

Okay, finally that was explained. Godzilla ran across Panama

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

real nooyawkas will let you fuck with any building, but not the Chrysler building

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

@Lazarou #monsterdon

ikr I'd rather even hear more about those earthworms.

"I can't believe this. He did all this to us, and we... we did nothing to him."

"Oh that's not true. We fed him!"

*cheery tinkling music*

this movie is so stupid and/or thinks we are so stupid

#monsterdon

#Godzilla #Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

@blogdiva coincidentally, it is a Torontonian pastime to see whether these movies set in are happening in Toronto or not

#Monsterdon

um

Godzilla

what are you doing to that building

CHILDREN, COVER YOUR EYES!

#monsterdon

I'm actually wondering why they decided to use helicopters to chase the Godzilla in this movie.

Out of universe, I guess they just wanted to see flying machines weaving through the skyscraper canyons?

In universe... um... maybe the helicopters ended up chasing because nothing else the army had could keep up?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon 🦖 🌇 🦶 😱

He just loves the buildings and he's angry that the helicopters keep blowing them up

#monsterdon you're in a helicopter, go up!

RIP Chrysler Building

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Now the godzilla is ray-shielded, you'll have to use proton torpedoes

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

I remember this movie being kind bad… I didn’t remember it being sLaPsTiCk!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Anyway, the Godzilla emerges to eat the fish and the Worm Scientist decides to take a picture (a nice touch) and then commune with it, but I'm not sure if he passed or failed his animal handling roll, because he didn't domesticate the godzilla but the godzilla didn't eat him either.

#monsterdon

yea, upon rewatch, I'm seeing how this movie could be SO much better if it just had a different lead

I cannot take Matthew Broderick seriously in this role

It also could use some writing to establish like, actual character traits of being a scientist who cares about science and stuff

but whatever

the score also needs to back the fuck off

#Monsterdon

Godzilla LOVES having his picture taken

#Monsterdon

I think we're about due for another "godzilla is large" joke

#monsterdon

#monsterdon Matthew Broderick talking earthworm psychology to catch #Godzilla1998 is such a 1990s thing jfc

Rack focus zoom!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

@ricci there's not enough fish in the sea #monsterdon

The Mayor character is mildly amusing because he's just grumpy about everything (with actually pretty good reason though).

#monsterdon

#monsterdon #6Train 23rd Street station has never looked like that.

#Godzilla1998

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 there's something fishy about this plan

"What is this american filth?!"

Classic Euros, lol

#Monsterdon

The biggest disaster to hit the city since the Muppets Took Manhattan

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

I feel like we keep on having a bunch of Bechtel near misses

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

…why is this MTA car playing Led Zeppelin?

#Monsterdon

Mayor Ebert’s bald assistant is named Gene.

This movie ain’t so bad.

#Monsterdon

Maaaan, I miss the Warner Bros Studio Store.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

He can easily hide IN NEW YORK CITY??? With people everywhere???

This truly was the era before smart phones #Monsterdon

@ricci Imagining explaining to my nephews that our cameras used to have these giant cartridges that they recorded things onto and no internal memory.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

I want that rainbow patch on that soldier to be gay pride, but it probably isn't

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

#monsterdon What a lovely Cloaca! Summers Eve! Sanitary!

Do we see Gozilla's lizard genitals? Is this all a giant public exposure fetish? Is that why the big lizard chose New York?

#Monsterdon

All the cars hopping is a nice practical effect. #monsterdon

I would like to see these actors in a better movie

#monsterdon

Boy the "jam in the VHS tape" bit sure didn't age well did it

#monsterdon

They should remake Godzilla (1998) just so this one scene can swap out the hapless mayor of NYC for whoever the outgoing mayor happens to be. That was a very stupid scene but it would have been pretty funny to see Eric Adams there.

#monsterdon

THE DAWN OF A NEW SPECIES!
how many minutes i have to fast forward too, or am i caught up? i may or may not have watched #Godzilla1998 more than a couple of #Monsterdon times

The dawn of a new species. And it will hold your cup in your car. #monsterdon

AND THEY WERE COLLEGE ROOMMATES

of course, OF COURSE

#monsterdon

It's a giant lobstah

#monsterdon

#monsterdon HEERS LOOCY!

Back in Panama or somewhere, the Girl Scientist flirts with the Boy Scientist for no reason. Then we reach the shore and see a big boat which was the Japanese freighter from before. A French guy is staring at the boat for journalism purposes and this makes the army colonel mad. Then the Boy Scientist goes to scrape godzilla juice off the side of the boat.

#monsterdon

@neia I really hate this boss-hitting-on-the-cute-new-underling bit, even if the gender roles are reversed. DON'T EVER HIT ON YOUR SUBORDINATES of any gender, NOT EVEN AS A JOKE. NO. No. NOooooooo. This movie deserved to tank on this offense alone. #Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

@hollie

“Like” ≠ buying you a helicopter.

#Monsterdon

@superviviansunshine yeah I think he just crossed Panama and then started swimming toward New York for unclear reasons.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon starting the movie late, but this means I can fast forward if I get bored 🙌

#monsterdon I already just want everyone to get eaten and the movie goes for 2 more hours.

did they pad this movie out to TWO FUCKING HOURS with sexual escapades

#monsterdon

big old chonky 90s CRT monitors....heavy enough to use as ballast during a terrorist incident.

How many Simpsons actors are in this?

#Monsterdon

"The radioactive contamination has mutated the earthworms! Do you know what that means?"

That means we're due for about 90 seconds of walk-and-talk exposition from MattBrod, that's what that means

Wait, why was there a John Williams-esque "magical mysterious wonder" orchestra cue there? Were they aiming for a Jurassic Park moment of scientific wonder?? God they got this story so incredibly wrong in just so many ways

#monsterdon

I wonder if he'll say Godzilla

#Monsterdon

just let the man get his worms in peace

#monsterdon

Chernobyl, nothing bad ever continues to happen there. #monsterdon

At least not *everything* about this movie is terrible, we have Al Leong. Briefly.

Unfortunately, we also have Matthew Broderick. Singing in the rain.

#Monsterdon