Start counting? Fuck that. Start cooking. #monsterdon

this movie really is a masterclass in how to have all the ingredients and still make nothing edible

#monsterdon

French Secret Service team is about to have their identities broadcast on US television, then replicated to the rest of the world. Hope they wanted to switch to a desk job after this...

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

Apart from Jean Reno, all these characters can die...

#Monsterdon

#Monsterdon I guess at least eggs will get cheaper now.

Papa Godjira's been a busy Asexual Trans Masc Dinosaur.... #monsterdon

"We wanted to do aliens 3," Part II

(facehugger why I)

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

We're gonna need a bigger frying pan.

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

Are they square eggs? Only seems fair if it's in Madison Square Garden
#Monsterdon

So are the eggs supposed to give Aliens vibes?

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

#Monsterdon single parent out grocery shopping for the kids back home got chased and harassed around the inner city and brutally torpedo'ed by heavily armed goons.

This film can't decide whether Godzilla is sympathetic or not. If they committed to sympathetic, she wouldn't be instigating destruction. It needs more "clever girl," not bonding moments with Ferris Bueller.

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

#monsterdon

Laying eggs in Madison Square Garden... genius, movie. Genius.

So #monsterdon is on, featuring #godzilla98 #godzilla1998, wish I could be there but I'm at work. It might not be a good Godzilla movie, but it's a good monster movie.

US military only knows lock-on, miss they shots, and call early victories
#monsterdon

I know how you feel, G. I could the hell out of a sub right about now...

#Monsterdon

Seems like the military planning computer should have better graphics than a commodore 64, but I'm not into military computing, so what do I know. #monsterdon

Jurassic Park, Hunt for Red October, a really bad romantic comedy, how many other movies have scraps used to plaster this sloppy script together?
#Monsterdon #Gino

Are the mayor and his assistant supposed to be a running Siskel and Ebert joke?

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

Of course. #monsterdon

#monsterdon Ahhhoooga! Cigar down! Churu mush leaking!

Hey cool. A reactor breach right off of New York. That's like, a bajillion times worse than a giant lizard. #Monsterdon #Godzilla98 #GINO

🦖❤️❤️❤️❤️

#Monsterdon

codename "Fred"

#Monsterdon

Godzilla’s sound was fully the TRex sound from Jurassic Park, yes? #Monsterdon

You know, I like my Godzilla to be a guy in a rubber suit who terrorizes a Fischer Price village. Those are more fun. #Monsterdon #NoCGI

movies on my letterboxd watchlist that I keep not watching because they're over 2 hours:

- Wings, the first ever Best Picture winner
- Children of Paradise, popularly considered the best French movie. Like, period.
- Some Came Running, starting my mid-century modern girlfriend Shirley Maclaine

#monsterdon

Totally unanticipated that if friendly air is heading towards ground that the ground might accidentally the air, these guys need more glasses-wearing nerds I guess.

#monsterdon

Colonel Hicks was played by Kevin Dunn, who I know better as Milton Angland, the psychic in the beginning of Ghostbusters II who correctly predicts that the world will end on new-years-eve. #monsterdon

Dude just cocked his M-16 like it was a MAC-10, nice.

#monsterdon

Gojira...lantern jawed fertility goddess

#Monsterdon

godzill 1998 muppet version, matthew broderick is suddenly the absolutely correct choice for a main guy.

#monsterdon

@trixter do you think they got the Big Guns out yet?
#monsterdon

Fucking americans don't know they need masers

#monsterdon #Godzilla1998

I'll never get over Godzilla's AMERICAN DAD chin

#monsterdon #Godzilla1998

I wonder if they mocapped an iguana for that. #monsterdon

This lizard really digs you. Get it? Digs you? #monsterdon #Gozilla1998 #WrongGodzilla 🦖🦎

Stock electrical sound effect.

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

It’s pitch black in here. You’re filming nothing

#monsterdon #godzilla1998

The french dudes and the worm guy use bubblegum (making them look more American) and an Elvis impersonation (to sound more American) to get past an army checkpoint. Props to them I guess.

Meanwhile, the Army is trying the "giant fish pile plan again" but putting the fish pile in Central Park where I guess their guns are less likely to destroy buildings.

#monsterdon

#monsterdon This movie is only half over?

yes, fuck 'em up, gojira-san!

#monsterdon

I wish I could pet Godzilla's snoot. 💜 #Monsterdon #Godzilla1998 #Godzilla

Godzilla loves clearing a path

#Monsterdon

@wohali Not that anyone here is likely to want to, but if someone wants to watch an _actually good_ Elvis Presley movie, watch King Creole.

100% serious. Walter Matthau's in it too.

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

MFer's gonna awaken a Balrog.

#monsterdon

damn tho, why this movie so fucking MOIST
#monsterdon

@floatybirb Yeah, I suspect the French "agents" of being on some kind of egg hunt, money hunt, something. #Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

one hour left?

time for another cocktail...

#monsterdon

Humm, I think Hank Azaria is really trying to have a threesome. Only this can explain how much he wants to hel Audrey. She isn't a likeable character.
#monsterdon
#Godzilla1998

#Monsterdon got an out loud chuckle:

Ah thank you very much

dang i am craving another nazul camera now this movie is so long please give us another nazgul camera jean reno #Monsterdon

@Lazarou "..and I'm all out of gum!" --dad too tired to make a real joke. #monsterdon

"It's not in gear" lol good one as if Euros aren't *still* driving stick

#monsterdon

Elvis Reno
#Monsterdon #Gino

"It's not in gear."

Hummvees are auto.

Source: I was a hummvee driver in the Army in 1998. #monsterdon

"Aren't they're rats down here?"

Nah, CHUDs ate 'em all. #Monsterdon

He did not just say that about lizards! They are Precious Beans!
#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

#monsterdon You can tell it's New York because she's got her own parking meter.

@Lazarou It’s like smoking. No one smokes anymore, either, right?

#Monsterdon

After being fired from the army science job for getting his video leaked, wormy is abducted by the French guy who hates coffee, who reveals himself to be a special French secret agent or foreign legion or something, and the French guy drives him to their secret ammo dump (full of guns that they brought in America) so they can go godzilla nest hunting I guess.

Maybe they want a godzilla egg, I dunno, I don't remember this movie very well.

#monsterdon

@Lazarou Not watching #Monsterdon, but I love the sentiment!

Nobody chews gum anymore....

#Monsterdon

you can't be scared because the movie won't commit and you can't laugh because the jokes aren't good and you can't care about the characters because they're all just vehicles for mediocre quips

c'est le purgatoire cinématographique

#monsterdon

Blondie, you are WAY more invested in this relationship than makes ANY sense

#Monsterdon

@ricci People who liked the idea of a Godzilla movie, but never liked any Godzilla movies. #Monsterdon

Oh good, I was hoping they'd find a way to make these characters MORE annoying. #Monsterdon

@arrjay yup! They pronounce ALL the consonants! #monsterdon

#Monsterdon

FINALLY! This track is a Banger. (Jamiroquai, Deeper Underground.)

I forgot how kind of bafflingly bad this movie is. That's all. #monsterdon

...and stop calling me urine

#Monsterdon

if france is gojira's mother, then the united states is definitely its abusive father

#Godzilla #Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

oh this is Renegade French isn't it

#monsterdon

"This is America. You can buy anything."

Haha. Ow #Monsterdon

“I’m afraid I can’t do that [Mr. Bond] #Monsterdon

@SnoopJ #monsterdon

well, he rented the car. So it was technically his car?

#monsterdon

Of all the things the French have stolen I miss Matthew Broderick the least.

Somebody REALLY wants to make some Godzilla egg crepes. #Monsterdon #Godzilla98 #GINO

@Bluedepth But I like how Hank Azaria is trying to save their love life (what a romantic!), and I LOVE that the French agent just picked the worm guy in a "cab" #Monsterdon #Godzilla1998

#monsterdon Audrey needs to be eaten by the monster. Tired of her, time for her to go.

Was there ever a French James Bond?

#Monsterdon

I really want him to go full Leon, even though I know it's the wrong movie.

#Monsterdon

He's been kidnapped by the side plot. #Monsterdon #Godzilla98 #GINO

why is there even a "car chase" here

#monsterdon

Woaaaah

We're halfway there

Ohhhh oh!

Livin' on a prayer

⏳😭

#Monsterdon

oh the french have re-entered the plot

#monsterdon #FakeZilla #Godzilla1998

EVIL FRENCH TAXI DRIVER??? #monsterdon

classic women smh all they know how to do is chase dinosaur steal top secret tape and lie

#Godzilla #Godzilla1998 #Monsterdon

this wants to be Jurassic Park AND Independence Day AND a comedy AND a serious disaster movie AND a romance and it's none of them

#monsterdon

Serious question:

Who wanted this movie?

#monsterdon

#Monsterdon

Took me a minute to catch up because I missed the start time, but I'm here now.

And look, maybe you should have held onto the tapes? IDK? (I forgot, did she get fired?)

(Cloverfield did this better, but Cloverfield had the benefit of being after 2001. Just saying.)

#monsterdon Did I ruin your life? Did stealing your private things lead to some unwanted consequences? Could we still have a relationship? Could I kinda really screw you over some more? I kinda need a supply of stupid moon-eyed boys to feed upon.

Yes Matthew Run! Run from the movie!! #Monsterdon #Godzilla98 #GINO

Audrey is just a complete piece of shit. She stole his stuff, ruined his job, lied about her job. She has not done one good thing in this whole film.
#monsterdon

Audrey if you're not a reporter, then that "on/off the record shit"? What?

#monsterdon

this is what j-school does to you
#monsterdon

“You were supposed to be my friend”

She’s a reporter. (Ish.) You haven’t talked to her in 8 years. Trust her why??

#Monsterdon

i thought pregnant folks weren't supposed to have fish #godzilla1998 #monsterdon

semi-fun fact about me, I have seen both Vicki Lewis and Matthew Broderick on Broadway. In Chicago and The Producers, respectively.

#monsterdon

@cinebox My headcanon is that she ran overland. And somehow made DC 100 stealth checks.

#Monsterdon #Godzilla1998