we might need to do a real Godzilla movie next week as a palate cleanser

#monsterdon

We're gonna need a bigger pronoun

#Monsterdon

I GOT A COVERALL!!!!!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉 :blobfoxcheer:
#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon #Godzilla #Monsterdon_bingo

It's like the movie is embarrassed to be a monster movie. it keeps going "haha isn't this silly, a giant lizard, we don't take this seriously" but also "no wait care about these characters, this is dramatic." pick a lane!

#monsterdon

The thing about Godzilla (1998) is that it was bad in a way #Monsterdon movies usually aren't.

Usually when a Monsterdon movie is bad, it's because they didn't have the budget to pull it off, or their concept was just weird, or their technical or artistic skills just weren't up to it.

Godzilla (1998) had all those things in spades and more, but it still sucked. Because it was just *bland as shit.*

When a Monsterdon movie is bad, it's usually bad in an INTERESTING way. The tricks to doing something on a low budget are neat, or the weirdness of the concept is compelling, things like that.

Godzilla (1998)'s only passion was in tallying up how much branded ice cream they could sell if they added in ANOTHER scene that reminded people of Jurassic Park.

How compelling :/

Things we learned:

1. Jean Reno can really complain about coffee

2. Matthew Broderick saw that scene where his character is buying a bunch of Godzilla pregnancy tests and still thought this film was a good idea

3. Madison Square Garden holds many secrets (and gumballs)

4. Hank Azaria can make any role good, it is The Power of Hank

Thanks everyone! And thanks to @Taweret for hosting!

:)

#Godzilla1998
#Monsterdon

"I'm a woman scientist but I will remind you in my first ten seconds onscreen that I'm also very sexually attuned to my environment"

- every 90's movie

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

#monsterdon imagine if Ghostbusters had the 4 guys come down from the roof covered in marshmallow fluff, greet the cheering crowd,

and then another Stay Puft appeared across town, and they went over there and killed that one, and afterwards Venkman had a conversation with Dana about the future of their relationship, and then Gozer escaped into the sewers or whatever

DON’T GODZILLA
OPEN INSIDE

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

Thank you to @klu9 for pointing out that the person I keep calling Luc Besson is actually Jean Reno

Sorry everyone!

Je suis désolé tout le monde

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

*EASTERN SEABOARD - UNITED STATES*

omg Godzilla is about to take down `us-east-1`

Give the people what they want, Godzilla

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe @kshernandez "no no you see this Godzilla came about because of foreign militarism, which is bad, and the day was saved by american militarism, which is good (and also more potent)" - the Godzilla understanders who created GODZILLA (1998)

#Monsterdon

And as mentioned, there was a pretty solid spin-off cartoon that doesn't seem to be streaming anywhere but it's on the Internet Archive!

#monsterdon #Godzilla1998

https://archive.org/details/GodzillaTheSeriesS1

I'm gonna make a bold statement: This wasn't *that much* worse than a lot of the Millennium-era kaiju movies.

Though apparently the song I was thinking of was the *second* end-credits song.

But at least it's finally over! After a solid hour of refusing to just end already! Goodnight #monsterdon, see y'all next week, and thank @Taweret for organizing this for us!

I'm really glad Jean Reno lives

Audrey: Who was that French guy, anyway?

Nick: I think his name is Luc...B-something, wait, no, that's not right...

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

I know America has done a bunch of things to be ashamed of but this movie is one of them

#monsterdon

@Taweret yes plz
#Monsterdon #Godzilla

Imagine the crossover between this and Hunt for Red October

Because I am

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

@apLundell Oh! This is another movie that could be improved by having a Muppet cast.
#Monsterdon #Gino

"how can HE be preganant?"

oh, baby, pull up a chair, and let me explain

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

Oh dear god... #monsterdon was the Emmerich "Godzilla"?

My sympathies to all involved.

Did Godzilla check the depth of that bay before he dove in? No, no he did not. Don't be like Godzilla and risk a spinal cord injury when you're swimming

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

OMG this kaiju has Kash Patel’s crazy cocaine eyes

#ShinGojira #Monsterdon

We did it, #monsterdon - we conquered that which would have been "Too Long, Too Much Boring Shit" for MST3K

this is. THE POWER!

now let's never talk about Godzilla 1998 again.

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Radioactive lizards off the coast of French Polynesia. I watched tuna fish glitter in the dark near Central Park. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

Love it. Email in 1998
#monsterdon

I once caught a kaiju

<holds arms wide>

THIIIIIS BIIIIG

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Ferris Bueller now works for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission, this seriously tracks

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

The original Gojira films worked because they torque certain cultural/historical anxieties in post-war Japan. This one works similarly on the USAmerican imagination by wrecking a food court and showing cartoon characters in humanface.

#Monsterdon

RE: https://retro.pizza/@yatsu/115880151780472900

i hate rhe rain. it’s water everywhere…

― Mathewkin Streetwalker, hero of Gojira Wars, probably

#Godzilla1998 #monsterdon

For anyone who doesn't remember the ending credit song, I just want to warn you that it was a hit single and it was *from this movie*.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

This scene is making me picture Godzilla trying to get the last of the Pringles out of the can

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

The military guy being named "O'Neil" is just them trying to do Stargate again, isn't it

#Monsterdon

Imagine thinking we needed a car chase scene right about now....after the previous seven hours...

#Monsterdon

Me: "Mom, can we have JURASSIC PARK?"

Mom: "We have JURASSIC PARK at home"

The JURASSIC PARK at home:

#Monsterdon

and Jean Reno doing an Elvis impression, while stupid in THIS movie, is so cute that I can't really not enjoy it

#Monsterdon

He really is just Kent Brockman in this.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Godzilla seeing the pile of fish, with a French accent, mimicking Luc Besson, "You call zees feesh?" <uses tiny arms to take cigarette out of mouth>

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

I'm sorry. A giant lizard, I can believe. This many helicopters in formation without _any_ mechanical faults? Get the fuck outta here. Just have the soldiers start casting spells at this point

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 before 9/11 the benchmark for destruction in manhattan was the wtc parking garage bombing

which wasn't _that_ destructive but it scared folks

it's like referring to 3 mile island as a nuclear scare when we all know about chernobyl now

Gotta get a good shot of that cloaca.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

@kshernandez YEAH, that was the other thing, too! Complete disrespect for what Godzilla's actually *about*!

Like, we all enjoy a giant monster destroying a city but there's another layer, where Godzilla is a metaphor for human technological hubris, and these chucklefucks had it die TO MILITARY TECHNOLOGY #Monsterdon

Also I need y’all to see the menu screen for my cheap Blu-ray copy:

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

This kind of epitomized "if your movie isn't good enough just make it longer"

See y'all later!

#monsterdon

Controversially, I award Fake Godzilla 4 out of 5 angry helicopters, because it amused me with the chases everywhere. It really has more of the vibes of an action movie than a kaiju movie, despite having a giant monster.

The best character was all the fake godzillas. The other characters were fine.

A notable downside to this movie is that it is about 11 hours long.

#monsterdon

And that's a wreck! Nobody fucks off into the sea because Godzilla's missile-punctured corpse is out rotting on the wrecked Brooklyn bridge. France's national presence, embodied by Jean Reno, slinks offscreen without reckoning with the wreckage it caused. Nothing made any sense, nobody learned anything, city was wrecked, giant lizard died. What a waste. Makes every other Godzilla movie better by comparison.

Thanks for hosting, @Taweret ! We got through this one together.

#monsterdon

You put that sequel hook back on the shelf or so help me. >:( #Monsterdon

NO.

YOU PUT THAT SEQUEL IDEA RIGHT BACK.

BAD MOVIE!

#monsterdon

Off. Into the sea. Fuck already

#Monsterdon

I want someone to hand Luc Besson a coffee again so he can complain about it

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

I Can't Believe It's Not Red October

#monsterdon

see, the bubblegum is an example of a somewhat good joke

#Monsterdon

I think you guys should just keep feeding Godzilla until you domesticate him. #Monsterdon

I'm sad to see the Brooklyn Bridge destroyed, but only in an anachronistic way because of how amazing the bike lane is

also, holy shit does this movie ever misunderstand what a suspension bridge is

#Monsterdon

Oooo that shot of the car coming out of the mouth was *rough*.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

We should have watched a Godzilla movie tonight, that would have been better

#monsterdon

Oh hey, I almost forgot. This is a movie about getting a decent cup of coffee. This really is Monsterdon.
#Monsterdon #Gino

Oh boy, an INTERNET!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

The "frantically hitting the elevator call button to get away from enemies during a firefight" worked when James Cameron had Hicks do it in Aliens (1986) because that movie had pacing and timing and, by that point, had earned a willing suspension of disbelief from the audience.

Tonight, in our audience, that gag did _not_ work, and there is a different kind of disbelief altogether.

#monsterdon

hongry mini zillas
#monsterdon

Me, naming all the babies: Sprout, Widget, Barry, Monty, Cleo, Farnsworth...

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Call me a sucker but I'd probably take one home as a pet, convinced I could train it for good

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Spelling out that it's an Elvis Presley impression after the world's most obvious Elvis impression flattens the joke like a kaiju foot animated by Terry Gilliam stomped on it.

The bit would work if Reno had two lines and then says "thank you very much" after the guard waves them through, revealing how he learned an American accent. "Thank you very much" IS THE PUNCHLINE, you incompetent hacks

#Monsterdon

Kevin Dunn's character is named Hicks which feels like a pretty cheap Aliens nod.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

is #Godzilla1998 the first transinclusive Hollywood disaster/monster movie or nah #monsterdon ?

Scientist-hero-reconnects-with-old-flame-while-buying-fourteen-pregnancy-tests definitely gives the plot points for originality

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Bingo! #monsterdon

Yes, that's it, Godizlla left the sea and came to land because it was looking for fish, yes

#monsterdon

I love that all his strategic insights come from his work with worms

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

"...since the World Trade Center bombing..."

*spits out drink*

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

"It's perfect, an island, water on all sides," and SNACKS, tiny little screaming hours de ouvres everywhere you look

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

The Tristar logo and music give me such nostalgia

Man I loved watching movies as a kid

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

In any case, two and a half hours of Matthew Broderick is a goddamn war crime. #Monsterdon

At least it’s not Will Smith singing the plot of the film

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Oh hey, a slow pan through the burning building that was previously wall-to-wall stuffed with godzilla eggs before it was SAM'd to smithereens, I'm sure this will just cap off the victory montage all our characters were enjoying.

*one undamaged goddzilla egg hatches and a small godzilla screams directly into the camera*

END

JUST END

NOBODY WANTS A SEQUEL TO THIS

#monsterdon

O'Neal, finally getting the affirmation he's needed his whole life

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

hahaha another fake out ending

some say this movie is still going

#monsterdon

Nick and Audrey just kissed, so Jean Reno and Hank Azaria should kiss too

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Hey man, keep the T in LGBT.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Okay I realize this is bad news for New Yorkers but HOW COOL, AN ENTIRELY NEW SPECIES

She says, from three thousand miles away

It's fine, I'm sure they can't cross mountain ranges, Oregon is safe

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Suggestion for the writers of this movie: if you write a joke, and it's bad, you don't *have* to include it

#monsterdon

I recall hearing at some point that Toho wouldn't let them let Godzilla kill any humans directly — this really feels like their workaround.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

omg they really were just like "what if we had velociraptors", what uncreative chucklefucks wrote this movie

#monsterdon

"You bred Godzillaraptors?"

#Monsterdon

Oooo, is it time for Conventional Weapons?

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Actually he kidnapped you, not hijacked. It would be hijacking if he took over *your* vehicle.

#Monsterdon

"no I didn't give them the tape! it's my tent right now—"

[flatly]

"oh my god. oh my god she took the tape"

see, an actor could have delivered that line with some kind of emotion

#Monsterdon

So he came to New York to....have a family? He's spent all this time dreaming of walking claw-in-claw through Central Park with the little one, ice skating at Rockefeller Center...

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 you're a fucking helicopter -- GO UP

if only that helicopter could fly higher, somehow

#Monsterdon

@akamran Tremors was SO FUN!

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

I LOVE the little sound that digital text makes when they put it onscreen like that in scifi movies. Love it.

I wonder if I could find a clip of that and make it my text notification tone

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

archive.org told me to watch #ShinGojira. was not expecting that river of blood in the car tunnel

#Monsterdon

Anyway, this concludes my #monsterdon thread for Godzilla (1998) in which an innocent radioactive dinosaur is trying to start a family but gets cruelly attacked by lots of guns and also we learn about sexual harassment in journalism and what a "Madison Square Garden" is.

Thanks to @Taweret for hosting and to everyone else who joined in this Collective Tooting Experience!

Okay, everybody hit the showers, you've earned it tonight. One last button to press on your way out folks,

Was GODZILLA (1998) the WORST #MONSTERDON movie of the year?

Oh this song is perfect for this movie. It's so bad and everyone hates it.
#Monsterdon #Gino

yea, sure, this turd will get a sequel.

congratulations to those of you who just saw GODZILLA (1998) for the first time and made it through. this movie does not have a universally bad reputation for no reason, it worked hard to earn every word of criticism

on the bright side: it is impossible for us to watch a worse Godzilla film, now.

#Monsterdon

Next up on Tubi....

We heard you liked dinosaurs

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

BOO

BOOOOOOO

FUCK YOU GUYS BOOOOOOO

#Monsterdon

That eye was, like, 1/100th the size of the last time we saw it in close up

#Monsterdon