Yep. That was a film alright!

Thanks @Taweret and to all the #monsterdon gang!

one "attaboy" awarded

nothing else to do here! back to work!

#monsterdon

It wasn't the airplanes... it was beauty killed the beast.

#monsterdon

This movie really should have decided if it wanted to be serious or silly

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

Via our car chase we lured Godzilla into the Brooklyn bridge, where it is trapped by cables and our airplanes can shoot at it.

Remember kids, the *real* Godzilla would never deign to be killed by mere airplanes.

#monsterdon

@wohali

He's been spinning in his grave ever since

#Monsterdon

@JoeWynne at least he didn't live to see it

#monsterdon

You can tell it's a lame Godzilla movie because conventional weapons work. Conventional weapons should NEVER work on Godzilla, what the fuck. That's the whole POINT of Godzilla. #Monsterdon

ooff, that would really hurt though....

Also, fuck off would a car still run after all that, is it a Toyota?

#Monsterdon

sorry i should have said Gojirawatts

#monsterdon

at least I'm going to get bingo if the plan is to lure Godzilla to the Brooklyn Bridge, somehow I have managed to avoid it so far

#Monsterdon

What is this movie so long?!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

🎶 and he was BLINDED BY THE LIGHT 🎶

#monsterdon

can't believe this movie is still going, it's like a war of attrition....just when you think it's over an other meat wave comes over the hill....

#Monsterdon

oh wow jokes about the best routes to take in NYC quelle surprise

#monsterdon

lol, locals arguing about the best route

#Monsterdon

oh now we're at the Eventual Theme Park Ride sequence

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

"He looks angry."

No shit, you've been misgendering her the whole movie, Ferris.

#Monsterdon terdon

There's the big guy! Indomitable and not even one little bit torpedoed after all.

#monsterdon

You've murdered all their children...yay USA!

(French helped a bit)
#Monsterdon

And of course the missiles mysteriously have warheads 10x the size of what they do in the real world

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

So far the Godzillas have done nothing wrong.

#monsterdon

Following the Swatch product placement with “how much time do we have left?” “less than 30 seconds” is a massive failure in Swatch Internet Time product placement.

“Less than a third of a .beat”, am I right?

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

Are there like 20 minutes of credits....or....

oh for fucks sake..

#Monsterdon

Is there really move of this movie? There has been entirely too much of this movie already

#monsterdon

The army pages us in reply saying "Okay we'll blow up ur building" and gives them a timer to evacuate, and the french dude leads the way by repelling through a window, then we get chased by more dinosaurs, the best part of this sequence is when the scientist knocks over racks of basketballs and gumballs to make the baby godzillas trip.

#monsterdon

Gumballs in the passageway and it's like babies everywhere, the peloton toppling

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Why did Audrey 1 just look at Animal and wait for a thumbs-up sign from him, which he delivered, to break character as if their actions had anything to do with whether or not their broadcast was stopped, or for that matter started in the first place?

Oh hey, a Blockbuster sign!

...and also a rip-off of the "Han running into a cluster of Stormtroopers on the Death Star" gag. Hilarious.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 is brought to you by SWATCH

I wonder what the runtime of this movie is in Scooby Doo esque chases.

#monsterdon

did...

did you secure that cable to anything?

#monsterdon

"If the military is listening, they have to destroy this building immediately."

#monsterdon : "O GOD TAKE US TOO"

#monsterdon Born pregnant! LIKE BIG SCALY TRIBBLES! It's not a Godzilla movie! It's a Star Trek Tribble Parable!

Broderick is just playing out mpreg dreams isn't he

#monsterdon

What the fuck is this scene though? "Day saved by news broadcast?"

#Monsterdon

I'm waiting for someone to come up with some brilliant plan like, "What if we poisoned ALL THE FISH in the ocean....????"

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

There is *half an hour* of this garbage juice left to mop up!?

I don't know if I can get through this. This feels like the cinematic equivalent of taking a snow shovel to the brain pan every forty-five seconds.

#monsterdon

oh yeah here comes the late 90s technobabble HELL YEAH

#monsterdon

"The network is on an Internet" 😂

#monsterdon

*translating from dinosaur to English*

Zees coffee sucks americain!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon I'm out, my battery is about dead. I'll assume Godzilla makes it through for the sequel they inevitably had planned and that all the humans except Jean Reno got eaten for my sanity.

They shoulda Deep Blue Sea'd Ferris's ass by now.

#Monsterdon

lol, Matthew Broderick is really not in the same room as those dinosaurs and it's obvious....

#Monsterdon

After 5? 6? however many Jurassic Parl sequels there have been, it's hard to be *upset* about the Godzillaraptors. This movie was just ahead of its time in being unoriginal

#Monsterdon

@klu9 JEAN RENO

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Oh no there goes another Jean-whatever

#monsterdon

...the doors *and* the ceiling traversal

writers were on break weren't they.

#monsterdon

I'M NOT SURE ABOUT DIALTONE SERVICE, BUELLER

#monsterdon

Pretty sure the baby godzillas are like cool puppets for some closeups but then turn into CGI dinosaurs for the chase scenes.

#monsterdon

@Lazarou Jurassic Central Park.
#monsterdon

This movie just really desperately wanted to be Jurassic Park (1993), eh? Or to try to borrow some of what made that movie work?

MONSTER CHOMP

bébé gods-zilla: 1

hapless nameless chewy screamy French characters: 0

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 my only WISH a tasty FISH

the score is really doing so much work to make this movie worse than it already is

#Monsterdon

How long has Godzilla been in NYC at this point? A few days? That's a fuckton of eggs and clearly more than could be laid in a single go.

#Monsterdon

"okay we gotta work a SONIC reference in here, right?"

???

"Doctor Eggman Right???"

#monsterdon

I swear 'Merde' is one of the first French words Anglophones learn.

#Monsterdon

@cocaine_owlbear an NCO doing all the work, in MY american military?

it's more likely than you think

#Monsterdon

If you're gonna make an omlettezilla you gotta break a few eggzillas

#monsterdon

Madison FISH Garden amirite

#monsterdon

We are at 1h28m and this movie has a runtime of *checks* WHAT THE HELL 2h18m WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED

well settle in, this is going to suck a lot worse before it sucks better

#monsterdon

fuck me, that was the start of the third act, wasn't it

#Monsterdon

Obligate subivore

#Monsterdon

Chekhov’s Square Garden!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

This movie is so unrealistic. There is NO water this clear anywhere near Manhattan.
#monsterdon

Wow, US Military really fucked that one....

#Monsterdon

What if we kissed

 🥺
👉👈

at FISH TRAP 2

#monsterdon

@arrjay explains the "he"

#monsterdon

the music is still highly inappropriate

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

This movie would be great if “Mexican Radio” played in the background throughout.

#Monsterdon

oh my god this is only half over?!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon LOOCY... I’M HOME! Watch the bipedal snacks scurry! Mammals make the best baby food!

Just let me do all the talking. Don't bring up wine and for god's sake cover up that Asterix tattoo

#Monsterdon

look, every New Yorker knows how to navigate the tunnels.

#monsterdon

Subgenre of 'Movies where people have to break into New York'

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 it's like Escape From New York in reverse

I could tell they was French because of all the baguettes and bechamel sauce

#Monsterdon

Ooooooo, I almost have a coverall!!! #Godzilla1998 #Godzilla #Monsterdon #monsterdon_bingo

So Curly steals the "Gojira" video and gives it to her network, but her boss ignores her contribution and presents it on the news, making her extra mad that he called the monster "Godzilla" instead of "Gojira", which I guess in this universe is a legendary sea monster.

This also got worm scientist fired, making him sad, and she apologizes for faking being a reporter when she's like... not quite a reporter. But like, a semi-reporter. Clearly a major distinction.

#monsterdon

I figured it out Jean Reno works for euro disney, he wants the eggs so that attendance will go up. #monsterdon

@SnoopJ The nuclear weapons reading fits decently given how optimistic the 90s were about it. Actually trying to clean things up and large scale weapon disassembly.

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

did we still really have taxis like that in 1998?

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

so this is the start of the Third, ACTION MOVIE

HOT FRENCH ACTION

wait.

#monsterdon

🦖#MONSTERDON 🎞️

⁉️ TRIVIAZILLA 🏙️💥🦖

It's not your imagination. Tonight's feature has more Simpsons actors than anything other than The Simpsons.

#Godzilla1998

@blogdiva I think its kind of a gray area, given Godzilla was never established as gendering very much, but it is notable that they've calmly kept referring to Godzilla as he/him even after the pregnancy test, while I think in most movies of the period they'd immediately jump to "OMG the Monster is a GIRL!" which is nice.

#monsterdon

Now Leon & Ferris going to check each other for Gojira eggs? I can't keep up.

#Monsterdon

"Why aren't you working with the US military?"

"Have you seen the US military?"

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

ah the French are on a MISSION

FOR EGGS

#monsterdon

god, having Broderick and Reno in the same scene really drives home how much I do not like Broderick's performance

#Monsterdon

this city sure looks pretty evacuated

#monsterdon

for a second I would going to crack wise about going to Newark on purpose, but I guess JFK isn't really an option right now, huh

#Monsterdon

@jivens #monsterdon

I mean, he DID leave classified info laying out in the open...

They really could lose all this romantic subplot and just stick with the French shenanigans and the Big Lizard.

This scene is going on forever...

#Monsterdon

@trixter

Pretty Cheap Aliens Nod is the name of my brand of scifi bobble head dolls

#Monsterdon

Casting the guy who voiced the news anchor on the Simpsons as a news anchor was definitely a choice.

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

#monsterdon I'm off the project! Hooray! Off to ANYWHERE ELSE! See ya!

compare that to actual good Godzilla movies where the tone is either:

Dead serious and the monster is a metaphor for nuclear trauma (the original, Shin Godzilla)

full camp and everyone's having fun (the Showa era stuff)

epic blockbuster spectacle that commits to the bit (Minus One)

#monsterdon

Later, we can check each other for Godzilla eggs...if you're into it ;)

#Monsterdon

Earthworm Jim ovahere

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

that is an interpretation of an actual pharmacy that existed on 2nd avenue somewhere about 5th or 6th street. they didn't even have a cash register. it closed sometime on the aughts.

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

Just leave that top secret vhs tape lying around
#monsterdon