Look I hate the bit about complaining about the coffee but honestly this would be me so I can't really argue

#monsterdon

Godzilla's here to root out the French spies

#monsterdon

@brooke Die Hard 3 made the same reference

#Monsterdon

The worst act of destruction since the world trade center (no not that one, the car bomb)

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

TWOO LOVE

#monsterdon

This movie really needs a better lead. Or not "better", but uh, not Matthew Broderick for sure.

#Monsterdon

all the Simpsons voice actors are super distracting to me tbh

#monsterdon

@trixter dat ass #monsterdon

CGI so shiny, so shitty

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

[ Growling ] [ Wife ]

you can't tell me the subtitlers weren't having fun

#monsterdon

This movie didn't learn very many lessons from JURASSIC PARK, but it did learn that "big thing stomp" works well, and it executes on it pretty well

#Monsterdon

I mean, at least they've got the mass panic, that's fairly well done

#monsterdon

Godzilla, shoe size 105,644 L

#monsterdon

If someone never ever went fishing and only knew about the activity from watching movies, it would look like a wildly dangerous pursuit

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Ah, "romance"

#Monsterdon

new word "incipient"

#Monsterdon

@bstacey because they read the one webcomic where the invisible hand of the free market says that Matthew Broderick has a giant narwhal like tooth. #monsterdon

I see that the theme of the last five minutes of this film is "sexual harassment and inappropriate workplace flirting"

I wonder what Godzilla is up to right now

#monsterdon

"Principal Skinner and Moe Syszlak vs Godzilla"

Wow, I see what people were saying about the CGI in daylight....bless....
#Monsterdon

If I had seen this movie when I was a bit older, I would definitely remember Vicki Lewis's performance, phew

#Monsterdon

Hello, Audrey, today's interchangeable attractive lamp. #monsterdon

Hey look I know it's asking a lot to hope they'd hire someone who knows what footprints look like, but I would hope that they'd hire someone who knows what footprints look like

#monsterdon

@SnoopJ this is foreshadowing that this movie is so stupid that it is, in fact, ... eh, ....

#monsterdon

You see, the joke is that Matthew Broderick's character is so smart that he is, in fact, stupid.

#Monsterdon

We have a radioactive worm we need you to examine. It's inside RFK

#Monsterdon

American colonialism vs French colonialism

Is it Vietnam?

#Monsterdon

@CactuarJoe That's because there was still a straight writer involved. Once Emmerich was on his own, the only thing he knew about straight people is they're always divorced.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

lol, I forget the French are the baddies in this...

#Monsterdon

oh hey it's that one guy who was in goldeneye or something

#monsterdon

Launching my #monsterdon thread for Godzilla (1998), a movie I remember liking when I saw it 30,000 years ago but I might hate now that I have seen other Godzilla movies and liked them better. What will my judgement be? Only time will tell!

Monsterdon is the thing where we watch a monster movie every week and provide quality commentary; feel free to join us next week if this sounds fun to you, or mute the hash tag if this sounds boring to you.

Run, iguana! Run from the hubris of man!

#Monsterdon

I already understand why this move is 2:18

#monsterdon

Janet Reno is in this?

What's that?

Who the hell in Jean Reno?
No relation then?
#Monsterdon

Wow Hank Azaria really let himself go… and he grew a tail?

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

These lizards are monitoring the situation

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

Here comes a narwhal~~
#Monsterdon #DaigorovsGoliath

@paco #monsterdon

It was a monster monsterdon.

This is very very very much a movie for little kids.
#Monsterdon #DaigorovsGoliath

oh my god, EQUILIBRIUM is on Tubi

#Monsterdon

DOGE cuts Diagoro’s food budget

#monsterdon #miru #monstordondoublefeature

I forgot I was even wearing my kaiju shirt that I got for Christmas. #Monsterdon #Godzilla98 #GINO

@bstacey Chin Godzilla would need to develop an actual atomic heat breath the counter the mechanical spider's unexplained photon torpedoes.

#monsterdon

Up next a kaiju movie I never saw and have only vaguely heard of.
https://wikizilla.org/wiki/Daigoro_vs._Goliath
#Monsterdon #DaigorovsGoliath

@moira Not the original Godzila, the love child of Godzilla and Jay Leno.
#monsterdon

@trixter @Taweret mmmmmmmmmm mmmmm maaybe but I hate the design SO MUCH

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

I want to say one more time:

WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT FUCKING NECK? WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT ENTIRE UPPER BODY?! WHY CHIN? WHY CHIN GODZILLA? WHY?

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

(i would also like to thank my past self for 100% memory hole-ing this song. how can something be so terrible and yet so forgettable at the same time???)

#monsterdon

@CactuarJoe

Gruel would have been more rewarding.

#Monsterdon

Final high score. Not blackout, and I will not check off those last 3. (eg: It was humvees that rolled out, the tanks were static)

#Monsterdon

It keeps raining and some other stuff happens. It's revealed that there's still a godzilla egg somewhere that they missed but now it's hatching so that we could have a sequel if this film made lots of money, which I guess it didn't though, so we must assume that the new baby godzilla will grow up and eat at least one city.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon And now we yeet this pile of cinematic magic back into the void where it came from.

IT'S OVER . . . on how we have to sit through long credits with visual effects staff sections.
#Monsterdon #Gino

Yep. That was a film alright!

Thanks @Taweret and to all the #monsterdon gang!

one "attaboy" awarded

nothing else to do here! back to work!

#monsterdon

It wasn't the airplanes... it was beauty killed the beast.

#monsterdon

This movie really should have decided if it wanted to be serious or silly

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

Via our car chase we lured Godzilla into the Brooklyn bridge, where it is trapped by cables and our airplanes can shoot at it.

Remember kids, the *real* Godzilla would never deign to be killed by mere airplanes.

#monsterdon

@wohali

He's been spinning in his grave ever since

#Monsterdon

@JoeWynne at least he didn't live to see it

#monsterdon

You can tell it's a lame Godzilla movie because conventional weapons work. Conventional weapons should NEVER work on Godzilla, what the fuck. That's the whole POINT of Godzilla. #Monsterdon

ooff, that would really hurt though....

Also, fuck off would a car still run after all that, is it a Toyota?

#Monsterdon

sorry i should have said Gojirawatts

#monsterdon

at least I'm going to get bingo if the plan is to lure Godzilla to the Brooklyn Bridge, somehow I have managed to avoid it so far

#Monsterdon

What is this movie so long?!

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

🎶 and he was BLINDED BY THE LIGHT 🎶

#monsterdon

can't believe this movie is still going, it's like a war of attrition....just when you think it's over an other meat wave comes over the hill....

#Monsterdon

oh wow jokes about the best routes to take in NYC quelle surprise

#monsterdon

lol, locals arguing about the best route

#Monsterdon

oh now we're at the Eventual Theme Park Ride sequence

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

"He looks angry."

No shit, you've been misgendering her the whole movie, Ferris.

#Monsterdon terdon

There's the big guy! Indomitable and not even one little bit torpedoed after all.

#monsterdon

You've murdered all their children...yay USA!

(French helped a bit)
#Monsterdon

And of course the missiles mysteriously have warheads 10x the size of what they do in the real world

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

Following the Swatch product placement with “how much time do we have left?” “less than 30 seconds” is a massive failure in Swatch Internet Time product placement.

“Less than a third of a .beat”, am I right?

#Monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

Is there really move of this movie? There has been entirely too much of this movie already

#monsterdon

The army pages us in reply saying "Okay we'll blow up ur building" and gives them a timer to evacuate, and the french dude leads the way by repelling through a window, then we get chased by more dinosaurs, the best part of this sequence is when the scientist knocks over racks of basketballs and gumballs to make the baby godzillas trip.

#monsterdon

Gumballs in the passageway and it's like babies everywhere, the peloton toppling

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Why did Audrey 1 just look at Animal and wait for a thumbs-up sign from him, which he delivered, to break character as if their actions had anything to do with whether or not their broadcast was stopped, or for that matter started in the first place?

Oh hey, a Blockbuster sign!

...and also a rip-off of the "Han running into a cluster of Stormtroopers on the Death Star" gag. Hilarious.

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 is brought to you by SWATCH

I wonder what the runtime of this movie is in Scooby Doo esque chases.

#monsterdon

did...

did you secure that cable to anything?

#monsterdon

"If the military is listening, they have to destroy this building immediately."

#monsterdon : "O GOD TAKE US TOO"

#monsterdon Born pregnant! LIKE BIG SCALY TRIBBLES! It's not a Godzilla movie! It's a Star Trek Tribble Parable!

Broderick is just playing out mpreg dreams isn't he

#monsterdon

What the fuck is this scene though? "Day saved by news broadcast?"

#Monsterdon

I'm waiting for someone to come up with some brilliant plan like, "What if we poisoned ALL THE FISH in the ocean....????"

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

There is *half an hour* of this garbage juice left to mop up!?

I don't know if I can get through this. This feels like the cinematic equivalent of taking a snow shovel to the brain pan every forty-five seconds.

#monsterdon

oh yeah here comes the late 90s technobabble HELL YEAH

#monsterdon

"The network is on an Internet" 😂

#monsterdon

*translating from dinosaur to English*

Zees coffee sucks americain!

#monsterdon

#monsterdon I'm out, my battery is about dead. I'll assume Godzilla makes it through for the sequel they inevitably had planned and that all the humans except Jean Reno got eaten for my sanity.

They shoulda Deep Blue Sea'd Ferris's ass by now.

#Monsterdon

lol, Matthew Broderick is really not in the same room as those dinosaurs and it's obvious....

#Monsterdon

After 5? 6? however many Jurassic Parl sequels there have been, it's hard to be *upset* about the Godzillaraptors. This movie was just ahead of its time in being unoriginal

#Monsterdon

@klu9 JEAN RENO

#Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

Oh no there goes another Jean-whatever

#monsterdon

...the doors *and* the ceiling traversal

writers were on break weren't they.

#monsterdon

Pretty sure the baby godzillas are like cool puppets for some closeups but then turn into CGI dinosaurs for the chase scenes.

#monsterdon

This movie just really desperately wanted to be Jurassic Park (1993), eh? Or to try to borrow some of what made that movie work?

MONSTER CHOMP

bébé gods-zilla: 1

hapless nameless chewy screamy French characters: 0

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 my only WISH a tasty FISH