I did enjoy the Elvis reference

#MONsterdon

"It'll be fun!"

We'll climb into a subway tunnel, chase a giant iguana, see the Empire State Building, be back in time for dinner. #Monsterdon

#monsterdon She's weepy and puffy and upset that she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, bitch bitch bitch bitch.... worse than KYLES MOM!

I can believe a big city like New York can have a giant lizard prowling it and still life carries on as much as normal as it can.

#Monsterdon

Nobody likes us. Everybody hates us. Guess we’ll go eat worms

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

subtitles actually reflectiing how the French would spell "ouais" fucking merde

#monsterdon

Parthenogenesis was also a plot point in The Wicker Man. Would burning a giant effigy help?

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

#monsterdon Where is this shot supposed to be taking place? Giant bore-holes under NYC?

The American military in this movie is completely clean on OPSEC

#Monsterdon

Fun Fact: Godzilla (1998) is the only MPreg themed movie I have ever watched.

#monsterdon

why did you even take that tape a-traveling.

#monsterdon

Let's give them a super awkward/cutesy conversation about a-sexual reproduction. #monsterdon

#monsterdon and scientist fella is STILL calling Godzilla "he" ffs

NRC is *famous* for not having people who feel strongly about close control of nuclear weapons

#Monsterdon

So, you wanna lure your kaiju *away* from notable landmarks and sensitive infrastructure. Which wouldn't be hard since you've found something it will eat.

But then we couldn't have all this spectacle that stands-in for plot.

#monsterdon

here's the accumulated 30 minutes you could just cut straight out of the movie

#Monsterdon

@amyfou he came to New York to study the buildings, not destroy them. Is is a movie about Architecture

#Monsterdon

Godzilla: 2/3

Heckilopters: 0

*MONSTER CHOMP*

Update: three of three. (Of course the third helicopter was referred to as "Echo 4".)

#monsterdon

F's in chat for Echo 4, who forgot that helicopters can go up

#Monsterdon

The helicopters were a very poor idea really...

....they look cool but they seem to have demolished half of Manhattan, I won't miss them.

#Monsterdon

#monsterdon

The real hero here in Godzilla is the steel holding the subways together underneath Godzilla's feet

Where's the poor quetzalcoatl supposed to live now?? #Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 #ChryslerBuilding #Q

Have they considered finding a magical and possibly psychic child to help?

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

The music in this scene definitely implies that we're supposed to be rooting for our hero Godzilla to destroy all of Manhattan and every one of these military personnel. This is weird. Usually Godzilla is supposed to symbolize the inescapable weight of aspects of humanity's folly, embodied in the form of a foe we cannot hope to overcome. But in this one he's apparently our scaly hero?

For a movie that aligns with the #monsterdon perspective it's a damn shame that *cups hands* IT SUUUUUUCKS

imagine how hard those helo crews are clenching doing those manuevers in a city

"you know, we just thought that helicopters weren't dangerous enough to begin with"

#Monsterdon

oops! all tracer rounds!

#monsterdon

It low-key bothers me when movie creatures have Ken-doll crotches so I do appreciate the cloaca in a non-sexual way.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

think I just saw Godzilla's sack.

Do lizards have external nads?

#Monsterdon

They’re in love!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

What do all the C.H.U.Ds thinking about this?

#Monsterdon

Abs-zilla

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Okay, now we're gonna hang a big anvil over the fish

#Monsterdon

No matter how late I get to 7/11 in the morning there's always some 'french roast' left. #monsterdon

Look I hate the bit about complaining about the coffee but honestly this would be me so I can't really argue

#monsterdon

Godzilla's here to root out the French spies

#monsterdon

@brooke Die Hard 3 made the same reference

#Monsterdon

The worst act of destruction since the world trade center (no not that one, the car bomb)

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

TWOO LOVE

#monsterdon

Oh fuck off with "No other island in the world", a weak excuse for this being set in Manhattan

#Monsterdon

This movie really needs a better lead. Or not "better", but uh, not Matthew Broderick for sure.

#Monsterdon

all the Simpsons voice actors are super distracting to me tbh

#monsterdon

@trixter dat ass #monsterdon

This looks pretty good on a laptop screen. I don't know if that effect would be ruined on a theater screen or enhanced. #monsterdon

CGI so shiny, so shitty

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

“Mayor Ebert” seems like an unlikely way to get a good review from the Chicago Sun-Times.

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

[ Growling ] [ Wife ]

you can't tell me the subtitlers weren't having fun

#monsterdon

This movie didn't learn very many lessons from JURASSIC PARK, but it did learn that "big thing stomp" works well, and it executes on it pretty well

#Monsterdon

I mean, at least they've got the mass panic, that's fairly well done

#monsterdon

Godzilla, shoe size 105,644 L

#monsterdon

If someone never ever went fishing and only knew about the activity from watching movies, it would look like a wildly dangerous pursuit

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Ah, "romance"

#Monsterdon

new word "incipient"

#Monsterdon

@bstacey because they read the one webcomic where the invisible hand of the free market says that Matthew Broderick has a giant narwhal like tooth. #monsterdon

I see that the theme of the last five minutes of this film is "sexual harassment and inappropriate workplace flirting"

I wonder what Godzilla is up to right now

#monsterdon

"Principal Skinner and Moe Syszlak vs Godzilla"

Wow, I see what people were saying about the CGI in daylight....bless....
#Monsterdon

I wonder who Godzilla will end up with

#Monsterdon

If I had seen this movie when I was a bit older, I would definitely remember Vicki Lewis's performance, phew

#Monsterdon

looking forward to Godzilla eating Sleazy News Anchor.

#monsterdon

Hello, Audrey, today's interchangeable attractive lamp. #monsterdon

Hey look I know it's asking a lot to hope they'd hire someone who knows what footprints look like, but I would hope that they'd hire someone who knows what footprints look like

#monsterdon

@SnoopJ this is foreshadowing that this movie is so stupid that it is, in fact, ... eh, ....

#monsterdon

It's taken 20 minute to establish "radiation makes things big" which everyone seeing this movie already knows, particularly from the open sequence.

#Monsterdon

You see, the joke is that Matthew Broderick's character is so smart that he is, in fact, stupid.

#Monsterdon

We have a radioactive worm we need you to examine. It's inside RFK

#Monsterdon

American colonialism vs French colonialism

Is it Vietnam?

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe That's because there was still a straight writer involved. Once Emmerich was on his own, the only thing he knew about straight people is they're always divorced.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Now we get a main character, an adorkable scientist who is singing in the rain as he collects worms at Chernobyl while listening to (hopefully waterproof) headphones. This guy would have a fediverse account for sure.

#monsterdon

lol, I forget the French are the baddies in this...

#Monsterdon

oh hey it's that one guy who was in goldeneye or something

#monsterdon

Launching my #monsterdon thread for Godzilla (1998), a movie I remember liking when I saw it 30,000 years ago but I might hate now that I have seen other Godzilla movies and liked them better. What will my judgement be? Only time will tell!

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch a monster movie every week and provide quality commentary; feel free to join us next week if this sounds fun to you, or mute the hash tag if this sounds boring to you.

Run, iguana! Run from the hubris of man!

#Monsterdon

I already understand why this move is 2:18

#monsterdon

Janet Reno is in this?

What's that?

Who the hell in Jean Reno?
No relation then?
#Monsterdon

Wow Hank Azaria really let himself go… and he grew a tail?

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

These lizards are monitoring the situation

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

Here comes a narwhal~~
#Monsterdon #DaigorovsGoliath

@paco #monsterdon

It was a monster monsterdon.

This is very very very much a movie for little kids.
#Monsterdon #DaigorovsGoliath

oh my god, EQUILIBRIUM is on Tubi

#Monsterdon

DOGE cuts Diagoro’s food budget

#monsterdon #miru #monstordondoublefeature

I forgot I was even wearing my kaiju shirt that I got for Christmas. #Monsterdon #Godzilla98 #GINO

@bstacey Chin Godzilla would need to develop an actual atomic heat breath the counter the mechanical spider's unexplained photon torpedoes.

#monsterdon

Up next a kaiju movie I never saw and have only vaguely heard of.
https://wikizilla.org/wiki/Daigoro_vs._Goliath
#Monsterdon #DaigorovsGoliath

@moira Not the original Godzila, the love child of Godzilla and Jay Leno.
#monsterdon

@trixter @Taweret mmmmmmmmmm mmmmm maaybe but I hate the design SO MUCH

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

I want to say one more time:

WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT FUCKING NECK? WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT ENTIRE UPPER BODY?! WHY CHIN? WHY CHIN GODZILLA? WHY?

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

(i would also like to thank my past self for 100% memory hole-ing this song. how can something be so terrible and yet so forgettable at the same time???)

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe

Gruel would have been more rewarding.

#Monsterdon

Final high score. Not blackout, and I will not check off those last 3. (eg: It was humvees that rolled out, the tanks were static)

#Monsterdon

It keeps raining and some other stuff happens. It's revealed that there's still a godzilla egg somewhere that they missed but now it's hatching so that we could have a sequel if this film made lots of money, which I guess it didn't though, so we must assume that the new baby godzilla will grow up and eat at least one city.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon And now we yeet this pile of cinematic magic back into the void where it came from.

IT'S OVER . . . on how we have to sit through long credits with visual effects staff sections.
#Monsterdon #Gino

Yep. That was a film alright!

Thanks @Taweret and to all the #monsterdon gang!

one "attaboy" awarded

nothing else to do here! back to work!

#monsterdon

It wasn't the airplanes... it was beauty killed the beast.

#monsterdon

This movie really should have decided if it wanted to be serious or silly

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

Via our car chase we lured Godzilla into the Brooklyn bridge, where it is trapped by cables and our airplanes can shoot at it.

Remember kids, the *real* Godzilla would never deign to be killed by mere airplanes.

#monsterdon

@wohali

He's been spinning in his grave ever since

#Monsterdon

@JoeWynne at least he didn't live to see it

#monsterdon

You can tell it's a lame Godzilla movie because conventional weapons work. Conventional weapons should NEVER work on Godzilla, what the fuck. That's the whole POINT of Godzilla. #Monsterdon